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 sweetness-one
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 276
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Why women wont date seperated menPage 12 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)

I just have to read the fora with the folks who have those special needs. lol


Me too. Generally they are quite easy to spot.

We all have our deal-breakers though. Some are willing to look on a case by case basis at what separated actually entails, and some aren't. Neither is right or wrong, but one can't get divorced until one has been separated, either. I'd still take the 'emotionally healthy, separated just waiting for the divorce to finalize' man over the 'just dumped another live-in girlfriend after six years and hoping to find my next lay tomorrow' guy though, in a heartbeat.

Oh wait, you mean people don't come in absolutes like that?!
 *Just Jim*
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 277
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 7/1/2010 2:44:34 PM

I'd still take the 'emotionally healthy, separated just waiting for the divorce to finalize' man



A finalize man or woman who hasn't healed & moved on from a divorce? wtf? hummmm.

imo hon, your young so I understand your ignorance on this matter. Like the rest of the older fora folks here, you don't know shoot from shineola & that's ok . lol

Nice try hon,but No cigar! & keep em all guessing! Peace & good luck.
 sweetlikesugarcane
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 278
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 7/1/2010 4:40:22 PM
Married people who date should get arrested.

If only prisons were not already overcrowded....
 sweetness-one
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 279
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Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 7/1/2010 8:16:10 PM

A finalize man or woman who hasn't healed & moved on from a divorce? wtf? hummmm


*Sigh*. Reading comprehension is at a poor level in the forums today, evidently. What I actually said was an EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY man who was just waiting for his divorce to finalize, did I not?

Guess we come from different worlds. In my world, people who are emotionally healthy already have healed and moved on mentally. Perhaps that is different in your world. Not everyone mourns for years, after all, and many have finished that stage long before the ink is dry on the divorce papers. Ever known anyone who's divorce took years, and they were long ready to just put it behind them but an ex wouldn't let them?

Cheers and good luck to you too.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 280
Why women wont date separated men
Posted: 12/20/2010 5:13:01 PM
women don't date separated men?

its cuz they already know you're a quitter.


they'll date a married man...

they'll compete for a man with other women.


but 'separated'??

never! lol

funny, I never had trouble dating women when I was separated....I guess that's because i wasn't ""trying"" to date women while I was separated- I just did and that was all good for everyone involved...well, almost everyone.
 CookieLady66
Joined: 11/7/2008
Msg: 281
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 12/22/2010 1:20:31 PM
In my world, SEPERATED = STILL MARRIED, and I will not date a married man.
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 282
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Why women wont date separated men
Posted: 12/22/2010 2:44:30 PM

women don't date separated men?

its cuz they already know you're a quitter.

they'll date a married man...

they'll compete for a man with other women.

but 'separated'??

never! lol

funny, I never had trouble dating women when I was separated....I guess that's because i wasn't ""trying"" to date women while I was separated- I just did and that was all good for everyone involved...well, almost everyone.

Not quite.

I've never knowingly dated a married man.

Separated - that depends on the situation. I do know some very nice people who are separated and have been so for a long time but don't file for divorce, because of health insurance issues with children. Both parties have long since moved on emotionally and have long term live-ins who understand the situations and are in agreement.

For myself, I don't particularly believe in legal marriage, it doesn't have anything to do with the committment between two people. I did marry my second husband because without that little piece of paper, my health insurance wouldn't cover him. I didn't marry my kids' father because it wasn't an issue, and after being married once before, I never wanted to do it again.

While I would like to find someone to spend the rest of my life with, I won't marry anyone legally in my state - there are just too many weird ownership and inheritance laws here.
 bzaru
Joined: 5/23/2012
Msg: 283
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 6/2/2012 11:03:27 AM
I am a recently separated man and I signed up with POF, not to find a serious relationship, I'm simply not ready for that yet. I am just looking for companionship, someone to share my interests with and sex doesn't have to be a part of that. My separation is from a woman that I've been married to for 25 years. The real sad part about my situation is that, other than how well raised our children and shared family values, my wife and I have nothing else in common. We literally stayed together for the kids. It's really sad when one person in a relationship can't enjoy the things they love without anguish and no I don't want to, from the other partner. She likes non of my music, she likes very little foods (very finicky), doesn't eat meat anymore because of a stupid book she read, she doesn't like physical activity, she doesn't like to cook, her own family wonders about her, what's left? I don't want to sit around the house watching TV for the rest of my life, I'm 51 and haven't done a quarter of the things that I want to do.

Also, to address a point made in the comment above. I have nothing to prove with regard to finding a new love, I've been approached by many different women numerous times while married, the thing is that I don't cheat, I'm a True Virgo, I'm incapable of deceit and lies. It's simply NOT the RIGHT thing to do, it's WRONG! So here I am, 51 years old and VERY unhappy and my wife as well. I'm looking to find fun again, I had a taste of it once and want back!

So, if there are any women out there between the ages of 35 and 50 who want to spend QUALITY TIME with a really NICE, HONEST and SINCERE GUY for a some fun and adventure, please contact me via POF, thanks.
 organicquestionmark
Joined: 6/11/2011
Msg: 284
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Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 6/2/2012 11:33:41 AM
^^^^^^I don't understand??!!

I mean NO disrespect, whatsoever......I truly mean that...........SERIOUSLY! But I am often confused when I read profiles or thread posts similar to yours.......emphasizing "family values" and such.......and yet, you're getting (or are, in some cases) divorced?

I don't get it? Where's the shared "family value" in that?

Where the hell is a shared "family value" in divorce? Are you talking about a pizza coupon?
 nubeginnings64
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 285
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 6/3/2012 7:31:55 AM
Why women wont date seperated men


Same reason why men will date separated women. Not thought of as wanting anything serious & who are interested in just having fun.

Stupid is believing women to be stupid & inexperienced at being separated. Last thing on their mind, after coming off a serious relationship & especially an unhappy one, was jumping back into another. Naive to think women wouldn't apply that same logic to separated men.
 nubeginnings64
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 286
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 6/3/2012 7:47:04 AM
In my world, SEPERATED = STILL MARRIED, and I will not date a married man.


I assume the fear of getting emotionally involved with a man, they consider to be emotionally available, is a woman's first & foremost concern & has little to do with the moral issue of separated = still married.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 287
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Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 6/3/2012 8:13:30 AM
Many women will date separated men. Those that don't have made a choice that works for them, even if in the greater scheme of things a particular exception would end up being their ideal match eventually.

I never worried about it, or wasted time pursuing or trying to persuade those women to change their mind. There were too many other truly great prospects who would - and did - date me. I married one of them - my ideal match - right after my divorce was final.
 freespirited123
Joined: 5/6/2012
Msg: 288
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 6/7/2012 5:34:01 PM
I'm not going to delve into my own experiences in detail, but I'll just say it's a bad idea in my opinion, especially if they were together for a long time. You never know what can happen to bring them back together especially if they have a child together. A long shared history can be hard to compete with as well.

Oh and if anyone ever tells you that the reason they aren't filing divorce papers is because of money, that's b.s. I know that if I personally wanted to be out of something, I'd do anything to make that happen. That means I would find the money even if I had to go through one of those payday loan places or even a loan shark lol. I once knew a guy who had been through two foreclosures in the same year of his divorce, yet he still found the money. What does that tell you?
 jeep1127girl
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 289
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 6/7/2012 6:47:17 PM
are you getting a divorce like soon? or have you been separated forever and have no plans on getting a divorce?
I date a guy who was separated but he was going thru the divorce, so I knew it was over way before I came along.
 notdating-forumsonly
Joined: 4/6/2012
Msg: 290
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 6/7/2012 7:26:25 PM

I assume the fear of getting emotionally involved with a man, they consider to be emotionally available, is a woman's first & foremost concern & has little to do with the moral issue of separated = still married.


Wrong IMO. I won't date someone who's separated for the simple fact that there are too many available men who have
gone through a divorce and have been on their own 2-3 years or so and have their life in order sts.

I also don't like the idea of someone being separated and jumping right out and dating. I don't care if they've been separated for 2 years etc.
 Luv_Lyfe
Joined: 7/19/2010
Msg: 291
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 6/7/2012 8:05:25 PM
I refuse to date separated women. They are not only still married but they are going through a crazy making time. Even after they are divorced I wait until they are seasoned and settled down into singlehood.
 AwesomeKisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 292
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Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 6/7/2012 10:42:00 PM
I guess this is a resurrected old thread but also always relevant topic. I'll chime in because I am "separated"

I think every person and every situation is different. While there are many who haven't had a chance to move on and heal and are looking for some rebound sex and companionship there are others that aren't like that.

In my case, the relationship had been pretty much dead for years already and counselling before our separation actually made many things very clear. So I was healed and emotionally read to move on pretty quickly after the actual separation.

As for reconciliation, it does happen. It happens after divorce and it happens with people who had been in relationships but not married. It can happen to anyone. For myself, it will never happen. I want to be happy and have a fulfilling relationship with somebody so I would never go back to someone that made me unhappy and couldn't meet my needs. The whole point is to learn from it and move on and do better in the future.

As for the whole separated=married thing; whatever. That's an excuse you are using to simply justify your position. To me marriage is much more than a piece of paper. However, depending on where you live, tearing up that piece of paper can be a process that takes time.

Just because someone has been divorced for years or has never been married doesn't mean they have no baggage or have their baggage well packed and stowed away and that they live a drama free life. Everyone is unique and everyone's situation can be different.

It would be great if others could treat me with that attitude and judge me for who I am but I suppose they would rather make assumptions based on their preconceptions. That's fine. It's their loss and some more open minded woman will benefit by being open to a relationship with a really awesome guy.
 Daisyrose73
Joined: 9/23/2010
Msg: 293
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 6/8/2012 6:16:52 AM
Well I can see that for some a person being separated could be a red flag but sometimes it can work out well too. My fiance and myself were both separated when we met. I had been separated for 4 1/2 years when we met. We had not divorced right away so I could be on his health insurance and then I had some health issues and job issues with the economy that I could not afford the divorce. Neither my ex husband or I ever talked about reconciliation during that time of being separated and we were completely separated. I did not ask for his opinion on my life and he did not ask mine unless it was concerning our kids.

My fiance had been separated a year and his ex wife was engaged to another man. There were still some issues of his dependance on her opinion of things when we first met. We had a discussion about it. He immediately corrected it. There has been no more issues.

Currently, he is now divorced, mine will be final in a few weeks. We plan on marrying in August.

Other situations, like my best friend, she has been separated from her husband for the same amount of time that I was but she still lives with her ex. So while they sleep separate their lives are not separate. For a person such as that, I could understand why someone would not get involved with the person.
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 294
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 6/9/2012 3:57:12 PM
A separated man is a married man. I have also been given that line of BS so many times! We are separated but still live in the same house, we live separate lives, no you're still married. We are separated, we sleep in different bedrooms, no, still married dude. Married ppl don't belong on dating sites. Clean up your situation, get a divorce, then start dating.
 KatarzynaS
Joined: 1/17/2012
Msg: 295
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 6/9/2012 7:52:15 PM
Separated is not divorced. Well not divorced is still married for whatever reason make clear cut cut all the ties. Get a paper from the layer stating u r free man n then can date. Separated or not u still married
 KatarzynaS
Joined: 1/17/2012
Msg: 296
Why women wont date separated men
Posted: 6/9/2012 7:55:35 PM
abelian on 6/30/2010 1019 PM
Subject: Why women wont date separated men
Message:
So if you were to remarry in the future and your new spouse decided to have an have an affair... you wouldnt be upset right? After all your marriage is "just a piece of paper" and who gets upset over just a piece paper?

Uh, I don't even date women who date other guys. I'm not sure why the marriage license is going to be the factor in getting upset.


Agree agree agree n agree
 AwesomeKisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 297
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Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 6/10/2012 12:12:09 AM

A separated man is a married man. I have also been given that line of BS so many times! We are separated but still live in the same house, we live separate lives, no you're still married. We are separated, we sleep in different bedrooms, no, still married dude. Married ppl don't belong on dating sites. Clean up your situation, get a divorce, then start dating.


Again with the generalizations and preconceptions. Just because some men lie does not mean all men do. Hey, some women lie. My ex lied to me all the time. Does that mean all women are liars too? I have been living in my own home for over a year and a half. If it weren't for the kids I would have absolutely no contact with my ex. I am not married. Period. End of story. My marriage was over a long time ago. If your definition of marriage hinges on a piece of paper that might be why you are single and still looking. Marriage is much more than a piece of paper. It is about two people caring about each other and sharing their lives. Plenty of people stay together but have no relationship. They are essentially room mates. Is that still a marriage?


Separated is not divorced. Well not divorced is still married for whatever reason make clear cut cut all the ties. Get a paper from the layer stating u r free man n then can date. Separated or not u still married


Have you been married? Gone through a divorce? It's not always a simple process. It's not like I can just file some papers, have them stamped and voila, I'm divorced. If I could have had divorce papers signed and done with I would have a long time ago. Where I live you have to be legally separated for at least a year before you can start the process. Then if there are issues to work out it can take some time.

So you are saying I should put my life on hold and not date and potentially be lonely for years because my ex wants to be unreasonable about a couple of things and refuse to sign papers? Well, thanks for that. I'm glad that your judgemental attitude means that myself and others like me should wait to live life and be happy.
 blueceleste
Joined: 6/2/2005
Msg: 298
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Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 6/10/2012 2:03:57 AM
who wants to date a separate man when he is clearly still legally married? same with a separate woman. i had my share of those in the past and always turned them down. i said let me know when ur divorced and single lmao they were ready to date i said u haven't gone thru the divorce nor the grieving moments geeez give urself time to think!
 AwesomeKisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 299
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Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 6/10/2012 11:11:57 AM

who wants to date a separate man when he is clearly still legally married? same with a separate woman. i had my share of those in the past and always turned them down. i said let me know when ur divorced and single lmao they were ready to date i said u haven't gone thru the divorce nor the grieving moments geeez give urself time to think!


Again with the generalizations and assumptions. Everyone is different. Some people need years post divorce to grieve and find themselves again. Others don't. Some already went through part of the process before even splitting with their ex's. My point is that everyone is an individual and different and it would be nice if we could all judge people for who they are as individuals instead of lumping them into conveniently labeled boxes. But it is easier to label and box so that's what people do.

I can't speak for everyone but I know that for myself all grieving and coming to terms with the end of my marriage were done some time ago. I'm great with my marriage being over and excited to be moving on with my life a better and wiser person.

As for who would want to date a separated man or woman? Someone who is not judgemental and treats others as individuals. Someone who is open to the idea that the person for them might not fit in the exact box they envisioned or be exactly 100% perfect. Sure, I have a piece of paper that says I can't get married to someone else any time soon. But who is wanting to rush into marriage with me? If a lady is that eager then it's a red flag for me. I want to take some time to get to know someone and make sure we are right for each other. By the time we are ready to take next steps in our relationship my divorce will be final so it's all good.

At the risk of sounding arrogant, I am a great guy with a ton to offer a lady as her partner. If women want to pass me by just because the legal process hasn't finalized my "papers" yet then it's their loss.
 freespirited123
Joined: 5/6/2012
Msg: 300
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 6/10/2012 12:11:10 PM
Well at least you have taken the necessary steps of at least filing the papers and working through the grieving process. I think too many of us have been burned by inconsiderate ***holes who haven't even done that and they are not honest about how involved they still are with their exes. I think that is where a lot of the cynical attitude comes from. I know that I personally will not even think about a separated man again until I have proof that papers have been filed and involvement with the ex is only minimal due to children and no other reason.
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