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 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 133
Why do women date mutiple guys at once?Page 4 of 1    
It's odd that up until 20 or so years ago, more women dated just one guy at a time, and some of them found out after sometime that we weren't the only ones HE was dating.

At first we were hurt and offended, and then began to realize it might not be a bad way to do things. Investing yourself in one person from day one and not bothering with anyone else can make things more intense, way too serious, it can be too much too fast, and if you're not dealing with someone who's got your best interest at heart, it can be a waste of your time - however, maybe there was a person you met two weeks ago that was better for you, but you turned them away to stick with this current bonehead?

So some of us changed the way we did things, and realized that it was better to hang back and really learn who someone is, while not cutting off other options until we knew that there was one person that we clicked with who WAS worth investing our time in. Kudos to men for actually teaching us this, and that's not sarcasm.

To be fair to men we dated and ourselves, we expected that men were pretty much still doing the same, and we embraced it and didn't take it as a jealous issue - after all, we now knew it made sense to do things that way. However, a lot of men (as evidenced by this thread) didn't find women doing this to be something they would be ok with, even though those women by default are ok with them doing the same.

So now we have women saying of course its smarter to date more than one, and figure out which one works best for you - and it's to be expected that BOTH are doing so early on, and ironically men are saying if they find out they're not the ONLY guy a woman's dating, they're history. To top it off, I don't think all men that say this aren't doing the same - but it's more like something they just don't want to see women do (not that they'd admit that here, or they'd be clearly labeled as hypocritical about it).

I really think MOST men who say they don't like women who date more than one actually do it, but instead of saying they're ok with women doing the same, they're saying I don't and she better not either, so that they can remain the only gender that does shop around.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 134
Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 3/20/2008 6:34:16 AM

Uglybetty, I cannot speak for all guys, but I know that my friends don't try to date multiple women at the same time.

Women don't "try" to date many guys at once either - it's not a game. But if you aren't seriously dating anyone and meet someone you like, should you say "no thanks" because you met one guy a week ago and you're not sure about it? I'm sure none of your friends would pass it up either.

I personally would be upset if a girl I was going out with once or twice a week was seeing another guy on the side.

If you weren't serious and were just starting to know her, why would you expect her not to be? Obviously once you both know you're into each other you wouldn't want to, but until then - why corner yourself? And that goes for both of you.

Women who do this may have some serious difficulty finding a husband.

Assuming they do want one, which is something a lot of men seem to do, how is it better for her to pine away alone at home for a guy she doesn't even know is right for her yet? Can't see that being a great path to marriage either.

Many of my friends and I are lawyers and frequently work long hours every week and may only be able to date on the weekend as it is.

Ok, so none of you can actually put the time into a real relationship anyway - trust me if you only worked 40 hours a week and had weekends off, you'd probably be doing what you're arguing against. Basically you're saying it's not fair a woman do that because you don't have time to date more than one (if any at all) right?

It's really hard to find a decent woman as it is - how could anyone trust a woman dating so many guys at once?

It's just as hard to find a decent man (if looking is what you're actually into). You may know you're a huge catch, but if you don't have time to date much, and she doesn't know you well, why should she put her bets on you and NOT do anything else?

Let me add this. Should one of you lawyers who works a ton of hours meet someone who doesn't date anyone else and wants to see you all the time, my guess is that you'd complain that they need to stop pressuring you to stop working so much, because you're too busy for it, no?

Even if I had a good first date with a girl, I would just give up on on her if she seemed to be too unavailable for additional dates.

Since you're just as unavailable for additional dates, and you've only gone on one date with this woman and know nothing about what might happen from there...how can you expect her to choose you as the one (or how can you expect her to be the one)? I find that really presumptuous and frankly, kind of strange.
 checkplease2
Joined: 2/24/2008
Msg: 135
Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 3/20/2008 7:18:30 PM
There sure is allot over generalization and stereotyping going on with this thread, especially against the men.

"well, all the guys do it, so why can't the girls"
If all the guys decided to get sex chances would you to?

"All the guys just disappear after a few dates, I don't want to wait around for them"
So you expect for them to wait around for you? Oh right someone said that men have made women wait since the beginning of time, roles can be reversed.

"All the guys this, all the guys that"
Are you fourteen or are you an adult? Girl power Puke Spice, grow up!

Oh I'm not defending the guys, I'm getting to them.

"Girls shouldn't date more than one guy"
Why not, if you don't go after them and you want to play "cool" showing them that you don't need them, they'll find someone else, stupid.

"Girls are out there to get a free dinner and a movie"
Then your obviously dating the wrong women, there are lots of women who feel that their money is worth just as much as your.

I don't see how its remotely even possible to learn anything about someone if your out dating five people at once. With work schedules, hobbies (some might not have any), maybe part time school, you'd be lucky to see someone once in a month. I personally can't learn squat about a person if your not interacting with them or only seeing them once a month. Some of you must obviously be much more superior then myself. Whats the problem with dating one person a few times for a few weeks and seeing where things go rather than a truck load of people. Oh right, you want a rebound date in case that person isn't interested in you, you can jump to the next ship without feeling hurt or rejected. Cleaver!

Its no wonder there are so many disappearing people, no one wants to wait around for the other person.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 137
Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 3/20/2008 7:42:54 PM
I think people here are confusing people who terminally date 5 people with people who are looking for something specific and need to know enough about the people they're dating in a month's time or so to eliminate those who aren't a match. Big difference.

NATURALLY if someone's dating 5 people for a year, it's cause for discussion. Duh! Oh and to the person who says you can't date 5 people and see each one more than once a month...I've seen people make that work to a much higher frequency, even if they had a busy schedule. But that's not the issue here...

I know people here aren't actually saying that from a first meet or initial official date that exclusivity is assumed, right? It's ridiculous to do that - it sets you up for major dissapointment because it's an unrealistic expectation. And I really do believe that most people out there want to keep their options open but it's offensive to them that someone else would. It's basically based on what side of the situation someone's on, and that's just hypocritical. It stands to reason that if you're trying to pick who's right for you, that the other person be allowed the same choice.

If a person isn't on the hunt for an SO and just wishes to go with the flow but is open to the possibility of more, the people that aren't for that person will naturally eliminate themselves and there's less pressure.

Someone who's too intense or extreme about dating is more likely to expect everyone they talk to to pull themselves off the market immediately and wait for word that they've been chosen, and that's a bad vibe to put off in a normal dating scene - it scares people away.
 StevenCheese
Joined: 3/4/2008
Msg: 138
Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 3/20/2008 9:22:09 PM
I usually just date one girl at a time. lol, maybe that's what I am doing wrong.
 tootsie-22
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 139
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Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 3/20/2008 9:47:24 PM
I haven't read all the responses..but has anybody mentioned that different people fill different desires..I might date a guy who likes to hike..then another one who likes the theater..and maybe another one for sports.. there are all different reasons to date someone...until you can find that One..that fills all the desires.. but that is real pressure ..to be everything to one person...why can't we date different guys? just like we have different friends...until the "BEST" friend arrives...
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 140
Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 3/21/2008 7:17:00 AM

There'll be plenty of time for monogamy after you're married.

Assuming that's what you're actually looking for. Many aren't. LTR is a realistic goal, tho.
 fancynanci
Joined: 8/21/2007
Msg: 143
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Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 3/26/2008 10:17:46 PM
Because until I meet my Prince Charming, it doesn't matter how many I date.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 148
Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 3/28/2008 4:52:26 AM
Adultery? With the early stages of dating where you've been out like twice? That's a bit extreme don't ya think? Hey, if I don't know you well enough yet to decide to seriously date you yet, then I'm not only still single, but I'm still open. Why should I tell another guy I meet and like that I'm taken? Technically, I'm far from it.

If I like you enough after a month or so to really see where it's going (and the talk has happened where we both AGREE not to date others), then I won't want to date anyone else.

My friends and I learned from the best - namely guys we were dating in our teens and early 20s..they all did this, and once we really liked them and decided to wait for them, we'd discover we were like one of three or four he was considering.

Like I said, you get mad at first and take it personally, but it really isn't. Once you realize that someone's looking to find the right one and doesn't want to pass up others who might be better suited for them, you realize it's kind of a smart thing to do.

So now we apply it - and turns out, it does work better. So thanks! I still say that guys want to outwardly act disgusted (some even go so far as to say THEY don't do this to convince us not to) when women do it so that they're the only ones with the advantage. Sorry!
 fancois66
Joined: 6/4/2007
Msg: 149
Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 3/28/2008 11:54:51 AM
i know quite a few girls that seem quite content on dateing lots of guys. but there is allways something missing, it kinda like there's a voide. i talked to one girl and she said that she never been in love, maybe it's some kinda of insecurity i dont know. maybe they just like the attention . what ever it is i just hope there happy and know the repercussions.* STD's, spot lights on jerry springer, unknown fathers, ect
well too all the girls out there that date lots of guys at once stay safe and be happy
 kensar
Joined: 7/22/2004
Msg: 150
Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 3/28/2008 12:01:19 PM
Well does every play dum. Why do women date multiple guys at once? It called "Whoring around". Polyanderous, promiscuious. All the same thing.
 Quest4L1fe
Joined: 4/20/2008
Msg: 152
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Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 5/4/2008 9:23:31 PM
Has anyone really read the name of this web site? I will split it up so it is easy to read, Plenty of fish . Just for clarification that means if you don't like something about someone and it means enough to you, then move on. Thus the name. It is not something new that we ALL date more then one person at a time. Read carefully now as I said DATE not sleep with, have sex with, Sc*%w. What ever you want to call it. So get over it man and women alike. Dinner with someone tonight and lunch with another tomorrow A movie with someone else on Friday is not being a whore, it is not cheating. It is called playing the field. Do you not drive more then one car before you decide? Do you not look at more the one horse if you are buying a horse. Do you normally buy the first house you look at? How many more do I need to list. Now having said all that if you both agree that it will be a monogamous relationship then that is different. Then it is cheating as you have made a promise and now you are breaking it. But again all you need to do and should do is break up and move on. If you have the promise and it gets broke Trust me it will only happen over and over again. GET out. PLENTY OF FISH. Fine the one that wants you for you and doesn't care to look for a better model. Just in case there is someone out there that is naive enough to think no one is better the they are then all I can say is Dream on. There is always someone that is better looking. Maybe a little more charming, but if that is all it takes to make someone cheat then I say good ridden and I will move on. The grass is always greener until you step on it. Then it turns the same color as it was where you came from. SO until you make that promise I WANT you to date others as well as me. Sleep with them and I am gone. Simple as that. But you will not realize what a great person I am until you have been with the others. If you think you like someone else better then that is ok too. I know I am not the mister right for everyone. So I will continue to enjoy life and take what comes until I do fine my Ms. Right who thinks I (just me the way I am) is her Mr. right. How can it be any different Good luck to all! Remember, If it is meant to be it will be.
 suibhne
Joined: 9/2/2007
Msg: 155
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Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 5/7/2008 7:40:57 PM
Ive ran across some females that are sleeping with multiple males a week, besides their boyfriends, etc... Basic biological psychology stipulates that their just to find the best genes, who can provide, and since she's sleeping with mulitple partners, once preggy, she'll get them all, thank God for DNA tests!
 TrulyStephanie
Joined: 5/5/2007
Msg: 156
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Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 5/7/2008 7:43:33 PM
Forgive me for not reading through all 22 pages of this post, but, from what I did read, I didn't come across a post that said this yet... I'm sure it must be in one of those 22 pages somewhere...

I've been so annoyed at times, when I have made an honest mistake when meeting a guy and had some detail or another wrong.... And have been sharply, or even coyly, answered back, "Wrong guy."

Could it be that we just got confused? Could it be that we just misunderstood, or even jumped to the wrong conclusion...
Why do some guys "get off" in saying... WRONG GUY... (I'm sure there are some women who do it too.)

I'm sorry... but, I'm human.
I make mistakes,
and I get confused sometimes...

Just my 2 cents
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 157
Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 5/10/2008 6:57:01 AM

'cuz we expect to lose 75% of the men we date for various reasons anyway...might as well overbook...

So true...

However the difficult part is do you tell your date you have another date lined up?

Nope, no need to explain while you are dating that there may be others - if he barely knows you hopefully he's aware of that...and could be doing the same.

If you dont and he sees you out how do you explain it?

"Hey, how are you? Are we still on for _________? Ok cool, talk to you later, I gotta get back to that person over there."

Also if you dont tell and get found out thats a real tricky one and has happened to me and the guy who saw me was the one I liked and I had so much explaining to do!

That would only happen if I was leading someone to believe there was no one else from the beginning...

Also if you dont tell and you end up seeing one of the guys you were multiple dating how far in to the relationship do you reveal it and should you and what is his response 6 months in to relationship when you finally admit it?!

My definition of multiple dating doesn't continue months into a relationship. Most usually don't make it past a month if they are serious prospects (hopefully) - unless you're not looking to settle down with anyone, and if that's the case, then yes they should know that.

He can think your one hell of a cheat and were hiding something not to tell him and it can seriously dent a relationship and cause trust issues.

Let's be clear - dating more than one guy isn't ok if you're doing it for half a year or a year and telling them all they are the only one....its more like in the early stages when you first meet someone and you go out with them a few times to determine whether or not they are for you.

You might plan to meet a guy a week from Sunday that you think you might like, but meet another guy Wednesday that you like....you can talk to both without worrying about it since you don't really know if either one of them is long term potential.
 redheadlady4
Joined: 11/19/2005
Msg: 158
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Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 5/26/2008 10:17:04 PM
Whtaguy....My guess is..a woman may date multiply men because what is out there right now from my experience.....you cant depend on. If a woman is looking for a relationship with one man...then she needs that one man to appear interested....call, show up, stuff like that you know....if he cant manage that, then she needs to keep her options open...and can you blame her????
 Twichi
Joined: 8/5/2007
Msg: 159
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Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 5/26/2008 10:23:47 PM
Thank you Essex23....reality check and you're right on with your comments !

Bev
 hearttwoheart
Joined: 12/11/2007
Msg: 160
Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 5/26/2008 10:30:58 PM
You've got to be kidding.... as though men dont do it.
 fancynanci
Joined: 8/21/2007
Msg: 167
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Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 6/25/2008 3:49:29 PM
Because no one has swept me off my feet.............YET
 TxSippiGal
Joined: 9/30/2007
Msg: 168
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Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 6/25/2008 5:56:26 PM

One reason I do is because men do it! If you can't beat 'em-join 'em as the saying goes in the game of cat & mouse.
Don't confuse this with sleeping with multiple guys at once.
It is easier to keep one's mind clear, and stay grounded instead of turning into a junior high girl etc if you don't put all your energy,heart, & soul into one person until they do. Been there-done that!....Doesn't work to wear your heart on your sleeve....It sends men running no matter how well you click!!! It's a pain, but it is what it is.


Amen.. Annie.. dats the way it is done...

I once dated a guy who claimed that he only dated one woman at a time.. which was ok for him.. but he was on POF two and three times a day when we were going out.. and I don't see any difference in trolling for women on POF.. and dating others.. because it means he is still looking for the better situation.

It is the way it is..
 ag6147
Joined: 6/4/2007
Msg: 172
Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 6/28/2008 3:41:33 AM
everyone does it, not just women.
 celts123
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 174
Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 6/29/2008 12:42:07 PM
Unless 2 people are in an exclusive relationship, there is nothing with dating more than 1 person. Even if a woman was dating several men ( or vice versa ) at the same time, there probably wouldn't be mutual interest between her and most of these men after 2-3 dates.
 celts123
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 175
Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 6/29/2008 5:45:48 PM
And how did you come up with that brilliant deduction?


Apparently you have to attack me any chance you get simply because I disagreed with what you wrote in a previous thread. I was ready to move on from our argument. To answer your question, I know many men who have went out on at least 1 date with a large number of women. Ony a small percentage of these dates ended up turning into serious relationships. Reverse the gender roles and the same thing applies. Therefore at least one person lost interest for whatever reason.
 Chippy2
Joined: 6/21/2006
Msg: 177
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Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 7/7/2008 2:19:49 AM
Why do women date mutiple guys at once?

Basically that is easy, and don`t shoot me down before finishing reading this post ladies.

It is for the same reason ladies try out 100`s of shoes in dozen`s of shops when out looking for a new pair of f**k me pumps.

It is the same reason guys standout in the back yard of a fishing tackle shop waving dozens of rods about when all they want is one new one.

The reason, is to be sure you have the best by actively checking out the rest.

Just because you are not the best does not mean you can not have a good friendship, and by having a good friendship puts you closer to the top of some one else`s "best of the rest" list.

This is why I for one go to Plenty Of Fish meets, I get to make friends with women who would not even have me on their dating list. Which puts them and me closer to finding "The Best Of The Rest"
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 179
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Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 7/7/2008 1:53:36 PM
Because they can. Quit whining.

Lateef
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