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 AUTHOR
 *closer
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 176
Why women wont date seperated menPage 8 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)

Actually it has everything to do with morals. If you are willing to date someone who is still married then you are both lacking morals.


If you aren't willing to understand that not everyone lives by YOUR morals,there's really not point in trying to debate this with you.

But FYI,in my world....Ya'know.....Darwin's World?

'Still married' is not the same as legally separated.Sorry.I do know the difference.
In my state they make you wait an entire year and a day before you can even file
for a Divorce.The second I signed my Legal Separation Agreement and my spouse and I discussed dating others,that's when we agreed that our marriage was over and there was no going back.I didn't date for that year,but it had nothing to do with the fact that I was still "legally married".It had more to do with not finding a good match for me.

I found a man who was and is still "married" but separated ,and I didn't hold it against him because I am not some uptight person with issues.

My SA stated that we were not legally 'or morally' bound to not date or to stay celibate for the year long wait.

I am legally divorced,he is not yet, but it doesn't matter to me as I don't see it as a Moral issue.His "Christian" 'X-wife to be' is dating someone else and
'god' forbid" having sex outside the confines of marriage...HYPOCRIT?
We aren't living in "sin" or being immoral because we are Atheists and don't allow others to impose thier morality on us.Not even you.

You must feel truly superior ,being so holier than thou, because you allegedly waited to have sex until marriage.But do the rest of us a favor.....QUIT PREACHING.

Your way of living is not the ONLY way,but it's certainly the most unjustifiably righteous way to live.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 177
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History
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 4/23/2010 6:48:32 AM
^^^ I have to agree with this.

Rather than morals, I prefer the term ethics. I think of ethics as a tool to look at a situation and decide the best course of action. If you start from the idea of doing as little harm as possible and as much good in any situation, your actions are guided by compassion and utility. You tend to come up with answers that are fairer than those based on a possibly biased or outmoded "moral" code, which may actually lead to unethical actions.
 *closer
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 178
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 4/23/2010 7:21:05 AM
Rather than morals, I prefer the term ethics. I think of ethics as a tool to look at a situation and decide the best course of action. If you start from the idea of doing as little harm as possible and as much good in any situation, your actions are guided by compassion and utility. You tend to come up with answers that are fairer than those based on a possibly biased or outmoded "moral" code, which may actually lead to unethical actions.


THANK YOU! I may be an Atheist,and dated a separated man while I was separated,but that doesn't make me lacking morals by any means.
I live my life no less CHARACTER bound than someone with Religiously imposed morality!

This is MY guidelines to having a conscience and an ethically bound life and I know not everyone can or does live ethically nor do I consider myself so righteous that I feel the need to look down on those who don't live the way I choose to.

http://josephsoninstitute.org/MED/MED-2sixpillars.html

Trustworthiness
Be honest • Don’t deceive, cheat or steal • Be reliable — do what you say you’ll do • Have the courage to do the right thing • Build a good reputation • Be loyal — stand by your family, friends and country

Respect
Treat others with respect; follow the Golden Rule • Be tolerant of differences • Use good manners, not bad language • Be considerate of the feelings of others • Don’t threaten, hit or hurt anyone • Deal peacefully with anger, insults and disagreements

Responsibility
Do what you are supposed to do • Persevere: keep on trying! • Always do your best • Use self-control • Be self-disciplined • Think before you act — consider the consequences • Be accountable for your choices

Fairness
Play by the rules • Take turns and share • Be open-minded; listen to others • Don’t take advantage of others • Don’t blame others carelessly

Caring
Be kind • Be compassionate and show you care • Express gratitude • Forgive others • Help people in need

Citizenship
Do your share to make your school and community better • Cooperate • Get involved in community affairs • Stay informed; vote • Be a good neighbor • Obey laws and rules • Respect authority • Protect the environment



"Godly" people aren't the only one's with MORALS.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 179
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 4/23/2010 9:19:49 AM
I agree that a person doesn't have to be Godly to have morals. However read your rules of conduct above and tell me how many would be broken by dating someone that is still married?.........There are more than a few that you would have to break to do so.
So now we are in a catch 22 your rules you say that show you are moral,have to be broken to date this person.
Even without God rules coming into play.
 bluesandrock
Joined: 6/24/2009
Msg: 180
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 4/23/2010 9:39:07 AM

However read your rules of conduct above and tell me how many would be broken by dating someone that is still married?.........There are more than a few that you would have to break to do so.

I cannot see anything in the rules listed that would be broken when dating someone that truly is separated. Many states recognize that separated people are just that separate while working to legally dissolve their marriage.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 181
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 4/23/2010 9:44:48 AM
bluesandbedrock There are many states that have laws against having sex with a married person.
Not counting the other many rules she listed that would be broken.

If you say that the laws are not in forced any more. If you are speeding and pass a cop he decides not to turn around and write a ticket did you still break the law? Of course you did you just was not held accountable for it.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 182
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 4/23/2010 10:23:02 AM
procolharem You just made the point I was getting at, Morality is seen through the eyes of the individual.
What might be moral to one is not to another.
If you look back in the thread I said I would not date a separated lady because I didn't think it was right.
The rules that was listed could be seen as broken by one and not broken by another.

What I see as black and white you may see as gray.
To each their own but I would not do so because of the problems I have seen many times in this type of thing.
The "rules" were posted because someone said it was not moral to do so. Someone else disagreed and posted them.
In the "rules" it said be open minded now tell me are they being open minded to the one that said it was not moral?
No they spat out the rules!!!
Breaking at least one (open mindedness) in telling this lady she was wrong!!! That is the catch 22!!!
 bestwomanever
Joined: 12/13/2005
Msg: 183
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 4/23/2010 10:43:00 AM
Why are people here going on about morals and open-mindedness, their definitions and all of that? If people don't want to date a separated person, that's their choice. If some people think it's ok, it's their choice to. Let people do what's right for them, as long as they aren't hurting the other person.
BTW, off topic, but whenever I hear someone use the term "Godly," I get so frightened! Jimmy Swaggart flashing through my head!
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 184
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 4/23/2010 12:14:37 PM

However read your rules of conduct above and tell me how many would be broken by dating someone that is still married?.........There are more than a few that you would have to break to do so.

In various states it can be legal or illegal to have physical sexual relations with someone. Dating is not prohibited. How would they be broken? Maybe not so much. Many people wait a good while until they FINALLY get separated... and many times, even though there's a bunch of baggage-on-board, they've been separated for so long, both are dating other people.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 185
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 4/23/2010 12:49:06 PM

BTW, off topic, but whenever I hear someone use the term "Godly," I get so frightened!


It is funny you bring this up if you look it was an atheist that brought that up and even capitalized it showing respect.
Just because people believe in God does not make them perfect. We have just as many downfalls as the person who doesn't believe.

To C R.......If you read all the posts, I was trying to show morals mean different things to different people. The person that posted the "rules" was trying to say this is what it takes to be moral. Funny thing is by pushing her notion of morality on others she broke one of her own rules of open mindedness.
I was just trying to show that it is up to the person making the decision.
 Chasing~Cars
Joined: 1/4/2010
Msg: 186
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 4/23/2010 12:58:03 PM
She wrote


Actually it has everything to do with morals. If you are willing to date someone who is still married then you are both lacking morals.



You agreed


^^^^^^^^^DING DING DING WE HAVE A WINNER HERE !!!^^^^^^^



And now you back track.


To C R.......If you read all the posts, I was trying to show morals mean different things to different people. The person that posted the "rules" was trying to say this is what it takes to be moral. Funny thing is by pushing her notion of morality on others she broke one of her own rules of open mindedness.
I was just trying to show that it is up to the person making the decision.


Gotta love the moral majority!
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 187
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 4/23/2010 1:18:33 PM
I did agree and still do however I never tried to say everyone should believe that way. Or posted "rules" to live by!!!
Matter of fact I pointed out it was up to the persons involved.
So it is funny I am the one you claim to be the "moral majority"

By your statements you seem to think it is ok for the person that posted the "rules" to push her beliefs on others but I am worng for just believing what I do..........Hummmmmm
 Chasing~Cars
Joined: 1/4/2010
Msg: 188
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 4/23/2010 1:41:08 PM
She never posted “RULES” nor is she pushing her beliefs, she stated

(This is MY guidelines to having a conscience and an ethically bound life and I know not everyone can or does live ethically nor do I consider myself so righteous that I feel the need to look down on those who don't live the way I choose to.)


She never pushed her beliefs, she merely posted what works for her, you’re the one who changed the wording to “rules” to push your own agenda. I give her far more credit in coming to terms with what works for her as opposed to wishy-washy hide behind others non-committal ideals. AKA, the moral majority.

And yes, I do find it rather funny in a sad sort of way.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 189
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 4/23/2010 1:53:49 PM
Ok now show me where I said that everybody should believe as I do. The woman that posted the rules had just scolded her for preaching. Just because she said she thought it was immoral to date someone still married........What are her rules but her beliefs? So is she not preaching?

The really funny or sad thing is how people talk about being open minded till someone says something they do not agree with!!! Is that not the definition of a hypocrite?


She never pushed her beliefs, she merely posted what works for her


So let me get this right she can post her beliefs but I cannot?
 SJB2010
Joined: 11/21/2009
Msg: 190
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 4/23/2010 2:01:05 PM
my friend got dates before his divorce was final
 tmotts
Joined: 5/10/2009
Msg: 191
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 4/23/2010 4:53:53 PM
abelian, I am so glad it worked out for you, but it didn't work out for me that way. I do agree every situation is different, just gun shy I guess!
 Chasing~Cars
Joined: 1/4/2010
Msg: 192
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 4/23/2010 9:19:42 PM

So let me get this right she can post her beliefs but I cannot?


You’re more than welcome to post your beliefs. It’s much easier for others to hear them though when they are truly your own beliefs and not reactionary or critical of someone else’s. One person says what they have come to believe, the other makes judgments, which is easier for you to hear and understand? Trolls are a dime a dozen, people who actually have experience are much more interesting to read than attacks and if you think this is an attack, you would be mistaken.

I don’t care if anyone dates a separated person or not, to me, it’s on an individual basis and I don’t paint all people or their situation with the same brush. There are those who will try to understand and those who won’t and it’s been my experience that those who won’t usually fight hardest to confirm there reasons.

Have fun and continue on, it’s your “rule”.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 193
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 4/23/2010 9:48:03 PM
Didn't you "paint" me into the moral majority?
As far as a attack I haven't attacked anyone I did point out how one was scolded for her opinion while the one doing the scolding freely gave hers and all the time calming to be open minded.
As I said it is up to the people involved personally I would not do it and the morality of it is just part of the reason.
No hard feelings.
 AmbrosiaX
Joined: 4/20/2010
Msg: 194
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 4/24/2010 12:55:21 AM
because they're smart
 83GS650
Joined: 4/1/2010
Msg: 195
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 4/27/2010 5:43:14 AM
^^^^ All great points.

I think the best thing you can do for either a guy or girl looking to date someone who is seperated is to keep it as a friendship only. A lot of things can change so do not go into it expecting to much.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 196
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 4/27/2010 5:50:16 AM

2. "Separated" means you have nonstop drama with the spouse, whether they are going through a divorce or not.

No, it doesn't. My gf had been seperated for two years when I met her. She had been living 250 miles away from her soon-to-be ex for over a year. The only ``drama'' involved was a couple of phone calls to get the paper work for the divorce done. My gf has never even seen her ex during the time I've been dating her. (I know this for certain. Her ex lives 4-1/2 hours from us and the only time we've gone to Houston to visit her mother, I went with her.) Prior to dating my gf, I'd never even dated a woman who had been married and I've had way more drama with those women.

3. And what's up with those that are the "or nots?" If you are separated why aren't you getting a divorce?

I already gave one good reason.

Basically, your reasons only apply if you make bad decisions about the individual circumstances involved. In my case, absolutely none of your reasons applied to my gf. I am capable of making judgments on a case-by-case basis and don't need a legal document to tell me whether someone is really single. I can think for myself.
 DragNFlyBuzzez
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 197
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History
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 4/27/2010 4:37:27 PM
ABBicci,
thank you,

You have given me hope, my divorce is 2 plus years long so far, this place makes me feel like toxic waste, thank goodness for the forums.........

"kind of like molasses running up hill in winter slow"
after reading you everyday,
how about warm honey on your belly!!!!!!

hehehehehe
 DragNFlyBuzzez
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 198
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History
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 4/27/2010 5:05:12 PM
Tupelo honey is produced when honeybees collect nectar from the blossoms of the white Ogeechee tupelo (Nyssa ogeche) tree.

I like your taste!!!!!
 beachgirl125
Joined: 10/12/2008
Msg: 199
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 4/27/2010 5:57:06 PM
I agree with you, however most they don't even tell that they are separated .

I had one who told me it was all right to be in this site and is nothing wrong for being separeted and dating .

and the reason for not getting divorce not have to worry about getting married again .
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 200
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 4/28/2010 7:51:53 AM
She clearly doesn't have any kids,

No, she doesn't. But if there are kids, the drama will still be there AFTER getting a divorce. If you factor kids into the picture, I'd think the drama associated with a divorced woman with kids would be greater than a seperated woman without kids. One thing that I didn't like about dating at my age was the fact that if I dated someone with kids, I'd have to be deal with her ex husband because she couldn't just ``move on'' and dispense with him as part of her life.

Someone who has been separated AND living 250 miles away from their ex for two years is going to be more "stable" in her "singleness" than someone who moved out last month.

That was my point. You can't make a blanket statement about issues with dating someone who is seperated. It's one of those things that you have to decide on a case by case basis. My gf could have gotten divorced sooner, but because she would have lost her health insurance, she'd be $40,000.00 in debt for surgery. She wasn't very keen on staying married because she wasn't going to get back together with her husband and her husband's credit was a negative effect on her credit. Remaining married until she had health insurance through her employer was simply the logical thing to do.
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