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 professora
Joined: 7/28/2008
Msg: 28
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A seven year old thread & trusting anotherPage 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
"Wow, a seven year old thread just got revived!"

Abusive is timeless & it hurts.

I wanted to know more about abuse.

WHY?

Well, its somewhat embarrassing b/c I teach about abuse and never thought I would miss the red flags or find myself in an abusive relationship at this age.

Well there were no red flags.

For the first several months, he was kind, generous, loving, understanding and more.

BUT he slowly began to demand more control under the guise of "togetherness".

It went from tolerable to calling me filthy names, and so much more--almost text book--causing me to doubt myself, to blame myself, to feel badly and sleepless, etc

Ultimately, the forums gave me a sense of peace and a place to seek layman opinions.

(note--this relationship began to deteriorate when the abuse showed its ugly self--about 14 months).
 HonkyTonk_Woman
Joined: 9/16/2013
Msg: 29
A seven year old thread & trusting another
Posted: 2/22/2014 7:56:54 AM

The problem is you, not the fact you were abused, but you allowed someone to treat you badly and stayed with them. Your descion making is bad, as your self esteem was before you ever met him. Until you work that out, your just going to keep meeting guys like him

I think..this sums it up.....A person should never allow another to treat them badly....simple.
YOU can only look after yourself...in a situation.....don't think the other person is going to change.

It's a fine line to walk now.....don't hold the bitter in but be aware of someone with control issues.
A relationship is about "both" people feeling good about themselves....(self esteem)..
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 30
A seven year old thread & trusting another
Posted: 2/22/2014 9:44:20 AM
trust begins at trusting yourself. You can't trust the other person to be a good choice. You have to trust yourself to make the good choice. You have to trust yourself not to have the strength to avoid pain (b/c that's impossible), but the strength to handle pain when it comes along. what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger and all that.

take care of your own needs, don't rely on other people to do that. when you take care of your own needs, you respect and respond to yourself. what will happen then is, you'll notice the other people who act the same way--those are the good people who love you.

treat yourself with disrespect, and naturally you will notice those people--they act as you act. you'll feel comfortable around them, b/c they think the way you do about how you should be treated. they'll only go so far as you would for your own self.
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