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 thegreatrockyhill
Joined: 12/26/2005
Msg: 64
Make a date and then cancel it?Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
It happens. Once is understandable. Things come up. I've done it. But if it happens again, something's fishy.
 cocytus
Joined: 11/9/2007
Msg: 65
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 12/20/2007 4:29:25 AM

This has happened quite a few times now. Why do men make arrangements to meet up on a date and then suddenly cancel on the day? Why are they on a dating site, if they don't want to go out on any actual dates?


This is a sign of personal irresponsibility.
There are almost no good reasons to call somebody the DAY of the date and cancel.
Family emergencies,vehicle issues.personal illness,maybe something work-related...but really..how often are any of us struck by anything like that w/o prior warning?
Women..you should give a guy one pass on that...and then no more.
People will only do something if they think they can get away with it.
 Creativguy
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 66
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 12/20/2007 9:04:11 AM

I've had it happen to me from time to time. Interestingly, while scheduling the date, the girl seems genuinely interested (usually, I schedule 2 to 3 days in advance). But on the day of, she sends me a short e-mail, saying she has to cancel. Sometimes, the reason is valid, but other times, an embellished brush-off... But why schedule a date when the girl has no intention of showing up?


Because they can't say "no". Lots of girls won't tell you straight out that they're not interested, they'll just find ways to let you down, even if it means making the date just to cancel it later. As you've experienced.

I'd suggest you try a couple of things from now on when you arrange these dates.

First, don't make them for 2 to 3 days out. Make then for about a week in advance. The reason is that people usually have things to do planned within the next few days but schedules for a week away are typically wider open.

When you do arrange for the date, ideally, do so when you've gotten at least a little hint from her that she's up to meeting you. She may have written you something like, "So, trackman, do you ever come out from behind your computer?" if not a more direct "that's why I like to meet in real life" (or anything with that sense to it).

Secondly, listen to how she agrees to the date. If she hems and haws or says "I don't know what my schedule is for next week" or "I'm taking my mom to the mall that day" or "I'm studying for a test" or "call me back next week", or whatever, whether it sounds reasonable or not, take it as a sign that she's not all that interested. If, however, she is interested, you're going to hear a "yes" right away (because she's either free or can make room for you), or if she genuinely does have a previous commitment, she'll counter offer with an alternative, so you'll hear: "Next Wednesday isn't good for me. But how's Thursday?" Let her offer. Don't jump in and be the guy who says, "Wednesday's not good? Okay. How's Thursday? Thursday's not good? Okay, how's Friday?..."

Also, you don't want to hear her saying "Next Wednesday is/may be good, why don't you call me Tuesday to confirm?" What you want to get is a solid commitment with a definite time and place, not a maybe, and without any confirmation needed. That's them telling you that they're going to cancel. So your response becomes, "Tell you what, let's make it for another time when you're more certain of your schedule". Then I'd wait a week before calling her back, if I call her back at all, as she wouldn't be my top interest.

I've said that and have gotten, "oh no, no, no, next Wednesday's good. I do want to meet you." and they will still flake. They just can't have you think bad of them so they keep up the pretense. Once they sound shaky about making a date, I withdraw the offer, period.

This may sound hard or like a lot of machination, but the thing is that by conducting your online affairs in this way, you will weed out and minimize the amount of flaking that will be done to you, and in fact, preempt it, and better solidify dates with women who will more likely keep them. It's the nature of the online beast. It's worth the effort.
 outofthedesert
Joined: 12/9/2007
Msg: 67
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 12/20/2007 4:51:45 PM
Have had the opposite to happen. He was a man of his word and kept the date. While he was pleasant and polite, I could tell he would have rather he were anywhere else. I think I would have preferred he cancelled if he really did not want to be with me. Sad part was, I liked his company up until the last date.
 abby156
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 68
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 12/20/2007 5:04:00 PM
Two men have planned meetups with me only to never call and confirm the place or time. They wont be getting another chance. I am guessing they were married.
 RidgeHiker
Joined: 2/14/2007
Msg: 69
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 12/20/2007 5:09:40 PM
I don't understand why they bother.... being stood up has to be the biggest insult to a person, without a reasonable explanation (earth quake, car accident, someone had a heart attack... alright I'll stop the sarcasm there)
Met this guy, thought the date went well. We talked on MSN, just about every day, for about a month following our first meet, but nothing was mentioned about plans to get together again. I ask myself "well maybe he's not that into me", so I just let it go and responded when he said Hello on msn. Finally I decided to ask him if he'd like to get together again (us women like closure of some kind, so I figured this would either end it, or at least let me know where I stood) - he said "sure, how about this week"... we made plans. Then he cancelled on the day, after I msgd him a few times on MSN (we hadn't confirmed where to meet)... "Ex stuff" was his excuse - ooohhh baggage not neatly packed I guess.
So I was understanding. We next made plans to meet on a sat night, hhhrrrmmm no phone call, no nothing. Didn't show up - rude, really rude. Being a single Mom with not much family around my kid free time is precious to me, and I could've spent an evening with friends instead of sitting home alone, dressed up with nowhere to go.
Bottom line it's rude and inconsiderate.
Needless to say I just removed myself of his faves list (he initiated contact), and never spoke again. And I'll take comfort in karma, what goes around comes around...

NEXT!!! Is all I can say. And Im just glad it didn't amount to anything more than it did.
 DizzyKitty__
Joined: 4/23/2007
Msg: 70
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 12/21/2007 4:03:07 PM
All I can say is I pity any woman Chanolucci has gotten in touch with. Can you see the word abusive in that post.. sheesh!~
 fancynanci
Joined: 8/21/2007
Msg: 71
view profile
History
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 12/21/2007 4:41:31 PM
I have had to cancel dates. Things come up. Don't be so harsh on guys. Stuff happens.
 abby156
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 72
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 12/21/2007 5:15:35 PM
Chanolucci , Some ladies are bigger girls. This type of thing happens to women of all sizes.
 Golconda
Joined: 12/14/2006
Msg: 74
view profile
History
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 12/22/2007 2:19:09 PM

...Then he cancelled on the day, after I msgd him a few times on MSN (we hadn't confirmed where to meet)... "Ex stuff" was his excuse - ooohhh baggage not neatly packed I guess.
So I was understanding. We next made plans to meet on a sat night, hhhrrrmmm no phone call, no nothing. Didn't show up - rude, really rude.


It is very rude to make specific plans to meet and then just not show up. I don't understand why a guy would do this. There are lots of men out there that are considerate and would never do this. Why not give them a chance?
 marahnna
Joined: 12/2/2007
Msg: 75
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 12/23/2007 2:00:34 AM
I've had this same gripe a lot lately. I'm tired of having tentative plans with people, just to have them cancel when a better opportunity presents itself. It's not even limited to POF, although I've had it happen here. I had one guy I was semi-interested in meeting, and he canceled on me twice because his friends showed up and "kidnapped" him for the evening. To me, it just came across that he was letting his buddies dictate his schedule. I just don't get why people would come here if they'd continually ditch the chance to meet new people to hang out with the ones they already know. In some instances, it's almost like the person's thinking, "Sure, I'll hang out with you if I haven't got anything better to do, but I'm going to bail if a better offer comes up." I could be overreacting, but it just seems inconsiderate.
 Stacee1977
Joined: 1/21/2009
Msg: 76
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 2/13/2009 3:05:15 AM
This happened to my sister, and then the guy rescheduled, and showed up. He was just nervous - I dont think the guy was either married or taken, I just think that they were nervous.

When the guy showed to meet my sister, the photos that he had sent her werent him. He wasn't unattractive, but he wasn't ideally what my sister was looking for, i.e. the guy in te photos that he emailed to her, LOL!

This happened to me, too, by the way, earlier this year in January. His excuse: food poison. He claimed that we didn't have specific plans, but we did. He couldn't get the nerve to apologize, and finally last week, he did apologize, but I told him that he never reached out to me to explain what happened. If he was that genuine about reconciling, I told him, then he needs to try harder. He still wants to meet, but I told him that he doesnt put his best foot forward to reach out, then the girl will just go away. If he wants to do the right thing, he will, but I've moved on. He still hasnt apologized, he gave a non-apology, the "sorry you were hurt" apology. Bullcrap.

Posted By: Next!! on 11/11/2007 845 AM
Subject: Make a date and then cancel it?
Message: This has happened quite a few times now. Why do men make arrangements to meet up on a date and then suddenly cancel on the day? Why are they on a dating site, if they don't want to go out on any actual dates?
 Stacee1977
Joined: 1/21/2009
Msg: 77
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 2/13/2009 3:09:55 AM
Your not over-reacting, but essentially, they are not taking dating seriously. That's why I have "LTR" on my profile, not because that is what I am seeking, but only because those seeking LTR, I've found, are more serious about dating.

Something similar happened to me, though, just like what happened to you. But instead, it was his work. To me, I question the guys (and perhaps women, but I dont date women) who come on here because they are "too busy" to date traditionally because of work, or what-have-you, and then they are too busy to meet you. Then why the heck are you on a dating site, then? So, you aren't over-reacting, that is very inconsiderate. Perhaps, also, he is possibly looking for a booty call. He's probably waiting for you to say, "Okay, lets get together after your done with your friends," which will happen to be very late. That's code word for booty call, its happened to me a few times, when he calls and he's like "just got done with my friends lets hang out" and sex is all that is on their mind. I always just ended up going home.

Posted By: marahnna on 12/23/2007 5:00:34 AM
Subject: Make a date and then cancel it?
Message: I've had this same gripe a lot lately. I'm tired of having tentative plans with people, just to have them cancel when a better opportunity presents itself. It's not even limited to POF, although I've had it happen here. I had one guy I was semi-interested in meeting, and he canceled on me twice because his friends showed up and "kidnapped" him for the evening. To me, it just came across that he was letting his buddies dictate his schedule. I just don't get why people would come here if they'd continually ditch the chance to meet new people to hang out with the ones they already know. In some instances, it's almost like the person's thinking, "Sure, I'll hang out with you if I haven't got anything better to do, but I'm going to bail if a better offer comes up." I could be overreacting, but it just seems inconsiderate.
 Sydsingleguy
Joined: 1/12/2011
Msg: 80
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 1/18/2011 9:58:38 PM
Join the que OP..........!
Ive lost count the amount of girls who have flaked on me in the online datign world. Most canx dates with me at the alst minute with the funniest and weirdest excuses.
I swear that soem women must have a dating book with the most used excuses that they give to men to canx dates, below are some examples given to me:
1. I have to work back late and I am in a different building for today.
2. My sister and I just had a fight and Im in a pissed off mood.
3. My friend from overseas is arriving today for a surpised visit !
4. my friend is in labor and I need to take care of her other kid.
5. My sister had a brain hemmorage and has been rushed to the hospital.
6. I feel sick/ill and can't make it today.'
Ladies and gents..please feel free to add to this list of any crap excuses you have received...lol
 largo2
Joined: 12/13/2011
Msg: 81
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 2/19/2012 10:24:08 AM
so today I was supposed to do a meet and greet with someone who initialized contact, said he wanted to meet sooner than later . This is a really busy week for me but I managed to find a time we could both meet. We talked on the phone yesterday .


I am online on the forums a lot, I did notice he was online last night and today. I just got a text from him, canceling and asking for a rain check, saying a friend had died.

Would you believe him? I am so tired of this happening that I just don't give second chances any more. I had to arrange my day in order to be available to meet today.
 Happy2Day
Joined: 2/10/2011
Msg: 82
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 2/19/2012 11:24:23 AM
For the sake of argument, some people have demanding jobs, and you really can not gauge availability for that evening until mid-day, if not later.

I find people not respectful of the fact that a silly first date with them is not more important than my job (or kids, or family, etc).

If he cancelled, you should be happy.

I do not get why people thing something is owed to them? All a prospective date owes you is a reasonable cancellation! I avoid men who do not take well to re-scheduling of dates. It shows, generally 1) They want to be the center of my life 2) They will not respect that I have a life 3) They probably do not have a life themselves if they do not realize that things come up in life.
 Happy2Day
Joined: 2/10/2011
Msg: 83
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 2/19/2012 11:33:42 AM
This confuses me - the number of people complaining about no-shows/cancels.

In my 8 years I have gone on around 100 meets. I had 1 reschedule. I had 0 no-shows.

I would ask myself how keen are your screening skills? I do not agree to coffee meet until I at least get a good vibe that the guy is "real" and not married and interested in meeting. Sure, my instincts are not perfect. However, after a few conversations on the phone with a guy I learn quite a bit.

Check your picker!
 largo2
Joined: 12/13/2011
Msg: 84
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 2/19/2012 1:48:40 PM
Coffee, I asked if you would believe him.

As for not owing anyone anything, that is true . Hence why I don't tend to reschedule, after someone has already wasted my time.
As a lawyer, I imagine you would be pretty put out if people made appointments with you and then cancelled. We are all busy. Don't put this on my picker, I prefer to meet up sooner than later, so I guess I'll run the risk of cancellations. Better that than wasting time talking with someone I am never going to meet.

So again, would you believe him and give another chance?
 FreschFisch
Joined: 4/5/2009
Msg: 85
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 2/19/2012 2:00:32 PM
Thatd definitely be rough if they just didnt show up! Id be mortified!!

Ive called and cancelled before for numerous reasons. I will however plan for a future date. It should be the next logical expression of interest from the person cancelling? If they arent doing that dont take it personal. Id say they have an issue. Sometimes the person Im cancelling on will be understanding and receptive. Sometimes they will get stupid about it. Sounds like they have an issue..
 blueceleste
Joined: 6/2/2005
Msg: 86
view profile
History
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 2/19/2012 2:36:05 PM
i met a cpl of guys offline long ago who had gfs and never knew it until i got a msg from them asking who am i. i did tell them and the fools (the guys) said they don't know me i copied and pasted the msgs from the archives and show the girls our conversations. i got a msg later on in the month saying they broke up with them and the guy i met offline back then stopped using yahoo lol.

anyway, i can't stand it when someone wants to meet then cancels with no good reason behind it. that is my pet peeve i have reasons why i couldn't meet you that day and lets reschedule they were not responsible about it but i was! it's a waste of time to do that to someone especially when your the fool who initiated the meeting! if you feel your not interested or you lost interest then say so b4 you tell them oh lets meet. you don't have this gut feeling of im not interested yet meet the person anyway. at least be honest is it that hard to do so? it shows they have a lack of character as a person and don't care about your feelings why even ask me if u wanna meet me offline?

that happen to me long ago. a guy wanted to meet but canceled 3 times and i finally called him out telling him a waste of my time he said he didn't think i deserved an answer as to why he canceled 3 times and if he wanted to cancel as many times as he wants, i or any woman have no right questioning him about it. i couldn't believe what he said i said no wonder your still single you don't give people false hope just for your pleasure you narcissis! ooh, he was red hot when i said that! he threaten me like usual and he kept stalking me for a long time trying to finish what he claimed he started.
 ataex
Joined: 5/5/2011
Msg: 87
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 2/19/2012 3:04:20 PM
Well an example from my own case, I had a date scheduled last night, had gone out to the bar friday night to enjoy myself, got home around 12:30 went to bed about 1 am. I get a call from a buddy needing a ride at roughly 1:15 am, went and gave him a ride, he was drunker then hell, shouldn't been behind the wheel, which by the time that was all and done with it was 7:30 in the morning.

Still enough time I figured to get back home sleep and get ready for the date later on that night. My car broke down on the way back-- so I had to take it to the shop, so I called my date let her know what had happened and why, she didn't have a problem with it and we've rescheduled it for the next weekend, she was going to have to cancel as well since her babysitter backed out.

Life does happen, if it was on a regular basis I wouldn't tolerate it, there's probably a thousand and one reasons why somebody would one would cancel. It just falls to each individual to figure out the sincerity of said reason.
 forums_gal
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 88
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 2/19/2012 3:15:28 PM
Some possible reasons. Better plans from their perspective came up at the last minute. They were already in a relationship and were thinking about cheating. But changed their mind or were caught. They decided that they weren't ready or available for a relationship.

Having said that, if someone cancelled a date on the day the date was supposed to happen and was willing to reschedule, I would give them the benefit of the doubt the first time it happened. Sometimes ( although IMO not that often ) there are valid reasons for cancelling a date.
 Happy2Day
Joined: 2/10/2011
Msg: 89
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 2/19/2012 10:44:27 PM
Believe him? Seriously, I do not even put that much mental energy into first dates. If a guy irks me, I move on to the next.

And if you want to bring my freaking job into it, I charge $250 for missed appointment - so I don't really sweat no-shows. No even sure why you took it there.
 largo2
Joined: 12/13/2011
Msg: 90
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 2/19/2012 11:30:40 PM
So your time is of value to you- but you feel free to cancel on a prospective date and disregard the value of their time. Interesting.

I've moved on, just wondered what others thought. Always interesting on the forums. SImple questions never do get answered. LOL I should know better by now.
 momma_a
Joined: 2/1/2012
Msg: 92
Make a date and then cancel it?
Posted: 2/22/2012 9:59:20 AM
wow, i know how you feel this guy i met on here said he wanted to go on a date this saturday and now he wont answer my texts or calls. wtf?
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