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Joined: 2/28/2005
Msg: 51
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Would you date a cancer survivorPage 3 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Shyguy - we need more guys like you.
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 52
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Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 1/5/2008 1:33:51 PM
Wow...this thread has been one of the most touching threads I have read here on PoF. It warms my heart to see how kind people can be! After seeing many unkind posts in other message threads I was expects a few of those here and there were none.

Like the other posters I would have no reservations about dating a cancer survivor. The OP asked if the person should be upfront and my answer is yes but that doesn't necessarily mean disclosing it in your profile on a first date. Thanks again for asking this question!
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 53
Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 1/5/2008 2:29:46 PM
I married a cancer survivor, so I guess the answer is yes!
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 54
Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 1/5/2008 3:05:51 PM
Yes I would, and yes I have.

A few months ago I had several email and IM chats with a seemingly nice man. Yes he was nice; I was just shocked at his reaction when I told him I had had open heart surgery (a long time ago) and now have a pacemaker. He simply said, "We're done," and ended the conversation. In my next, and final, email I told him that he could get hit by a truck tomorrow, while I could easily live another 30+ years. He never did take the time to explain his response to my disclosure. I am not ill, and am probably healthier - and more active - than many of my friends.

As another poster has already said, we are supposed to be there for one another through the good times and the bad. If one of us turns away when the other needs us the most, we weren't really committed to being with them in the first place.
Joined: 5/9/2007
Msg: 55
Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 1/5/2008 3:48:52 PM
Of course I would! I certainly wouldn't date a non survivor!!

Ok - sorry, it was the first thing that popped into this cavity betwixt my ears! lol
I've survived lots in the past 50 years, doesn't mean any of it will 'recur'. There is no guarantee that someone who's never had cancer won't get it the first time .. Anyway, I don't base my dates on fear of whether or not they might get sick down the road. If I met and fell in love, I would be there through thick and thin.. and would hope that were the roles reversed he would stand by me as well..

I hope my lacking tonsils and appendix aren't deal breakers! ;)
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 56
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Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 1/5/2008 4:24:21 PM
I must say that as a cancer survivor myself of over 15 years what you said would make any woman feel good about themselves. I know when you are younger what you look like and how it is arranged is a lot more important than as we get older. I don't date because of the reason that I think I look terrible even though I have a great personality and am a really good person)., There should be more men out there like you. Thanks for letting us woman know that there are some really good guys out there.
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 57
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Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 1/5/2008 6:52:59 PM
yes ...i would date a man who had cancer at some time....we all take chances...i have problems with my breast, and have to go through several mamograms a year, i have had lumps removed but none were cancer...but yet it could happen some day...i am honest with a man i date about this problem.

are there men who wouldn't mind dating a woman who had a breast removed? with our age group [ i am 51] it is a possability...
Joined: 4/29/2006
Msg: 58
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Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 1/7/2008 5:32:38 PM
I don t think I would look for someone in this position,
but if circumstance s led me to them, I don t see any reason
not too, cancer survivor or anything else, I should say I lost
2 brother s to cancer at young age s 33-- 45
Joined: 12/22/2007
Msg: 59
Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 1/7/2008 6:48:30 PM
I would not rule out a cancer survivor (or anyone with/who has had an illness) for a possible relationship. If they turn out to be fantastic for me and I for them, great!. Life is a moment to moment thing. I'll take that euphoric love -- explosive chemistry -- heart-skippin-a-beat feeling from anyone that I feel it with, without respect to how long it might last or how quickly it might be taken away. There are no guarantees for time on this planet under any health (or other) circumstances. I'm willing to weather the tough times if the whole deal is a winner.
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 60
Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 2/2/2008 11:59:46 AM
for all the self righteous preaching I see here, (Iv'e been recently diagnosed with stomach cancer BTW) I can't help but look back through some of the other posts and the numerous bocks on proplse profiels.

Wount date a fat person, wont date somebody who lives more than 75 miles away, wont date somebodymorre than five years older, won't date frm another race.

The rreal world is even worse the most extreme case beng a wman , who had been dating a guy for months and brokeoff with him for no other rreason than he turned up n a dte wearng an unfashionable (at the time) plaited belt.
Joined: 1/24/2008
Msg: 61
Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 2/2/2008 6:40:01 PM
its only natural that men like attractive women nice figure pretty hair, and women like the tall dark handsome (i guess) let me tell you the most beautiful lady my sharmon had no hair and no breast ..4 yrs terminal people tell me what I done for her? forget it, she was my strength my everything ......if your waiting for evthing perfect ..all the paper work in order you may be passing up the love of your life
 Saturday Night Rocks
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 62
Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 2/2/2008 7:54:17 PM
Not only would I date one, I have dated one. Why should it matter? If you like each other and enjoy each other's company, why would you let illness get in the way of a relationship?
 Next Time Round
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 63
Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 2/2/2008 9:46:02 PM
Most of the people I hear out here are in complete and total denial of their place on the time line

Ain't that the truth.

I second that. I'm going through the scare and treatment right now. And anyone who's a regular forums poster will know that I'm sitting here - almost hysterically - posting my a$$ off. There's an exercise machine about six feet away from me tops. But I've yet to get back on it since this whole thing started between Christmas and New Year's Eve. Why is that?

I don't think it's fair at this point in time to get anyone else involved in my process. Sooner or later I'm going to have to kick myself in my own butt and stop waiting for some magical hand holding to appear out thin air. An entire side of my family is dead from cancer -- my grandmother before the age of 55. I'm not going to sit around and wait to die. But I'm certainly not going to even fathom being with a guy until I can get my own act together. And he'd best know exactly what potentials he's facing no matter how much he theoretically lives in the now.

My now consists of doing something I dreamed of doing many years ago. Expressing my opinion in writing. I used to think "man, it would take forever to climb the ladder somewhere and get to the point where someone would even care what my opinion was." But lo and behold, along came the internet - the great equalizer - and now we all get a shot at it. IMO, IMHO, JMO -- quite frankly I'm having a ball. And I'm going to sit here and keep doing it till I just don't feel like doing it anymore.
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 64
Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 2/3/2008 10:46:53 AM
Yes I definately would date a cancer survivor and if it happened that the person became ill again. Then what better way to show your love & support for them by being there for them when they need it the most.
Thats just the point superman.

You are trying to love, nurse, and support, a person through a painful, often fatal, disease. Thats why hospital nurses develop that hard edge. If they got emptionaly involved with their paitents then they would be unable to do the work.

If you can do it then it's wonderful if you can be there when they need it the most. But what if you find you can't. There would be nothing crueler than abandoning a cancer paitent right when the desperately need you.

I'm going into hospital for cancer treatment meyself in a couple of months. Probably a major operation. I have a couple of capable realatives who have offered to care for me when I get out but I have already told the hospital that none of them are nursining staff so I'm not to be relased untill I only rrequire a minimum of care.
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 65
Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 2/3/2008 11:24:28 AM

I have a couple of capable realatives who have offered to care for me when I get out but I have already told the hospital that none of them are nursining staff ...

When a family member, friend, lover, whomever... cares... they will learn what needs to be done.
I knew nothing about neuroblastoma (cancer) before I got a pre-toddler foster child, who was already up to stage 3.
But I listened and learned... coupled with compassion... and there I was, in place as his Caregiver.

Now.... yes I agree, there are family/friends/lovers/whomevers who can't "handle it". You'll instinctually know they can't.

But also.. you may be surprised at what some will be able to handle. Especially when it comes to giving "nursing care", IF they also get break/relief times.

Almost all people have compassion in them, (varying levels, to be sure), but some people have a huge dose of it... enough where it can override their other emotions if needed.

Would I date a cancer survivor?
I can't even see any reasoning behind asking such a question.. so of course my answer is yes.
 Saturday Night Rocks
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 66
Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 2/3/2008 8:15:31 PM
I wonder about a woman who used to post on here; Joy. She was from Dallas if I remember right. I haven't seen any posts from her in a long time, and I wonder if she's OK? . . .
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 67
Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 2/3/2008 8:19:50 PM
Would I date a cancer survivor ?? ... you're d*mn right I would. People who have fought and beat the Big "C" are tough, tough people and have my full respect and admiration. And when would I ever NOT want to spend time with someone I admire ??

cdn guy
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 68
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Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 2/3/2008 9:58:53 PM
When I got sick, my BF at the time, just couldn't handle it. His response was to drink more. I tried for several months to just let him deal with his issues with it..but, in the end, I didn't have the energy to deal with his fears..I needed all my energy to get myself better. I felt terrible, but, I had to take care of me first, in this case.

I have been lurking on this thread, because I wasn't sure I wanted to tell this story.

My experience with him has made me both more hesitant and more willing to share my history with any potential BF. There real issue is more when do you tell them? They need to know, but, do perfect strangers need to know this right away?

I have been in remission for 12, odds are I will be ok. It is good to hear that some people don't see it as a terrible thing, or huge red flag..we can, none of us, predict the future, and if anything, having a life threatening disease made me more aware of how important some things are, and how unimportant others are.

And I think I am a better person and companion because of this experience.
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 69
Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 2/4/2008 1:00:06 AM
Shy guy.

I have to dispute this. I'm chatting, on this very board, to a lovely lady, in a wheelchair. Her hip's smashed adn the bone re knited the wrong way. The doctors MIGHT be able to make her walk again with a painful operation but not well and there's a big risk that it would leave her in pain for life.

So she opts for the wheelchair and enjoys life like anybody else. She's happy, active, and not in pain..

Caring for a cancer sufferer is different. They are in pain and, unless they are recoverng from an operation, the pain wil only get worse. If you can handle it, and care for them, then thats wonderful. But not everybody can handle it.
I'm fine around paraplegics and amputees becasue they can still LIVE!
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 70
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Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 2/4/2008 9:21:27 AM
crayonzz....all cancer isn't painful..I had pain unitl the chemo started..then as the chemo did the healing..the pain went away...of course, it does depend on type and how far advanced it is..and also a particular person's pain tolerance level...but, I still got to do some things...the chemo caused mainly very unpleasant side effects, but no pain..and it was a long time afterward till I would even think about a relationship, of course.

I wish you the best..and I am one of many who have survived to prove it is possible...try not to assume what it's going to be like..the dr's will tell you all the worst possible things that can happen because they want you to be prepared..but, it doesn't always happen...

If you want to email me, I'd be glad to tell you anything I know that might help...
 lonesome wonderer
Joined: 12/26/2007
Msg: 71
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Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 2/4/2008 2:12:51 PM
if i'm going to be dating someone, i would like to know if they're a cancer survivor. if they are i wouldn't by any means stop dating them. when dating someone, past and present illnesses and injuries may also appear again unexpectedly so it would be nice to be able to help myself by being able to be more supportive with what's going on. my personal opinion is that a cancer survivor is someone that's in remission and even though the cells may have been defeated there's always that chance on them re appearing in another part of the body. i'm sorry but that's my own opinion.

i will not hold cancer against anyone.
Joined: 3/22/2007
Msg: 72
Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 2/4/2008 3:14:25 PM
i lost my father in october of 07...1 month later my boyfriend tells me he has cancer....I am so upset over just losing my father that I dump the boyfriend cause of his cancer and I tell him honestly I can't deal with all that rite now...2 wks.go by and I came to my senses and I apologize to him and express to him my true feelings and that I want to be there for him threw it all.We were doing great for 2 wks.then he dumps me and left me no explanation Y??Was it out of SPITE?I'm thinking that till I called the hospital the other day his surgery was on the 30th.He's not looking good at all and I want to be there but his family will not allow it..He's my life I can't sleep or eat and I just want to say my Peace to him..I know life throws you curves but for what reason...I honestly am hoping and praying he survives.He was protecting me from stressing out over his surgery The family said I do not WAnt to see him in the state he's in right now.....So yes I would stand by a cancer survivor and I intend to be with him till death do us part......PLease say a prayer TY....Donna
Joined: 4/12/2006
Msg: 73
Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 2/4/2008 3:16:04 PM
I lost my oldest sister to cancer last year. My younger sister is fighting it now. Cancer can strike any one of us at any time, no matter how healthy we think we are.

My ex never could handle sickness. I learned this many years after being sick from an accident. He was never there, and would "wander".. but that is not me, and never will be.

Would I date a cancer survivor.. Certainly. My only problem would be that I would probably try to be a caregiver, as that is my profession

Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 74
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Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 2/4/2008 3:22:38 PM
It's not the disease or having had a disease that defines a person. It's their outlook towards life. We're all "survivors" of some sort or another. The question is "do we want to live or to survive"? I'd like to date a "Liver and Lover of life". Period, end of story. BTW - we all have cancer cells in us, it's a matter of whether they will become active and spread.
Joined: 9/29/2007
Msg: 75
Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 2/4/2008 4:28:14 PM
"It's not the disease or having had a disease that defines a person".

It may not define a person, but it oftentimes definitely puts a dent in how that person can live his or her life compared to how they did "pre-illness." And if a person suffers major losses because of an illness, whether it be financial or physical, it is going to affect them, if they're human. I don't do half the things I used to enjoy and be passionate about, because what used to be my disposable income now all goes towards medical bills (I am a cancer patient and yes I have insurance). Also because of physical limitations. If I do mention that my limited life is due to illness, it is to explain the reason, not for pity. Personally, I'd rather be known as ill than boring.

"Do I want to live or to survive? I survive from paycheck to paycheck. I'd like to see the next person who tells someone suffering from a major medical problem to "live life to the fullest" to try to do it themselves when they can't afford to leave their apartment except to go to work, the doctor, grocery store, hospital.

I don't mention my situation in my profile, but do bring it up after a couple of emails, before meeting. Usually there is no meeting, because as soon as I mention health issues, even in a general sense, "POOF", he's gone.

Many people are OK with dating people with chronic illnesses as long as the health issues are hidden as thoroughly as possible. Never speak of it, oh no -- as if it were something to be ashamed of! Lie, if you have to, but don't admit that you can't do what you'd like to do! Just pretend you don't like it, or something! Cancer patients and others with chronic illnesses do the best they can, just like anyone else. But we're not all supermen and superwomen. To those who expect us to pretend that our disease in no way affects our life just so the "healthy" people can feel better about it.... GET REAL
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