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 Straight Christian Lady
Joined: 6/14/2007
Msg: 39
not single/not looking well just for friendsPage 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
If I were not single, I would still be here for friendships and the forums.

As far as saying what kind of man I like to meet, it's just that I get along better with men as friends, and I want to make sure not to attract someone seeking anything beyond friends as well.
Sure, I could say 'anyone' so both genders may contact me, but my preference is to have guys as buddies. I like being around them for reasons that don't have to be related to sex or dating.

I do sometimes meet and become acquainted with women here, but I usually message them first if something one has said in the forums got my attention somehow: I don't go looking for women's profiles for their own sake.
 jebra
Joined: 5/9/2007
Msg: 40
not single/not looking well just for friends
Posted: 12/17/2007 12:25:12 AM
Well done to WizeChiklet for being the first person to actually address the real question in this thread and owning up to the reason she continues to look for male friends while in a relationship.

Apologies to MeloFelo for not making myself clear enough. I was specifically targeting my question to people who are still looking for new people, not people using the forums. I thought that was quite clear but a lot of forum people seem to feel its aimed at them and it's not (read it again and you may see).

My opinions are not meant to be 'judgy', but simply to open up a dialogue to find out where other people are coming from and tell where I am coming from.... specifically.... partnered people still looking for new friends of the opposite sex (or same sex if thats your orientation). Can people pleeeaaassse forget about the 'forum only' reason... its been done to death.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 41
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not single/not looking well just for friends
Posted: 12/17/2007 12:28:26 AM

I was talking about the people on here that are not single/looking for "friends"

I'll jump back in here... mine says "friends". There isn't a forums only selection, so my choice is friends or talk/email. I picked friends... sheesh, there are a few people I speak with on a regular basis... some (both male and female) are actually local, and I'm looking forward to meeting them someday. Most of the people I'm friendly with are spread out all over the world. Although I am not actively looking for friends... if I trip over someone and get to know them, why NOT be friends?? I have male and female friends in real life... why is it an issue to discover them here? It isn't an issue to my bf either.

Why IS this an issue?

I suppose I could switch it too talk/email... however, many people in the forums (who ARE looking for dating or LTR) have talk/email blocked, which is an inconvenience if I want to drop them a note about a posting they've written. I don't get contacted much anymore... just random guys who send me an email directly from the pic... it isn't much of an inconvenience for me to bounce back a message to say: "Hi, You'll notice in my profile that I am in a relationship. Happy fishing, cheers"

Really, when it comes down to it I don't see an issue with either friends or talk/email. LOL, I just realized the other day my bf's profile STILL says dating... he's not changed it, doesn't even realize it, but as his profile just screams he is in a relationship, (Snoopy-dancing his enthusiasm) and not many women ever contacted him first when he WAS actively looking - I haven't seen that as enough of an issue to even mention it to him.

I suppose that just shows how much of a non-issue this is to me. I trust him, he trusts me. If we're content with it, why would it bother anyone else?
 TensawEagle1
Joined: 1/5/2007
Msg: 42
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not single/not looking well just for friends
Posted: 12/17/2007 3:41:54 AM
Hey phoenix guy26,

Good post!

I agree, the name of the site is suppose to be POF, last time I looked...Now what does it mean?

PLENTY OF FISH!!!!!

Duh....A dating site What is a dating site?

A place to post Single/ not lookin Or, just here for the Forums

Maybe they should start another site called SINGLE NOT LOOKIN, I wonder how many people dating would hog in on that site?

TensawEagle
 raychass
Joined: 8/10/2007
Msg: 43
not single/not looking well just for friends
Posted: 12/17/2007 4:08:46 AM

Maybe they should start another site called SINGLE NOT LOOKIN, I wonder how many people dating would hog in on that site?



If it had these forums there then i think plenty of fish would be very empty. The only reason i stay here is for the forums anyway.
 Hiker07
Joined: 9/21/2007
Msg: 44
not single/not looking well just for friends
Posted: 12/17/2007 4:58:11 AM
Halasteve, that's a tad harsh, don't you think? Bloody excuse for what?

I discovered the forums shortly after joining this site, and they are among the best self-moderated boards that you will find anywhere on any topic. They're full of information, and highly entertaining. There is much to learn about relationships in general, and that is helpful even when one is IN a relationship. We've all screwed up relationships in the past. Why not do all we can to try to prevent making mistakes in the future? That includes learning new things, and these forums are one source of that (though, of course, all posts should be taken with a grain of salt).

So even though I'm currently in what I consider to be the best relationship of my LIFE, I continue to read/participate in the forums because they have the potential to add to my knowledge in a way that will make this relationship even better.
 Ron9
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 45
not single/not looking well just for friends
Posted: 12/17/2007 5:09:12 AM
OP - don’t let the little fringe stuff bother you. Just ignore things you don’t like or nag at you.

The bottom line is - it is NONE OF ANYONE’S BUSINESS - what others do/think/act like or even say for that matter.

Unless someone bashes me directly - I ignore things that don’t seem right/logical to me - IT IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS and I have ZERO interest in even thinking about it - never mind trying to change it.
 kathareeene
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 46
not single/not looking well just for friends
Posted: 12/17/2007 5:15:39 AM
theyre fulla shiznit
if they see something betta than what they have (or what they THINK) is betta they will be off with that person in a flash
plus if the significant other sees em on there they can CLAIM they are 'innocent' whateva they r straight up liars and think we are all fools
my personal favorite is "Im only here for the forums" kathi
 Hiker07
Joined: 9/21/2007
Msg: 47
not single/not looking well just for friends
Posted: 12/17/2007 5:18:22 AM
Halasteve, I think you might be *trying* to hit the nail on the head, but have missed it once again. Exactly what are you trying to say? I'm not offended, but rather, just looking for clarification. So I'll ask again. Bloody excuse for what? Let's discuss!
 Change Of Pace
Joined: 5/5/2007
Msg: 48
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not single/not looking well just for friends
Posted: 12/17/2007 5:22:33 AM
Personally, I've just met someone and think it might have a bit of a future...it's very early days so I really don't know. I've left everything in my profile except I've noted--not single/not looking...because, at this moment I'm not. I've also added a little blurb that I've met someone and roughly the situation.

These things are just guides...funny thing is--I've gotten more 'hits' since I put that on than before. Go figure.
 PercentileIndex
Joined: 11/6/2007
Msg: 49
not single/not looking well just for friends
Posted: 12/17/2007 5:22:56 AM
kathareeene: Harsh judgments not?
I do believe some are being dishonest. However, over the years I have had my profile as "not single/not looking" even when I was single and just here for the forums. The local men on here are less than desirable and lack respect in every sense of the word. Now that I'm seeing someone I'm not on here as often and am really here for the forums. I'm very smitten by this new man but it's still in the getting to know each other stage.
 islgurl
Joined: 10/22/2005
Msg: 50
not single/not looking well just for friends
Posted: 12/17/2007 5:39:50 AM
^^^^^I disagree. I know several women AND men on this site who ARE in committed relationships and here for Forum participation ONLY. Several are on my Favorites list and we often communicate outside this site.
When I first checked this site out a couple of years ago I was in relationship-recovery mode and had no desire to do more than meet some new people, male or female.

I was very clear that I was not seeking a "relationship" but just to perhaps date.
After a few first-dates, I changed that to "Forums Only"...
(And became addicted to them...hehheh.)

It was only just this year that I got back into the "dating scene" (and am still somewhat reticent in that dept.)

And these Forums are the best of any forum site that I have found..diversified, informative, hilarious,etc.... and I have met, in person, some of the greatest people ....and probably would not have met them if not for this site.
 PercentileIndex
Joined: 11/6/2007
Msg: 51
not single/not looking well just for friends
Posted: 12/17/2007 5:45:51 AM

you just don't wanna give up ehh?


Give up what exactly?
I'm on forums all over the net. So what. What makes this forum any different than others really? My profile is hidden and you can't even get to it unless you are here in the forums.

When he wants us to commit and become more serious then that will be the day I will leave permanently.
 Hiker07
Joined: 9/21/2007
Msg: 52
not single/not looking well just for friends
Posted: 12/17/2007 6:12:20 AM
why would i still be on a dating site, when i am happily involved with someone??


I guess you missed my response to that in an earlier post on this thread, so I'll copy and paste it here for your convenience:


I discovered the forums shortly after joining this site, and they are among the best self-moderated boards that you will find anywhere on any topic. They're full of information, and highly entertaining. There is much to learn about relationships in general, and that is helpful even when one is IN a relationship. We've all screwed up relationships in the past. Why not do all we can to try to prevent making mistakes in the future? That includes learning new things, and these forums are one source of that (though, of course, all posts should be taken with a grain of salt).

So even though I'm currently in what I consider to be the best relationship of my LIFE, I continue to read/participate in the forums because they have the potential to add to my knowledge in a way that will make this relationship even better.


I hope that clears it up for you. I'm not at all saying you should agree with me; I'm just saying that some of us are here for completely legitimate reasons, even though we're in a relationship. Perhaps a bit of open-mindedness is in order.


GET BUSY


Oh, I have been. I'm worn out right now from an *entire weekend* of getting busy. And I met this treasure of a guy through POF, so what I'm doing seems to be working. Best of luck in your search!
 duckling
Joined: 2/28/2006
Msg: 53
not single/not looking well just for friends
Posted: 12/17/2007 6:21:09 AM
I was single and looking when I joined this site. I met my girlfriend on here and we stay on so we can message each other when we're working. The thing that I always laugh at is the people that "aren't single / aren't looking" that have their perfect first date planned. Why plan a date if you aren't looking to date?
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 54
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not single/not looking well just for friends
Posted: 12/17/2007 6:36:25 AM

Well I am not sure if I would say this bothers me, but it makes me think . Finding profiles of people that are in the not single/not looking well heres my thing, if you are not single then why are you on a "dating" website. Yes I do know that this is a social network, and yes I am also aware that people do come on here to just read the forums.


Here's some food for (productive) thought. Take a few minutes and read the rules. A thread search would reveal this topic (horse) has been done ad nauseum and also that you have something on your profile that could get it deleted.

As many have said what other people are here for doesn't concern you. I wonder why people start these threads, so indulge me, are these profiles of ladies you're contacting or ladies who are contacting you?

I've never seen anyone say that ladies are sending emails that have the not single/not looking on their profiles. If these women aren't trying to "hit on" you, then what's the beef? If it's ladies you're contacting, or wanting to contact but don't since they're "not looking" isn't that the same as whining about something you can't have?

If you'd just focus on why you're here and who you're looking for, you'd not have the time nor energy to burn up wondering what everyone else is doing IMO. Sort of the lemming mindset........
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 55
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not single/not looking well just for friends
Posted: 12/17/2007 7:41:40 AM
I have those things in my profile... and an explanation in the first line as to WHY I've chosen those things.

I am single. I'm not looking right now. Friends are always welcome. If someone *spectacular* happens to drop into my lap, I am not adverse to talking and seeing where things go from there. Simple. I am not actively seeking a relationship at this time.
 Straight Christian Lady
Joined: 6/14/2007
Msg: 56
not single/not looking well just for friends
Posted: 12/17/2007 10:09:03 AM

I am single. I'm not looking right now. Friends are always welcome. If someone *spectacular* happens to drop into my lap, I am not adverse to talking and seeing where things go from there. Simple. I am not actively seeking a relationship at this time.
What she said, tho' I do message people who get my attention in some way.
 raychass
Joined: 8/10/2007
Msg: 57
not single/not looking well just for friends
Posted: 12/17/2007 10:13:19 AM
People just use the forums as a bloody excuse


No it's not an excuse. The forums here are better and more entertaining then tv .You can't really meet anyone from these dating sites anyway so the only reason i stay here is the forums. Sure there are a few cases here and there of people finding love on dating sites ,but it's not the norm. Most pe0ple can be on here forever and never meet anyone who could possibly be of any interest to them.

If pof were to split up the forums and the dating site i would close my profile on the dating site and stay with the forums.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 58
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not single/not looking well just for friends
Posted: 12/17/2007 10:52:04 AM
I get tired of all the sh*tty, disrespectful, uneducated emails and change my status to not single/not looking quite a bit, although I am single. Sometimes I need a break but don't want to delete my profile. I also DO -in fact- enjoy the forums.
 southernlass
Joined: 5/2/2006
Msg: 59
not single/not looking well just for friends
Posted: 12/17/2007 11:30:59 AM

After reading the diatribe of Heart Surgeon I'm totally baffled as why he's single. Makes no sense.


Ultimate heart surgeon is single because of the following: misogyny

Main Entry: mi·sog·y·ny
Pronunciation: \mə-ˈsä-jə-nē\
Function: noun
Etymology: Greek misogynia, from misein to hate + gynē woman — more at queen
Date: circa 1656
: a hatred of women
— miso·gy·nic \ˌmi-sə-ˈji-nik, -ˈgī-\ adjective
— mi·sog·y·nist \mə-ˈsä-jə-nist\ noun or adjective
— mi·sog·y·nis·tic \mə-ˌsä-jə-ˈnis-tik\ adjective

His distaste for our gender is quite evident in many or most of his posts. He literally and utterly hates women, though he is obviously still interested in dating the fairer sex, amazingly enough. Considering his perceptions of women, I cannot imagine why. The sheer amount of generalizations, the stereotyping, and skewed logic inherent in his "diatribes" are genuinely so overwhelming that one could do a thread itself in response to these alone. Since I don't want to hijack anymore than I already have, I'll leave it at that.
 Da_Leafs
Joined: 2/14/2007
Msg: 60
not single/not looking well just for friends
Posted: 12/17/2007 12:38:28 PM

I get tired of all the sh*tty, disrespectful, uneducated emails and change my status to not single/not looking quite a bit, although I am single. Sometimes I need a break but don't want to delete my profile.

Ever think of just hiding your profile??
Probably not because you still want to be out there.
I like the ones that state they are here just to chat/make friends but still request a pic because "fair is fair". WTF does it matter what a person looks like if it's just to chat??
To all those that say that in your profile...BullShit!!! It's just your way of being selective and quite the contradiction!!! I'd trust you as far as I could throw you.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 61
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not single/not looking well just for friends
Posted: 12/17/2007 2:53:17 PM
Yes, I do hide my profile too.
 FlyGurrrl
Joined: 7/8/2007
Msg: 62
not single/not looking well just for friends
Posted: 12/17/2007 3:16:10 PM
Up until yesterday I thought not single/not looking meant 'not single and not looking for romance' but just on POF to meet friends, for hangout or, like has been stated, for the forums. I thought it was just a way to emphatically state that you were not at all looking for anything romantic, even down the road, even if the possibility did present itself.

But clearly, there is no way to screen people for what their intentions are, or what they mean by ANY of the settings. I got an email from a fella's psycho girlfriend telling me to have a good time with her b/f. Good grief, his profile said 'not looking' and 'hang out' and that's what I took it to mean. He contacted me and I didn't think anything of it...maybe a drink and hanging out over the holidays. He said he was gonna be all alone and I would be in the same small town. Sheesh. But clearly people in volatile rel'ps remain on POF and use it as a means to get back at one another by contacting new people when things are not so rosy on the homefront.

In short: the settings sometimes mean jack squat. You can often disregard them becauase at times there is someone on the other end who is just here to mess with your head, or sometimes someone slipped when they clicked and accidently chose the wrong setting. And last, but not least, these settings are open to vast and varied interpretation...'activity partner' means 'squash and skiing' to some people, and to others it means, well...you know. ;) YOU GOTTA ASK to clarify what people are about. Profiles are just an overview...DON'T ASSUME anything.
 TwistedEnvy
Joined: 12/17/2006
Msg: 63
not single/not looking well just for friends
Posted: 12/21/2007 11:16:29 PM
I think you are right to some degree. My profile says I am not single/not looking, but it also states all the things that annoy me about people. I expect people to take these things and learn from them. Then, evaluate whether or not to initiate contact with me.

First, I'm sick of men contacting me strictly for a relationship. I don't care what website you're on, you get asked for photos or information or to hang out by SOMEBODY. I WANT a platonic friendship. Strictly P-L-A-T-O-N-I-C.

With inserting that I am not looking for a boyfriend, it gives me easy access to the NO button. If I so decide you might be what I am looking for, then I may tell you "Hey, you are someone I aminterested in meeting." But out of, oh the 30 guys who have emailed me within the last 30 days, I haven't really found one that struck my fancy.

I have been using the whole internet dating thing for a looong time. I met my x-husband on here. Fact of the matter is, if you say you're single, guys come flocking no matter who you are.

I'm not single, I have 4 jobs. To me, that is a relationship all of it's own. I don't want to waste my time on getting attached to some guy that isn't going to accept the little (or big) things about me that could potentially become a problem.

I prefer to get to know someone before even thinking about the possibility of a relationship.

A pic does matter, because I got to know a guy for 4 years and he turned out to be someone totally different than he told me. You show me someone who thinks THAT doesn't matter and I will show you a liar.

I don't remember who I was quoting, but it was someone.....obviously.
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