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 BamaBob
Joined: 11/12/2007
Msg: 119
Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?Page 2 of 17    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17)
This may be an interesting thread. It is almost 4 p.m. in two hours I'll meet a lady for the first time face to face. She is 2 years my junior and has never been married and her appearance in pictures appears to be that of an old maid who fell to the wayside for lack of interest for whatever reason. However, her voice is very pleasant and her attitude is very welcoming and caring and understanding albeit without any hint of sexual overtones. Maybe I'll return to this thread tonight and blog my observations and feelings. Although I've been in relationships over the past 15 years it has been rare that I've actually been on what I considered a date or anything comparable to what a date was prior to my first marriage. Actually, this date tonight will be more like accepting an invitation to a party for Christian singles in which I am confused as to whether I'm meeting her as a friend or a date. In any case I'm definitely anxious to be there since there will be several others available should I not hit it off with her right off the bat.
 BamaBob
Joined: 11/12/2007
Msg: 124
Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 1/26/2008 11:46:28 PM
Well, I made my date tonight with that old maid. Nice person, not enough data to draw a conclusion. I've definitely been out with divorced ladies before who were far colder. Meeting this lady for the first time was like hanging out with a buddy... as in ZERO sensual attraction but a "nice" person to have a cup of coffee with. It's still too early to evaluate the results as it will take a phone call or some form of communication to see how she responds. For sure, she's nowhere near like a couple of dates I've been on where the woman has a chip on her shoulder and accuses me of just wanting sex or those who are jaded and want to get back at their ex by just wanting to have sex and go home like they are getting an oil change or something.
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 129
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Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 1/27/2008 7:51:53 AM

— Interview with Simone de Beauvoir,
"Sex, Society, and the Female Dilemma"
Saturday Review, June 14, 1975, p.18
==================
— Alison Jagger,
Political Philosophies of Women's Liberation:
Feminism and Philosophy
(Totowa, NJ: Littlefield, Adams & Co. 1977)

I guess this just made me realize that....I don't really know anyone in "that" age group. I'm just 9 yrs past the "45" mark; and I must tell you that I'd never even heard of these people, books, or movements until WELL after I'd already started down the path that I'd chosen. I think it probably took until about 1985 or so before those "philosophies" made it all the way to Podunk Ohio....LOL! so many of us were not effected by such nonsense.

BUT, to answer the Original Question: Yeah, I think I'd be a little leary of considering a relationship with someone over 45 who's never been "married". I've seen some pretty good reasons both for and against but I can't say that any of them explain why "I don't think so" immediately comes to my mind. As much as I'd like to be able to say that I'm not just pointlessly discriminating against those who haven't ever married....I honestly can't. Being married, having a family, doing family barbeques in the back yard...those were just things that you DID...it's what EVERYBODY did. Didn't matter if you were male or female....if you weren't married by at least age 25.....people REALLY began to question WHY NOT??? I think that maybe it has more to do with how close the person is to that 45 yr mark. It seems to be like the great Continental Divide....with extremes on either side. Those who managed to walk the ridge without falling off onto one side or the other are pretty rare and maybe we should give them a big round of applause for having great balance but you still have to wonder....if they decide to tumble over to the "married and committed" side of the divide....how well are they going to cope with the ups and downs of trying to deal with someone else's differences on an ongoing daily basis? I dunno....tough decision!
 smartazzjohn
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 149
Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 2/1/2008 12:44:33 PM
Ok I'm may be shooting myself in the foot but I'm going to admit this anyway. I DON'T HAVE A SEX DRIVE ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope this made some of you people happy.
The reason I don't have a sex drive anymore is simple. It has nothing to do with age, it has nothing to do with any problems "down there" and it surely isn't because I don't like sex. Its just too damn hard to have sex while driving with those damn bucket seats. I miss the old days when big bench seats were the norm in most vehicles!!!!!!!!!!!!!


PS I have a pickup truck with a bench seat and a bed that never has to be made so do any of the ladies here wanna go for a ride???
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 161
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Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 2/4/2008 7:05:46 AM

They may have been divorced multiple times but thats not their fault in 80% of the divorces. Thisis becaseu 80% of the divorces are instigated solely by the wife. 10% by mutual agreement and only 10% solely by the husband.


^^^Ummm where are the statistics to back up that statement????
 osocute
Joined: 7/22/2007
Msg: 168
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Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 2/4/2008 8:13:57 PM
My thoughts are I probably would go out with someone who's never been married, but if their profile also says they have no children at 45 then no. Why not you ask? I have kids and I really feel that someone who isn't a parent isn't going to have much in common with me. I'm not saying they don't like kids, but the fact that they have never experienced it, would make me pass over them. I feel that they would resent my kids and the time they take up in my life. Same goes for pets. I have lots and if I chat with a guy who isn't much of an animal lover, it won't work either, so I won't waste their time. I'm of the age now that I know exactly what I'm looking for and a man without children and who doesn't really care for pets, I just know it wouldn't work and will tell them so honestly.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 172
Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 2/5/2008 4:56:03 PM
Yes,

I have and would again.

But women over 45 who have never been married
or had kids are rare. If they aint spoiled, they are
quite the prize.

Not sure if that applies to never married guys over 45.
 dessertguy
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 178
Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 2/15/2008 3:08:59 PM
Yes, I would........especially since I am in that category myself
 meowingmaryjane
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 180
Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 3/27/2008 8:46:01 AM
I don't think anyone should be judgmental, because you never know why a person has remained single. I have been a single mother and learned to be independent. I've been in several long term committed relationships without marriage. I now have a life without a relationship and am wanting something more than one time dates or short term email relationships. Everyone I know says I am the lucky one to be alone without a man. I'd like to find that out myself.

Mary Jane
 VoxClamantis
Joined: 2/19/2008
Msg: 183
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 187
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Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 3/30/2008 12:11:04 AM
I would proceed with caution. My experience is that men who have never married or even lived with a woman that age probably aren't going to commit. I've gone with one and watched several others who had really decent relationships with good, quality women. The relationships ended because the guy wanted to stay "dating" and the woman wanted a commitment. I wouldn't rule out dating a guy that age who has never married, but I'd look for signs of commitment phobia.
 Imtheone7
Joined: 2/10/2007
Msg: 188
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Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 3/30/2008 9:47:18 AM
Excellent question..

I think that there are many people who marry again and again.. they seem to follow the same pattern... these people often move from one person to another in their dating lives without time off to get to know themselves...

Need I be the one to suggest that the can only love someone else, if they know and love themselves..

Food for thought..

Jeff
 DenaliDadd
Joined: 11/20/2007
Msg: 191
Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 3/30/2008 5:27:23 PM

Depends on her weight

Well, at least you're honest. Shallow, but honest.
 SmartAlec
Joined: 2/8/2005
Msg: 193
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Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 3/31/2008 8:23:32 PM
It is a strange society that we live in where particularly women who have never married are considered "unchosen" yet women who have had several failed marriages including children with more than one father are considered a better catch? Men on the other hand are viewed as "building their careers" and "too busy" to get committed. Hmmmm.... never did buy into any of those myths myself. My mother gave me the down payment on my first house at age nineteen as she believed I would never marry - too independent a soul? Now at age 51 I look back on this and find that she was right. To me - marriage is an outdated institution - religion based for the most part. To be legally tied to someone would not make me stay if I was unhappy.
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 200
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Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 10/5/2008 2:48:19 PM
it would depend upon his "story". there are some who have been married but emotionally absent, some who were married long ago and offer all sorts of reasons "not" to get remarried, some who were married a long time and are now back in their second childhoods or just cannot find someone to fill the space--or maybe there is no more space.

some have to make up for lost time spent in "grueling" marriages and find themselves. some do and some never do. many singles who have lived alone their entire lives may be set in their ways, but many singles, although not legally married, have been in longer term relationships (often "live-in") than those who were married very briefly.

gotta do yur homework--after first focusing and weeding out based upon the values, attraction, availability, companionship and (last but foremost) "COMMUNICATION" biggies. if you are lucky enough that one of you is willing to move or does not have cats or dogs that you are allergic to, et al, et al--then begin to explore the reality of this person being "long term", "live in" and/ or marriage material for the long duration.

remember, people really change over time and as you get into your later 50's, you have to deal with the realities of "aging" (yik), as well. this means after all the rest seems positive, are you willing to also "age" with this person and what if you both are not at the same pace?

aging means and does different things to different people. for some, all of a sudden, the person you thought you knew just disappears. not willing to check out his/her hormones or neurotransmitters and instead just succumbs to having the life sucked out of the person, either in a big unanticipated boom or more deviously over time.

being adults, you cannot force force such a person to look into some means to assist or help themselves along. so, after all this, if the person met all the other criteria and has sinned for being single, at least take them into consideration as perhaps there is a just a dam-ned good reason that you may not have thought about. just finding a once married person will not solve all the other "stuff".

i am finding that i have to be clear and true as to what i want and what i have to give. slowly the rest will fall into place. the superficial stuff is just that. have to get to the essence of a person and s/he has to be willing to reveal him or herself. some do not even know who they are yet.
 jackster121
Joined: 9/2/2008
Msg: 203
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Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 10/5/2008 2:56:45 PM
i would say i believe like you sort of, I would get to know them and find the whys and wherefores before deciding, but having 2-3 failed attempts is no different than 2-3, 4 divorces. So in our age bracket, some things have to slide or at least give some leeway.
 Firmbear8
Joined: 2/12/2006
Msg: 209
Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 10/6/2008 7:55:41 AM
Well I am one of those so called guys thats over 45 and never been married .
Theres alot of women at least here in ontario canada who only value a guy for what he has in the bank and what he owns . And also over the years up here in ontario all the women I ran into only wanted a short time with lots of fun and once they got it they would toss a guy away like a used condem !LOL
And even now seems women in ontario are still very materialistic and if you say you rent and work hourly they could careless about you.
As for me yes been looking for my sweet hot princess for years and as for now if shes not slim slender and single then don't waste my time !LOL
Been dating alot over the years and have run into way too many saying they want a nice /honest /loving one woman man . But just seems all their into is what they can get from him and where their next stud with stuff they can get.
But thats women for you in ontario !LOL
Would I date someone whos single & never been married I would say sure aslong as she's slim & sexy !
 Firmbear8
Joined: 2/12/2006
Msg: 212
Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 10/8/2008 10:42:23 PM
Well it really does not matter on ones age after you reach 35 as seems after 35 all anyone seems interested in is what do you do for a living /where do you live /what do you drive/what do you own . Then they look at your pictures and then decide if your even worth a first email then maybe a first meet !LOL
Yep seems most are very materialistic now adays once they reach over the age 35 barrier. And there never seems to be very many really looking for the nice sweet loving person to love them for who they are and not what they own.
So kinda leaves a single never married guy 53 like me almost no one to even bother to contact .
As seems anyone I might be interested in never reads any emails I send and none even make first contacts either. LOL
Hey maybe thats why alot of these singles sites are also linked to porn singles sites!
LOL
Just waiting for the day POF becomes linked to a singles porn site !
 Firmbear8
Joined: 2/12/2006
Msg: 215
Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 10/9/2008 9:31:20 PM
Well seems porn is all anyone on these singles sites seem interested in !
And nope not into porn and I don't post porn ideas in forums either. But I do notice that when someone does post a forum about sex of any type there sure is a ton of women posting replies in these said porn type forums.
Yet when you view alot of womens profiles it will state must not be looking for sex or must not have messaged someone for sex !LOL
As for firmbear8 he only likes the real deal and so far has not seen or read any real women honestly seeking a male on here !!
 DenaliDadd
Joined: 11/20/2007
Msg: 218
Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 10/12/2008 3:57:09 PM
I'm not sure that a woman with previous marriage is a requirement for my second one. Sure, there are lessons that one learns in marriage, but I think it's more about the here-and-now, not the then-and-there.

 lindy_3333
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 219
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Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 10/12/2008 5:50:15 PM
I have gone out with a few men that are now older and never been married. Now a days though that doesn't necessarily mean much since so many have long terms without marriage and even raising families, buying homes together etc.

It's all about the person, not the labels one carries.
 BLUEMISS
Joined: 7/15/2007
Msg: 221
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Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 10/16/2008 3:57:04 PM
I am 52 and never married... with my ex for 19 years,engaged twice, and glad I never went for the divorce!I am a firm believer that a person has to learn their own life lessons and the people put in your life are there for a reason, be it a biggie or weenie lesson.Being single at my age does not make me feel like I am an 'alien' or somehow wrong in my life journey...it's my life journey and my path and in some way the people in my path are supposed to be there.So if I never get married, so be it, maybe next time around.?Hopefully I don't have to wait that long though, or go through a lot of b.s. to get there. lol
 matchlessm
Joined: 11/11/2007
Msg: 229
Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 10/20/2008 1:37:05 PM
I've been interested to read all the different attitudes people have on this subject. It's always a good idea to keep exceptions in mind. I have a friend--a guy I used to work with-- who's about 50 and has never been married. He also happens to be one of the highest-type people I've ever met. He's also very smart, pretty normal-looking, well-educated, respectful toward women, a very interesting conversationalist, and he has a great wit.

But when my friend was in his 20's, he was in a bad car accident that burned the lower part of his face. I guess the doctors did a pretty good job, but the scars show a little even now. Even though he doesn't remember anyone taunting him about his appearance, he's told me that more and more, he started to feel like damaged goods. He became convinced women would also see him that way, and eventually he just stopped dating--for good. He got counseling of some type, but it didn't seem to help. The bad part is that he might have found that more than one woman he liked accepted him, if only he'd kept trying.

My point is that there can be reasons why someone has never married that have nothing to do with all the usual reasons people think of, but they tend to jump to conclusions. And unfortunately, people like my friend get judged negatively when they haven't done anything wrong.
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 244
Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 10/23/2008 8:12:25 AM
If I was a male I would so try and get Zeeba to go out with me, she is a classic and anyone who would judge someone so harshly for having the emotional strength of character to not get married just cause others are when they are young. Looking back, how many bashing those who were never married can honestly say you got married for the right reasons....if so why are you here now?

People make mistakes, those who have never gotten married just havent made as many and are true to themselves enough not to try something just to do it unlike alot of others who will wear any shoe vs going barefoot, even if it doesnt fit.
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