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 LexyAlexia
Joined: 1/9/2009
Msg: 339
Why do women date mutiple guys at once?Page 38 of 43    (3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43)
Aha! see now, things are changed huh.. Everybody has a different idea when it comes to "dating" or "what/how getting to know stage suppose to be"

I am certainly not one of those people ( I am the one against dating multiple people, remember) however, many of my dates seemed to be perfectly ok with kissing/making out with multiple people... So when you say you're dating others, god knows what you really mean... if that make sense.


Obvious, every person have different definition. This is why is important to communicate.

In my opinion is better to communicate then decide than use rules. But what ever work for you, is good. I do not care. I only think it is silly to assume a person is insecure when there are very pragmatic reason for not commit after one or two week.
 sam97531
Joined: 3/25/2007
Msg: 340
Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 2/2/2009 11:56:24 AM
The last time I checked, dating meant meeting and going out with various people. You date several people to see if you match up to any. It's perfectly normal. I do believe that if you decide to have sex with one or more, that you should inform the others with whom you want to be intimate that they aren't the only one, out of courtesy and safety. At some point, you may want to move to exclusive dating with one person. I see dating as being different from going steady (exclusive dating). Dating is to find someone who has potential for you getting to know better.
 smiles0527
Joined: 6/20/2006
Msg: 343
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Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 2/15/2009 10:04:10 AM
I don't think its a gender issue. I have been guilty of wanting to date multiple men at times. It has been fun and was great when I had limited time and was focused on my children mostly. It also gave me a new chance to see what was appealing to me at this stage of my life. Now I am ready to spend my time with one man and hope to have found him! Or to find him when the time is right. Bottom line, we allow people in our lives that are either good or bad for us....its our energy and choice!!!! Be true to yourself as well as honest (ladies and men). I also believe that we should be honest with those we speak to, meet and spend time with (as I always have and will be).
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 344
Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 2/15/2009 11:07:56 AM
~OT~ I'm multi-dating at the present time. Why? Because I can. I'm single, I'm not looking for anything permanent, I'm not interested in sex and so until I meet someone who I'd like to date exclusively ~ I'm doing exactly what dating is designed to do ~ socializing with the opposite sex with no strings attached, no preconceived notions of forever/permanence and no stress. JMO
 GREATEST LOVER
Joined: 2/10/2009
Msg: 345
Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 2/15/2009 11:11:30 AM
the answer is easy, they're not that interested in any of them. its just sex for the most part. i met a sexy blonde like that, she was attracted to me as well but she made it clear that she was dating several other guys.
i couldn't get upset with her because she told me the truth. she said she wasn't looking for anything serious. i just visited her and hooked up whenever my number came up so to speak. i was always nice to her, i didn't pressure her and whenever we had sex, i gave it to her good. then she eventually fell in love with me..lol
 LexyAlexia
Joined: 1/9/2009
Msg: 347
Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 2/15/2009 11:56:50 AM
Even the meet and greet thing. It's best to give the person you are with your full attention or how can you ever expect the same?


A person I meet only one or two time should not have my"full attention" anyway. Is too clingy is he think we are exclusive after 15 minute meet.


Perhap you can make a choise about some one after a small meet but I would not reject a great guy because I have a second date plan that will probably not result in third date.
 FTWFella
Joined: 7/20/2007
Msg: 349
Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 2/15/2009 8:53:33 PM
"Why do women date multiple guys at once?"...

- Because they can...

- Because they believe in double standards...

- Because they want to...

FTWfella
 barbee1970
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 350
Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 2/15/2009 8:57:43 PM
I date one at a time. I'm not a doorknob(everybody gets a turn)
 licoricecat_1
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 356
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Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 6/29/2009 8:53:14 AM
I don't but I do have alot of male friends that I sing with and maybe go to lunch with and my significant other has met all of them.
 brittpj
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 362
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Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 7/1/2009 11:30:41 AM
simply put
and you are right
thanks
:)
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 364
Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 7/2/2009 12:50:16 PM
AC Rhino,

I agree with the general message you're saying. I would say though, one should keep in mind on how the other person dates & sees dating, if it becomes clear (indirect assessment, conversation, etc.). You don't want to be clingy (if that's one's way), knowing the person is anti-relationship, and vice versa. That way you can steer the ship in a direction that will avoid the most drama.

I break the whole dating scene to relationships in 3 phases:
1. Pre-Dating Phase: From the time you approach someone and chit-chat to the time of a few dates (usually).
- You're hanging out in the sense, figuratively or literally, regardless of going out on official dates
- You're not datING them, despite going out on a date here and there. You're getting to know each other thru enjoying each others' company. All dates or get togethers are expected out of set plans (even if last minute).
- You mutually don't know with full confidence that you'll be see each other again if any set plans weren't already in place, despite maybe being very confident that you'll be in communication at least.
- You can do this with more than one person; no commitments. Nobody is "dumped". Instead, people are "blown off" (ie wisely, no big emotional expectations should be had).

2. Dating Phase: You've been consistently dating each other, and no set plans have been required.
- By default, you're exclusive. You're not meshing your lives together, but you are meshing your free-time lives together.
- Full confidence you'll be seeing each other again, as it'd be a stupid question to ask. Maybe not for the long-haul, but over the course of the coming weeks? Yeah, of course (unless you're fighting).
- You're not necessarily spending ALL your free time together by any means, but you are consistently seeing each other, and hang out at each others' places with full comfort, etc.
- Upon things faltering, you can't just "disappear", as you have to confront them about it (not a blow off). It can be said people are "dumped", but it's temporary heart-break.

3. Established Relationship: You've consistently dated for a good while and know each other backwards and forwards. You're meshing lives, not just much of each others' free-time.

You are what you DO repeatedly, not the label you'd like to give it. If you've been with someone non-platonically 4 or 5 times a week for a while, you're a couple, whether you'd like to call it something else or not. Yes, there can be gray areas where awkwardly talking about things should be had, but many times it's not required. Hence, many times the writing's on the wall, whether you'd like commitment but aren't in a situation that'd call for that by default, or you'd like to avoid commitment but by default it's been demonstrated that you should (by default).

"Having your cake and eating it too" = Dating Phase (seeing each other frequently as always) + seeing other people
 sweetest
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 368
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Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 7/3/2009 8:16:44 PM
I think one of the best things that it does is to diffuse some of that heady build up when meeting someone new. Dating a few people slows down the likelihood of ramping up too quickly, and that allows you time to really understand the other person. As Carrie mentions above...it gets you through those 'beginning date good behaviors' to predict future behaviors.

^^^confident-realist---I liked your 3 phase analysis.
 sweetest
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 369
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Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 7/3/2009 8:20:13 PM
oops!
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 370
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Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 7/3/2009 11:42:45 PM
Anyone, who has to date more than one person at a time to keep themselves from moving too fast, falling in love too quickly, or needs more "choices" to decide if a person is right for him or her, isn't mature enough for a long term relationship anyway.

Most adults, I know, have busy lives and very little time to date as it is. So, why would that person waste that free time on a "maybe," when you've met someone you're already interested in? Are people these days so immature and impatient that they can't relax and see how something develops before seeing if the grass is a better shade of green somewhere else?

If I meet someone I like, I date that person until something develops or don't like that person anymore. I can always meet someone new if nothing happens with the person I'm currently dating. It's as simple and clean as that.

Dating is not an investment, nor is it a race to some metaphorical finish line. It's relaxing, laughing and taking the time to get to know a person. Anything less is playing, "the game." That is one of the reasons I rarely feel sorry for people who get, "played."

Lateef
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 371
Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 7/4/2009 12:14:59 AM
fixp76,

I have to side with the 40-something single guy with no kids. You're saying that as if he's missing out on an essential, which he's not. Like he's unemployed?

I think the debate here isn't about "datING" multiple people at one time -- it's about going "starting things out" with more than one person at one time -- and there is absolutely no pattern of "childless" or "never married" people who do that more than others.

It's common sense. Starting things out (a date/meeting/hi-how-are-ya) with more than one person isn't a bad thing -- it's a 100% positive thing. It's negative to clinch onto someone you really don't know from the get go, because it can so-easily not click and result in emotional drama if you do.

People don't like being another member of competition -- that's why people whine about it. Truly (frequently as a standard routine) dating more than one person? Yeah, that's crazy. But again, too many people think the world should revolve around THEM because they got someone to email them back and forth and has interest.

It's can be better single and have not gone down the road with someone who wasn't for you when married/lived-together and had kids, than be someone who has. Sometimes it's better the opposite way if it was a good thing for the most part, but grew apart. Every situation's different. At the same time, kids are awesome and precious, but you shouldn't knock someone because they avoided having kids when it wouldn't be a good idea. Far too many people get married for dumb reasons, and far too many people "oops" and have kids. You can't turn to others and say "you dont have kids/been-married because you're failing at something" - lol.
 brittpj
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 372
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Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 7/20/2009 11:18:53 PM
Strawberry jam; you, so eloquently, wrote how I feel. sheliam, you and I have "good taste" in whom we agree with! LOL!

Only once did I ask a man I was "growing feelings for" to please make him and I exclusive....... until we knew if we had a shot at romance. It was a mistake. I was wrong. If you have to ask.......not mutually come to that assumption.....just not a good thing.

I am not jealous or possessive. I do not care if who I am "dating"...is "dating" others. If it is meant to be between him and I; it is meant to be. I would RATHER my potential mate...... date others...I never want him to wonder if he has "settled" ........but truly has found his BEST match

Lets face it.......us wonderful people are compatible with lots of other wonderful people...to a point. We just want the one who "fits best" with us!

Also...if you like someone enough to see them again or even to keep in touch....you OUGHT to desire happiness for them....even if it is NOT with you. Those are GENUINE, unselfish feelings...... when it comes to caring for another person. Unfortunately........ too many people equate "caring about someone else" with their personal emotional needs, ONLY.

We are all on the same quest....finding a companion to share life with...each one has their own path to get there......there is no "right or wrong" way.
 james912
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 375
Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 7/21/2009 10:33:53 AM
Dating ,is like jobs interview the best one take the job is all i can say, and yes i go out whth different people, no sex involved but i choose the one that give me more time, and treat me the best. , to find the right one you have to kiss many frogs before to get the blue prince lol.
 barbee1970
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 376
Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 7/21/2009 4:43:18 PM
I date one at a time, but not sure this is true of men I choose. I mean if a guy is REALLY in to me as he says, he'll make time to show up.

I've had boyfriends in the past who were like a shadow. He was ALWAYS here. These were ones I met offline though. Guess it's easier than these online ones cause they see my character everyday for what it is.

I have not had a guy over in over 5 yrs, which my neighbor asks about. My comment is "I don't want a bunch of guys here".
 HarrNels
Joined: 12/18/2008
Msg: 378
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Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 7/21/2009 7:25:53 PM
Well, honestly, you gotta strike while the iron's hot, and if you've got a few guys interested you have to make the most of it. It seems to be either feast or famine with dating and you have to take advantage of the situations. I don't really like dating more than one person at a time, like I'm forced to do right now , but it's better than sitting at home alone on a Saturday night.
 Jane18F
Joined: 9/10/2009
Msg: 380
Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 9/14/2009 7:42:49 PM
hahaha. i am sure i am not like that. thank God.......
 Jane18F
Joined: 9/10/2009
Msg: 381
Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 9/14/2009 7:44:54 PM
how about men? do they do it too....
 Tack_Box
Joined: 8/1/2009
Msg: 384
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Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 9/15/2009 3:10:54 AM
No they don't...at least I don't. It bothers me to play with someone like that. You can't make out and pretend to have a great night with one person then do it again the next without someone getting hurt. Its called having to make a decision and obviously something you're not good at...
 8soldierfalcon8
Joined: 2/16/2009
Msg: 385
Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 9/15/2009 3:17:26 AM
Everyone is different and everyone has different dating styles.

Why all the hate? Why not just date people who have the dating style you like or will tolerate?

If someone is different than you, or has a dating style that you don't approve of, is it really necessary to invest your soul into despising them for it?

I mean, I don't get all the negativity.

Personally, if I am seeing a girl and find out she is dating other guys too, it's an instant rejection from me. But there's no spite in it. It's her perogative to date how she wants to date.

So.... I don't get the angst.

-8sf8
 jadegreen
Joined: 2/3/2006
Msg: 387
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Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 9/15/2009 5:43:55 AM
I try to focus on one man at a time, but I suspect they do it for same reasons men do it...If they aren't serioius about you then they continue to date others and you are not exclusive...
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