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 Chagal116
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 457
Dinner Date - Who Pays?Page 3 of 38    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38)
jelnet,
I will give you what I think is a direct answer. If you asked you pay! If you are a Gent you will not accept any money if offered especially if its the first dinner.
I may be speaking for myself but a girl usually likes traditional courtships. If I treat a man,its usually a dinner at my place. If I have been dating him for awhile I will invite him out and pay.
As for how much someone makes,you do have the choice as to where you go to dinner,choose what you can afford with out the expectation that your date will pitch in......I find that to be gauche. JMO
 macopin
Joined: 7/21/2007
Msg: 458
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Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 8/16/2008 12:44:27 AM
So if a galpal says" Let's go to Daytona for the weekend", that means she should drive, pay for hotel and all meals and drinks? Hello, get real ladies cuz it is a new century! Fairness and equality and sharing are needed if the war btw the sexes is to have a ceasefire.Then maybe the divorce rate can decline.
If i suggest to a dude buddy to go barhopping or to a rock concert, he CERTAINLY does not expect me to pay for him. If a woman does, then that smacks of legal prostitution. The guy would somewhat expect her giving him a "favor."
 Chagal116
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 459
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 8/16/2008 1:10:35 AM
You know , macopin, you just shot down your own philosophy....If I am going somewhere with FRIENDS, we discuss our financial arrangement. If I ask someone I wish to consider a possible LOVER I don't treat them like a pal. I don't expect to be treated that way either.
I'll bet you have never been married.
The divorce rate is sky rocket for the babyboomers...... If you don't think that lack of tradition has something to do with that just ask people your parents age who paid,and who did the courting......believe me If someone asks me out ,after we meet for a coffee or something , for a first date I expect to be treated. Dutch!!!! thats for the PALS, not prospective LOVERS.
I'm not saying that with time and commitment to someone women should not contribute to the financial well-being of the relationship, certainly this is common place in many relationships. But the courtship , this is how woman knows a man is really interested in her....

P.S Macopin, you also don't expect to become romantic with your buds either...
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 462
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Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 8/16/2008 2:08:13 AM
^^^^I must be weird ace...before the evening is over, my date would know whether I was interested in seeing him again or not..is it that uncommon to not be clear about that? And usually if the guy is interested..he asks for another date that night too.

I pretty much follow vulf's description, though I wasn't aware it was known etiquette...

Also, if I am not interested in a guy..I would never let him spend a bunch of money on me..if I am interested, and he offers, I accept graciously and with much appreciation. I never assume the guy is paying, but, I haven't met one yet that didn't offer..or that accepted my offer to pay for my own...I never even knew this was a problem till reading the forums.

I know there are gold diggers, but, I'm thinking there are ways to figure that out before the date...just like I have ways to figure out if a guy is just looking for some NSA sex...I won't always be right, and I'll get burned sometimes, but, it's a risk I have to assume to date.

Neither gender likes to be lumped in with all the less than honest or genuine members of their group..Recently I have come to the conclusion that we just have to accept that we can't always avoid running into people who mistreat us or disrespect us in some way, and hope that we find that elusive diamond in the among the cubic zirconias....
 Invictus01
Joined: 2/20/2008
Msg: 483
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 8/16/2008 4:05:04 PM
Amazing. 20 pages on a topic and shouldn't even be an issue. Dudes, if you wanna split the bill, you might wanna go out with your buddies, have a few beers and split the bill. When you take a girl out, be a freakin' gentleman, pick up the bill... unless she threatens to cut your... um... ears off if you did that. Problem solved.
 geeleebee
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 493
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 8/16/2008 6:58:54 PM
'Never'? Not even ONE time?
Bullshit.
Sign me:
been there & done that
 Invictus01
Joined: 2/20/2008
Msg: 495
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 8/16/2008 7:02:47 PM
Just wanted to let everybody know that I just had an awesome dinner date with myself. Being a gentlemen that I am, I paid for the dinner and didn't expect or recieve sex in return. Maybe next time...

 Invictus01
Joined: 2/20/2008
Msg: 497
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 8/16/2008 7:23:12 PM


Did you have red lobster? No pun intended.


No, an asian looking fella brought be a sample of their cultural cuisine. I hope it was chicken that I ate.... but my date said it tasted lovely!
 Applette
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 498
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Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 8/16/2008 7:43:12 PM
In my world .. whoever calls to make the date and books the venue .. is responsible for the tab ...... however .. any reasonable person would be more then happy to reciprocate ... man or woman. Just what I am about and it gives me pleasure to treat ... however most guys get a little intimated by this behavior .. they like to be in charge. In my mind it is not about being in control .. it is about wanting to show appreciation for an date that was very enjoyable and wanting to give back with no strings. Please this is not about games ... it is about honesty!
 Aquarian man
Joined: 1/15/2007
Msg: 519
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 8/18/2008 3:19:13 PM
Hi ,Well if You are a gentleman ,and You asked Her , and wanted Her company ,? what's the question??? Of course You Would pay. maybe different in a relation ship where You both share costs, BUT here, it is Your responsibility, well I would anyway ,Frank,
 lastbat13
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 524
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Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 8/18/2008 10:40:02 PM
I know this post is almost a year old, but wanted to put my two cents into the conversation.

I notice a lot of the responses say since you suggested dinner it should be you picking up the tab - I call bs.

Discuss it beforehand. Let her know you'd rather go dutch.

The problem with the "asker pays" bit is that many men and many women are conditioned to wait for the man to ask, then he winds up paying all the time. I'm a feminist myself and prefer to go dutch to help support the cause of equality. It doesn't matter who asks, we'll each pay our own way.
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 527
I will pay just to shut you up.
Posted: 8/21/2008 10:35:56 AM
I love the Dire Threats from Men:
Be as we expect you to be, OR ELSE BAD THINGS WILL HAPPEN...

Like, I will not get to date them.
Or, I will have to eat dinner all alone.
Or, I won't get to enjoy their penises.
Or, I won't be able to marry them.

I think it is clear that many women feel the man should pay for not only dinner but gifts and things--I find it strange as well, guys. I also feel that these women are confused, and you should stay away from them and not invite them to dinner if you feel strongly about it.

I think it is clear that many women do NOT expect men to pay for everything, and some even think he shouldn't pay for ANYTHING. Perhaps you should start trying to date these women, although I'm not sure you'd necessarily find them more pleasing to you.

Relationships and even just dating are about a lot more than just one thing.
 Invictus01
Joined: 2/20/2008
Msg: 530
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 8/21/2008 11:39:11 AM


the financial burden of the date


The financial burden..... Like we are talking about buying a new car or something.
 Invictus01
Joined: 2/20/2008
Msg: 538
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 8/22/2008 6:18:10 AM


Don't you think that it sounds like that from the men who complain about the cost of dating? I do.

Why not answer my question?


Because I never complain about the "cost" of dating? I don't consider it cost of dating. If I'm with somebody I enjoy to spend my time with, money doesn't mean crap. If I'm not... I don't go out with her.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 541
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 8/22/2008 9:24:52 AM
~OT~ I love these threads. They make me want to email every man I've EVER met to tell him how special he is. I've never met anyone who makes an issue out of who pays for what. Nor do I. I offer, they've declined. My most memorable first dates have actually been free or little cost things ~ guess it just goes to show: some of us date the person, not the activity.

If you guys don't wish to pay her way, after you do the inviting, don't invite her to do something the costs money. If you choose to do something that you can't afford, or if you are of the mind-set 50/50 is actually achievable (LMAO on that one, life is never 50/50) discuss the financial arrangements beforehand. If you are comfortable enough to think she should pay 1/2, you should be comfortable enough to bring it up. If she doesn't wish to pay half, she's probably not for you. Pretty simple. JMO
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 546
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Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 8/22/2008 2:34:44 PM

Someone, please tell me why you don't expose in your profile that you do not feel it's fair to pick up the whole tab on a date! I've NEVER seen it advertised! It would erase any misconceptions. Anyone care to answer?

My sweetie had it on his profile Lil Brooker... and I have seen it on some other men's profiles (back when I surfed profiles, lol)
Sometimes the wording makes it sound like the man has issues or is cheap/defensive... some men have it worded beautifully.
My sweetie approached the issue in a humourous way... something about wanting to "forewarn women before I ask them to split the bill on the glass of water we're sharing." He said he occasionally got hate mail about it, LOL.

As I've always split the expense of dating... I loved how he approached a potentially touchy subject; thought if he could be direct and funny about this, it likely revealed quite a bit about his approach to other things in life.

First date? We went to hear one of his favourite authors speak - no cost at all (except for the books we each purchased).
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 548
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Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 8/22/2008 7:48:45 PM
^^^^So says the married guy looking for uninhibited, casual sex?....Where in that scenario is dinner even on the menu , so to speak? lol...

Obviously, too, he is of the equal means same group...

It's simple in my view..I am tired of having to defend my views, whatever they are, when it's obvious that no one on either side of the fence is going to change their mind anyway, so it's just really an exercise in insulting each other...

So, as others have mentioned...stick with people who think the same as you...then no one will be so angry and have to vent on here about it...

I guess if we all agreed it wouldn't be as entertaining...but, the the difficulty most have with agreeing to disagree, or liking someone even if they have different opinions..doesn't seem to work here as it does in real life...

More OT: I never EXPECT anyone to be nice to me...but, I sure appreciate it when they are...and I don't know...all the men I have ever dated have always been nice to me...so, I guess I thought that was pretty normal...and none of them ever made me feel bad because they were nice....
 ipickum
Joined: 6/26/2007
Msg: 552
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 8/23/2008 7:42:22 AM
I like your attitude!!! I'm financially stable and independent and certainly know how to live within my own means but.....when I go out on a date I like the feeling of being taken care of by a man.
 celts123
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 553
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 8/23/2008 8:47:20 AM
For a date to ask me to split the bill is of the tackiest, most gauche and stingy act. It tells me that
a) he plans things beyond his financial means
b) he is stingy financially and prob in all things
c) he is overly hung up on people taking advantage


I disagree with this. There is nothing with wrong with a man wanting each person paying for what they ordered especially on a first date since you don't know the other person that well. A woman who expects the man ( especially a man that is a virtual stranger to her ) to pay for them is being much more cheap than the man who wants to go dutch. At least the man who wants to go dutch is paying his share of the bill. The woman is paying nothing. Just because I can afford to pay for the entire bill, it doesn't mean that a woman should expect me to pay the entire bill.

Personally I would have no problem paying for the entire bill. I do have a problem with the sense of entitlement that some women have. They expect a man to pay just because he asked or because he's a man. A few women have asked me out on a date and I never expected them to pay the entire bill. When a friend has an extra ticket to a sporting event or a concert, I don't expect them to pay for me. Some women equate money with love and respect. The actual date itself should be much more important than how the bill is paid.
 EagleEric
Joined: 11/2/2006
Msg: 556
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 8/23/2008 9:35:39 AM
Well if all you're going to do is worry about the bill for a lousy dinner, all you are ever going to get is a kiss on the cheek.

And exactly who picked this expensive restuarant? When I take a woman out, I take her where I like to eat.

The Eagle
 82hondarider
Joined: 7/25/2006
Msg: 574
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 8/24/2008 8:27:02 PM
Dude, if the chick offers to pay her half, LET HER! You need to ask? Hell, espically if all your getting is a peck on the cheek and it's already your third date. Damn man, if I didn't get to the promise land after the second date, there wouldn't be a third! I just hope you had the smarts to make her pay her half on the first date. Once again, LET HER PAY her half. Women want to be equal, I say fine, pay your half! Hell, and they ought to pay for us on a date once in a while too!
 82hondarider
Joined: 7/25/2006
Msg: 576
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 8/24/2008 8:57:13 PM
So, your one of those guy's who like to spend money and not get anything for it huh? Well, throw some of that cash my way then. Hell, I'm not pay for some chick that wants to be my equal and then don't get any for it! First date, she pays her own way and I pay mine then, If all I get is a handshake, peck on the cheek or just a "thanks" I'm not out anything! When you guy's gonna learn? Women are just using you!
 sydneyleigh
Joined: 3/21/2008
Msg: 578
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Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 8/24/2008 10:00:20 PM

*sigh*
.........(lots of REALLY good stuff edited for brevity)........

And it DOES NOT MATTER if I am male, female, or Republican. The responsibilities of the host do not attach at birth. I choose those responsibilities when I invite you. I volunteer!
.........(again with the edit)......

Vulf


OMG - if I wasn't taken.... you said it better than I could.
(but I wouldn't have been QUITE as wordy)
~yeah, right~

sydneyleigh
 Invictus01
Joined: 2/20/2008
Msg: 579
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 8/24/2008 10:06:43 PM


So, your one of those guy's who like to spend money and not get anything for it huh? Well, throw some of that cash my way then. Hell, I'm not pay for some chick that wants to be my equal and then don't get any for it! First date, she pays her own way and I pay mine then, If all I get is a handshake, peck on the cheek or just a "thanks" I'm not out anything! When you guy's gonna learn? Women are just using you!


Dude... wtf? This is laughable.
 Invictus01
Joined: 2/20/2008
Msg: 580
Dinner Date - Who Pays?
Posted: 8/24/2008 10:30:06 PM


YIKES! I have read many of the posts in this thread and am at a loss as to what's wrong with everybody. This thread is worse than being stuck in the middle of Lord of the Flies. Everyone here is such a cold-blooded survivalist. And though our current pop-culture is in such a transition point as to be at a loss for a standard governing many aspects of cross-gender ettitquete, the tone I've witnessed is strictly pragmatic, ego-centric and adversarial.
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The best post in the whole thread.
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