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 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 252
Why women wont date seperated menPage 14 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)

because they are still married and stats show 25% get back together.

So? 50% of first marriages fail. If 25% of those failures try again....does that mean that only 12.5% of actual first marriage fail but later on 12.5% of those second attempt first marriages fail? And if so? Doesn't that skew (I mean ... like REALLY skew the stats?) for those first time marriage failures? And if not? Are those people considered in the "second" marriage folks, who many think 60% fail? That would mean that .............. oh my god ........... relationships fail. With or without a silly clergy-man/woman and a piece of paper. Sorry friend, people do all sorts of silly stuff with all sorts of silly people and stuff fails. If one doesn't wish to marry? DON'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not once, not twice, not half-way by living together and sharing a mortgage. We don't date separated men because they ARE NOT single legally. It is just that simple. If we wanna fail? Maybe??? Some wanna fail with someone legal to fail with. (Crazy, huh?)
 AwesomeKisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 253
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Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 6/11/2012 12:05:31 AM
@ verygreeneyez:

I'm sorry to hear about your situation, That must have been incredibly difficult. But it also shows that everyone's situation is different and unique. As I said, I don't want to get into details but my situation is that there is really one issue not settled and it's not a trivial one. We aren't fighting over a bunch of silly little things like pets or kids schedules etc. And for better or worse it is an issue that I feel I can't just give in and let her have her way. All my friends and family also agree that I shouldn't give in and several lawyers have also told me I shouldn't (although lawyers aren't always the best source of advice as it is often in their interest to prolong these things).

In any case, we have a court date set and it will get settled then and my divorce can be finalized (which I believe can still take three months for papers to be processed by the courts once an agreement or judgement is made).


because they are still married and stats show 25% get back together.

It takes time to mourn from something like that and to get your bearings back so to be a rebound for a marriage is not a good thing.

I would never date a separated person. ever.


Actually, I'm not sure where you get your statistics but my quick research shows that only 10% of separated couples reconcile. And it also looks like 60% of those reconciled couples end up actually divorcing in the future so they are less successful then the average first marriages at a 50% divorce rate. So if you date a separated person there is only a 1 in 10 chance they will get back together with their ex. In my own case there is a zero percent chance of that happening. We split for reasons and those reasons haven't changed and are extremely unlikely to ever change. So I can't speak to other people but in my case the marriage is done, over with and kaput. Has been for a long time. I have mourned and gotten over it. This goes back to my point that everyone is different but many posters here want to just paint everyone with the same brush. You wouldn't want someone judging you as a whole based on one thing about you but you seem ready to judge others based on one factor.
 _GypSea_
Joined: 2/14/2017
Msg: 254
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 2/25/2017 2:20:03 AM
WOW, I can’t believe I read the whole thread and DOUBLE WOW that only one person mentioned being an ‘option’ (in one of the middle pages).

Being an option is the reason why I won’t date separated men and here are two examples.

Met and dated a guy in late 2008. At Christmas he attended a Xmas eve function with my family. The next day was dinner with his ex-wife and her kids. I was not invited. New Years eve, same chit different date. I asked him about Easter, Thanksgiving, etc. and he told me that we always spent those holidays with his ex-family. Okey dokey - I’m done.

In 2011 I met a new man as I was looking to move closer to work. After dating for some time, he suggested I move in with him. He said it would enable him to save money to get a lawyer, get a divorce and stop the spousal support payments. Okey, makes sense. One and a half years into this co-hab relationship, I asked him how the lawyer search was progressing. He informed me that ‘it was pointless to pursue it’. This guy financially supported his wife (who was not the mother of his 3 kids) to the tune of 50% of his take-home pay and when he ran out of money, he came to me to supplement his shopping habit. So while he was supporting her, I was supporting him and no one was supporting me. We had numerous conversations about money but to no avail. I ended that relationship as well.

Bottomline for me, I’d rather be single and happy than coupled (with a not yet divorced man) and miserable.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 255
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 2/25/2017 7:10:07 AM
well, the bottom line is the important part. Too many people, unfortunately, are not happy with their own company. They'll accept the drama as a price to pay for the few good times they are in someone else's company, rather than be single and unhappy.

and then there are, of course, the drama queens :) no such thing as a bad emotion to feel for those people. they want their life to be a roller coaster, a series of ups and downs.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 256
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 2/25/2017 7:36:48 AM

Bottomline for me, I’d rather be single and happy than coupled (with a not yet divorced man) and miserable.


You would rather be happy than miserable? What a shocker. Most people don't go into a relationship hoping they will end up being miserable. But life happens. If someone is in a mad rush to pair up asap, they have nobody to blame for their misery than themselves if it doesn't work out. That's one reason why I wouldn't contact anyone who has "Looking for someone to marry" in their profile. They consider getting to know someone well as a side track to their end goal.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 257
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Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 2/25/2017 9:38:31 AM

Why wont women on this site date seperated men but yet they are seperated and will only date single men


- I say good for them if they can land somebody who is better off than themselves. Welcome to love and dating, the world's biggest cat-and-mouse game.
 IMayBeCrazy_But
Joined: 12/28/2016
Msg: 258
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 2/25/2017 11:22:14 AM

Why wont women on this site date seperated men but yet they are seperated


Funny. I met my ex in 2000...I forget what site it was, but he had "divorced" as his relationship status. He admitted to me that he was separated...six months into our relationship. We married a month after his divorce was final. I was young and stoopid. Then after our first child was born...he told me that I was his third wife...not his second. He also admitted that he only told me about his first wife because he was afraid that his sister would tell me about her. He didn't "count" his first marriage because he was young and it lasted less than a year. Yeah. I ignored the red flags. Bad move. Fast forward to 2013...when I left, he made it Hell...based on his experience with his second wife and losing contact with his two older sons...he came after me with all he had.

Maybe some separated women wont date separated men because some men are bitter? Usually the woman gets custody of the children and it's difficult for any parent to go from seeing their kids everyday to a schedule set by a family court. Aaaand some Dad's are kinda pissy about it, too. Then throw in the fact that some are starting from scratch to set up their household and have to pay child support,too? Whoah. Attitude. And if they have to pay alimony? Forget about it.


what makes them think single men want to date seperated women

Oddly enough...the majority of men that I've dated have been single...since I've become legally separated. Maybe it's because they know I'm not looking for a ring???
 Cowgirlwannabe1
Joined: 8/21/2015
Msg: 259
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 2/25/2017 2:20:28 PM
because he is still legally attached to his wife

and he can use whatever excuses /justifications for that he wants to
 Perspektiv
Joined: 2/11/2017
Msg: 260
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 2/25/2017 3:45:24 PM
Dating someone separated, is just not worth the potential drama.

This is regardless of whether its a woman or man, that happens to be separated.

Essentially, you're dealing with someone who potentially still has one foot legally in a relationship, and the other out of it. By this, I mean if they have kids with their ex. You're potentially standing to find yourself in the crossfire of a bitter divorce.

I'd rather date someone who's taken the time to finalize things, heal, and move on both legally and physically.

I avoid separated women like the plague, considering I've dated a few in the past, and it always wound up being drama.

It also tells me someone has a hard time getting their priorities straight.

Date all you want while separated, but to seek a relationship? I find that sketchy.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 261
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Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 2/26/2017 6:20:41 AM

I'd rather date someone who's taken the time to finalize things, heal, and move on both legally and physically.


EXACTLY, most importantly, "heal".
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 262
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Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 2/26/2017 8:34:58 AM
Curious topic.

I read this with interest, because I may be dating a separated person in the near future. Having thought it out, I know there will be times I may be an observer. This won't be the first time I've done that. And I highly suspect it won't be the last time. I'm making it a point to render no opinion as to how she plans to handle her divorce. Mine was so cut and dried, that I never had to deal with any negotiations that most, (or almost all) people have, during a divorce.

Yeah, I know. Most all will tell me not to do it. I'm well aware of the pitfalls. I'm keeping my emotions on a leash. It could wind up being a dismal flop. Plenty will say I have options.

What a crock that is. Five years of no dates, dealing with you stuck-up women, makes me look at this as having possibilities.Want to call me a misogynist? Go ahead. I'm the end result of your fussiness. You can kick a dog only so many times before he turns on you.

It's a mistake waiting to happen. I've made them before, I will again. But if it gets me out of screwing around with you fussy women, then I'll take it.
 cotter
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 263
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Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 2/26/2017 8:43:15 AM
No matter how serious a person is about getting a divorce, until they truly are divorced, they are still "married".

Seems to me, starting another relationship before the other is "finally over" is just an invitation to complicate things immensely especially if the "separated" one decides to go back to their spouse.

We have enough people out there who are hurting ... do we need to go around setting ourselves up for still more hurt or better yet ... do we need to go around hurting still more people?
 jlynn1955
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 264
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Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 2/26/2017 5:16:31 PM
Separated is still married. I have always believed that and followed that rule. Except for once, which taught me there is a very good reason for that rule. It's just not a smart thing to to, for so many reasons.
 Strawberry_Jello
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 265
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Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 2/27/2017 9:36:14 PM
When I first started OLD I dated man who was separated. Then after a couple of dates he told me he went to her house to wake up his kids & the wife EVERY MORNING! Yeah, he had his own apartment, but was back there on a daily basis. The "kids" were all in their early 20's. Wow, that was a mistake.

Another man I dated said he'd been separated for several years. Then I find out after a couple of dates that his job sends him away from home for months and even years at a time. But in between assignments, and on holidays, he goes back to the marital home where she lives. Wow, some separation.

So that would be why for me.
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