Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 CRAZYMAMA03
Joined: 6/19/2005
Msg: 325
Do guys like single moms? Page 6 of 43    (3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43)
OMG!!!!guys totally freak out. its crazy!!! its like a job interview sometimes. but do not get discouraged. my kids are one reason why i am still single. its really hard to find a good man that understands. but it is very important that you find a god man for you not for your son. remember that the man you find is not his father. you need to keep all of that seperate. you can not assume that he will take on the father role. you have a great attitude and seem that you know what you want. maybe you need to stop looking and let them find you? it will get better.
 CRAZYMAMA03
Joined: 6/19/2005
Msg: 328
Here's the opposite.
Posted: 8/16/2008 11:17:36 PM
that is crazy! you need to worry about you now. ur son is a grown man now. you did your job and it is ur tun now!!! do not ever forget about your self!!!! your son will always be there.
 CRAZYMAMA03
Joined: 6/19/2005
Msg: 329
Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 8/16/2008 11:22:06 PM
WOW! well put my friend! im sure a lot of people will agree with ur comment!
 jrebva
Joined: 5/23/2008
Msg: 331
Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 8/23/2008 7:55:23 PM
I love single moms myself. Being a full time single dad they know where I am coming from.
 jrebva
Joined: 5/23/2008
Msg: 333
Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 8/24/2008 6:19:18 AM
That is a big No there good buddy! No mater what they say......or maybe it is just me!!
 GEOSCH
Joined: 8/9/2008
Msg: 334
Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 8/24/2008 6:35:17 PM
I did not read the replys. It all depends on the guy . You are young and will find someone who will love you and your son.
 b.pavey74
Joined: 8/5/2008
Msg: 335
view profile
History
Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 8/24/2008 7:38:11 PM
The guys who don't want to date single moms are not the guys you want to date anyways. There are guys who like great woman regardless if they have children or not. After all some of us guys have kids too.
 FunArtist25
Joined: 8/27/2008
Msg: 338
view profile
History
Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 9/16/2008 12:05:27 AM
OK, just to be devil's advocate here....

The majority of posters on this topic are all saying the same thing - everyone should look at dating a single parent just like dating anyone else, and anyone that has issues dating a single parent is an immature dope and a dirty rotten **stard.

Well, that's easy to say from the perspective of a single parent. I find that a lot of women don't want to date me because I'm not terribly tall, and of course I think that's very shallow of them. But all you girls, be honest now, you KNOW there's just something about the guy being shorter than you that makes you see him as "less of a man", and automatically puts him in the "friend" category. So if you judge men by something they have absolutely no control over, is it really so surprising and awful that men judge you by something you did have control over (ie. having a kid)? What's good for the goose.....

I'm not saying I WOULDN'T date a single mom, but there are definite issues that need to be considered that separate a single mom from a girl without kids. They include:

1. Judgment. I have 2 female friends with kids, and they have both been married 3 times. To me that shows a serious lack of judgment and/or an inability to know how to "do marriage". A single girl who is 22 and has 4 kids says the same thing. Why did she have so many kids in a relationship that clearly wasn't stable? And if the kids all have different dads, that shows really terrible judgment. How did this girl come to be a sinlge parent, and is this a person I want to get involved with?

2. Does she want to have any more kids? There is a biological imperative for men to want to reproduce. We may love your kids to pieces, but we still want OUR kids. It's asking a lot of a guy to take on the parent role of another man's children, and then deny him the chance to be a real father himself. I hear a lot of single women say "I'm DONE having kids!" I always wonder if they know how much that attitude is a turn off for guys. The only guys it won't turn off are A) single dads who have already gotten to be dads themselves and therefore are totally open to combining families Brady Bunch style, and B) guys who never want the responsibility of parenthood (in which case, do you really want to date him? If you're not totally open to having more kids, you really have no business judging a man harshly if he doesn't want to date you.

3. What about the kids' real father? What is he like? If the relationship gets serious, how much of a pain in the ass is it going to be to deal with him? Am I going to get conned into the job of the heavy who has to call and remind him to pay his child support ("Because you KNOW he won't listen to me!")? Am I going to have to clean up the emotional mess when the kids come back from their weekend with him all traumatized because he's a jerk? Marrying a girl with kids usually means automatically inheriting the equivalent of an evil brother-in-law.

4. Speaking of the other guy, does she have any feelings left for him? I know that I can't say I have absolutely NO feelings AT ALL for any of my past serious girlfriends. Is it possible for a girl to have NO feelings for the father of her children? What does that mean for me?

5. Time! Will she have time for me? Seriously, between her job, spending time with her kids, and doing all the little chores of daily life, just how much time will she have for me? Are all of our "dates" going to be bringing the kids to the water park and to G rated movies? Will we be able to have enough completely one-on-one time to be able to build a rapport, a connection? How many times am I going to get stuck trying to pawn my play tickets on Craigslist at the last minute because she couldn't get a baby sitter? If the guy happens to love spontaneity, he's going to be pretty much SOL, because a single mom doesn't have the luxury of being able to fly to Martha's Vineyard for the weekend on a whim.

6. Sex. Can this happen? Will this happen? Depending on how old her kids are, she won't want me overnight at her house. She doesn't want her kids to see strange men in her bedroom and hear them making "noise" (which I agree with). At the same time, she can't stay overnight at my place, because she has to get home to the kids. This is very likely going to impact on our developing real intimacy.

These are just the few obvious ones that pop into my head at the moment, and you have to admit, even if you are a single parent, that these are valid concerns for any potential partner. They aren't shallow, they aren't selfish, and they aren't silly or immature. They are serious life issues, and you need to be prepared to deal with them.

And again, I'm not saying I automatically rule out dating single moms. But I will say I look at them and their situation more carefully, simply because the situation warrants it. It's only being realistic. Ladies - would you date a former drug addict or AA member with no reservations at all? Would you date an ex-convict, an unemployed man, a guy with 4 pet tarantulas, or a guy who lives in his parents' basement without thinking twice? Most likely not. Any of these guys might be totally great, but there are ISSUES that need to be considered. Face it, your kids, however much you love them, and however great they are, and however well you are handling single parenthood, ARE issues.

OK, I apologize for this being so long, but since I'm one of the few posing the other side of the argument, I think it's OK. As long as I haven't written as much as all the other posters combined, I haven't written too much!

Don't hate me ladies!
 Mama2himAuntie2Lots
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 339
view profile
History
Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 9/16/2008 12:40:54 AM

I would like to say its great to see a single mother that doesn't want a guy to take care of them or their kids, a few on this site do.


I agree with wanderbaby on the fact that having a new baby is hard enough all attention and focus should be on your beautiful child. Babies bond early and quickly whether you want to believe it or not that man will be in the life of your child.

Me personally I don't want a man to take care of me or my son but if this is a man that will someday love me and a possible man I may marry I would hope they share a love for my son otherwise they're not the right man for me.

As for you question about guys want a single mom... Every man is as every woman are different. You will find the self centered ones who feel children are baggage and then others who find that a child is a gift. You just have to pick through the bad ones.

Goodluck to you!
 lion 2007
Joined: 5/1/2007
Msg: 340
view profile
History
Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 9/16/2008 1:51:44 AM
HI DEAR ,
I hope ur well and have good time too.
It is nice to meet u and if u wish to know me well this is my yahoo (flybirde555@yahoo.com )
Best wishes for u and ur kids too
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 341
Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 9/16/2008 7:14:29 AM
Some do some dont. I like a man to like me for ME, not my parental status. Some men dont want to get invloved, that is their preference and their right.
 NotInnocent
Joined: 9/7/2007
Msg: 343
Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 9/18/2008 5:05:26 AM
Fun artist...

Don't worry...The majority of us won't hate you..

But I do have a few things to add to your thoughts..

1. So a single women with no kids who has 3 ex husbands is better.....I know people like this...I do however agree with your point and I'm assuming that you are saying these issues are more obvious when it comes to a single parent. We can't exactly hide all of our dating past..it's kinda right out in front for you to see.. so this is better or worse then finding out later?? Also agree about the bunch of kids with different dads things.. not excuse there..run...

2. It is true that many single parents say they do not want anymore kids.. I was one of em.. Mostly however we are just scared.. it's really hard to raise a child on your own. I'm talking emotionally.. Forget finanically and all that other stuff for a moment. I know that sometimes you end up crying at night for no other reason then you are so mentally drained and there is no end in sight.. that's enough to scare anyone. If you were dating someone who wants kids and could show you that he isn't going to run..the opinion can change.. I agreee is it asking alot for a guy to take on your kids, that why a single parent should never push someone to date them, it's alot..but single parents are just scared and unsure about the relationship as you are..keep that in mind..

3. What about the kids father? Ask her.. mine's non-existent.. except for every few years when he decides he wants to claim my son on his taxes, even though he has to right too. If your dating a mature single parent, which I sure hope so for your sake, she will tell you the truth. Just give her a date or two, it's a big part of her and she needs to at least feel comfortable with you.. Somethings you can't help, if you aren't comfortable with dealing with thekids, then you shouldn't date a single parent. It doesn't make you a bad person, or a jerk or anything else.

4. She may...but obviously they aren't strong enough to keep her from dating someone else. I will always love my sons father, never do I even want to see him again though. It's an odd feeling to say the least. My only other comment is I know so many childless people who are stuck on men on thier past that they can't be happy with those in thier present.. This problem just makes us women, it has nothing to do with parental status.

5. From past expirence, and not just my own. If she really likes you there will be alone time and plenty of it, just not as quickly as if your partner was childfree. She's more likely to take it a bit slower. You are completely right about 1 thing though. Spontatenouity is out. We just can't run out the door and head to Fiji for the weekend. Not happening. If you choose to date a single parent, you choose to give up spontaneous dating. The closest you'll get is, "hey Johnny got invitecd to a sleep over tonight..what are you up too??"

6. Sex can happen.. and obviously does as evidenced by the parent with multiple dads you made reference too. You shouldn't look at it this way.. Look at it more like a challenge.. Lets see what and where we can do it this week.. You'd be amazed what you can come up with and how much fun you have trying out things other then the bed room. lol..

I have 2 suggestions for you.. if a women judge you on your hieght then you don't need them anyway.. and if you want a single mom to consider dating you the don't refer to our kids as issues. We hate that..
 NotInnocent
Joined: 9/7/2007
Msg: 344
Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 9/18/2008 5:26:37 AM
it's naive to say that you don't want a man to take care of you or your child. Because inevitablably thats what will happen if the relationship works. yes what we mean is that we don't want t sit hom and have the guy support us, but that's not how it's interperted. If the relationship works he is going to have to take little Johnny to a game or two, or put a bandaide on an imagined boo boo or try to help calm the irrational temper fit the child occasionally throws and if he sticks around for the teenage years he is going ot have to deal with all that. So yes.. if you date a single parent you are going to end up helping with the child even if that's not your origional want. Early in the relationship there should be no contact between child and new person. that's just good parenting. But as the relationship grows and you start to see a future you have to introduce the two. they have to get to know each other and get along. it's inevatible.

it's like me.. I don't need a man to take care of me. I don't need a man to take care of my son. i can do it and have been doing it just fine. But i'm not going to sit here and say I don't want a guy to come in and take care of us. Because that is what will happen. i eventually want to meet someone, get married, live together and that means he will ahve to help take care of my son and I. that's just what happens.
 t675
Joined: 12/19/2007
Msg: 348
view profile
History
Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 9/20/2008 1:16:44 PM
Hi there just read your message and just to let you know that was really mean for what happened to you. But to just let you know that there are guys out there that dont have a problem with women that already have children. I have dated women that have children but it just didnt work out not because that she had children but what we were looking for wasnt the same.
 mekare78
Joined: 9/7/2008
Msg: 349
Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 9/20/2008 2:30:52 PM
WoW....I find it really funny that men refer to the baby years as such a chore when in reality they are the easiest years of their lives...all they do is sleep, eat, and poo...there may be sleepless nights...but do they go away??? and has anyone heard of a well-behaved toddler?? and if there are any around then i feel sorry for them...they have a very stifled life....sorry strangelo...but im fed up with men saying yeah i dont mind kids...as long as theyre.....ra ra ra....and for all the girls out there that think theyll never meet a man now because you have a child.....the child makes absolutely no difference...its all about your inner confidence....if a man is attracted to you...he wont care either way...............and if he does care or puts restrictions on you ar your child....they are so not worth your time and kick him to the kirb!!!............i have a 12yr old and a 2yr old an i still havent found the one.......and id rather be single than with someone who doesnt respect me or my kids....
 cal1967
Joined: 4/9/2008
Msg: 350
view profile
History
Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 9/20/2008 3:07:52 PM
Felt I needed to add my bit to this post.... I am 41 and have two wonderful boys, ages 13 and 9 and have to say in my experience I have found that men dont want to get involved when my kids are so young. It appears that a 41 year old should have children who are grown up and totally independent! My boys have been through alot over the last few years, but would like to just say that, like the previous message, I would rather be single and lonely than with someone who doesnt respect my kids or doesnt like the time I spend with them. Whatever the situation the kids are the innocent ones who didnt ask to be brought into this world, but were made from love (at the time)!. They deserve respect and love and nurturing.... if someone isnt prepared to see that then they are not worth being with. I would love to think that the knight in shining armour would come along and whisk myself and my kids off the to the castle and live happily ever after........ will it ever happen? time will tell, and if not then I am happy and content knowing that my kids are safe, secure, well adjusted, and most importantly .... Happy and loved.
 Shefs
Joined: 2/10/2008
Msg: 351
Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 9/20/2008 8:28:05 PM
I find this site really hard to find someone who wants to be involved (or give a chance)with someone who is divorced and has a kid. I sometimes get frustrated because single parents are not given the oprotunity. I have a daughter who already has a father so I am not on here looking to replace him in anyway. I am on here for me!

I would have to agree I would rather be a PROUD single mom who is lonely then have someone in my life who pretends to like kids just to get me in the sack!

At this point I am about to give up....I have been on here for a while and have been disappointed many times....I beginning to believe that fishing just isnt for me:(

The most important thing to me is knowing that my daughter loves me unconditionally!
 VTM1976
Joined: 9/4/2008
Msg: 352
Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 9/20/2008 10:03:09 PM
I cant speak for most guys, but personally I would rather date a woman that had children, this way I know they would be accepting of the fact that I have a child.
 irish_cutie
Joined: 3/21/2005
Msg: 353
Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 9/21/2008 12:00:51 AM
i just posted this question in the ask a guy forum! i got a few neg responses...but i have a 2 month old
 Bobby1123
Joined: 12/7/2007
Msg: 355
Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 9/21/2008 11:43:20 AM
I have to agree with what Ultimateheartsurgeon said:

[Quote]: Saying you don't need a father for your child, you don't need anyone to help raise him, you don't need anyone's money is all a load of bullshit. Any man who commits to you for the long haul will have to play some parental role, some financial role, some emotional role for that child. How could you avoid that if you were in it for the long haul together? Saying that kind of stuff only turns men off.

I have dated women with children in the past, and I will never do it again. How many times do we hear it over and over again: "My son/daughter is the most important thing in my life and is number one over anyone/anything." We single guys with no kids get the message already!! I see this line all the time on single mother's profiles. Anytime something goes wrong in the relationship the child becomes an emotional shield.
ie: "Well I have to do this for my child, or I don't care what you think because my child comes first," etc., etc. If everything revolves around your child then you should have thought twice about choosing the man with whom you had him/her with. You should be happily married with that man so the child has a proper family unit. People take having babies and marriage way to casually these days. Having men come in and out of a child's life while the mother is trying to find her "soulmate," is not what I call placing the child's interests as number one. When I do have a child some day I will marry the mother and no other man will support them or have my son/daughter call him dad! That's just how it should be. Like it or not.
 NotInnocent
Joined: 9/7/2007
Msg: 356
Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 9/22/2008 5:19:07 AM
Well the child does come first. It's not just a line we use to protect ourselves. You would rather us not say anything and just assume you know? I don't agree.. I learned the hard way to never assume anything. You want the other person to know something, tell them. Now this isn't to say that everyday you should be hearing well my kid coems first. that's a bit much and i'd venture to guess that that person has a commitment issue. It's what I do when I get scared too.. i hide behind my son, does it make me a bad person? No it makes me a woman. Oh and having many men come in and out the kids life..that's not putting the child first and that' wrong.

I really hope that you are lucky enough to be married before having a child, but if you get asomeone pregnant before you marry her i really hope you can make it work. Just remember, you never know what life is going to throw at you, talk shit about something one day and it's likely to fall in your lap later in life.
 NotInnocent
Joined: 9/7/2007
Msg: 357
Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 9/22/2008 5:29:41 AM
Mr Looks.. I never actually believed that a man could discipline a child better then a woman can. But then my son was misbehaving at my friends house. I had him punishned on the couch, but he just wouldn't listen. My friends husband got sick of hearing it and yelled once, very loudly that he needs to listen to his mother. Well.. my son is an angel every single time we go to thier house now and actually, if he knows i'm going to call my friend he is good that entire day as well. and this incident happended almost 6 years ago now. So there is a marked difference. No matter what I do I can't have the effect that a man yelling at him has. I'm not a man. My son doesn't walk all over me, although he is starting those pesky pre-teen years a bit early so he does try.
 1sezzybaby
Joined: 8/17/2008
Msg: 363
Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 9/22/2008 8:21:31 PM
As a single mother, I have dated single fathers...I dated this one that his child, a toddler, turned me off from him. The child would not let us even sit next to each other while trying to watch TV. He would scream at me and hit me. That was too much. To top it all off, he would lash out at my son, 5 years older than him. This experience has kind of turned me off to anyone that has very little ones.
 southernlass
Joined: 5/2/2006
Msg: 365
Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 9/22/2008 9:24:29 PM

So I got pregnant and was engaged....he left me while in Iraq for a girl on the internet...two weeks before i gave birth.....so i was stuck with heartache and a beautiful child.....so now im okay im a wonderful mom and i have a beautiful son....but do guys actually like single moms? I just have this gut feeling that no one will ever want me again because i have a child....i am not looking for a father for him... i am and will always be enough parent for him.....i am not looking for anyone to take care of him ...i can do that .....i am just looking for someone for ME....with hopes that they love my son too ....if not then i dont need them...Do guys get scared when you tell them you have a toddler? infant in my case...??? Just wondering really...would appreciate replies.


Why does it matter what guys think? You have a son and your first priority in life is to him. Who cares if men like single moms or not. Some men may not desire to date a woman with a child or children, and some men may. If you keep your child out of the picture (which is wise initially) it won't even become an issue until you know the man well enough to determine if he's "family man" material or not. In my opinion, single mothers have to be very disciplined about these kinds of issues because of the very present danger of pedophilia (which occurs most frequently through a woman's dates, friends of the family, and even the child's own family members).

The right man will be happy to date you and only you for quite some time before your child becomes an issue. Give yourself a break, find a good babysitter whom you can afford for a few hours once a week or so, and don't even worry about this issue. Men want a fun, charming companion for a few hours and women want the same. Dating is supposed to be a chance to check the other person out to see if there's any point to one day having a serious union. Children shouldn't even factor in until that serious union is in place, imo.
 blazenz
Joined: 9/15/2008
Msg: 366
Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 9/22/2008 10:15:02 PM
I'm a 23 year old guy, and personally, i would have no problem dating a young single mum (although i havent dated any yet, i get along great with kids which helps. I love kids and want my own some day, so meeting someone who already has one/them just means its sooner rather than later. As long as your into the the mum, and you dont hate kids, I dont see why it should be an issue.
Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  >