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 AUTHOR
 motownmaniax
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 165
are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?Page 3 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
^^^^ Very well put, and symptomatic of the instant gratification, superficial, shallow, selfish, demanding, short attention span, transient, feel good mindset our society seems to promote and worship. I'm hardly surprised most relationships never get past the meeting stage, let alone grow into something fulfilling.
 celts123
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 166
are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 9/17/2008 7:53:40 AM
I think a woman is too picky or has unrealistic expectations when

a) she wouldn't date a male version of herself
b) she has a long list of requirements, but she doesn't bring that much to the table
c) she rejects an average looking man due to looks even though she is average looking at best.

Of course, these things can apply to some men as well.
 motownmaniax
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 168
are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 9/17/2008 1:35:19 PM
I also wish more women would think like ml456 and the many others that have posted similar thoughts. But even if one gets past the initial meeting stage I think the problem goes deeper.

Most (men "and" women) have fond memories of their past romantic relationships, and long for the way things were at the beginning, when everything is new and has a heightened sense of fun, adventure, and discovery.

Problem is most relationships "start" that way, but are rarely maintained, for obvious reasons. The party doesn't last forever, and trying to make it so is completely unrealistic and usually ends up burning out both partners.

Eventually, ALL relationships reach equilibrium and level off. That's partially what I meant about "settling" (I'm fully aware the term encompasses so much more), and how most are dead set against even a hint of it in any new relationship. It's almost as if the mundane and boring are dirty words that one flees in terror on the first whiff of recognition? But unless you're independently wealthy and can enjoy a life of total control and impulsiveness, most relationships are made up of large chunks of both. Sorry to speak such heresy on a dating site, but the truth must be faced.

But I see way too many people in the dating world living in complete and profound denial?

Regarding dating in my age range, the best I can tell from the women themselves is most are divorced after having endured long marriages that dissolved due to a lack of fun, excitement, and miscommunication (or lack of communication, period), and now want everything that was missing. There's very little patience to put up with "any" percieved partner shortcomings and an almost knee-jerk dismissal if a potential lacks even a few must-haves on the checklist.

Is it really any wonder the dating scene is in such a mess?
 Capalite
Joined: 7/2/2009
Msg: 170
are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 7/5/2009 6:16:43 PM
No, women aren't caught up in finding the perfect man, they are looking for a person that best suits them.
 CuriousAdventurer
Joined: 12/9/2007
Msg: 172
are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 7/5/2009 6:29:28 PM
It goes the other way also. Appearance is often the only criteria men use "no pic no answer" is a very common response. Personally, I think some correspondence and a phone call or two tell much more about a person than a photo which may be out of date or photoshopped!
 no_excuses_please
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 180
are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 7/6/2009 8:30:55 AM
Too many people (men and women) have idealized visions of the type of people that they'd like to meet.
This,IMHO, prevents them from dealing w/ the realities that they are not usually somebody else's IDEAL and that they need to be realistic about their goals.
 SwimminWithTheFishies
Joined: 6/29/2008
Msg: 181
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are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 7/6/2009 10:59:54 AM
A person's imperfections is what makes them memorable and interesting, complete perfection can be quite boring.
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 183
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are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 7/6/2009 12:30:40 PM
She said I choose you; you made my list. Well, in her profile there were 30; and I'm not kidding; 30 things a man must be to be with her.

Ha! That's nothing. I remember one (on another site) that had 72 criteria. Yes, I counted them. And wrote to her jestingly to find out if meeting 68 out of the 72 was sufficient -- only to find out there were even more which she had amongst her hole cards.

The real question is why would any guy even dream that a girl would want nothing but the best?

One look at the forums?

Even if girls are looking for "the best" or "the perfect man", they sure ain't very good at spotting him. Quite the contrary... one would almost be tempted to conclude that if some gal thinks some guy is The One (or even close) that he must surely be a total loser. She'll probably come to that conclusion eventually anyway.
 no_excuses_please
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 188
are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 7/9/2009 6:56:34 AM
Most are...
But they seem to forget that the "perfect man:"

1) Is probably already taken.
2) Is gay
3) Probably wouldn't want them.
 DeityZero
Joined: 6/3/2009
Msg: 189
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are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 8/1/2009 6:09:44 PM
And I'm guessing the ratio of emails you actually respond to compared to the amount we send out is beyond unreasonable.....I'm guessing somewhere in the order of 10 to 1 in our favor. So saying that our standards for a perfect woman is just as high as yours is not a fair comparison in the least, especially on this website.
 motownmaniax
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 192
are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 8/6/2009 11:31:46 AM
Most relationship dynamics are of course NOT one-sided. We're all human and have similar emotions and feelings, right?

As far as dating, the one thing people can readily see is behavior. It's extremely difficult to hide how you act and feel for long. Behavior goes to motive. What are your reasons for dating? Is it to make transient relationships that flit in and out of seriousness, without really being committed to any one person? Or is one looking for a connected, monogamous, long-term partner.

I hear many people "say" they are looking for a serious partner, but their behavior speaks otherwise.

I see both men and women use the opposite sex like sycophantic lap dogs to get either sex or financial/material favors. The gender lines for this type of abuse used to be very distinct, with men being the macho horndogs and women using their feminine sexuality to be pampered and taken "care" of. But the lines are being blurred more and more. I see some men use a woman's infatuation and idolatry to sponge, and women using their looks for pure sexual tomcatting.

Bottom line is behavior is always the key. Don't go by words, but deeds. If a man or a woman expresses deep love and commitment and fealty towards you, have them back it up with action.

You have to be just as honest, too. If you don't feel the same tell the person. Don't take advantage of their generosity or sexual attraction for selfish purposes.

If "both" people "understand" the ground rules of behavior and abide by them, there's no foul. I'm never sympathetic with someone that is taken advantage of in a relationship when a partner's behavior "tells" them they aren't in it for the same reasons. If there's a disconnect, then one has a choice -- either move on and find someone more compatible with your relationship goals, or stay and accept the arrangement. But don't cry foul and become embittered "after" the fact and resort to petty name-calling and gender bashing. Your next partner shouldn't have to pay for your gullibility, stupidity, and cynicism.
 cw35
Joined: 4/8/2005
Msg: 193
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are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 8/6/2009 11:35:35 AM
The obvious answer is yes. Men are also looking for someone who is right for them. The only difference is that women have virtually no give when it comes to their requirements (especially the physical ones so I've been learning the hard way).
 jaywaterville
Joined: 8/21/2009
Msg: 196
are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 3/9/2013 5:04:57 PM
I have been on this site for a very long time now and barely get messages or anything. Is everyone looking for the perfect man? Yes I am over weight, yes I am not the best looking guy in the world, no I aint some model. I am a man who is not looking for just sex, will not ask for a nude or dirty pic, will not ask to cyber-sex , Will not show a pic of my penis, will not scam you in any way. I am a decent guy who has kids, raised kids, am great with kids, love animals, cook, bake, clean, do laundry, was brought up well, will be your best friend, will lend a caring ear. I sing, play drums, i'm faithful, caring, loving, sensitive, romantic, thoughtful, sweet, love helping others, and so on. No I'm not perfect or think I am but there are good guys with good qualities like me. So whats wrong isnt that what women want or does looks and weight and money and fame only matter??
 rockstar_ocnj
Joined: 2/1/2013
Msg: 197
are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 3/9/2013 5:55:03 PM
Are we limiting ourselves to dating sites, or just women in general? The nature of these sites tend to bring out the worst in women, because a hotter guy, with a better job, a better personality, and a more stable life WILL message her, it's just up to when he does it, not if.

Offline, though, women tend to seem a lot more open, more willing to talk to anyone who says "hi", there's a chance for anyone to build anything with anyone else.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 198
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are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 3/9/2013 6:21:58 PM
I know it soothes the ego to think that the people who reject us must have problems with looking for perfect or have some other horrid mental problem but the fact is, they weren't looking for you. That's it, simple, you were not what they wanted. Instead of needing to bash others to feel better about yourself, try moving on and not worrying about people who don't want to be with you. No one is required to want you just because you want them, just as all of us feel free to reject those we aren't interested in. It's not complicated, you weren't a match, don't make it such a bid deal.
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 203
are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 3/9/2013 11:51:05 PM
People say I'm too caught up looking for the perfect girl. I'm approaching my second year on this site. I attract women who I'm not attracted to. The ones I am attracted to ignore me. Yes, I read their profiles, no I don't hit them up asking for sex or naughty pics. I'm very grateful that every other aspect of my life is going well.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 204
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are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 3/10/2013 3:40:39 AM
Have to agree with daynadaze on this one, how does anyone know the other person is looking for perfection, unless you developed some sort of mind reading ability, your just making up crap to sooth your ego because they don't want you. No one is obligated to date you or write you back or even talk you if they don't want to, this does not make them automatically a bad person just because they reject you. If the site doesn't work for you then try meeting in the real world and use this as a back up plan, but please stop blaming the dating world for your lack of success. There is no perfect person we all have our strengths and weaknesses, it's trying to find that one that we are attracted to and compatible with in one package, if it was easy then there wouldn't be a need for dating sites and no one would be single.
 abmccray
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 207
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are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 3/11/2013 5:57:40 AM


Of course they are. And the word "some" is definitely an understatement and should be replaced by "many". The evidence is on over half the profiles of women here on POF alone. Imagine the mindset of every woman on the planet!!! Many of them are in search of their Mr. Perfection/ Knight in shining armor. But women are evolving and using better tactics similar to super bacteria that is resistant to antibiotics, now that their slogan has turned cliche' and is played out while deemed immature and tasteless.. The new saying to try to trick you into believing they aren't looking stupid while in search of a fantasy is,


I don't really see that at all as anywhere near a majority. Only the dumber women (POF is slightly disproportionate when it comes to that, but still not to the level of "majority) seem to fall prey to what you say.

I see women who want what they are ATTRACTED to, and guys that they aren't attracted to trying to offset the weight of rejection onto the women by saying the women are choosing in a negative manner in some way as opposed to not choosing THEM. It's a defense mechanism to make guys feel better for being rejected.

For instance, women don't want "bad boys" as much as they want confident, interesting guys (and why wouldn't they - I don't want a boring woman, either?). There is some crossover between "bad" and "confident" since confidence often comes from success, and success can sometimes breed negative attitudes (but failure does as well, look at the attitudes of many thread starters). But, even there, the onus is still on the "boring" guy - he's not disliked because he's NICE, he's disliked because he's BORING. He's not "not wanted" because he's a "great guy" (and they normally aren't), he's not wanted because he's unattractive, normally due to grooming and not being fit.
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 208
are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 3/11/2013 6:56:57 AM
Yes especially on dating sites. Some women have a long list of requirements on their profiles or they expect instant chemistry on the first date / meeting. Otherwise they quickly lose interest. I think the increased amount of potential dating options causes some people to raise their expeectations.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 213
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are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 3/12/2013 6:08:21 PM
I would have to say yes they are. Not just girls, some guys too.


no, not just SOME guys - the truth is that it is MOST guys - across ALL age ranges.

another dating site has published their statistics - the plain fact is that the top 20% "most beautiful" women on dating sites get 80% of the email traffic.

the rest of us are out of luck.

the same study shows that the 60% of the men in the middle of the "attractiveness" scale are the ones who get the most email from women.
 NDTfan
Joined: 6/5/2012
Msg: 215
are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 3/12/2013 6:22:48 PM
Who cares if they are or not? Why aren't you focusing on the woman who aren't?

Or are you just telling yourself that it's "all their fault" that you haven't met someone yet to make yourself feel better?
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 216
are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 3/13/2013 6:46:39 AM

the same study shows that the 60% of the men in the middle of the "attractiveness" scale are the ones who get the most email from women.


Based on what I have seen and heard, I think this portion of the study is inaccurate. An attractive man can have a generic profile and send out "How are you?" emails and still get more positive replies than an average looking man with a good profile that sent emails mentioning something on her profile.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 218
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are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 3/13/2013 1:41:48 PM

DivineBovine
another dating site has published their statistics - the plain fact is that the top 20% "most beautiful" women on dating sites get 80% of the email traffic.

the rest of us are out of luck.

the same study shows that the 60% of the men in the middle of the "attractiveness" scale are the ones who get the most email from women.

You have “misremembered”. Here are a couple of actual quotes from the blog post over on Ok*Cupid.



two-thirds of male messages go to the best-looking third of women

...

the most attractive guys get 11× the messages the lowest-rated do. The medium-rated get about 4×.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 220
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are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 3/13/2013 4:18:03 PM
henry, look at the bell curves they've posted on their blog.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 221
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are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 3/13/2013 11:17:16 PM
I'm sure there are people out there looking for so-called perfection, I think most people are realistic in that they just want a compatiable partner we are attracted to, not as easy as it sounds thou.
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