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 AUTHOR
 Iredurbio2
Joined: 4/18/2013
Msg: 172
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Meeting at your/his house on first date Page 8 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
Never trust anybody but yourself.There is a new sexual revolution afoot
that's changing the landscape of dating and romance.
 coexist64
Joined: 12/11/2015
Msg: 173
Meeting at your/his house on first date
Posted: 12/18/2015 8:24:17 AM
Yes I was molested.
In my own home.
Yet I still trust men and give
them the benefit of the doubt.

I take calculated risks and don't
let fear rule my life.
That far from makes me insane.
It makes me brave and open and
willing to trust.

He took as big a "risk" as I did coming onto my
Secluded 14 acres in the woods.

I knew where my kitchen knives were. : )

Courage isn't the absence of fear it's the ability
to look it straight in the face and forge on anyways!

I refuse to allow fear and distrust to define my life despite
being hurt to my core.

Had I not thrown caution to the wind many times
in my life I wouldn't have half the amazing stories to tell!

I will never be responsible for what others do to
me with malicious intent.

I could just as easily be raped or killed in a dimly lit
parking lot after a meet.

There are NO GUARANTEES in life!

As much as some people like to think they can control
Everything, I know they can't!

It's all good!

Been together since that night living happily in love!

So worth the risk!!!!!!!
 Iredurbio2
Joined: 4/18/2013
Msg: 174
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History
Meeting at your/his house on first date
Posted: 12/18/2015 12:19:05 PM
What an astonishing account on so many levels.The truth of it all
is right there in front of everyone that reads it.Unfortunately there
is a much younger generation that don't think for themselves and are
in no way responsible for the actions they take or create!
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 176
Meeting at your/his house on first date
Posted: 12/24/2015 3:27:47 PM
I had a first meeting / date at a woman's house twice. Both times it was their idea. It's a calculated risk. But bad things could happen if I went to her house on the third date. She has a crazy ex that is stalking her. She is cheating on her husband/boyfriend and he find out. She is setting up a man to be attacked by her friends. Many crimes happen after the perp(s) has gained the trust of potential victim(s).
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 177
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History
Meeting at your/his house on first date
Posted: 12/24/2015 5:01:03 PM
coexist

You may have been lucky with that one you let into your home as a stranger. Why would you trust men necessarily?? . You lived in a secluded area for instance. Having to resort to using a knife on someone if they presented a threat is appalling. He could easily overcome you or be carrying a gun for instance.

It is well documented that those who have been abused as a children often do not have proper boundaries in place and are open to more abuse in later life because of lack of self protection and self esteem. It seems contrary to what you would expect but I think you have borne that out, in some measure. I don't think you realise how skewed your thinking is.
 Viper1j
Joined: 2/6/2015
Msg: 178
Meeting at your/his house on first date
Posted: 12/27/2015 12:36:48 AM

Is it really wrong to meet on your first time at your / his home ? I dont mean some one you have only just started messaging but someone who you have been speaking to for a few months and spoke / text on phone ? my bro went mad when a guy came to mine, but had been messaging on here for 3 months and speaking / texting for a month ?


A FEW MONTHS????
Really?
You must be Amish.
No that wouldn't even work for them..

Things have gotten SO bad, with all these "Born Again Virgins"...

Seriously, turn the clock back 30 years, and if you saw someone in the club that caught your eye what was the first thing you asked them for?

Or maybe not. Maybe some of you scribbled a little note on a****ail napkin, and gave it to your friend to give to another person, who gave it to another person, who finally passed it to the person that you are interested in. And then that person grabbed a napkin and wrote a note back to you.

So after about an hour and a half, you both have about thirty napkins piled in front of you, and then somebody finally gets the courage to walk across the floor and introduce themselves.

It's a wonder how anybody ever got laid in those days.
 NBATipoff2015
Joined: 10/30/2015
Msg: 179
Meeting at your/his house on first date
Posted: 1/22/2016 3:08:02 PM
I dont think it is wrong at all. Sometimes with peoples schedules, that is all they have time for. A home is a perfect place to get to know someone. There are free movies, cheap drinks/food, etc. However, one who is only looking for sex would want to meet in a home, so they kind of ruined it for everybody. It depends how much you trust the person as well. A stranger off the internet should be trusted less than a coworker that you have known for years but are just now "dating". I wouldnt ask a woman to come over on the first date if I was serious about them. But its not "wrong" per say.
 sundress2
Joined: 12/12/2015
Msg: 180
Meeting at your/his house on first date
Posted: 1/25/2016 7:08:22 AM
It's not wrong. But I wouldn't recommend it. I would go to a public place because I'm not sure if I would be interested in him or not. If there is interest on both sides, I could go to his place or vice versa on the second or third date. I think there will always be some risk when you go to a person's place for a first time. As mentioned before, some people are on their best behavior until they gain your trust. Then they can do bad things.
 Hearton64
Joined: 1/21/2016
Msg: 181
Meeting at your/his house on first date
Posted: 1/25/2016 7:34:10 AM

What an astonishing account on so many levels.The truth of it all
is right there in front of everyone that reads it.Unfortunately there
is a much younger generation that don't think for themselves and are
in no way responsible for the actions they take or create!


I wanted to say thank you for this.
Took me awhile to find my way back in here
To respond.

As for this? In case I get booted again....


You may have been lucky with
that one you let into your home as a stranger.


Lucky? I don't delude myself into thinking I'm safe in the world
as long as I am paranoid.Anything can happen to anyone
at any time. And again I will NEVER be to blame
if someone chooses to make me their victim.


Why would you trust men necessarily??


Why wouldn't I trust men? Not all men are out to hurt women.
I CHOOSE not to allow what one man did to me to
define how I feel about all men.

MOST men are not evil and worthy of taking calculated risks on.



You lived in a secluded area for instance.
Having to resort to using a knife on someone
if they presented a threat is appalling.
He could easily overcome you or be
carrying a gun for instance.


Talk about twisting my words.
I was half joking. My point was...why did HE think
he could trust me?? It's a mutual risk people take
in order to go from stranger to trusted friend/lover!

I could just as easily hurt him on my property.
Are women purportedly more trustworthy than men in your opinion?


It is well documented that those who have been abused as a children often do not have proper boundaries in place and are open to more abuse in later life because of lack of self protection and self esteem. It seems contrary to what you would expect but I think you have borne that out, in some measure. I don't think you realise how skewed your thinking is.


Ya know...just because Ive divulged my sexual abuse history
(That btw happened 43 years ago,and I spent many years on a therapists couch
to overcome and thrive in the aftermath) does not give you the right
to declare my adult choice due to a lack of self protection, self esteem or healthy boundaries.

And lastly I believe people who live with fear based thinking
are the ones with screwed thinking.
Just because I chose to meet a man at my house, in my comfort zone
does not make me crazy or off base.

But being paranoid and closed off and afraid to live or
take risks in the name of love WOULD!

Just clarifying finally as it was really off putting to read your reaction.


You do what you do... I'll do what I do.

But don't use armchair psychology on me for choosing
not to allow being raped repeatedly as a child define how I see all men as
though my life is at perpetual risk.

No one can control anyone or anything but their reaction to others
and if you want to believe you can avoid evil or see it coming
You are dead wrong.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 182
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History
Meeting at your/his house on first date
Posted: 1/25/2016 4:25:26 PM
you met a stranger at your secluded property and no totally sane woman, with a history of abuse or not, would take such a risk. How would you feel if your daughter did the same? It is not armchair psychology at all, just commonsense.
 Hearton64
Joined: 1/21/2016
Msg: 183
Meeting at your/his house on first date
Posted: 1/26/2016 1:42:49 AM
No it's not just common sense!

Just because I'm not paranoid does not make
Your fear based thinking common sense!

And it is armchair psychology when you try and
factor in things about me you know nothing about.

"Insane" women live in fear of men hurting them.

One man didn't destroy my trust in all men.

Sorry.

And my daughter meets strangers all the time
and becomes friends and lovers with them!

At 24 and never having experienced the trauma I have
Makes rational choices and takes personal responsibility
for said choices.I would NEVER blame her for what any man
did if he chose to victimize her!

Had I not taken a chance, and had HE not take as big a chance on me,
I wouldn't have found the best
option I had here on POF and moved in with my best friend
from that date forward!

Life is risk taking!

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool;
* To weep is to risk appearing sentimental;
* To reach out for another is to risk involvement;
* To expose feelings is to risk exposing true self;
* To place your ideas, your dreams before the crowd is to risk their loss;
* To love is to risk not being loved in return;
* To live is to risk dying;
* To hope is to risk despair;
* To try is to risk failure;
* But risk must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing;
* The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing and is nothing;
* He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love and live;
* Chained by his certitudes, he is a slave and has forfeited freedom'
* Only a person who risks is free.


Road blocks to becoming a risk taker include:

* Fear of rejection
* Need for approval
* Need to avoid guilt
* Need to always be right
* Need to know all the "in's and out's'' of a situation
* Need for certainty
* Lack of belief in yourself and others
* Fear of being incompetent
* Desire to avoid conflict
* Unresolved anger
* Poor role modeling in family of origin
* Fear of failure
* Unwillingness to face problems honestly
* Lack of assertiveness in protection of your own rights
* Inability to take the responsibility for your own life
* Unwillingness to accept possible negative consequences
* Preferring to be unhappy, mired in your problem
* Playing it safe
* A need for security
* Fear of hurting others
* Rationalizing the lack of need for direct action
* Denial that a problem exists and that action needs to be taken
* Projecting the need for action onto others
* Intellectualizing about a problem to avoid action
* Exempting yourself of responsibility to resolve a problem
* Relying on others to resolve your problems
* Alcohol or drug abuse "clouding" thinking
* Over-emotional response to a problem
* Humoring yourself and others to ignore the problem
* Over concern for everybody but yourself
* Fear of pain ("no pain, no gain")
* Absence of desire to change
* Irrational belief that it is impossible to change the situation
* A disregard for the rights of yourself and others
* Confusion about your role in handling the problem
* Lack of ownership of the problem
* Over-sentimentality for the needs of others
* Enjoying the sympathy you receive from others for the problem you face
* Inability to let go of an old belief in a person or institution
* A belief that life should always be fair
 Inner_Gorilla
Joined: 12/3/2015
Msg: 184
Meeting at your/his house on first date
Posted: 1/26/2016 1:24:34 PM

* Fear of failure


Generally in life this is the big one.

By the way, where did you get this list?
 Hearton64
Joined: 1/21/2016
Msg: 185
Meeting at your/his house on first date
Posted: 1/27/2016 6:39:04 AM
http://www.livestrong.com/article/14727-becoming-a-risk-taker/

Fear is the number one reason people are risk aversive.

Real or perceived.

Men,life,people...they don't scare me.

Nothing could be worse than what I've endured in my life
so meeting a kind seeming man at my home
Was very low on my risk meter.

True, I could have been murdered or I could have
murdered him but I chose to take a calculated risk
and found love.

Sue me. ; )

Btw...I own two very protective pitbulls and
I'd loved to have watched them do their job
had he come there with malicious intent!

 PiterDeVries1
Joined: 6/14/2015
Msg: 186
Meeting at your/his house on first date
Posted: 1/27/2016 10:03:38 PM
Just did this exact thing last weekend. Was invited over for dinner and had a wonderful time, so much so I didn't drive home.
Her friend did the right thing and texted her asking if she was alive. I told my new friend to type back: This is Piter, your friend is dead and you're next.
We peed our pants and her friend eventually got the joke.
There is no right or wrong way as far as I'm concerned. We both have a wickedly twisted sense of humour and were talking for hours on the phone before we met. Women have intuition and she knew I was a decent guy.
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