Posted: 12/27/2007 7:37:21 AM
I do think he doesn't know his own strength but s this has happened now twice in my life and just with him Why are you continuing to excuse his behavior? Work on your own boundary issues, first!
He is a jerk!!!!!! No if, ands or buts - Controlling, manipulative AND abusive.
vvvvv just_here_4_forums has it right. If you can't bring yourself to retaliate in this way, you need to at least toss drink!
But the fact that I had to slap him to make him stop Good point, Gwendolyn - if this guy needs such extreme "warnings," he is not a friend at any level regardless of his "excuses" ( or yours). Wise up. If it hasn't been said yet (even so, bears repeating) "We teach others how to treat us!"
Posted: 12/27/2007 7:48:51 AM
|Start asking yourself why you don't stand up for yourself, because you don't. If if did it once and you were in his presence after that - all you did was send the message he can continue his behavior.|
Who care what someone that acts like that thinks. Why do you think it's okay to keep going back for more.
We choose who is around us. Period.
Posted: 12/27/2007 7:56:51 AM
|Do NOT put up with such sexist shit as someone hitting your arse when you don't want it to be hit. It is a not so subtle form of abuse and manipulation. |
My ex husband used to grab my breasts and it bugged the hell out of me. I kept asking him to STOP, then insisted he stop, and he laughed and kept doing it. It wasn't even a sexual move, it was a debasing act that let me know he was bigger than me and could do what he wanted to do, and there wasn't anything I could do about it.
One day he came up behind me and grabbed my breasts again. I turned around and slapped him full across the face. His look of amazement was no less than my own look, I am sure. Immediately, the words, "I am sorry!" came out of my mouth, but then I reconsidered: why the hell was I apologizing when he continued (for years) to do something that I demanded he stop doing?
Bottom line--he got the message and never did it again. But the fact that I had to slap him to make him stop was another coffin nail in our marriage.
Find a new pub and new friends if you have to; don't allow yourself to be subjected to such behavior.
Posted: 12/27/2007 8:05:25 AM
I'm also gonna toughen up a bit in general with the crowd down there s to what is and isn't acceptable.
I think maybe I let people mess too much..I do seem to always be the one who gets picked up..which I go crazy if anyone does it..but I'm the littlest person in there..so I guess I'm the toy to play with.
Maybe you need to find new friends.
Posted: 12/27/2007 8:11:23 AM
He's disabled, hs had a tough life with a lot of bullying.
He has been on the receiving end of bullying, so he should understand that his behaviour was out of line. Instead, he turns the tables to make you look like the bad one here. When he landed on your back, he should have immediately apologized for it. Self absorbed people have a hard time accepting any ownership when they do wrong. He sounds inconsiderate, uncaring, and well, he sounds like a typical bully.
I have a real big thing about my personal space and people touching me, even if it's for a swat on the tush. I may have laughed the first one off because I know him. A stranger would not be that lucky even after the first bum slap. The second time, he would have been told politely not to do it again. Anything after that and the gloves come off!
Posted: 12/27/2007 8:45:13 AM
|Ah yes, the Christmas spirit...|
Wait just a minute...he 'trod on your back and bounced' ???????
How in the heck....??????
Posted: 12/27/2007 8:58:26 AM
Having a disability does not give a person licence to be disrespectful and crude. His behavior, both at the party and afterwards, is very childish and self-centred.
If I were you I would do one or all of three things:
Next time he does this to you, as one of the other posters has already said, stand up, look him square in the face - holding eye contact - and sternly tell him that you do not welcome his touch. What he is doing is sexual harassment, inexcusable by anyone, even a disabled man.
Stand up, approach him with arms extended as if you are about to give him a hug, then while he is distracted by that possibility - just as he is about to wrap his arms around you -bring your knee up and kick him squarely in the groin. Then ask him how he liked you touching him?!
Find another bar to hang around in.
***Disclaimer: I am not trying to encourage violence here. I just remember a time when I had an "admirer" who kept trying to invade my space without my permission. The kick to the groin was my last resort, but he never approached me again.
Posted: 12/27/2007 3:51:09 PM
|Ever thought of taking up Tae Kwon Doe? It will enable you to perform dozens of party tricks to entertain your friends with. You don't even have to touch the guy, just show him your cool new moves, he'll think twice about slapping your bottom. |
Posted: 12/27/2007 3:59:35 PM
|Haha - based on your pics & profile, Hiway-Man, you are short, fat and ugly. |
Posted: 12/27/2007 5:39:43 PM
|This past summer i had a situation sort of similar. I am very outgoing, love to flirt and laugh. Normally i do not mind being the butt of a joke, in fact i often bring it on myself, just to make people laugh. There was this one guy that gave me the creeps and I made it obvious I did not want his attentions or friendship. Some were pretty shocked that I could be that tuff and put him in his place. Or so I thought I had......... The next night a few of us went to a local pub, I had only one drink as I was the driver. The guy showed up and plunked his butt down beside me, I explained that the seat was taken and could he please move. He said he knew I liked him and was being tough. I said he best think again and got up and moved. A few minutes later while I was chatting to a male friend he came over and slapped my butt a few times. I turned around, looked him straight in the eye (the entire place got quiet, was funny after the fact) and said "you touch me again and ill F-ckin DECK you!", turned around and kept chatting with my friend. He walked out the door, everyone started laughing and congratulated me. Seems few could put this jerk in his place but I had managed to do it. He hasn't so much as looked at me since then. ;)|
Posted: 12/27/2007 6:54:21 PM
|He should have known that his 168 pounds jumping on your 112 pounds would incur an expected amount of pain. He could have caused serious neurological damage, and I suggest you seek medical attention to outrule any potential long-term threat. A drunk will seek to be the best drunk within a public forum, and while you may feel a measureable degree of embarrassment, you should have no fear of continuing to frequent the pub where you are well known. Let him continue his immature attempts to make the situation appear as if you are the one with some manner of social discord;|
you know in your own heart and mind what events took place and have the bruises as supportive evidence. What bruises has he (aside from the unseen bruises to his ego)? You speak no further to the matter. Let his gooses tongue rant about; this will become the source of his demise.
Posted: 12/27/2007 8:20:29 PM
this "person" is counting on your being polite and too nice to do harm.
Arm yourself. Stun gun will work nicely. A knee in the family jewels is well deserved.
And have a friend armed with a cell phone that records, get him recorded.
Oh, and for fun, print out this thread and give it to him. Let him see he is exposed.
Perhaps I could meet this fellow the next time I cross the pond.........
Posted: 12/28/2007 11:59:04 PM
|I'd have asked him politely one time, and one time only, to stop slapping my bum...next time I'd have slapped his face. He has no right to touch anyone like that and you allowing it by not reacting with a bit more strength didn't help.|
If I had someone who treated me like that and it was the center of my social life--I'd find a new social life. Sounds like you had someone stick up for you but it sounds like the group didn't have the balls to make an issue of it...sorry, wouldn't have it. He should be the one ostracized, not you. If the others don't see that then they aren't friends...their actions speak volumes.
Posted: 1/2/2008 2:10:04 AM
|"I did shreik like a banshee..but it had no effect at the time.|
I need to learn better banshee skills!"
"slapping my bum"
I'm sorry you sound like youre having fun a games not being serious I dont take this nonsence serious why should he- Hes probably pissed and just miserable. You inviting comment as a "Christmas argument" so any attention this slapping bum incident gets is diminshed you have a history all the sudden on year at Christmas an old disabled friend decided to slap me on my bum I shreick like a banshee and he complaines to everybody I didnt like my bum getting slapped. Get real If youre hurt - youre hurt - you dont care about any argument and you tell this close friend to **** off or ask him whats his problem hes getting aggressive. if you want to yell or scream at him you dont shreik like a banshee who usually only shreik at the death of a loved one this sounds like slap and tickle
Posted: 1/2/2008 2:15:09 AM
|Maybe you have done something to him in the recent past why would he suddenly became overt and aggressive.|
Posted: 1/2/2008 8:05:12 AM
|Take a pair of undergarments and put tacks thru them from the inside out. Next time you expect to be around him wear these. If he slaps your bottom not only will he get surprised, he will most likely be vocal thereby bringing attention to his 'ACTIONS '. Or every time he pats your bottom, pat his front side harder( preferably with a closed fist ). Good Luck |
Posted: 1/2/2008 8:21:18 AM
|Two other suggestions:|
1. scream real loud for him to stop touching you in personal places so everyone hears it
2. In my state complaints about this nature to the Liquor Board bring an Agent to the Bar. Ask bartender(s) to inform this IDIOT that they do not trouble from any Agency so he MUST keep his hands and words to himself
Posted: 1/2/2008 8:58:52 PM
|"Or every time he pats your bottom, pat his frontside harder"If he slaps your bottom not only will he get surprised re:msg 88 sounds too much like S and M anyways I think you got the message, youre now saying he hit you or has hit you. Making it obvious hes got a problem assulting people. Also hoping you realize this isnt your choice3 if it was it Would be not a big thing. |
Posted: 10/14/2008 8:49:43 PM
|From my point of view she was playing some sick game with you,don't waste your time wondering what you did wrong ,it wasn't you it is her and her messed up mind.|
Posted: 10/14/2008 8:52:55 PM
What would you do?
I'm going to sound like a real ****, but after telling him kindly, and then being injured on my back?
I'd have consulted my chiropractor about any damages, I'd have had a massage and realignment and I'd have written him a letter stating that while it was all well and good to have fun, it also can be costly, and that I fully expect him to pay for the "fun" he had, and to please take me seriously when next I told him to NOT touch me.
Posted: 2/6/2012 3:42:49 PM
|I will admit I didn't read all 4 pages of threads before posting, sorry if this is redundant...|
when you say:
I guess what makes it more difficult is that he doesn't take criticism very well.
He's disabled, hs had a tough life with a lot of bullying. He does drink a lot. Had I thought about it more carefully I would hve declined the invite.
but he is capable of using his arms, walking, and bouncing on your back. Are you saying he is mentally/emotionally handicapped? Possibly not able to discern what is and is not "socially acceptable"? If so, I believe your only real choice is to keep your distance. If he can't tell "right from wrong", then you can't reason with him intellectually, and can't appeal to his conscience if he's "wired differently".
As the one in control of your faculties and the ability to reason, then it would be your choice to keep a safe distance. IMO.
Posted: 2/6/2012 4:36:04 PM
|You can tell it's a full moon......people are digging up 5 year old threads where the OP is long gone .............................|