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 salsa2
Joined: 8/21/2007
Msg: 51
Make a date and then cancel it?Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
They're just not that into you I guess...NEXT
 dev1976
Joined: 1/19/2007
Msg: 52
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Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 12/17/2007 6:32:29 PM
I just little wondered from a few comments that...many don't like to spent enough time, money and efforts to know their date.....If you know my experiences on ONLINE dating I don't know what will u name it...

When I was 26 and in the final year of my Ph.D and she was 23 and in her final year of Medicine....we decided to meet after a year long online chatting, phone conversations, and exchanging gifts.....I travelled a thousand mile (around 10-12 hours of train journey on one way) to meet her. We met, walked around a garden besides to a beautiful lake and talked and talked very normal way...as we now know each other for years. Then we took an auto to a city restaurant and had lunch. After that I came back to my city .... we became same online bf-gf....and kept regular contact with each other via IM, phone...and chatted more personal things than before....

At the end of year after finishing study, I left to Taiwan for job and she came to Dubai...and we lost all the contact....Her e-mail became inactive and she did not give me her new country phone number.......

AFTER THESE THINGS I STILL CHERISH ALL THOSE CONVERSATIONS, LOVE LETTERS, GIFTS AND MANY OTHER SWEET FEELINGS OF FIRST LOVE....s

....so what if the first date got cancelled…..there can be second, third and fourth time …they can meet…IF THERE IS TRUE LOVE……….
 razzledazzlu~
Joined: 8/7/2006
Msg: 53
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Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 12/17/2007 6:56:44 PM
I have had a few that did this to me...The last one was really the topper to mydating life so I have a little guard because of it.
I had two dates with a guy, the last one I ended up paying for and I thought well...ok he has tickets the he WON for a concert and asked me to go, well I changed my work schudule and I am self employed so it threw alot of things off, Got a sitter for my grand daughter, paid her and everything, well at 5pm he calls and says Im sorry, you cant go...I hope your not disapointed...I really like you but I got harrassed for taking someone else from all of his colleges who said they deserve to go more because they help him at work...but...he asked me to go...if he had bal%%s he wouldve/couldve said sorry but Ive tqaken you the last three times and this time I would like to take her...who knows...maybe he took anotehr gal...I almost wanted to go and run into him haha and walk right by him. I really wanted to go to this concert too.

BUT...now...a few months later...I look back and say...he was just a cold rude dog... his loss
 Alphaguy
Joined: 10/28/2005
Msg: 54
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 12/17/2007 8:44:49 PM
Yeah...that happens to the best of us, I think. I usually respond by sending a large picture of a chicken to their email. That says it all, really.
 DizzyKitty__
Joined: 4/23/2007
Msg: 55
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 12/17/2007 8:59:13 PM
Oh my gosh........ I hate when I have made plans to meet someone and they don't show up or call or text or email or leave a message at the darned place. How many ways are there to tell someone they can't make it? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm???
 Fluke Slywalker
Joined: 9/15/2007
Msg: 56
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 12/17/2007 9:01:58 PM
First dates are a little scarry for guys and women. I met a lady online and we talked and chatted a bit and we made a date to meet at the mall. At the last minute she canceled.

We talked and chatted a bit more and we made a date to meet at a local flea market. I had given her my cell phone number. She was calling to cancel as I was driving to the market. On the way, I almost turned around and went home and not show up myself.

But it so happened that she wrote down or I gave her the wrong number and she couldn't get through to me in time so she showed up anyway.
She now is the lady of my life.
 nerdygirlie
Joined: 12/7/2007
Msg: 57
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 12/18/2007 2:41:25 AM
I cancel sometimes if I get cold feet.
 simplelady66
Joined: 10/26/2007
Msg: 58
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 12/18/2007 3:03:07 AM
I cancelled a date but it was for a good reason (my grandmother in the hospital) and while I didn't have a phone number to call...I emailed as early as I could to let him know. I kept my fingers crossed that he got it in time lol.

Luckily he did, and wasn't angry. But taught me to always get a phone number ahead of time, just in case.

Not sure why people do this....but if they do this, you can be assured it is in their personality to be inconsiderate more often than not. Just be thankful you found out early.
 Pamperpooch000
Joined: 11/7/2007
Msg: 59
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 12/18/2007 3:10:50 AM
OP I think usually if a guy is keen enough to meet you he won't cancel without giving you an explanation and trying to re-schedule. I think problem is that when it gets nearer the time some people show a certain anxiousness about meeting, and this can show an anxiousness about themselves in general, which can appear as one of those dreaded 'red flags' we all hear about to men and women. If you can forget about your past experiences of people not showing, and just concentrate on the positive, and show that side of your nature then the other person will have more positive feelings about dating you, and they will probably make much more of an effort to show up come hell or high water.
 welshlady22
Joined: 11/6/2006
Msg: 60
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 12/19/2007 12:58:50 PM
ive made quite a few dates and then had to cancel because things have cropped up,life today is a lot busier, but i do try to meet at a later date. one got really fed up with me cos i cancelled him 3 times as things kept cropping up but we met in the end and saw quite a lot of each other for a few months, so dont be too hard on people if their anything like me they are just busy
 Chanolucci
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 61
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 12/19/2007 6:36:27 PM
It is simple. While browsing the personals and actually contacting a person, you are mostly doing it out of desperation. Like say you contact 20 women and you get no response after 3 weeks; you then decide to contact some other women that are well..UNATTRACTIVE. They are usually overweight considerable, not good looking and their profile suggest CLING ON PYSCHO! Anyway, you decide to meet them out of desperation, but you take one last look at the picture on their profile before you dress completely and decide, you simply cannot pretend to be interested in a FAT PIG. Its hard I tell you.....and that is why the dates are cancelled. If you ask women who this has happened to...I bet 90% of them are seriously overweight. Good looking in shape woman do not have this problem.
 Creativguy
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 62
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 12/19/2007 6:57:45 PM
It's that, typically, the other person doesn't have enough interest so as to keep the meeting. And telling you so requires them to let you down directly, and that's uncomfortable and awkward for so many people to do, and not being that vested in you, you'll then often either be a recipient to a last minute email or no notice at all. That will also account for why they will apologize and excuse themselves when confronted and make another date, but not keep that one either.

The way to handle flakes is to recognize the warning signs that lead to broken dates and not make the date in the first place, and, in the event you find yourself on a broken date, learning how to throw away that phone number and never contacting them again.
 TrackMan391
Joined: 9/22/2004
Msg: 63
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 12/19/2007 7:05:24 PM
I've had it happen to me from time to time. Interestingly, while scheduling the date, the girl seems genuinely interested (usually, I schedule 2 to 3 days in advance). But on the day of, she sends me a short e-mail, saying she has to cancel. Sometimes, the reason is valid, but other times, an embellished brush-off. Sure, I'm aware that I can't please everybody, and I appreciate the courtesy of actually canceling, rather than simply not showing up. But why schedule a date when the girl has no intention of showing up? I was raised not to promise something I don't intend to deliver (this refers willful intentions, not life's circumstances); unfortunately, that wasn't always my experience in the dating world. So if someone doesn't intend to show up, they shouldn't schedule the date. But to end this on a positive note, my regards to the honest men and women who don't lead other people on and deliver what they promise.
 thegreatrockyhill
Joined: 12/26/2005
Msg: 64
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 12/19/2007 7:18:58 PM
It happens. Once is understandable. Things come up. I've done it. But if it happens again, something's fishy.
 cocytus
Joined: 11/9/2007
Msg: 65
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 12/20/2007 4:29:25 AM

This has happened quite a few times now. Why do men make arrangements to meet up on a date and then suddenly cancel on the day? Why are they on a dating site, if they don't want to go out on any actual dates?


This is a sign of personal irresponsibility.
There are almost no good reasons to call somebody the DAY of the date and cancel.
Family emergencies,vehicle issues.personal illness,maybe something work-related...but really..how often are any of us struck by anything like that w/o prior warning?
Women..you should give a guy one pass on that...and then no more.
People will only do something if they think they can get away with it.
 Creativguy
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 66
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 12/20/2007 9:04:11 AM

I've had it happen to me from time to time. Interestingly, while scheduling the date, the girl seems genuinely interested (usually, I schedule 2 to 3 days in advance). But on the day of, she sends me a short e-mail, saying she has to cancel. Sometimes, the reason is valid, but other times, an embellished brush-off... But why schedule a date when the girl has no intention of showing up?


Because they can't say "no". Lots of girls won't tell you straight out that they're not interested, they'll just find ways to let you down, even if it means making the date just to cancel it later. As you've experienced.

I'd suggest you try a couple of things from now on when you arrange these dates.

First, don't make them for 2 to 3 days out. Make then for about a week in advance. The reason is that people usually have things to do planned within the next few days but schedules for a week away are typically wider open.

When you do arrange for the date, ideally, do so when you've gotten at least a little hint from her that she's up to meeting you. She may have written you something like, "So, trackman, do you ever come out from behind your computer?" if not a more direct "that's why I like to meet in real life" (or anything with that sense to it).

Secondly, listen to how she agrees to the date. If she hems and haws or says "I don't know what my schedule is for next week" or "I'm taking my mom to the mall that day" or "I'm studying for a test" or "call me back next week", or whatever, whether it sounds reasonable or not, take it as a sign that she's not all that interested. If, however, she is interested, you're going to hear a "yes" right away (because she's either free or can make room for you), or if she genuinely does have a previous commitment, she'll counter offer with an alternative, so you'll hear: "Next Wednesday isn't good for me. But how's Thursday?" Let her offer. Don't jump in and be the guy who says, "Wednesday's not good? Okay. How's Thursday? Thursday's not good? Okay, how's Friday?..."

Also, you don't want to hear her saying "Next Wednesday is/may be good, why don't you call me Tuesday to confirm?" What you want to get is a solid commitment with a definite time and place, not a maybe, and without any confirmation needed. That's them telling you that they're going to cancel. So your response becomes, "Tell you what, let's make it for another time when you're more certain of your schedule". Then I'd wait a week before calling her back, if I call her back at all, as she wouldn't be my top interest.

I've said that and have gotten, "oh no, no, no, next Wednesday's good. I do want to meet you." and they will still flake. They just can't have you think bad of them so they keep up the pretense. Once they sound shaky about making a date, I withdraw the offer, period.

This may sound hard or like a lot of machination, but the thing is that by conducting your online affairs in this way, you will weed out and minimize the amount of flaking that will be done to you, and in fact, preempt it, and better solidify dates with women who will more likely keep them. It's the nature of the online beast. It's worth the effort.
 outofthedesert
Joined: 12/9/2007
Msg: 67
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 12/20/2007 4:51:45 PM
Have had the opposite to happen. He was a man of his word and kept the date. While he was pleasant and polite, I could tell he would have rather he were anywhere else. I think I would have preferred he cancelled if he really did not want to be with me. Sad part was, I liked his company up until the last date.
 abby156
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 68
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 12/20/2007 5:04:00 PM
Two men have planned meetups with me only to never call and confirm the place or time. They wont be getting another chance. I am guessing they were married.
 RidgeHiker
Joined: 2/14/2007
Msg: 69
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 12/20/2007 5:09:40 PM
I don't understand why they bother.... being stood up has to be the biggest insult to a person, without a reasonable explanation (earth quake, car accident, someone had a heart attack... alright I'll stop the sarcasm there)
Met this guy, thought the date went well. We talked on MSN, just about every day, for about a month following our first meet, but nothing was mentioned about plans to get together again. I ask myself "well maybe he's not that into me", so I just let it go and responded when he said Hello on msn. Finally I decided to ask him if he'd like to get together again (us women like closure of some kind, so I figured this would either end it, or at least let me know where I stood) - he said "sure, how about this week"... we made plans. Then he cancelled on the day, after I msgd him a few times on MSN (we hadn't confirmed where to meet)... "Ex stuff" was his excuse - ooohhh baggage not neatly packed I guess.
So I was understanding. We next made plans to meet on a sat night, hhhrrrmmm no phone call, no nothing. Didn't show up - rude, really rude. Being a single Mom with not much family around my kid free time is precious to me, and I could've spent an evening with friends instead of sitting home alone, dressed up with nowhere to go.
Bottom line it's rude and inconsiderate.
Needless to say I just removed myself of his faves list (he initiated contact), and never spoke again. And I'll take comfort in karma, what goes around comes around...

NEXT!!! Is all I can say. And Im just glad it didn't amount to anything more than it did.
 DizzyKitty__
Joined: 4/23/2007
Msg: 70
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 12/21/2007 4:03:07 PM
All I can say is I pity any woman Chanolucci has gotten in touch with. Can you see the word abusive in that post.. sheesh!~
 fancynanci
Joined: 8/21/2007
Msg: 71
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Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 12/21/2007 4:41:31 PM
I have had to cancel dates. Things come up. Don't be so harsh on guys. Stuff happens.
 abby156
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 72
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 12/21/2007 5:15:35 PM
Chanolucci , Some ladies are bigger girls. This type of thing happens to women of all sizes.
 tecnic
Joined: 11/22/2007
Msg: 73
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 12/22/2007 1:43:45 PM
i wouldnt be bother dating even if i got a reply on this site there is a reason becouse the girl could be telling lies on there profile and beleave me that is know to happen plus i would give her my phone number and the photo you see on her profile mightnt be even her there are things you have to look out for dating sites are not safe you dont know what your getting
 Golconda
Joined: 12/14/2006
Msg: 74
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Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 12/22/2007 2:19:09 PM

...Then he cancelled on the day, after I msgd him a few times on MSN (we hadn't confirmed where to meet)... "Ex stuff" was his excuse - ooohhh baggage not neatly packed I guess.
So I was understanding. We next made plans to meet on a sat night, hhhrrrmmm no phone call, no nothing. Didn't show up - rude, really rude.


It is very rude to make specific plans to meet and then just not show up. I don't understand why a guy would do this. There are lots of men out there that are considerate and would never do this. Why not give them a chance?
 sexy angelica
Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 75
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Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 12/22/2007 8:01:26 PM
Because they are players, possibly already in a relationship and just
like the chase. Social inadequates who really do need to get a life-that's
men for you.
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