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 wifenomore
Joined: 8/1/2007
Msg: 176
Why women wont date seperated menPage 8 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
It is hard to tell the separated guys apart.

Separated - it is over but the formal paperwork which can drag on for a long time.

Separated - she moved out but my heart is following two paces behind her.

Separated - my wife is in the other room.
 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 177
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 6/2/2008 3:31:48 PM
because its wrong; take care of your business first; the other side of the bed isnt' cold yet before you are trying to fill it.
 dirtydeeds101
Joined: 3/12/2008
Msg: 178
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 6/2/2008 3:58:08 PM
I don't speak for all women on here but I know when I see "seperated" as a relationship status it means to me that the man is STILL legally married which means he still has a relationship "pending" divorce . I know I won't get involved with a man who is married or seperated; single and/or divorced are the words I'm looking for.
 InstantKarma620
Joined: 1/11/2008
Msg: 179
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 6/2/2008 8:38:14 PM

Poor writing skills aside (which is tough for me, but I'm willing to give it a go),


LOL...when I read this part of your post I said to myself....I bet she's a Virgo. Sure enough, I peeked at your profile and there it was. :) My ex gf was a Virgo and spelling was one of her biggest pet peeves. LOL

BTW. I agree with your post.
 Pink n Pretty
Joined: 4/18/2008
Msg: 180
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 6/2/2008 8:48:59 PM
I do not date seperated men because I feel they are looking for some one other then there wife in order to see if they would want to get divorced. You may always correct me if you think I am wrong.

Like a bunny in a wild field
 Pink n Pretty
Joined: 4/18/2008
Msg: 181
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 6/2/2008 8:59:26 PM
OH yes and the drama that comes with a seperated person be it male or female
 chelsea_hou
Joined: 5/26/2007
Msg: 182
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 6/3/2008 4:05:08 PM
"because its wrong; take care of your business first; the other side of the bed isnt' cold yet before you are trying to fill it."

Exactly....

JMO, but a man/woman getting into a relationship before they're even divorced, shows insecurity. I think you need time to figure out what you want.
 yllwgt2001
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 183
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 6/3/2008 4:15:01 PM
Exactly emotional baggage still attached.
 atouchoftink
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 184
Why women wont date separated men
Posted: 6/3/2008 4:15:26 PM
raychass: I agree with you in the fact they are still married to someone, and with that most times there is always the drama that goes with it. I've yet to see a couple being separated that don't have issues over an impending divorce.
 Donna764
Joined: 4/4/2009
Msg: 185
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 5/30/2009 1:01:29 PM
without baggage? Really???? Hon, I'm guessing we are in our early 40's to Mid 50's here. If you don't have some kind of baggage you haven't been alive. You don't get through 40+ years of life without something happening that you carry with you to your grave.

As for not dating a guy who is seperated I can only speak for myself and for me it's a moral issue. I believe if the marriage has not be dissolved, at least legally, it's adultry. Quite black and white isn't it.?
 LakeCountyGal
Joined: 9/4/2008
Msg: 186
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 5/30/2009 2:45:44 PM
You can't truly "move on" emotionally with someone new, if you're not divorced from the ex, but only separated. Being separated, means you're still in a bit of "limbo". This goes for both separated men and women.

For some separated men/women, they have no intention of getting a final divorce, but want to just "play around" and see what's out there until they make up their mind about the marriage.

Also, I see posts on here sometimes by folks who have been separated for years. Why? I realize divorce is a long process, but years? Come on. That's just ridiculous.

You simply can't commit to someone new, 100%, if you're only separated, and not divorced. There are still too many unresolved issues from that relationship, that haven't been finalized yet. Divorce, helps to finally bring closure. Not just financially, but also emotionally.

I won't date someone who's separated because I know they are not truly ready for another relationship yet. They need to get divorced, and then date for a while to see what's out there, especially if they had been married a long time. It just doesn't work well for most of us, if the other party is only separated, and not divorced yet.
 eschec mat
Joined: 3/3/2009
Msg: 187
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 5/30/2009 3:00:08 PM
Irony is that here it is 2 1/2 years later and your profile still states separated. Why would anyone want to get involved with someone that can't finish their past marriage? Not to mention too many liars out there that haven't even filed for a divorce. Too much drama, too much baggage, too many lies, tooo tooo tooo
 Ifeellucky
Joined: 4/12/2009
Msg: 188
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 7/26/2009 9:48:39 PM
because noone is emotionally ready for anyone when they are still in a marriage, even if they are living separate, its very different than actually being divorced. So why waste anyones time
 Accidentally In Love
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 189
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Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 7/26/2009 11:47:36 PM
Draaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!
 OnlyThis
Joined: 3/31/2009
Msg: 190
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 7/27/2009 6:36:11 AM

its very different than actually being divorced

So today I am separated and tomorrow the judge signs a document and suddenly.. according to you.. I am now in a better "emotional" position? Please.

I will never understand why folks simply can't accept that every person and situation is different.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 191
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Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 7/27/2009 6:40:22 AM
^^^ I do agree with that, and the cynic in me also thinks that for some women it may be that you're not "financially available" until after the divorce is final!
 MePlusTwo
Joined: 7/9/2008
Msg: 192
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Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 7/27/2009 6:49:49 AM
because noone is emotionally ready for anyone when they are still in a marriage,
This is simply not always true. And when you are separated you are not "still in a marriage".
even if they are living separate, its very different than actually being divorced.
And wrong again.


So today I am separated and tomorrow the judge signs a document and suddenly.. according to you.. I am now in a better "emotional" position? Please.
Exactly.

Of course there needs to be time to process and recover from a marriage ending. You may or may not be divorced by then.


I will never understand why folks simply can't accept that every person and situation is different.
And again, exactly!

Anyone that is narrow minded enough to think that, without exception, Separated = not ready to date & Divorced = ready to date is both deluded and lazy.

Wake up. No 2 people or 2 situations are ever alike.
 SnarkMeister
Joined: 6/24/2009
Msg: 193
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 7/27/2009 7:19:15 AM
I am starting to dip my toes back in the dating pool again (although not via this site) even though I'm still merely separated. I haven't found my legal status to be a hinderance in my own search.

I'm picky, I'm not looking for quantity. Or a replacement for my EX-wife. I'm looking for intelligence, stability, and balance. And above all else someone who is still open and hasn't closed themselves off. Anyone who immediately shuts down upon hearing my status is too closed off to be anyone I'm interested in anyway.

And the more vehement their talk about 'baggage' the more likely *they* are the ones lugging it around. Obviously they've been burnt by someone who was dating prematurely and happened to be separated. Ditto for the charges that I'm looking for a quick fix. Au contraire, who is the one making the snap judgement? Sex? Losing that was distressful for a couple of months. I got over it. Haven't had it in 2 years and surprise, surprise, I'm still alive. At this point I can wait a while longer until it's right. I have had opportunities and passed them up already.

It seems a pretty poor indicator, when used all alone. As a general rule of thumb it's probably not that bad, as long as you have plenty of options. But for me, I know exactly who I am, and exactly what I'm looking for, so I'm looking deeper than this. So in the end my current status - which changes very soon after a long stretch - actually in a small way helps.
 Ifeellucky
Joined: 4/12/2009
Msg: 194
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 7/27/2009 7:48:53 AM

So today I am separated and tomorrow the judge signs a document
NO only this, it is fact that most people need 2 years out of a serious relationship to move forward to the next person.... I don't live by this fact, but I have known it to be true, especially men.... and since you don't date men, you don't know, but I do. so, yes, everyone is different and men are more needy and seem to want a place to lay thier heads at night...and fast.
 OnlyThis
Joined: 3/31/2009
Msg: 195
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 7/27/2009 8:01:54 AM

it is fact that most people need 2 years out of a serious relationship to move forward to the next person...

I don't know who came up with the 2 year rule but let's assume that's correct. The question then is when does that clock start ticking? Many relationships end long before a couple even separates and many separations can last years.

men are more needy

Please, you don't really believe that do you?
 Ifeellucky
Joined: 4/12/2009
Msg: 196
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 7/27/2009 12:05:43 PM

men are more needy
I wish I could say that that comment wasn't true, but 99.9 % if not 100% of the straight men I have met in my lifetime are needy of a womans affection, attention, sexual fulfilments, nurturing and support.
Please show me one man who is not, and I will guarantee he is gay. so yes, only this, I do believe that to be true....
 distinct_purpose
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 197
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 7/27/2009 12:52:20 PM

99.9 % if not 100% of the straight men I have met in my lifetime are needy of a womans affection, attention, sexual fulfilments, nurturing and support.


Isn't this supposed to work both ways when your in a relationship? I don't think it makes a man "needy", people want these things in a relationship they don't need them. If it was a one way street perhaps but I'm sure that relationship wouldn't last long. There are many many heterosexual single men out there living on their own doing just fine.

As far as dating separated people I think it depends on the person, some people are ready to move on the day they split up, others can require years and/or therapy to get over an ex.

I would think most people that state "no separated people" probably do so because of a bad experience or they feel that separated may indicate that the relationship isn't really over.
 tmotts
Joined: 5/10/2009
Msg: 198
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 4/21/2010 12:32:02 PM
because they are married, and often times reconcille
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 199
Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 4/21/2010 1:04:30 PM

because they are married, and often times reconcille

Fortunately, I didn't think in such black and white terms. The woman I'm dating was seperated when I met her last summer. The reason she was not divorced was because she still had health insurance through her ex and wanted to get her own health insurance before giving that up. Shortly after she separated and moved to Dallas, she had to undergo major surgery (>$40,000.00).

She didn't yet have insurance through her new employer and because she had a long recovery time during which she couldn't work, she ended up having to find another job. Once she did and got health insurance, she filed the papers and got divorced. She made it pretty obvious that reconciling with her soon-to-be ex was not going to happen. She didn't even talk to him, except to finish getting the papers filed.

I was skeptical about women who were seperated but had I been dogmatic about it, I wouldn't have met her. Lots of things need to evaluated on a case-by-case basis. I'm not surprised that people have so much trouble dating on pof.
 Naganadoy
Joined: 12/16/2009
Msg: 200
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Why women wont date seperated men
Posted: 4/21/2010 5:02:14 PM
hey OPEY, you aint the boss of meeeeeeeeeeee!!!
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