Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Why women wont date seperated men      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 276
Why women wont date separated menPage 12 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)

but this statement I find very short sighted... I am seperated, not legally divorced yet. wich doesn't make a difference to my situation at all..

I said...

Sometimes, folks who are recently broken up or separated won't totally know how their state of mind will unfold

Sometimes, not all the time -- for recently separated folk.

The reason I say that is because I have dealt with people recently or even semi-recently broken up or separated. I've known people who've dated separated or recently people with their hopes up, and they come crashing down. We all know that happens.

Some people, if it hasn't been too long after any kind of LTR breakup (marriage or not), don't know where their feelings are going to go. Not necessarily running back -- but they don't know how everything mentally is going to unfold for them. Many of said recenly-broken-up folk THINK they know, but they don't... entirely. It's a new experience to them.

Just like some people, when they lose a loved one (death), they may be fine for a month or two, then kind of wig out. They don't know the person, and someone who's been kinda recently broken up -- well, that factors into it even if things seem alright, because they -are- clearly being 100% truthful as far as ya can tell.
 Vagabond1975
Joined: 10/1/2009
Msg: 277
Why women wont date separated men
Posted: 6/28/2010 6:25:14 PM
alright.. point taken...
sometimes...it is.. youre right..

my point was, that these problems or issues or unsolved issues are just as "iffy" with someone that hasnt been married, and like you say out of a LTR...

it's I guess the same label as being an ex convict or something.. they arent all bad.. but you dont want to take the chance..?

sigh..
 sweetness-one
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 278
view profile
History
Why women wont date separated men
Posted: 6/28/2010 6:37:11 PM

it's I guess the same label as being an ex convict or something.. they arent all bad.. but you dont want to take the chance..?


That depends. Murder 1? I'll pass. A good counterfeiter? Hmm....


my point was, that these problems or issues or unsolved issues are just as "iffy" with someone that hasnt been married, and like you say out of a LTR...


I agree with this completely. And, odd how so many nowadays tend to say "marriage is just a piece of paper" UNTIL the word "separated" rears its head.

That being said, I'd likely take it on a case by case basis. Separated as in "The divorce process is well underway, just waiting for the courts to get moving"? Okay. Separated as in "My wife and I separated two nights ago and I'm crashing on my buddy's couch till I can go collect my things"? Umm...not so much.

But, I'd approach it the same as if an unmarried man said "We've been split up for a long time now, just still waiting for the house to sell to finish things 100%" compared to "My girlfriend of six years and I just split up two days ago". Same diff, all that's lacking is the piece of paper.

I've met separated people that had healthier attitudes to relationships than many single people do, and I've met separated people that were so obviously NOT ready to be dating again that they stood out like a neon sign. We're all big boys and girls, though, so really, it's not that hard to tell the difference IMO.
 S.O.U.L
Joined: 11/23/2009
Msg: 279
Why women wont date separated men
Posted: 6/29/2010 12:04:24 AM
If marriage is just a piece of paper then why would someone who isnt separated invest time and energy developing a meaning relationship with someone who has that mentality,

So if you were to remarry in the future and your new spouse decided to have an have an affair... you wouldnt be upset right? After all your marriage is "just a piece of paper" and who gets upset over just a piece paper?
 Jewlsey*
Joined: 1/24/2009
Msg: 280
Why women wont date separated men
Posted: 6/29/2010 4:58:19 AM

If marriage is just a piece of paper then why would someone who isnt separated invest time and energy developing a meaning relationship with someone who has that mentality


Well said SOUL
 Twilightslove
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 281
view profile
History
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 6/29/2010 8:01:52 AM
I believe that men and women might feel that a separated individual has not done the emotional homework of dealing with their new separation. That tends to be a rebound situation and rebounds tend not to work out in the long run.

There is also the possibility that a separated person might not really be separated or that they are still not sure they are over with their relationship.

In the long run, people just feel more secure knowing that a person is truly free.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 282
Why women wont date separated men
Posted: 6/29/2010 8:48:48 AM
Vega,

I wouldn't say convict -- more like being on a suspended license... to the dating prospects who are *relationship-hunting*. If you just broke up or just got separated -- and nobody's obligated to know anyone's story. The dating world is full of filters before getting to know someone.

but you dont want to take the chance..?

No, not if there's other options of the same value, all other things being equal, and in relationship-hunting mode. I think if a gal looks at your profile and thinks "This one is awesome", and hasn't dealt with the common situation of meeting a guy who was separated from online where it ended up being weird and all -- yeah, very well might write to you. Or if she wasn't on the look-out for a relationship.

In a place like this, a pretty gal who's got herself together -- she has plenty of options. Why take extra 'chances' if they have options with less 'chances'? You're just as much of a stranger than the next guy she browses or gets an email from.
 Vagabond1975
Joined: 10/1/2009
Msg: 283
Why women wont date separated men
Posted: 6/30/2010 10:59:57 AM
.. ugh to all the people saying that the argument that marriage is just a piece of paper..

well ofcourse it didnt start out like that.. why are you north americans so f*cking short sighted and narrow minded and apply this toddler logic..?
what the f*ck is wrong ..??
cant anybody think for himself instead of conforming to some set standard of what's accebtable and the so called norm..?

so no, but a marriage CAN be reduced to just that, a piece of paper..


In a place like this, a pretty gal who's got herself together -- she has plenty of options. Why take extra 'chances' if they have options with less 'chances'? You're just as much of a stranger than the next guy she browses or gets an email from.


this sounds more like you're at a car dealership.. this has nothing to do with love...
you cant bargain love, you cant just deduct and discard feelings...

I f*cking give up.. seriously...
 S.O.U.L
Joined: 11/23/2009
Msg: 284
Why women wont date separated men
Posted: 6/30/2010 1:07:28 PM

his sounds more like you're at a car dealership.. this has nothing to do with love...
you cant bargain love, you cant just deduct and discard feelings...


What love, what feelings. If you're seperated and you approach someone who isnt and they say "thanks, but no thanks" because of your marital status it's not any different than being a hundred percent single and being rejected.

It's easier to get a divorce than it is trying to convince someone that they should accept something they're not comfortable eacccepting.
 sweetness-one
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 285
view profile
History
Why women wont date separated men
Posted: 6/30/2010 2:42:22 PM

.. ugh to all the people saying that the argument that marriage is just a piece of paper..


If you mean me, that wasn't actually what I was saying, although perhaps I conveyed my point rather poorly.

What I'd meant to say was, it's funny on POF how, in threads about "Would you ever get married" or "Would you remarry" or, hell, just in general...people tend to say "Not necessary, no benefit to it, it's just a piece of paper anyway". So if it's just "a meaningless piece of paper" to them, why do they get on the soapbox when the word "separated" arises, was what I was curious about.

Again, I'd still take it on a case by case basis. Someone leaving a 10 year relationship is equally capable of not being ready to date, as someone leaving a 10 year marriage, IMO.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 286
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 6/30/2010 4:39:04 PM
~OT~ I read these threads and I always think of ONE thing. I know a man (no I did not date him) who was separated. His estranged spouse moved to S. California, he stayed in the Pacific NW. Life went on, no one bothered to file for divorce or legal separation. One night, while drunk, she drowned in the ocean. Still legally married, they called on him to take care of shipping her body home (even though she had parents, he was her legal next of kin). And that was just the beginning. She left a HUGE mess ~ after all was determined, probate of her estate, etc., bankruptcy was his only option, even after her life insurance (that he remained beneficiary of.) The joy of community property states (both his and CA.) The depth of things associated with her death went on for years. There may not have been drama while she was off boinking all the Marines at Camp Pendleton, but there was a LOT of drama post-death. Personally? I just don't agree with leaving things un-done. That includes legalities. To each their own, it's not for me (and I doubt this guy I'm typing about would disagree.) JMO
 *Just Jim*
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 287
Why women wont date separated men
Posted: 6/30/2010 5:09:19 PM

Again, I'd still take it on a case by case basis. Someone leaving a 10 year relationship is equally capable of not being ready to date, as someone leaving a 10 year marriage, IMO.


hon, imo it's all about the money or your emotional thingy to move on. imo, in the real world it's about taking care of business.
To drag your feet is a cope out , you folks, imo is a fwb if that much to me...sorry.... jmo
 sweetness-one
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 288
view profile
History
Why women wont date separated men
Posted: 6/30/2010 7:34:24 PM

hon, imo it's all about the money or your emotional thingy to move on. imo, in the real world it's about taking care of business.
To drag your feet is a cope out , you folks, imo is a fwb if that much to me...sorry.... jmo


You aren't serious, right? All things considered?

Has that schtick gotten you laid since 2007?

How do you know my "situation"?

Don't answer that...of course you don't, since I don't know you from Adam.

You go bud, just the same. It might get you laid by 2012.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 289
Why women wont date separated men
Posted: 6/30/2010 7:52:19 PM

So if you were to remarry in the future and your new spouse decided to have an have an affair... you wouldnt be upset right? After all your marriage is "just a piece of paper" and who gets upset over just a piece paper?

Uh, I don't even date women who date other guys. I'm not sure why the marriage license is going to be the factor in getting upset.
 CoolBreezez
Joined: 8/20/2006
Msg: 290
view profile
History
Why women wont date separated men
Posted: 6/30/2010 8:46:50 PM
Anybody fresh out of a relationship can be trouble or not- married or just long term together. And many try to jump right back in where they left off taking no time to breathe, and are looking for a quick replacement.

"Legal" separation can take a lot of time to clean up- my sister was in it for several years. Her ex didn't get around to signing off and in the meantime he had a girlfriend that was pushing for marriage , therefore he couldn't get married right away- pretty conveniant.

Everyone got ther own story- some good , lots bad with this issue. All you can do is take it one case at a time, see how the person state of mind is and decide yourself.

In this case the rule is - there are no rules- only people.
 *Just Jim*
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 291
Why women wont date separated men
Posted: 7/1/2010 6:00:40 AM

Don't answer that...of course you don't, since I don't know you from Adam.

You go bud, just the same. It might get you laid by 2012.


2012 to get laid? You mean there are that many of you guys out there carrying your special situation out there! lol
I just have to read the fora with the folks who have those special needs. lol

No thanks ,I'll just have to wait for a Chickie-poo with a free & clear title.
No head cases for me. lol

Sorry & good luck.
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 292
view profile
History
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 7/1/2010 7:35:05 AM
Too me it is not about whether they are separated or not but how long removed they are from the relationship. They could be "separated" for a long time and maybe have a legitimate reason for not divorcing so it is worth finding out the whole story. Where I would be concerned is when they are recently separated or divorced because men that are still smarting from a relationship ending will find someone to make them temporally feel better. It is called being the rebound girl and it can unintentionally hurt an innocent bystander. This plus the fact that there tends to be a lot of unresolved issues around the marriage for a separated guy makes smart women tread cautiously or not at all.
 sweetness-one
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 293
view profile
History
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 7/1/2010 8:03:48 AM

I just have to read the fora with the folks who have those special needs. lol


Me too. Generally they are quite easy to spot.

We all have our deal-breakers though. Some are willing to look on a case by case basis at what separated actually entails, and some aren't. Neither is right or wrong, but one can't get divorced until one has been separated, either. I'd still take the 'emotionally healthy, separated just waiting for the divorce to finalize' man over the 'just dumped another live-in girlfriend after six years and hoping to find my next lay tomorrow' guy though, in a heartbeat.

Oh wait, you mean people don't come in absolutes like that?!
 *Just Jim*
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 294
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 7/1/2010 2:44:34 PM

I'd still take the 'emotionally healthy, separated just waiting for the divorce to finalize' man



A finalize man or woman who hasn't healed & moved on from a divorce? wtf? hummmm.

imo hon, your young so I understand your ignorance on this matter. Like the rest of the older fora folks here, you don't know shoot from shineola & that's ok . lol

Nice try hon,but No cigar! & keep em all guessing! Peace & good luck.
 sweetlikesugarcane
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 295
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 7/1/2010 4:40:22 PM
Married people who date should get arrested.

If only prisons were not already overcrowded....
 sweetness-one
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 296
view profile
History
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 7/1/2010 8:16:10 PM

A finalize man or woman who hasn't healed & moved on from a divorce? wtf? hummmm


*Sigh*. Reading comprehension is at a poor level in the forums today, evidently. What I actually said was an EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY man who was just waiting for his divorce to finalize, did I not?

Guess we come from different worlds. In my world, people who are emotionally healthy already have healed and moved on mentally. Perhaps that is different in your world. Not everyone mourns for years, after all, and many have finished that stage long before the ink is dry on the divorce papers. Ever known anyone who's divorce took years, and they were long ready to just put it behind them but an ex wouldn't let them?

Cheers and good luck to you too.
 Britney100
Joined: 9/27/2010
Msg: 297
Why women wont date separated men
Posted: 10/5/2010 5:28:54 AM
"Well i can't speak for all women only myself ,but the reason i don't date separated men is because you are still married and i don't date married men. Even someone newly divorced i would have to think about whether or not i want to get into a potentially drama filled situation."

i agree.. its a waste of time.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 298
Why women wont date separated men
Posted: 12/20/2010 5:13:01 PM
women don't date separated men?

its cuz they already know you're a quitter.


they'll date a married man...

they'll compete for a man with other women.


but 'separated'??

never! lol

funny, I never had trouble dating women when I was separated....I guess that's because i wasn't ""trying"" to date women while I was separated- I just did and that was all good for everyone involved...well, almost everyone.
 CookieLady66
Joined: 11/7/2008
Msg: 299
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 12/22/2010 1:20:31 PM
In my world, SEPERATED = STILL MARRIED, and I will not date a married man.
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 300
view profile
History
Why women wont date separated men
Posted: 12/22/2010 2:44:30 PM

women don't date separated men?

its cuz they already know you're a quitter.

they'll date a married man...

they'll compete for a man with other women.

but 'separated'??

never! lol

funny, I never had trouble dating women when I was separated....I guess that's because i wasn't ""trying"" to date women while I was separated- I just did and that was all good for everyone involved...well, almost everyone.

Not quite.

I've never knowingly dated a married man.

Separated - that depends on the situation. I do know some very nice people who are separated and have been so for a long time but don't file for divorce, because of health insurance issues with children. Both parties have long since moved on emotionally and have long term live-ins who understand the situations and are in agreement.

For myself, I don't particularly believe in legal marriage, it doesn't have anything to do with the committment between two people. I did marry my second husband because without that little piece of paper, my health insurance wouldn't cover him. I didn't marry my kids' father because it wasn't an issue, and after being married once before, I never wanted to do it again.

While I would like to find someone to spend the rest of my life with, I won't marry anyone legally in my state - there are just too many weird ownership and inheritance laws here.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Why women wont date seperated men