Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 brock11
Joined: 8/6/2007
Msg: 242
Dinner Date - Who Pays?Page 2 of 38    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38)
The first and second dates should be relatively cheap regardless of who asked whom or who should pay. That way no one has to spend a lot of time and money with a person that they might not be interested. If there is mutual interest after a few dates, then go out to a more expensive place on future dates. I'm sure that most men would have no problem paying the entire bill for a date with a woman they really like and care about. I don't think that a relationship should be judged based on who pays for the date. It doesn't matter if it is 50/50, the man pays for the first few dates, or the person who asked the other person out pays for the first few dates. The most important thing is the actual date itself. Not who paid for the date.
 *buzz*
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 249
view profile
History
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/29/2007 9:12:34 AM
I'm old school and pay the bill myself and if she wishes to leave a tip that's cool.

Oops, to consider a tip, wouldn't that be included in the bill? I've heard that over the pond it goes in such a way.

Well, dinner would be too much for the first meeting IMO, how about to go ice-skating and I would gladly pay the entry.
It is all about the b a l a n c e, isn't it?
 dsj34
Joined: 11/1/2007
Msg: 269
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/29/2007 9:14:51 PM
I am glad it worked out for you! I still think you should have taken the check and insisted you pay, but it worked out for you and that is all that matters.

Just a side note: When I have offered to pay my half, the men do not pause and make an "errrrr' noise. They immediately insist and say no, you are not paying for dinner. So, if a man paused and did not give me a quick insistance he pay....I'd most definitely pay. The hesitation would tell me he did want me to pay my half. However....she said she'd go out again, so obviously, it didn't bother her...yet.


Apparently not all women think that a man should always pay the entire bill. A lot of of men are willing to pay the entire bill, but I don't think that a woman should be disappointed or end the relationship if a man accepted her offer. Like I mentioned earlier, women should not have a sense of entitlement that man SHOULD always pay the entire bill. An offer to pay half the bill should be genuine , not a "test of a man's character". Who pays for the date should not be a major isssue or a potential dealbreaker?
 DMHALE
Joined: 11/6/2007
Msg: 272
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/29/2007 9:24:43 PM
stay home. .....watch tv its free.....read a good book......take a walk....why spend money....after all if u stay alone u can save up lots of money......and always remember its a mans world.....if she knew how u feel she probably wouldnt go.....
 dsj34
Joined: 11/1/2007
Msg: 293
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/30/2007 3:53:59 PM
I don't care what you men say about it only being fair for the woman to pay half....you are cheap and not a romantic gentleman to me.


This is complete bullshit. I think that a woman that always expects a man to pay the entire bill is more cheap than a man who wants to split 50/50. Like I stated before, a lot of men don't mind paying the bill. The problem is the sense of entitlement that some women have. They think more money equals more character, respect, and love.
 petite2760
Joined: 7/9/2005
Msg: 294
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/30/2007 3:56:20 PM

It was my suggestion to go for dinner, and I'm wondering what to do if she offers to pay half the bill. Should I accept?


It was your suggestion in the first place. Meaning you invited her. She might try to offer half the bill, but hey, you would lose a point if she is testing you. Gentlemen do not invite a girl for dinner and let them pay half of the cost. If both of you decided to go for dinner, then that is a different story altogether. It doesn't matter even if she makes 3X as much as you do. That isn't the point here. You are in the courtship stage and I think chivalry has to play a role until you both are very comfortable with each other. You are keen on her, WIN her!! But just my opinion, I might be raised differently with a different background altogether.

In 1987 when I was still single and live in the Philippines, I met an gentleman from England who was working in Saudi Arabia, he sent me a round trip ticket to meet him in Gatwick Airport ( I forgot if it was Heathrow , sorry!). I didn't even spend a pound. He can afford it but he offered it. I know what guys were thinking, but NO, I came back home and still a virgin...
 dsj34
Joined: 11/1/2007
Msg: 308
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 11/30/2007 10:13:31 PM
As far as bullshit.....If you see romance and respect of dating a woman bullshit, then good luck to your dates! You say I equate "love" with money...I could say the same for you, since you feel it is unfair for a woman not to pay her share. You are not even thinking about love or romance....just what is fair. You aren't thinking about loving her or respecting her.

Besides....love comes later, not on the first few dates...which is what we are talking about in this forum.

Some women want to pay, as I have, to get away from you and not feel obligated to have to see you again. So do not get all impressed when a woman offers or insists she pay her half. Just a thought!


More bullshit. Romance and respect have nothing to do with if a man should pay for the entire bill or not. You keep equating money with these values. A man paying the entire bill is a nice gesture, but not necessary. I don't think that paying the entire bill should make a woman more interested in me because I don't equate money with romance and respect. You EXPECT a man to pay for entire bill. Big difference. If a nice woman does offer pay to half the bill, it is not always because she isn't interested. There are plenty of women including some on this thread who believe that a woman should always pay half the bill.
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 313
view profile
History
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 12/1/2007 1:22:22 AM
Ok..I generally offer to pay for my half on a first date..if he insists, I don't make a scene about it...offer the tip.

If he asks me out on a second date, guess what? I'm pleased if he pays. Not because I feel entitled, not because I think he should but....here it is...

Because if he pays...I FEEL as if he likes me? Knowing that most men place a premium on money, in my mind, if he is willing to spend some on me...he must like me?

It's about how it feels. And I'm perfectly willing to share expenses as a relationship progresses. (However, I did totally support a man once, and I don't want to do that again).

As we are all molded by our experiences...having been married to a man who loved money above all else, including me, to me it more an expression of I like you enough to do this nice thing for you, or to spend my hard earned money for us to have a good meal, or whatever. Since, for the most part, most men I date make a whole lot more money than I do, I can't always afford some of the nicer things, but I will do my best. And I am reciprocal in other ways if not the money ones.

I am a very generous person, and have no problem sharing whatever I have with anyone I care about.

It does make me feel special, but that is partly because I know how many men feel about money in the first place.
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 331
view profile
History
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 12/1/2007 8:30:03 PM

I happen to think that notchuraverage1 and Creative make a lovely looking couple btw..... I think they should have dinner.
I agree they should have dinner. They live kinda close to each other I think they should give it a shot...


We women are such matchmakers...lol..
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 335
view profile
History
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 12/1/2007 11:34:21 PM

It's not about being unromantic, it's about being equal and getting up to date.


Ok guys..bash if you want..

But..why to some men does being equal mean behaving just like men? Or reversing all gender roles? Which exist for a reason..

To me, personally, regardless of the public perception..the only equality that meant anything in a public sense...was equal pay for equal work, respect, and not discriminated against in any way. Nor where do I remember asking to be treated just like another guy...

Sigh..just me , I guess...

Or are some men still angry about it? Sounds more like pay back to me....
 mjk21258
Joined: 10/20/2007
Msg: 338
view profile
History
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 12/2/2007 2:38:21 AM
You pay!!!!!! You invited her.

Can't beleive you had to even ask.
 brownhairwoman555
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 342
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 12/2/2007 6:19:04 PM
I don't understand why some people are making a big deal about this. If a man pays the entire date, then some people think he is trying to "buy" her love. If a man thniks the bill should be 50/50, then he is considered to be cheap by other women. I always offer to pay half the bill. I think that is fair. I don't make my decision based on his response unless he always expected me to pay the entire bill. If a woman is fussy about paying the bill, then chances are that she is fussy about other things.
 northeast25
Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 370
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 1/19/2008 3:59:59 PM
I don't necessary agree with the whoever asks should pay. Whenever a person asks me out to go anywhere, I always at least offer to pay half the bill. I don't expect someone to pay for me. Regardless of who asks whom, both people should have a say about what to do and where to go.


I also disagree with whoever asks should pay. 80%-90% of the time, it's the man who asks the woman out. Even when a woman asks a man out, the woman often doesn't pay the entire bill. A few times a woman has asked me out and they never offered to pay the bill and I didn't expect them to pay the entire bill either. I know a few women who have occasionally ( not often ) asked a man out. They told me that they never paid the entire bill when they asked a man out.
 cj300zx
Joined: 2/9/2006
Msg: 375
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 1/20/2008 4:29:22 AM
The problems Ive had is I will invite a woman out for dinner and she shows up with all of her kids and her friend and her kids and this is on first meeting her! Were talking like 8 people not including myself. She didnt bother to tell me she had kids prior to the date. I brought up before we even ordered were all going dutch on the bill right. My date hemmed and hawd over it and said she would be willing to leave the tip. I got up went to the bathroom and got the hell out of there! Havnt heard from her since but then I dont want to either! My advice to you start off with a picnic see if she shows up alone for that!
 Jax_xx
Joined: 10/28/2007
Msg: 378
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 2/18/2008 8:36:50 PM
I have to agree with Jazz on this one.........if its a first date, meeting for the first time........why not share the bill.........why should the man have to pay........both men and women are in the same boat.....we say we want equality.....yet when it comes to this.........we expect the men to pay...........im not buying it There is always risk for both parties when meeting for a first time..............split the bill............simple!
 eroch
Joined: 11/4/2007
Msg: 386
view profile
History
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 2/19/2008 7:03:22 PM
If your inviting her to a dinner date, or any date period, always expect to pay for everything. If she offers and wants to help pay or pay for something (maybe you go to a bar or something later and she wants to buy you a drink or two) by all means let her. I'd be naturally reluctant, maybe I'm a little old fashioned, but never deny her if she insists. If she's the type that offers but doesn't really mean it, she's not for me. That's just playing games and it's a waste of time.
 TodaysCatch
Joined: 4/12/2008
Msg: 394
view profile
History
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 6/24/2008 10:05:43 PM

As the relationship progresses she should be covering a significantly higher portion of the dating expenses.


How I wish you could have counseled my last girlfriend, who offered absolutely nothing during our three and a half years together. No matter which of us made the dining, entertainment or travel plans, yours truly picked up the tab. She'd always say how she hated cheap men, even while I was going into debt to support her lifestyle. I never complained, I just expected that she'd chip in as a certain point. I left her the other day not because of this (no love, no lovemaking, actually), but I think it would be a reasonable yardstick to measure a woman's potential as a mate and partner by, since I can't see staying with a princess.
 FloridaMusicMan
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 398
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 6/25/2008 6:04:50 AM
I must be livin in the stone age still.OMG I am retired so on a fixed income which means tight budget.Still I would never in my life even entertain the idea of a Lady paying for a date.Now way down the road in the relationship,weekend vacation no worries split the bill or if she insist's let her pay.Dating,naw cannot see it.If you cannot afford to take a woman to an acceptable establishment(alot of predating communication helps to determine what she thinks is acceptable)maybe you can save up or find a bit of short work to make some extra. .Then again after reading alot of the post's last few days I am beginning to believe I am a dinosaur that is stuck in the past.
 STH III
Joined: 6/5/2008
Msg: 406
view profile
History
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 8/14/2008 5:02:55 PM
I don't think dating should cost one of you any more than the other. Now that most all woman work and compete in most all professions there is no reason why the guy should pay all the time. That said, most women that I have gone with never even glanced at the check even if it was their idea to go out. We are both usually workers with bills and responsibilities and it is not being cheap for dates to be a shared cost. I went out with a woman one time and it was her idea to meet and she made 3 or 4 times my salary and she did not even look at the check. This mind set of a free evening out all the time for you girls should not be the norm anymore. You girls wanted equality, remember?
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 407
view profile
History
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 8/14/2008 5:54:45 PM

You girls wanted equality, remember?


Echo, echo, echo...

Equal does NOT mean same..

Civil equality ( fair pay, right to vote, basic human rights, right to choose) has no relation to romance, love and dating...many men seem to want to apply practical theories to emotional events..which is pretty normal for men..but, you can't apply your way of thinking to most women..we just don't think the same about this kind of thing, for the most part...

To me, the whole thing is about being a nice person and giving without expectations..which is something I live, not just preach..if you don't think spending money on a woman is "worth" it , or you get what you consider a poor return on investment...you are reducing romance to a monetary value..something, I, personally can neither relate to, or understand...I treat and do nice things for people because I like them, not because I expect something back, or because I expect to be "paid" back...it is a gift, not a duty...

Romance has nothing to do with money..and anyone ( male or female) who obsesses about who pays and when..is missing the whole point...

JMO
 isoU
Joined: 6/15/2008
Msg: 410
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 8/14/2008 7:10:06 PM
She pays = lost sex !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Unless U are a +3 to her lvl.

Don't worry - she will not offer to pay !!!!!!! Hope U get your monies worth.
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 414
view profile
History
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 8/14/2008 10:35:01 PM

Have you ever paid for a first date? If not, try it a few times and then tell us whether it still seems irrelevant.


Actually, I have..and the second, and the third...etc...that's my point. My last BF had a lot less money than me..if I wanted to do things, I paid. Not once did I ever complain or feel cheated...because I liked him, and enjoyed treating him..I expect no less from anyone else than I am willing to do myself...I have also treated the next time if a guy paid the first. And I treat friends all the time.

I don't understand the thought process of you aren't worth spending money on? Unless I get something back in return..or really, the thought process of money being more important than people, romance and fun? As far as I am concerned...my discretionary income is just for that reason...

If a man offers to buy me dinner or any other nicety, it is a good feeling, and I appreciate it. But, if he does it and then makes me feel like I didn't "earn" it..big turn off. It is no longer a gift, or a nice thing to do...

I don't require that men have to pay...I am tickled if they do..but, I do have a problem with anyone making an issue about how much money they spent on me..as if one's value is measured in dollars?

Just my way of looking at it...
 geeleebee
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 418
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 8/14/2008 11:39:40 PM
When I was dating (until a couple of years ago), I always went to the first meeting with the intention of paying, at the very least, for my own meal. I've often paid for the entire meal--it wasn't a big deal.
 Invictus01
Joined: 2/20/2008
Msg: 432
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 8/15/2008 11:46:38 AM


Goodness Gracious! Once upon a time men wooed women and tried to impress the hell out of them. It seems to me nowadays that guys are speaking up and trying to unite for this "WOMEN SHOULD PAY" cause. Honestly, back in the day when men did nice things for women, people fell in love, got married and stayed married, and lived happily ever after. Why did things start changing?...for the worst. People are spending way too much time over analyzing and picking apart something that has worked for centuries. People are getting selfish, I think. Men, with the not paying. Women with the gold digging.

Men: Find a girl that is genuine and look past her exterior "beauty". If you go for a girl based on her looks then yes...you deserved to be used! So quit whining about having to pay for these gold diggers. You brought it upon yourself!

Women: Quit using men as a free meal ticket. If you're THAT hungry, take a trip to the social assitance office and pick up some food stamps! Or, quit buying those ridiculously expensive purses so you can afford your own meals!

***disclaimer: If this offends you, then this applies to you. If you are not offended, then I'm sure you agree with me on some level***

SMILE!!!




I say we just dine and dash. I just gotta make sure that my date wears running shoes to the date, not high heels.
 geeleebee
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 451
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 8/15/2008 5:25:10 PM
Great point, Vulf.
Not knowing the standards, and being judged on same, speaks to both parties being in the (hate to use this word) wrong.
Person A needs to make clear his/her expectations.
Person B needs to seek clarification.

And, off topic--the person who touches the Koran is lucky to get off with just a slap, instead of having his/her right hand cut off.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  >