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 cherryyblossom
Joined: 7/19/2009
Msg: 117
Meeting at your/his house on first date Page 2 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
windloverr, the girl that i was going to meet for a first date about a year ago said she was planning to invite me to her apartment (she lived with a male roommate) after a movie and dinner, but she cancelled at the last minute for whatever reasons and disappeared off the face of the earth. These are probably not good ideas for a first date and I am sure she knew that, so I now wonder if she was never interested in dating me in the first place and just toyed with me for two full weeks. Of course, other factors might have led to the last minute blowoffs and if she was really planning to do all those things for a first date, she is probably a first class idiot who is bound to get raped or killed.
 deerdog1
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 118
Meeting at your/his house on first date
Posted: 8/4/2010 11:36:01 AM
Yet another case of where people on POF forums are not like normal people ..most on this thread have answered that they dont take anyone home or they dont go to someones home ..in my experiance and yes on POFers also ...almost 100% of my dates have either took me home with them or went home with me .. not that it has ever presented a problem ...I havent raped or killed any of them and none of them has ever raped or killed me me ... maybe because when a date gets to the point of one of us being willing to go home with the other ...past that point I"m a sure thing
 windloverr
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 119
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Meeting at your/his house on first date
Posted: 8/4/2010 12:18:28 PM
deerdog Always a pleasure to hear from you
almost 100% of my dates have either took me home with them or went home with me .. not that it has ever presented a problem ...
Actually, I was referring to the INITIAL MEET. Once you've met someone, and either sized them up, or decided you needed to see them some more before you had them sized up, THEN you can decide whether or not to invite them over, or to go over to their place. I have no issues with that at all; and have on numerous occassions ended up one place or the other, but that was AFTER I met them elsewhere. I'm saying it's a REALLY BAD IDEA for the very first time you lay eyes on someone, for it to be at your door; male or female.
 deerdog1
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 123
Meeting at your/his house on first date
Posted: 8/5/2010 1:40:36 PM
hi windloverr the feeling is mutual ..I look forward to your posts


Actually, I was referring to the INITIAL MEET
...actually I was too....

I guess coming from a rural setting ...hell a back woods country setting...maybe its just a small town south thing I just have never worried about the safety issue of someone knowing where I live...and it appears that the ladies that I have met ...even on the internet ..are not worried about it either ..or maybe there is something about me that tells them they have nothing to fear from me ... I have actually been invited to pick up a woman at her home for the first meet .. I have even traveled several miles to a first meet where it was pre determined that I would spend the night in a platonic manor whether we hit it off or not ...and have been told at several first meets .... "lets go to my place so we can talk more" ...and this statement don't always mean sex is in the cards ...yes I have been turned down while at a dates house ...and its all good ... they do have nothing to fear from me ...whether I love them or dislike them in the romantic sense ... I will respect their home and wishes ... and whether anything romantic develops or no...I will always try to insure that friendship develops
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 126
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Meeting at your/his house on first date
Posted: 3/11/2011 11:05:59 AM
While I accept there is some risk because we all know there are some truly despicable people (both genders) on this planet, you also have to realize there are some wonderful, honest kind people (again, both genders) where the biggest risk at meeting first at one of our homes is one of us getting involved in a motor vehicle accident on the drive there.



The first man I dated from an online dating site turned out to be some one that friends of mine knew from high school. He only lived one town over and after chatting a week or two we decided to meet at my house to attend his nephew's motor cross races in town. However, I asked him if he would like to have a first meet at the bar with my friends the night before. So it was the 2nd meeting or date that he picked me up at home.


After that relationship ended, it was months later before I started chatting with some one else I was interested in meeting in person. We chatted for about 2 weeks then met up for lunch at a local restaurant while my mom was at my house babysitting my two kids. We had already planned to play cards with my sister and her bf later that evening. He followed me to my house since he had no where else to wait and was 2 hours from his home. He helped entertain my kids since I wasn't feeling well and my younger son was jumping on me. Being good with my kids made him even more attractive. Plus he has 3 kids of his own so he was used to it.

We are in an exclusive relationship going on 2 years this Spring.



Also before either of the above meets, I had seen but only my mom talked to a guy at the beach while our two young boys played together. Months later he sent me a friend invite through myspace, only recognizing me by my photo since he didn't know my name. It was a bit strange but after talking for almost 2 months online with him living only a few blocks away, I half joking said on NYE I was coming over for a kiss. He said how do you know you can trust me? I ended up going to his house and we spent NYE just watching TV after a brief little kiss. Turned out later he asked me to be FWB but he was completely a gentleman on our 1st meet.
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 130
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Meeting at your/his house on first date
Posted: 3/12/2011 12:54:53 AM
I don't see any problem with that when you feel you already sort of know each other, but I'd let the woman be the one to suggest it.
 Meeting_At_The_Crossroads
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 136
Meeting at your/his house on first date
Posted: 3/19/2011 3:14:46 PM
At some point in any relationship, someone is going to have to be the first to invite the other to his/her place. Like others have said, one has to trust one's instincts. Either one wants to have a relationship or one doesn't. I do think prudence is warranted and the invitation should be after a few get togethers in a public venue. But let's face it, at some point or other getting together at one's home has to happen. Any relationship boils down to respect and trust. The timing of when the two people accept these two things is up to them.

It is when it doesn't happen that one realizes that the relationship is not going anywhere.

Just a word of caution ladies. IF you give out your home phone number thinking it is a safe thing to do... it isn't - IF you are listed in the telephone book. It is very easy to do a reverse number search on a listed home phone number. Doing this reveals your name and address. AND with this information one can do a google search to find other information about you. So it is not just a matter of being cautious about dating, it is a matter of being aware of what can be done via the internet. (I do not think cell phones pose the same problem as the numbers are not listed in North America - they are in Europe.)
 magicallaroundme
Joined: 3/9/2011
Msg: 137
Meeting at your/his house on first date
Posted: 3/19/2011 3:35:00 PM

Just a word of caution ladies. IF you give out your home phone number thinking it is a safe thing to do... it isn't - IF you are listed in the telephone book. It is very easy to do a reverse number search on a listed home phone number. Doing this reveals your name and address. AND with this information one can do a google search to find other information about you. So it is not just a matter of being cautious about dating, it is a matter of being aware of what can be done via the internet. (I do not think cell phones pose the same problem as the numbers are not listed in North America - they are in Europe.)


How is he supposed to check her credit, look at the county jail inmate list, check the FBI for restraining orders or hire a detective? You leave him no possibility to find out if he is safe.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 138
Meeting at your/his house on first date
Posted: 3/19/2011 3:42:01 PM
~OT~ These threads always make me sigh. People think that meeting in public is "safe." I'm sorry, but that is just silly. Let's say, hypothetically, that one is meeting at a coffee shop. She arrives in her car, parks, goes in, he does not show. He doesn't show because he is in the parking lot watching her. He's now got the license to the car written down. He waits. She realizes she's been stood up, she leaves. She drives home, he follows her. She goes to her apartment, he watches. You've given him your full name, your full address and he now knows for a fact what you look like and exactly where you live. Yet you have NO clue who he is. Is that safe? Really? ( And this is not gender specific, could her watching him.)

There are risks to meeting strangers, whether that be online, in the grocery store, in church, through friends, etc. If you haven't spent enough time through email, phone, text, etc., to be comfortable with "who" the other end is, you really shouldn't be meeting ~ period. All of these meet/greets? I'm sorry ~ I personally think that is insane. And logically, if one has a mind-set to do criminal things, it isn't going to matter where you meet ~ twisted minds incorporate twisted actions, they don't need an invitation to your home to do that ~ they just need an opportunity. Likely someone's own home is the LAST place a criminal wishes to pull off his/her crime(s) that is much more likely to happen in unfamiliar surroundings/people. No intimate (family/friends/neighbors/etc.,) witnesses that way. JMO
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 143
Meeting at your/his house on first date
Posted: 3/21/2011 12:03:38 PM
Dating is insane per se


LOL. How? Doing the same thing repetitively expecting some different result?

I know- meet at the beach!!!! Each can be almost certain that the other is not armed, other than whatever weapons may be either easy to spot or prominently displayed; 98% of the wardrobing issues, and accompanying disguises and tricks, are taken out of the game; everybody, and everything, is pretty much in clear view of everybody else (if safety is a concern) ! And the only real threat is attack by a great white, unless you believe in land sharks. Plus, everybody gets that 15 minutes of sunshine they need each day. Chances are, if a beach first meet convo lasts for more than 15 minutes, there's real relationship potential, too. lol
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 145
Meeting at your/his house on first date
Posted: 3/23/2011 1:21:47 PM
^^^^^ The only thing less concealing than a thong is, like, Saran wrap.
I did say "easy to spot". lol
 gentleplus
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 148
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Meeting at your/his house on first date
Posted: 7/9/2011 10:05:52 AM
NO NO NOT EVER NEVER WILL I EVEN DO THIS..... no man or woman who is sane should never even consider this on a first meet.... public place only for me.... in my life I did have a couple of female stalkers..... not heavy duty but lightly.... and that alone was creepy enuf...
 GWSmith
Joined: 12/18/2008
Msg: 149
Meeting at your/his house on first date
Posted: 7/9/2011 10:23:20 AM
It doesn't bug me... I live with other people so anything at my house becomes a de-facto group thing. And for meeting at someone else's place I don't go into any situation, especially a first meeting situation, looking for or expecting anything.
 gentleplus
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 151
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Meeting at your/his house on first date
Posted: 7/9/2011 11:36:14 AM
Nat.... Have you every been in the presence of a truly dangerous psychotic person???... I have.. and anything that disturbs their sense of order, control or sexual urgency will send them into a rage or other aberrant behaviors....

Sudden changes in a venue or activity (traffic jams, poor table service/bad food when eating, long lines, finding a parking space, etc) are a good filtering tools to check a person's mental stability, emotional security and judgement...
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 154
Meeting at your/his house on first date
Posted: 7/9/2011 4:33:42 PM

I don't see a problem...
Sure, a public meeting may be preferable....
But isn't a back yard barbecue with a half-dozen of your neighbors 'public' enough..??
even Axe-Murderers can be polite in a coffee house ! ]...

Yep...that's public!!!

~OT~ These threads always amuse me. People think that when they are in public they are safe. Well, to those people, I say this: You give away a LOT of information the minute you meet someone in public. You let them see you (even if you do NOT see them, thinking they stood you up or are late, etc.), if you drive your car, they now know your vehicle and your license plate info, then when you leave? They can simply follow you if so inclined. If anyone wants total safety when meeting someone from online? You'd do best to meet at the local police station, IDs in hand, run the appropriate background checks and go from there if you feel the ever-elusive-chemistry required to want to actually date that person. I'm not advocating for first meetings at someone's home, I'm a however, firm believer that those who are fearful, pensive, scared, or of the "predator in our midst" mindset really shouldn't be meeting/dating on-line. JMO
 sun_and_cinnamon
Joined: 12/12/2012
Msg: 157
Meeting at your/his house on first date
Posted: 1/27/2013 7:58:23 PM
Meeting at his place first? Uhh immediate red flag! He might as well be looking for an "intimate encounter" that wouldn't mind the thought...yikes...and yes I have been asked this before.
 kjay41
Joined: 8/19/2012
Msg: 158
Meeting at your/his house on first date
Posted: 1/27/2013 8:00:47 PM
I wouldn't recommend it.....You never know, just be careful and patient.
 434handyman
Joined: 1/21/2013
Msg: 159
Meeting at your/his house on first date
Posted: 1/28/2013 2:09:40 PM
NEVER and I mean NEVER meet at a house the first time. Doesn't matter if your a guy or a girl. Stay safe in this crazy world!!!!
 onewomanman46
Joined: 11/27/2010
Msg: 160
Meeting at your/his house on first date
Posted: 1/28/2013 2:33:26 PM
I do not care how long two people have communicated via Email, text, and telephone, never, never meet at someones house for the first "in person" meeting. For those of you who see no problem with this, what would you tell your daughter?
 AlbertaHigh
Joined: 8/18/2011
Msg: 161
Meeting at your/his house on first date
Posted: 1/28/2013 2:48:10 PM
Well I, for one, love to have meet at anyones house! Although I can be pretty picky when it comes to having meet, it can't have to much fat or be too lean, it has to be just right! And I don't want it to be to clingy either, I hate it when is sticks to the package! I prefer the most expensive meet as well, none of that wal -mart crap for me, no sir, just the best! It better have a good job and drive a nice car too! (*shrugs* and says, "WHAAAAT!")
 Iandwho
Joined: 9/12/2011
Msg: 162
Meeting at your/his house on first date
Posted: 1/28/2013 2:55:08 PM
NO - Never!
not even second or third! you dont know that person, let actions speak and see how he/she behaves!
 calebwh92
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 163
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Meeting at your/his house on first date
Posted: 12/16/2015 4:27:39 PM
Hi! I usually meet in public. But In my state i have decided to take an extremely cautious approach even though i am a man. I have a CCW and I wear kevlar when i meet someone. They never know. And im safe. You can only control what you do not what they do. So i know i am paranoid. But I also know im alive.
 RR Man
Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 164
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Meeting at your/his house on first date
Posted: 12/16/2015 11:16:12 PM
Interesting thread and I've read through all seven pages of it.

I have picked women up at their house/apartment several times, but in each case it was her idea. I would never ask a lady to do this.
Good thing I'm a nice guy, huh?

Internet dating is no different than any other kind. Look at all the people who hook up at bars and clubs, and go to one house or the other, and they both know it's to have sex. In a bar, there's at least an even chance that the person is an alcoholic. Or some kind of nut. Or both.

You just never know. The advice columnists tell you to join a church group to meet someone. Does anyone remember the "BTK Killer" in Wichita who killed a bunch of women? Guess where he met them? AT CHURCH!!
 Inner_Gorilla
Joined: 12/3/2015
Msg: 165
Meeting at your/his house on first date
Posted: 12/17/2015 8:32:45 AM

I have a CCW and I wear kevlar when i meet someone.


What is a CCW? Why do you need to wear kevlar on a date?
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 166
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Meeting at your/his house on first date
Posted: 12/17/2015 10:02:11 AM


I have a CCW and I wear kevlar when i meet someone.


Inner_Gorilla
What is a CCW? Why do you need to wear kevlar on a date?

I’m going to guess, partially based on the “Kevlar” comment, that he is referring to a “Concealed Carry Weapon”, ie, handgun.


RR Man
You just never know. The advice columnists tell you to join a church group to meet someone. Does anyone remember the "BTK Killer" in Wichita who killed a bunch of women? Guess where he met them? AT CHURCH!!

When I was growing up, back in the Pleistocene era, my father told me to be successful with women I should learn to dance, and go to church. The dancing advice has stood me in good stead lo these many years, the church part not so much.

But in my father’s defense, he was born in 1919 and grew up during the depression in a rural community. Everything I have heard / read about that period indicated that many people during that era actually hooked up at church or at the big tent revival meetings. (Go and read Elmer Gantry if you don’t believe me.)
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