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 AUTHOR
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 105
are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?Page 4 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
Some are just only good at the dating stuff. Once it settles down into the day to day..and there's decisions to make the humdrum...so what are we going to do about that and they are still living "single" the way they always have. Not cheating or not monogamous, but the things they do affect others, if they can't accept that then..well it's time to consider NOT going forward with it.
 MissLioness75
Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 107
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are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/15/2008 1:43:09 AM
I seem to be horrible at picking a partner. I inevitably pick the man who won't/can't open up emotionally. It's like throwing your affection at a brick wall and watching it bounce off. Maybe people who aren't willing to take the chance and show some affection are the ones who should stop getting involved with others until they learn to love.

Great post Desi!!
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 109
are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/15/2008 8:07:30 AM
She likes things 'her way'. Has that in her life, work, home and activities and is very happy just like that with no one else. She occasionally will hang out with some people, however on the average - she would just much rather be alone and away from people doing things that she enjoys.

Sounds like me. I like being around people, but it's definitely something I have to be in the mood for...yes most of my life is scheduled/tailored to my liking, and I don't plan on giving it up. If I can maintain a romantic relationship without someone thinking my needing time alone is about them in any way, then i'll consider it.
 a9198d
Joined: 9/2/2007
Msg: 110
are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/15/2008 8:24:33 AM
i have been married two times.. i did not get married until early 30's the first time. i was single for 10 plus years..
when my first wife and i were getting married we had to go to a church counceler . then after we were4 divorced. iwent to a reecovery group. but i heard the same thing from two councelors in my life..

the comment was.. the way i had my life. . i did not need anyone.. some people are ment to be alone on life. and /or are more successsful being alone in life..

i really do not need anyone in my life.. i have a job that i pay my bills with... ..i have a house to live in. ...a bed to sleep in. ...food to eat..companionship is nice with the right compatible person.. but it is not good when it is not compatible..

i am in my 50's as of now..when i was in my 20's my goals were.. to get a good job. .buy a house with a white picket fence..get married .. have a family.. buy a new car ,etc..
in my 50's. i had a new house. i had a new car ,., i had a family..those forward looking goals are now behind me and in my past..
my present forward goals are different than in my 20's.. i wanted someone in my 20's.. now i am ..do i need anyone in my life..
there is a differance between wishes ...dreams.. and reality..
i am at the point in my life ido not want to get involved with anyone that i loose everything i gained in life.. retirement years are coming fast for me...i do not have time to gamble on someone and feel i need to start over,. ..to gain back what i gained in life for my retirement years..

you can also see it in woman or people that have professional jobs. they stay alone because they seldom have anyone that is at there level of success..i mean the doctors.,. lawyers. ..the very successful busness owners..they had a choice. to be succesful in wokr oor a home life.. many can have one or the other ..a successful work or a sucessful home life.. you usually can not have both. .it has to be one or the other..

so are some people ment to be alone in ,life.. i have to say.. .yes..

dan
 a9198d
Joined: 9/2/2007
Msg: 111
are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/15/2008 8:31:15 AM
i have been married two times.. i did not get married until early 30's the first time. i was single for 10 plus years..
when my first wife and i were getting married we had to go to a church counceler . then after we were divorced. i went to a recovery group. but i heard the same thing from two councelers in my life..

the comment was.. the way i had my life. . i did not need anyone.. some people are ment to be alone on life and /or are more successsful being alone in life..

i really do not need anyone in my life.. i have a job that i pay my bills with... ..i have a house to live in. ...a bed to sleep in. ...food to eat..companionship is nice with the right compatible person.. but it is not good when it is not compatible.. i feel opposites attract.. likes stay together..

as of now, i am in my 50's ..when i was in my 20's my goals were.. to get a good job. .buy a house with a white picket fence..get married .. have a family.. buy a new car ,etc..
in my 50's. i had a new house. i had a new car , i had a family..
those forward looking goals are now behind me and in my past..
my present forward goals are different than when i was in my 20's, i wanted someone in my 20's..
now i have a a ..do i need anyone in my life attitude..

there is a differance between wishes ...dreams.. and reality..
i am at the point in my life ido not want to get involved with anyone that i loose everything i gained in life.. retirement years are coming fast for me...i do not have time to gamble on someone and feel i need to start over to gain back what i gained in life for my retirement years..

you can also see it in men and woman or people, that have professional jobs, they stay alone because they seldom have anyone that is at there level of success..i mean the doctors.,. lawyers. ..the very successful busness owners..they had a choice to be succesful in workr or a home life.. many can have one or the other ..a successful work or a successful home life.. you usually can not have both. .it has to be one or the other..

so are some people ment to be alone in ,life.. i have to say.. .yes..

dan
 blondeinny
Joined: 2/24/2008
Msg: 113
are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/15/2008 7:13:28 PM
I don't think human beings are by nature, meant to be alone.

But when you are for a long time, you become more comfortable with it, and accustomed to it. And it causes a ripple effect- you become a little less social, more self-sufficient & independent. Eating alone in public feels ok, someone snoring next to you feels weird, a good book on a saturday night doesn't feel like the end of the world.
People pick up on this, and assume you don't want a relationship, but all that really happened was that you were forced to adapt to what your life became.
 wombat1974
Joined: 2/19/2008
Msg: 115
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are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/16/2008 1:10:25 PM
I DO NOT AGREE SO SORRY, MY PARENTS ARE VERY STRICT, THEY CONTROL ALMOST EVERY MOVE I MAKE
 gonzofanmel
Joined: 10/3/2006
Msg: 118
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are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/17/2008 9:48:23 AM
I've been in relationships. And I've been single. And I have to say....I'm ten thousand times happier being single.

Does that mean that I'm not meant to be in a relationship? I have no idea. I know I don't WANT to be in a relationship right now, and so many people seem to have a problem with that. They think that dating = searching for soul mate. But that's not true. For some of us, dating = having fun, no expectations, and whatever happens happens.

I think too many people rely on someone else to make them happy, and that's where the mistake lies. You have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with another person. But as you get older and the longer you are single, you kind of get used to having things your own way--no need to compromise, do what someone else wants to do, etc. So entering the relationship status can be difficult.

Overall, I'd say I'm meant to be happy. And if that happiness is by myself or in a relationship, then I'll take it as it comes. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't...hey, life's still good.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 122
are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/18/2008 7:57:39 AM

I've been in relationships. And I've been single. And I have to say....I'm ten thousand times happier being single.

Does that mean that I'm not meant to be in a relationship? I have no idea. I know I don't WANT to be in a relationship right now, and so many people seem to have a problem with that. They think that dating = searching for soul mate. But that's not true. For some of us, dating = having fun, no expectations, and whatever happens happens.

I think too many people rely on someone else to make them happy, and that's where the mistake lies. You have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with another person. But as you get older and the longer you are single, you kind of get used to having things your own way--no need to compromise, do what someone else wants to do, etc. So entering the relationship status can be difficult.

Overall, I'd say I'm meant to be happy. And if that happiness is by myself or in a relationship, then I'll take it as it comes. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't...hey, life's still good.

This sums up my feelings - almost exactly. Well said.

Not only do I not expect to find happiness from someone else, I am quite adverse to someone coming along and thinking I might be the key to their happiness. Ick, no thanks. That eliminates a lot of people, but since I like single life - luckily I don't see it as much of a loss.
 dojero
Joined: 1/22/2008
Msg: 125
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are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/18/2008 9:41:16 AM
for myself its not my parent that tries to control me..its my kids lol...they dont like the fact that i am on a "dating" site to find someone..they dont understand that where we are from, its hard to find someone in my age bracket that is not either a good friend of my brothers or kids,or that im related to them..they rather have me be at their beck and call..its pretty sad that when i do get to "go out", my chaparone are my kids..:cry another way of them keeping an eye on their momma lol...but deep down i think they want me to find someone that i can be happy with...please pray for me...
 debaura
Joined: 2/25/2008
Msg: 128
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are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/18/2008 6:18:36 PM
no i would say definitely no, yes we come into this world alone but while we are here we arent meant to be, you are wrong
 fancynanci
Joined: 8/21/2007
Msg: 129
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are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/18/2008 8:38:26 PM
No, I think you just haven't met your match. You will. Be patient.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 153
are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/24/2008 2:03:18 PM

The better question is why do some people THINK they are great in relationships and have no clue how harmful they are in one.

I've dated two such men.

LMAO - amen!!
 motownmaniax
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 163
are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 11/19/2008 4:42:22 AM
I commend the many good insights I've read in here.

From the looks of it people are not in as much denial as I thought, since many have freely expressed they are NOT relationship material and have come clean about their shortcomings. Self-awareness "doesn't" seem to be the problem.

The problem with so many dysfunctional relationships regarding this, then, looks more like disconnection with one's own perception vs the actions one takes? Meaning, if you "know" you're lousy relationship material, why do you constantly get into them??
 ceaser_73
Joined: 11/7/2008
Msg: 172
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are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 12/14/2008 1:21:28 PM
op
I would say that any person that ask's themsevles that question would be open to say that they have taken a little damage from each realtionship they have been in the past and taken some of it to the next one, and relates to ones thinking process of the relationship that they are in and know the defects that that suffer from and or cannot change of how that they feel when involved with someone verses when they are not. It all comes down to a comfort level that someone can be happy with or without someone.
 ernstt
Joined: 12/20/2008
Msg: 179
are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 1/17/2009 8:39:07 AM
depends what a relationship is, i know for a fact that i am no good at the situation that most people around me are talking about when they say relationship

i like relating, i like connecting, i want closeness as much as anybody, that does not mean i want to live my life according to some fairy tale based reality that does not work for everyone
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 185
are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 1/17/2009 1:59:08 PM
^^Good post, Sepia! Agree 100%.
 privat33r
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 190
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are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 5/28/2009 6:31:39 PM
My mom lived six blocks from where Robert Service wrote a bunch of junk about relationships and "The cremation of Sam McGee". Its a desolate land of dunes, hot springs, glaciers and voles. Someone did a study and found that there some vole groups formed relationships and others were otherwise.
Those of us in group A are hard on the B voles, but I wonder how much of our civilization is composed of the B's, and whether we could survive as a race without folk that aren't particularly inclined towards long term pair bonding.
Of course that has nothing to do a hypothetical group C. Nearby the vole campground are a few survey camps. Zero females have difficulty finding great relationships there.
 Fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 192
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are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 6/11/2010 8:38:18 PM
I do feel this way about myself. I think I am just one of those people who is meant to be alone. I'm currently "dating" someone, but he happens to be legally married and lives in Iraq and I live here in the US, so what does that say about my ability to connect with a man? Everytime I go out, i see couples interacting together and I wonder what their secret is. How do they make it work? I have tried in the past, but no matter how much compromising or give and take I do, I end up alone.
I've decided that these are just the cards I've been dealt...i'm destined to be a loner, but that doesn't mean I can't have a happy life. I don't have to be a dried up old spinster. I take care of myself and keep my appearance up. I go out, hold my head up high and have fun. Yes, occasionally I get the blues, but I figure that a lot of married people get the blues too and many wish they were single.
I don't fight the singleness or aloneness anymore. I just let it be and try to have a happy life.
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 197
are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/30/2013 6:07:48 PM
I absolutely believe there are people who are not meant to be in a relationship. They lack the skills necessary to compromise, nurture, sacrifice and receive love from someone else. I have met some of these people. Some cannot be faithful, some are narcissists, sociopaths, etc. That doesn't mean that people who are narcissists, for example, CAN'T ever be in a relationship, but it's not going to be a very balanced and healthy one.

I know people who cruise thru life alone, maybe dating here and there but want the space. We all need SOME form of human contact, some get it thru their friends, or hook ups, etc.

But a full blown give and take relationship..no. Not everyone is cut out for it.

There's also the situation where someone CAN be in a relationship but has not found anyone who wants to date them (me!). So after a while, as people stated above, dating just is not fun anymore. It's just one "job interview" after the next, with everyone telling you they feel no spark but would love to be friends. Rejection is tiresome, so you just end up removing yourself from the dating pool.

 Patrick45015
Joined: 1/30/2008
Msg: 199
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are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/30/2013 8:36:50 PM
I do wonder about myself. Not because of problems I've had growing up but im 42 and I've only been invoked for about 42 years of my adult life. I just wonder if im so used to being alone that im screwed. Plus im living my dream but that don't mean my dream fits with anyone else lol. I have no self pithy just wondering where I would fit and a girl would fit. Oh well I am very happy so that's what matters

Its hard to type from my phone and impossible. To correct
 Adamup83
Joined: 2/15/2013
Msg: 201
are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/30/2013 9:12:38 PM
There is NO way of finding that out! Sometimes we gotta stop looking so hard for what all of us want, an thats love. I guess let Gods will and way decide. im not religious, but if you believe in something it comes true. " seeing is believing" an a quote i like " you will never loose women chasing money, but you'll always lose money chasing women"
 starthrower1968
Joined: 3/10/2013
Msg: 204
are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/31/2013 6:57:10 PM
If I had a dime for every time I have thought that.
 ArtDeVivre777
Joined: 3/2/2013
Msg: 207
are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/31/2013 8:56:51 PM
Well, to be honest, there are very few happy relationships which are based on love,respect,friendship,shared interests. It is very hard to find. It's almost like winning a lottery from what I see around.

I want to to be in a relationship again,but it's very tough to find the ONE for me :( I've been dating for a while now and I met many great guys ,but somehow I just couldn't really commit to anyone,as I didn't feel that I met someone who is my soulmate :(

I like dating and getting to know each other thing, but the more I know someone,the more I realize we are not a great match etc. I managed to be in a relationship for more thna 8 years, it was great at the beginning,but had lots of negative things later on and I guess it influenced me so much...I am not looking for prince charming but I want to get this feeling that he is the ONE for me and I am for him, and it just doens't happen. I hope it will happen, but if it won't, I think I d better stay single then, than being in a not so good relationship . My life as a single lady who dates or tries to date, is much better,than was my LTR relationship. Or sometimes I think, maybe I am not meant to be in a relatiosnhip at all .
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