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 strollinbella
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 26
Why women wont date seperated menPage 2 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
I'v never been married, don't have any children, but do have baggage. No one reaches my age without toting some baggage along the way. I just don't let mine define men, nor do I let it keep me from moving on.

To get back on topic. Having dated a man who was separated, and whom I cared for deeply, I will have to say that unless he is in the process of getting a divorce, I will not go that route again.

Fact is, I started a thread on this very subject when I had my old profile name, ryouforme. I think the topic was as follows, Would you date someone who is separated?
 chellaruse
Joined: 10/31/2007
Msg: 27
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 11/14/2007 4:22:20 PM
If I met a man that was going through a divorce and separated, I probably would be really gun shy.

I went through it before. I fell in love with a man I ended up with for a decade, and when it was over, she still was in the background running her mouth and the kids where screwed up. Not all people separate with mental problems or bi-polar spouses I just happen to fall in love with one that was married to one. That was nightmare you people don’t want to know about, it’s history and that was five years ago.

Anyhow, like I was saying, I would date a man who was going thru it, but if the signs where there that the back door was swinging open, I would head for it ASAP. I have learned not to be so judgmental when it comes to other people lives even though my experience was the worst-case scenario.

Did I answer this question? Yes, I would, if the signs where clear, the baggage locked down, engine roaring as it should and the runway was ready for take off!

Have a nice night, and thanks for reading.
Chela
 arizonadeb
Joined: 6/29/2007
Msg: 28
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 11/14/2007 8:11:57 PM
I dont know what the big deal is... If he is seperated and out of the house who cares.
when hubby left my house and I went to the attorney, i considered myself divorced. There was no chance of us getting back together.. Divorce takes a long time.
 anyoneoutthier
Joined: 3/19/2007
Msg: 29
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 11/15/2007 4:48:12 AM
If you want to know look at broken hearts forums thier is alot of reasons why people wont date separated people.
 SassySky
Joined: 11/9/2007
Msg: 30
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 11/15/2007 6:11:08 AM
Well....OP this is just my opinion but...

I dated a separated man once, along long time ago, He was even living in his own place, had been for years. I thought okay, I will go for it about 4 months into the relationship, He went back to wife and family..

Once burned twice shy, Now my rule and can't say I have broke it. Is if you are married. separated or just getting out of a relationship..You are not available to me. Period.. I don't play,or touch something that isn't mine to touch..

Friendships are different story, I have many men that are married. I trust them totally but the line will never even be broached let alone crossed.

I am sure OP you will find many of us that feel this way. You will also find many that feel it is not a deal breaker.
Good luck fishing and keep it honest
 SouthCarolina45
Joined: 3/3/2005
Msg: 31
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 11/15/2007 6:22:44 AM
I dated a separated man and really liked him. Once his divorce was over, he told me: Thanks for helping me through my divorce, but you are not my type.

so, I don't date separated men. I have also read a lot of threads on this subject and most are negative results. I would rather wait until they are divorced and then see what happens.
 crikitoh
Joined: 10/30/2006
Msg: 32
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 11/15/2007 6:32:40 AM
First time poster here, but I've wanted to say this for a long time.....Because I'm a magnet to men half out of relationships. This is just my opinion from lots of experience. People half out of or just recently out of relationships are not a "me" yet. They are still a "we" and when your sitting across a table from them you get to hear all the "we" stories, because they don't have any "me" stories yet. That's not fun. You must become a "me" before you can be a "we" with someone else. "we" is usually two people, not three, or four for that matter. (this isn't counting the family sense of we).

Me
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 33
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Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 11/15/2007 6:56:12 AM
I think everyone pretty much said it-
there's always a huge chance people who are seperated will get back together.
True, someone not married can get back with their ex but that's a whole different thing.
 SweetMischievousMe
Joined: 10/7/2006
Msg: 34
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 11/15/2007 6:59:08 AM
Very simply put, I don’t separated men because they are still married. Just a matter of integrity and not wanting the drama of someone else’s bad marriage or divorce.
 Just4Reading
Joined: 10/16/2007
Msg: 35
Why women wont date separated men
Posted: 11/15/2007 7:10:50 AM

raychass.... Another part is that in a break up you have to give yourself sufficient time to heal . In my opinion a separated person or even a newly divorced one has not given themselves enough time on their own yet.


Well said, I could not have said it better. I am experienced first hand at that too. The first "two" years after my divorce I left a trail of broken hearts and broken promises in my wake. You need time to heal "BEFORE" trying to date. Going off as friends is fine, but looking for a love interest, you are asking for disaster. A good friend told me a few months after my divorce that I needed to spend some time alone. I wish I had taken her advise. So to me, I would not date a separated woman, and I am even leery of ones that are less than two years out of a divorce. I am NOT saying that rule applies to everyone. But it is something you need to consider.

Please no flaming this is just my opinion .... keep on
 Bethlet
Joined: 4/22/2007
Msg: 36
Why women wont date separated men
Posted: 11/15/2007 7:18:46 AM
(JEEZE I CANT REMEMBER THE CODE FOR QUOTE) "She lives with her ex husband! And not the one she is separated from..
Yet tried to bash me for sharing an apartment with my ex wife, who has been my best friend for years. "


*sigh*
Yet another question to ask...

"So. I understand it SAYS you are divorced....but uh...are you living with any of your ex wives in a ..you know....FRIENDSHIP....fashion, by the way? Just checkin."

I would not date separated.
I would not date divorced and living with a female roommate, living with an ex wife, living with an ex girlfriend, living with a mom.
I will, however, date a man who lives with a female dog.

Not to be confused with ....well, you know.
 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 37
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Why women wont date separated men
Posted: 11/15/2007 7:28:36 AM
Women and men don't date people for a whole buttload of reasons... It generally has to do with experience, moral values, etc etc etc.

That is just like asking why don't women date men with green hair... PREFERENCE...

In general terms and from my MOST recent experience from dating a seperated man, because I was giving him a chance...

I was just "comfort" for his loneliness, and all the woes he had about being booted out, and his kids not wanting to see him, and what a hag his to be ex was, and the earth rotation was just not right, and he wasn't loved enough as a child...

Just divorced or broken up from a long term are people I generally avoid too, depending on how just divorced or long term they are/were... It is a buffet to them, and they want blondes, no wait never tried Asians before, ohhh hold on a second that brunette is really hot, perhaps she would be great too..

The truth is there is no set rule for anyone...
 atitude man
Joined: 2/18/2007
Msg: 38
Why women wont date separated men
Posted: 11/15/2007 9:03:03 AM
Well I understand where some of you are comming from But still you should not judge everyone else by past experience. If we all did that no one would beable to move on and find someone new and Just because someone is seperated and not yet gotten the big D does not mean they will go back to the Ex I for one will never go back Its over for good and for the best
 Bethlet
Joined: 4/22/2007
Msg: 39
Why women wont date separated men
Posted: 11/15/2007 9:20:45 AM
"Well I understand where some of you are comming from But still you should not judge everyone else by past experience"

With all due respect, .....anyone who does NOT learn from past experiences is a FOOL.

The stove is there.
The burner is red.
You touch the burner, you burn the heck out of your hand.
The next time, the stove is there.
The burner is red.
If you have ANY brain cells, you refrain from testing it again....

"judge"
A HIGHLY misused word.
 mahogany_rush
Joined: 7/18/2007
Msg: 40
Why women wont date separated men
Posted: 11/15/2007 9:33:17 AM
OP the problem is, for every separated person who wont go back to their ex, there is probably 10 that will/consider blah blah blah? Is it fair lumping all the separated people together? no but thats the reality of life.

There is no magical answer to the separated question, except go to Mexico or Vegas for a quick divorce ( just kidding)
 Just4Reading
Joined: 10/16/2007
Msg: 41
Why women wont date separated men
Posted: 11/15/2007 12:11:10 PM
First let me address bethlets problem

(JEEZE I CANT REMEMBER THE CODE FOR QUOTE)

... Beth, when you go to reply to a post, when the page opens look to the far right. You will see the instructions posted there in a short paragraph... use the brackets on both sides of the word quote also include the word quote...just like it is in the instructions - then paste the persons quote then the bracketed /and quote to close it ... I just copy the open sequence and drag it over as well and the close sequence.

Now back to the OT... the rules are not the same across the board. yes it will work for some, but the majority it will not. I personally know a couple dating and she is separated. They are just waiting on the papers so they can move forward in her current relationship. Yes, this one is an exception to the rule. However in most there is a lot of drama and unsettled emotions. that is not anything you need to get involved in, unless you enjoy drama and having your heart bashed against a wall. As far as dating someone that lives with an ex...uhh .. no thanks. That might be fine and dandy for you and if it works ...great.. I just don't have the stomach for that kind of relationship. I am NOT bashing them, so don't take that the wrong way. I know that for a lot of people that would be a deal breaker.
 dreadstalker
Joined: 6/3/2007
Msg: 42
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 11/15/2007 7:13:14 PM
The reason not to date seperated men/women?
DUH!.. because they are in all actuality still married.
 Blueyedguy4u2c
Joined: 10/28/2007
Msg: 43
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 11/15/2007 7:22:29 PM
Out of all of you people who are divorced and answered this question already, did you date before YOUR divorce was final? This sounds like hypocrisy.
 leggypack
Joined: 11/9/2007
Msg: 44
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 11/16/2007 6:01:37 AM
It's funny/odd to me to have found this thread. I would have no issue dating a seperated man and may perhaps seek that sort of relationship. This is not for casual sex but because I just left a partnership with my soulmate. However, i recently met a man who just finalized his divorce 2 months ago and I am so conflicted. I adore him, thus far, he is everything I wanted in a man and then some. I am well aware that I will be rebound girl but I dont want to give up the time i will be able to spend with him while he "recovers." Besides, I keep hoping I'll find him inherently annoying the way I find most men and move on from this infatuation.
 anyoneoutthier
Joined: 3/19/2007
Msg: 45
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 11/16/2007 11:28:44 AM
Its not only women that wont date separated men wont allso, I wont for sure.
 Jewlsey
Joined: 12/21/2006
Msg: 46
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 11/17/2007 10:38:11 AM
Zental,
It's called a pre-nuptial agreement - look into it. I believe posters are talking about "emotionally" available people in not wanting to date "separated" people.
Jewlsey
 MCTchick
Joined: 6/12/2007
Msg: 47
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 11/17/2007 11:16:50 AM
I have no problem dating separated men. I have been waiting for a couple of years for my divorce to be final. My ex's has had issues with his lawyers that have been holding it up. I consider myself single and divorced. So should i be waiting until i am officially divorced before i start to get on with my life. To me that is a huge waste.I wouldn't want to miss the chance at finding my "soul mate" just because of a piece of paper.
 Who.Me
Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 48
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 11/17/2007 12:03:53 PM
I have dated a few separated men...and NEVER will again....

When things start to progress they pull away stating their not ready. Sometimes they will reconcile with their wife...

There is no winning in this situtation.
 cowtippingmomma
Joined: 11/7/2007
Msg: 49
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 11/17/2007 1:59:21 PM
No...No....No....No... separated men are still married, anybody thats taken by another is off limits. That includes separated,engaged,long term etc.. that means in my book anyway, hands off
 Mr Fahrenheit
Joined: 8/16/2007
Msg: 50
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 11/17/2007 2:20:40 PM
I'm just curious... so someone who is only separated for 30 years is still more likely to reconcile with their ex than someone who has been legally divorced for 3 with only a 1 - 2 year separation?

What about common-law spouses? What happens with them?

Damn that I decided to let my ex have that wedding she always wanted. If we would have just done the common-law thing, we coulda just walked away and never had to worry about divorce. I'd just be single now. But I guess just being separated, it's a valid excuse to never get married again. Once the divorce papers are final, I'll actually have to admit that legal marriage just isn't going to happen again.
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