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Joined: 9/22/2005
Msg: 63
does the internet make people more picky?Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I believe so,so many seem to be playing top that last caller.I person, people are not that picky,ones personality overrides looks within seconds,here maybe you don't get that chance.Then by the time you learned of the nitty gritty its to late you already like the person
Joined: 4/11/2004
Msg: 66
does the internet make people more picky?
Posted: 1/24/2008 8:23:48 PM
Since we have the space to write it down in black and white and a large audience, it doesn't hurt to ASK!

I don't think that people expect that they will find someone with ALL thier perfect specifications, but with some luck, you'll get someone with SOME of the qualities you want!
Joined: 10/11/2007
Msg: 68
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does the internet make people more picky?
Posted: 1/24/2008 8:51:58 PM
RE: First post.

lol You're misleading yourself my man. Women arent usually truthful on their profiles. They just say what they think makes them sound best. They want to be portrayed as good and caring people, hence they type up that drivel to throw in your face. ^_^ Thats all it is. So dont trouble yourself. Its best to take anything a woman says or does with a grain of salt.
Joined: 5/23/2007
Msg: 69
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does the internet make people more picky?
Posted: 1/24/2008 10:08:19 PM
Let's see, well... I've been starting to cover the same points in different topics, so I think I can handle this one by just quoting myself. Alright here we go...

The problem is that when it comes to dating, You Women have Way Too Many Choices. We men have little to sometimes even None. There apears to be No Balance.
...and so shall it remain - until everyone can wrap their heads around the idea a person's value is more than a few bad pictures and matching an unattainable elaborate mental checklist, we'll just keep going on as we are.

The love of your life may in fact be someone shorter than you prefer, or a different personality type, or a different race, or weight, or social status... but everyone keeps striving for the "perfect" that doesn't exist.

The nature of online dating is that it develop what I call the UES (Unrealistic Expectations Syndrome), among BOTH men and women. Many here do go after model-looking types. About 5-10% of people here are those that everyone finds attractive and everyone is hitting on... Those are the same people who do not have time to read and/or answer their emails. Most of the "normal" people, BOTH men and women, do not have such experience.
Yep, that's the truth.

The problem of course, is that even when you're actually trying to communicate with people who aren't in the "top percent" - it's damn near impossible to find someone on the other side who's doing the same.

It's just too easy to dismiss people outright - I mean "they're sort of average... but I've got hundreds more of those to choose from, and I'm still waiting for responses from two dozen really hot people I've messaged!" (cue read-delete/unread-delete/read-ignore)
There we go, perfect.
Joined: 10/25/2004
Msg: 70
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does the internet make people more picky?
Posted: 1/24/2008 10:17:11 PM
No I disagree with that statement. I think if u go on a lot of meet and greets then u see more qualities u like and dislike in a mate. We are all different that is why we all have choices in life. That is what makes each of us unique. When I read a profile and it says what they are looking for I move on if it don't fit me. I don't get mad cause we all have choices and it's all about which path we choose! I think meeting a lot of different people teaches us to not settle! We all have someone out there.
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 72
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does the internet make people more picky?
Posted: 4/16/2008 8:07:11 AM
Yes. We are looking for the perfect mate(or so we say but we know the truth it is impossible). I am here to tell you the steps are getting to know the frogs along the way.
I try to seek out people I think I might have something in common with and go from there with a email. I try to keep my opinions about what they say in there profile in mind but I am also not able to tell you in my profile why I am your perfect mate or if I think you are mind.
That where the frogs come in. It is called dating/weeding and we all have to do it. But I do expect proper spelling at least in profiles or I get turned off. It is like being late to the first date.
I have gotten a couple of bites, pulled a few out of the water but they fell back in before I had a visual on them. That fish talk. Translation(Emails but no meetings). Also although I am a modern woman I still believe that the Man should ask for phone # and to meet& greet. But I think we are losing our manners. No response to emails or the sudden cold shoulder. No thanks is still apprpriate.
Joined: 9/30/2010
Msg: 74
does the internet make people more picky?
Posted: 1/15/2011 8:55:16 AM
of course, but eventually a psychologically healthy person will tire of the nonsense & want a one on one relationship...

key word: psychologcally healthy

of course we all go thru periods of being like a kid in a candy store, but a woman who can't settle into even a short term relationship is either butt ugly or nutsy-koo-koo-nympho
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 75
does the internet make people more picky?
Posted: 1/15/2011 9:16:32 AM
I think the internet makes many people more confused. With limited options, people will have an easier time picking the best match and be happy with their choices, even if it falls short of what they could have easily found given the choices they have on the internet. However, the choices they have on the internet just makes choosing more difficult because evem if they find what they want and it's better than what real life offers, the multitude of selections confuses them, makes them constantly question their choices and they are never satisfied because someone ``better'' might join tomorrow. The internet works best for people who know what they want before they go shopping, are prepared to buy when they find it and know they'll be satisfied with getting what they wanted. People who are easily distracted by shiny objects are more likely to be disappointed, repeatedly.
Joined: 11/7/2010
Msg: 76
does the internet make people more picky?
Posted: 1/15/2011 9:24:14 AM
This is the ideal MEAT market, and shoppers are looking at the best bang for their lunch money!

Oh the sarcasm!!! But seriously, yes, in this setting we are judged first by our photographs it appears.

The only thing that would really discourage me is a drug user and alcoholic because I don't have the patience to date them anymore. I was a co-dependent, an enabler, for way too long.

There are certain things we have experienced and are protecting ourselves from having to live through them again.

As far as hair color, height, income, etc... Well, there will always be superficial people.
Joined: 11/7/2010
Msg: 77
does the internet make people more picky?
Posted: 1/15/2011 9:32:47 AM
I am wondering-

Are women more picky or are men more picky?
Joined: 9/30/2010
Msg: 78
does the internet make people more picky?
Posted: 1/15/2011 9:47:31 AM

Are women more picky or are men more picky?

Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 79
does the internet make people more picky?
Posted: 1/15/2011 9:51:30 AM


Couldn't agree more! I'd rather be ultra-picky than just settle for the next guy who asks me out. Pickiness is only a bad thing if you aren't getting picked. JMO
Joined: 11/20/2007
Msg: 80
does the internet make people more picky?
Posted: 1/15/2011 12:22:09 PM
I am not looking for someone who is perfect but rather someone who is perfect for me.

The internet hasn't made me more picky. Bad choices in life have made me more picky. I am trying my best to avoid mistakes of the past.
Joined: 7/11/2010
Msg: 81
does the internet make people more picky?
Posted: 1/15/2011 1:13:15 PM
of course women are more picky.
look at all the damm good guy threads.

they can afford to be picky in real life so on here it becomes a joke to most men expecting much.
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 82
does the internet make people more picky?
Posted: 1/16/2011 9:12:13 AM

they can afford to be picky in real life so on here it becomes a joke to most men expecting much.

That's not quite fair. Although I do read the sentiment all the time. We are no more picky or less picky than the men we meet. And isn't that the way it should be? If not? We'd all just settle for someone that we'll make miserable while being miserable in the process. Pickiness is only bad when the expectations don't equate. I personally believe there is someone for everyone, it's finding that person that's the tough thing. JMO
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 83
does the internet make people more picky?
Posted: 1/20/2011 8:37:00 PM
Blu Angie.....
To answer your question:
Women seem to be pickier till age 50.
Over 50, men are.
Joined: 11/26/2010
Msg: 84
does the internet make people more picky?
Posted: 1/21/2011 2:51:35 AM
I think the girls here in San Jose are stupid.
Joined: 1/15/2011
Msg: 85
does the internet make people more picky?
Posted: 1/21/2011 11:05:00 AM

are our expectations becoming more and more over the top?

IMO no. IMO they are pretty much the same as reflected in standard society.
IMO there are (at least) 2 "problems."
1. People are used to automatically judging people compatible or incompatible. Every day (if you leave the house and see strangers) you pass people in public and size them up. Determine threats, determine romantic potential, level of interaction necessary, etc. All almost immediately. Online just slows down that process because:
2. Online you aren't getting the sensory and social feedback you need so you fill it in from your own head (interpreting shallow communication) based on what is more dominant at the moment (due to mood and life situation); your own fears, your own desires, etc.. Which leads to ambiguity, confusion, insecurity, and inconsistency which simply compounds the longer you are here.

And that leads to lists of things they already know their reaction to (must have, must nots). Trying to recreate from past experience and idealizing, and control, the body language interaction they are familiar and comfortable with since they aren't getting it online via typing or over the phone.

im also seeing more and more the growing list of demands in perspective partners ie: must be x tall, with x hair and x eyes. must be this, that and the other.

Listers aren't looking for people, they are looking for feelings, emotional reactions.
Just another form of one night stands. Short term gratification of an emotional need. They know how their body will react to fulfillment of their demands, and that's what they want to achieve. Even if it isn't consciously known.
Joined: 12/15/2009
Msg: 86
does the internet make people more picky?
Posted: 1/24/2011 7:01:20 PM
it would seem this is the case its rather sad that it seems most people on here are judging people based on looks. this is probrably why alot of people are on here complaining about failed relationships and how they tought they were madly in love and got hurt i wouls say they werent in love at all rather in lust. women and men will date one another just based on looks but have nothing in common at all then wonder why it didnt work out. i think going with someone maybe a little less attractive but who treats you good is the way to go to be happy.
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 87
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does the internet make people more picky?
Posted: 2/2/2011 9:43:06 AM
There is a difference between being picky and having standards, personally I think being picky is unreal expectations of people, the barbie double or prince charming. I consider myself to have some standards, where I don't want someone who is unclean, abusive, rude, makes sexual comments 5 minutes into a conversation or bad personality.
I think people can be picky on the internet because we don't have the physical and mental cues we get when we meet someone in real life, so all you have is a pic and some words to try and judge if this person is right for you.
Joined: 1/11/2011
Msg: 88
does the internet make people more picky?
Posted: 2/11/2011 8:44:34 AM
I was on here about a year ago, then I think I was not picky enough. I talked to pretty much anyone who wanted to chat. Met a lot of guys, guess what after 8 months I was still single and felt defeated LOL

This time I came back and decided to do it differently. I did not post my picture (love not getting the U R HOT emails) I have a very simple profile with a little info but not much to go on.

This time I am doing the fishing. I read a ton of profiles send emails along with the first email I send my picture. I realize how, I am waaaaaayyyy more picky then I was before lol.

I read a guys profile, very well written, good pictures, added him to my favs, saw he checked out my profile, and I sent him an email along with my picture. I pulled out some info from his profile and asked him about that stuff, he is a hunter so I made a joke about being a freezer hunter. It was a damn good email. Not really long but about 3 paragraphs. Some humor, a few questions, thought I was doing very well at getting a conversation going. His reply ..... WOW U R SEXY and you like wild meet (yes spelled that way) how do you like this site?

UGGGGG I am getting pickier and picker LOL

I honestly think though it is not so much picky more that we know what we want and what we don't want. I have a list and I won't accept anyone who does not meet the list. My main thing is someone who is happy with who he is, what he does and where he is going. I don't care if your flipping burgers at McDonalds please just be happy doing it.
Joined: 11/30/2009
Msg: 89
does the internet make people more picky?
Posted: 2/11/2011 9:40:16 AM
Picky not to sure about that..delusional many want someone that possesses everything that they lack....
Joined: 9/26/2010
Msg: 90
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does the internet make people more picky?
Posted: 2/16/2011 9:23:21 AM
The internet gives you the illusion of more choices than real life. Too many choices (either real or imaginary) is often worse than not having any.
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 91
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does the internet make people more picky?
Posted: 3/2/2011 8:16:53 AM
"I think the internet makes many people more confused. With limited options, people will have an easier time picking the best match and be happy with their choices, even if it falls short of what they could have easily found given the choices they have on the internet."

Well, Abelian, you just got even more scientific backing:


by Winnie Andrews – Tue Mar 1, 7:24 pm ET

PARIS (AFP) – Scientists have made a surprising discovery: The more options you have for choosing a lover, the likelier you are to end up with no-one.

British investigators, in a new study released on Wednesday, looked at the strange dynamics of choice in speed-dating, a fashionable way for singles to meet.

Speed-daters race through a rota of one-on-one meetings, judging each person for suitability after a conversation of a few minutes that ends when a bell sounds.

Assessing large numbers of candidates was not a problem in itself, the researchers found.

In fact, many speed-daters found more potential partners when they were able to cast their net into a larger pool.

But this advantage only worked when the available candidates were all broadly similar.

When candidates were too dissimilar, speed-daters became confused by many conflicting factors -- and often failed to choose anyone.

"There are models of human 'rationality' which posit that variety is a good thing," said researcher Alison Lenton at the University of Edinburgh in Scotland.

"What will be surprising to some people is that our results suggest that increasing option variety leads to chooser confusion. People are more likely to choose no-one at all when faced with greater variety."

The study, published in the British journal Biology Letters, tracked 1,868 female and 1,870 male participants at 84 commercial speed-dating events.

Hopeful singles gave details of their occupation, education level, age, height, weight and religious affiliation, allowing researchers to gauge differences.

The women's mean age was 34.3 years and men were aged 35.6. Twenty percent of women and 27 percent of men were in professional or managerial positions, and the remainder classified themselves as "skilled non-manual" or other occupations.

Speed-daters met in groups and engaged in three-minute encounters with between 15 and 31 singles of the opposite sex.

After the event, the organiser matched up individuals who indicated a mutual interest in each other, thus opening the way to a possible date.

Big speed-dating events typically generated 123 such "proposals," or shows of interest, when candidates were similar, the researchers found. But the number dropped by more than a quarter, to 88, when candidates were varied.

Small speed-dating events would lead to 85 proposals when candidates were similar. But this fell by nearly a third, to 57 proposals, when candidates were varied.

Men were generally keener than women in formulating a proposal -- but were also likelier to be stumped by choice.

In short, variety is fine... but in manageable doses.

"Dealing with variety requires attention and memory, and we have only so much capacity for each," Lenton explained in an email with AFP.

Extending encounters by 10 minutes might not greatly change results, she said.

"It is extremely common for us to make quick judgments about other people, even in a matter of seconds. And once those judgments are formed, they can be difficult to change."

Amber Soletti, who runs a speed-dating company in New York, said grouping singles by interest or physical preferences boosted chances of a successful connection.

Her company,, offers 75 niche groups, such as "Asian Persuasion," "Fitness Singles" and "Worldly Singles" who like to travel.

Soletti started the company after failing to find anyone of interest at general speed-dating events.

"I only like to date men 6-foot-1 (1.85 metres) and taller. I always went to single events that had shorter men, so I didn't find anyone," she said by phone.

But now, "If I go to our tall event, I have a better chance of meeting someone," she said.

"People know what they like."
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 93
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does the internet make people more picky?
Posted: 3/3/2011 11:40:42 AM
That's how I would interpret the results. If you're like this woman and height is basically your number one determiner of interest, then obviously she's going to be more likely to find a date in a group of 100 six-footers than a group of 100 men running the bell curve of heights. However, on the same note, no doubt she's also more likely to find a date in a group of 1000 six-footers than in a group of 100 six-footers.

So I'm not sure if the article's interpretation of the results is exactly correct. I don't think that people were "confused" by large diverse groups. These groups just contained a higher percentage of people that didn't interest them than a smaller group tailored to their interests would have. Now imagine her having a group of 1000 guys all under 5'9". She would almost certainly be less likely to pick anyone from that group than she would from the group with 100 six-footers. Well, if she really is HARD CORE about the height (which she sounds like it). I think many women with tall height PREFERENCES would probably come up with the same amount of guys to date in a group of 1000 shorter men as they would in a group of 100 tall men, because they're willing to make exceptions for otherwise exceptional guys. But if height's a DEAL-BREAKER, then what's the point in even bothering with a group that includes short men?

(Related thread: )

All that said, I still see this study applying to large markets on Plenty of Fish. You have tens of thousands of options, and if you're the typical selective person (which I'm not, but that's beside the point), maybe there are only a few dozen to hundreds that you'd seriously consider dating -- it's finding those people that's so difficult (or, even worse, letting them find you, as most women do). So on day one you're contacted by one of those guys in that few dozen, so you talk to him for a while, but on day two, a couple more of those guys contact you, and meanwhile dozens of other mostly non-suitable guys are also attempting to contact you. Then on day 3, another one of those guys conacts you. And all 4 of those guys, plus a half dozen slightly suitable guys ask you out for Saturday night. What's a girl to do? Most, I suspect, will try to schedule them throughout the weekend at different times, therefore still not making choice. Some will just give up altogether out of annoyance, therefore still not making a choice. Some will keep stringing along all the guys, trying to figure out which one is best to meet, until most of the guys give up, therefore, still making a choice (but perhaps having a choice made for them).

In a small market, though, regardless of the diversity, that stuff just won't happen. Because there's just not enough members to make it happen. Even the former head cheerleader will only get a few emails, perhaps a month, because there's nobody to send her emails. She might very well decide after a while, well, this guy's almost what I want, so that's good enough, for now, and date him, whereas her equivalent in my market would be getting blitzed so much during the same period of time that she wouldn't know what to do with herself. It looks like large market head cheerleader is a lot pickier than small market head cheerleader because large market head cheerleader finds herself rejecting 99% of guys contacting her, while small market only rejects 90% of them, but that's because large market got 100 guys emailing her and small market got 10, yet the both end up choosing one.
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