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Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 5
Real NamesPage 4 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Interesting question. I had to really think about that one.....I don't know that I have given out my last name to anyone on POF except my closest few friends who have been in my "world" for almost three years now. I definitely don't offer it in email, and I don't speak to any men from here via telephone since I'm not here to date, so there is really no need for them to have my name. Geez, I just realized I sign my emails with the first initial of my first name most often, many of my contacts don't even know my first name ~ it's just idle or casual one-lines, so I treat them as such I guess. JMO
Joined: 5/20/2007
Msg: 6
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Real Names
Posted: 12/28/2007 5:54:41 PM
In my business, I converse with people on a daily basis, and have many friends who we use nick-names or 'handles' for. There are a few that I should know their names, but honestly Can't remember them; most of my friends call me CT, even in real life...

As for asking someone their name? Some were taught that it's respectful to inquire about a person's name, and use that when addressing them in text. I agree to some point, but I also, don't feel comfortable giving out my name, first or last, to strange individuals.

Theres no telling on sites like these who's sincere, and who's sinister. I think after a few emails back and forth, a person knows if there is any type of connection, be it friend, or more, with someone. At that point, then I agree, it's probably ok. Most definitely before the first date would seem appropriate, and I would want to know before I call or have someone call me, what their name is...

Chapman, Kansas
Joined: 3/17/2007
Msg: 7
Real Names
Posted: 12/28/2007 8:20:07 PM
I am wary of giving out my real name early as it is quite unusual. I don't appreciate being asked about it early on, as I am more interested by who the person is than what to call them to start. Was just rereading a fantasy book which partially dealt with the idea that calling something by its real name gave you power over that thing...I don't want to give my power up too soon!

Definitely before a meeting I would expect our real first names to be shared...but no need for the last name (however, call display ususally gives that one up pretty easy!).
Joined: 3/19/2006
Msg: 8
Real Names
Posted: 12/29/2007 10:32:15 AM
I have a very common last name, so I dont have a prob giving it out. Try and look it up in the phone book, you'll find my ex mother in law and his new wife, along with a host of other people in this small town, as well as one with the same first name. And as men go, I have never not known one before a date, but have never had to ask either. I see why people can get picky about it, and it does require some level of trust. If a guy didnt trust me enough to give it when i asked, I prob wouldnt go out on a date with him.
Joined: 5/2/2006
Msg: 9
Real Names
Posted: 12/30/2007 11:58:08 PM
sabinee said:

I personally would never agree to meet a man without knowing his full name. If he's so concerned about "stalkers", then he's not for me. Meeting a man only knowing a first name and a cell phone number? Nah- doesn't seem like a wise idea these days.

That's my take on the topic as well. By the time I meet a person in real time, we've probably exchanged a lot of information about one another and talked on the phone at length. I don't bother with paying for a babysitter and taking the time to plan a meet with someone if I don't feel a really strong connection before meeting. If the person I'm interested in isn't open and upfront about who he is, like the neighborhood he lives in, his full name, what kind of work he does, and just general stuff, I don't think I would bother; in fact, if it looked as if he had something to hide, that would make me seriously nervous about meeting him.

I can't think of a meet where I didn't already have the man's home phone number in advance, proven by his home number and his full name on my caller ID, which he never attempted to block and I could easily check out to be sure it was him.
Joined: 10/11/2007
Msg: 10
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Real Names
Posted: 12/31/2007 12:11:39 AM
Meh. Real first name I ask for straight away. Last name? Inconsequential. Doesnt matter. Im sure it'll come up at some later point all by its lonesome.
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 11
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Real Names
Posted: 1/2/2008 7:05:21 PM
If there is mutual interest, I don't know why anyone would hesitate to give their first name. Obviously, if the connection develops, both parties are going to know much more than that about the other person. People who are only comfortable giving initials or who stick with their usernames are perhaps not ready for dates.
 Sweet J-me Baby
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 12
Real Names
Posted: 1/2/2008 7:12:28 PM
My first name isn't too difficult to figure out, although I do still get asked what it is.

For my last name, unless it's somebody on here who knows me in the real world outside of POF, there is only one person on here who I have given my last name to. I've been asked to add people to my Facebook (won't do it unless I know them and haven't added anybody from here). I've been asked for my postal address in an initial email from somebody who wanted to be penpals (my guess is he is an inmate somewhere)!

Anyway, I think first name basis is best on here until you trust the other person ... a lot!
Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 13
Real Names
Posted: 1/2/2008 7:17:32 PM
^^^^ agreed. Can't argue with that logic. First names are fine, unless you are getting serious with someone, and you have met and shared for a while. Always be cautious, no matter what.
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 14
Real Names
Posted: 6/11/2008 12:24:35 PM
I actually rarely get guys last names, but freely give out mine. It is a common last name and they won't get too much about me so I feel safe. A lot of the guys I talk to are afraid of giving their last names should I be a nut or they are married. They tell me all their dating horror stories right off the bat to explain their reluctance at giving me their names.

I have to wonder about these horror story dates though. I have had some doozies, but I think some of these guys bring on the nuts. I know one bad date I had from another site told me had crazy "stalkers" after him and then he tried to use me to get back at his ex on his date with me. He took me to the restaurant she owned. Maybe that's why he had so many crazy "stalkers," because he was not honest or sincere with the women he was meeting? Just a thought.
Joined: 5/22/2007
Msg: 15
Real Names
Posted: 6/11/2008 1:39:51 PM
I always sign my e-mails with my first name. It's just friendlier.

I never ask theirs but if they try to be too secretive about it, you have to wonder what they're hiding (like a marriage or something worse). At some point (usually between their 1st and 5th reply), they just start signing their e-mails with their real name, too.

I have a LinkedIn profile and more than one business web site that have my picture, FULL name, and a telephone number and e-mail address where I can be reached anyway so I don't see the point in trying to hide my first name here. Besides, if people I don't know can't figure out how to contact me if they need to, I would quickly go broke.
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 16
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Real Names
Posted: 6/11/2008 1:46:48 PM
I agree......

First names are fine when getting to know one another, but last names should be reserved for those you plan on dating more than once.

I do the same thing with my occupation, and will not divulge my specific job until I know the person well enough to trust them that it is a personal thing. I also do not give out my home phone number until I am dating another long enough to trust them with that information.

Most cell phones will have filters on them set by the phone companies, and you can also do that with your own editing. Home phones are different, and with caller ID, if someone has their home phone number restricted, or blocked in such a way, that I can not see or know the number, I do not answer the phone. That is one reason they invented cell phones and the privacy of their use.

The whole point for this dating site is to find friends, get to know others, meet and greet, then decide if you want more or not. It is not to have another check out your private and personal life, and potentially stalk or hurt you in any way.

Just my opinion.......
Joined: 6/9/2011
Msg: 17
Real Names
Posted: 7/6/2011 9:37:42 PM
Here's what I do:
I have an "online" first name for sites like this. Some time ago, I gave my first name to someone who insisted on getting my last name as well. He was so adamant about it that I had to cut him loose. This dude was just creepy from that point on! There was no purpose for him to have it because we weren't even dating. From then on, my reply is this:

Don't worry about my last name...If it all works out I'll have yours!!

Thats an old school line that will separate the boys from the men!
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 18
Real Names
Posted: 7/8/2011 10:20:14 AM
I usually sign off whatever email I am doing with my real name. That is my real "first name" I do not put my last name. And quite frankly during the email state if she asks for a last name, I would have to ask why?

Most of the time, I do not have to ask for their name, since I put my name down, about 95 percent of the ladies put their names down as well. If not on the first reply, on about the third reply. Rarely have I had to ask for their name.

After that first date and we are getting to move to a second date and she asks me for my last name, I do not have a problem giving it to her. She probably seems interested and is not being a case of paranoia, or trust, but that she wants to see what may be out there, like being in a bankruptcy, have leans against the individual, or divorce papers since those are also public record.
Joined: 11/5/2009
Msg: 19
Real Names
Posted: 7/8/2011 10:24:35 AM
I usually give my real name after the first few emails, or if I feel conterbul withthat peson.... I give my name straight away. meaning right away.
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 20
Real Names
Posted: 7/8/2011 11:00:41 AM
I went with a lovely European lady for over 5 years, and she never told me her real age or her real last name. She said I would not be able to pronounce the name, and what does it matter how old she is?
Joined: 3/20/2010
Msg: 21
Real Names
Posted: 7/8/2011 11:11:41 AM
I'll sign with my first name, if I remember to in all messages I send.

But I usually keep my last name to myself. At some point I might let her know. It really depends on how I feel.

As for her first name. I know some women use pseudonym names. So if she signs her message with a name. I'll jokingly ask if that is her real name or not.
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 22
Real Names
Posted: 7/8/2011 11:12:48 AM

I went with a lovely European lady for over 5 years, and she never told me her real age or her real last name. She said I would not be able to pronounce the name, and what does it matter how old she is?

Sorry, she was ex KGB now working for the Black market underground scoping high chip technology from the west. Whatever else she told you, do not reveal it.

Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 23
Real Names
Posted: 7/8/2011 12:25:33 PM
I sign my real first name when replying to anyone who writes. I never gave out the rest until after meeting someone the first time if there was going to be a second date.
Joined: 6/11/2010
Msg: 24
Real Names
Posted: 7/9/2011 9:59:11 AM
I think that a woman should know a guys first and last name before the first date, after a few phone calls. That way she can do a criminal record search. You wouldn't want to date a rapist, would you? I don't think guys should know a female's last name unless he is in a serious relationship with her, after many dates; because what if he is a psycho and uses her last name to find her address and then stalks her? Bottom line, women should take all precautions to protect themselves.
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 25
Real Names
Posted: 7/9/2011 12:55:50 PM
OK, I'm a sex criminal.
Am I gonna give out my real name?
Joined: 6/11/2010
Msg: 26
Real Names
Posted: 7/9/2011 5:33:38 PM
Dude, quit trolling. Seriously. Do I have to break things down to minute detail just to keep someone like you from making a smartass comment? To the OP, get the guy's last name before a first date. He can give you a false one, but if you have enough practice you can usually tell if someone is lying or not, and you could ask him to verify it. Simple as that. Modern technology makes things a lot easier these days. He can show you his Driver's License on webcam. That's all I'm going to say. Dude, you can troll all you want with statements like "asking someone to show you their ID on cam is just crazy" or "there are fake ID's out there", but you aren't worth my time; so I won't be dignifying your trolling with any more responses.
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 27
Real Names
Posted: 7/9/2011 6:09:05 PM
Hey Icey, take yourself a chill pill.
What I'm saying is that if a person intends to deceive you, then they could have a whole stack of fake IDs ready to go.
The internet is a crapshoot and you have to use your best instincts. If someone's giving you creepy vibes, or seems too good to be true, then maybe just pass on that one and go to the next person.
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 28
Real Names
Posted: 7/10/2011 4:40:27 PM
I am always frank and earnest with girls about my name.
In Seattle, its Frank, in Tacoma, its Ernest.
(sorry a Samuel Jackson ;) quote seemed appropriate here)

if you are not flying a couple of aliases and a burn phone, where the hell is your paranoia ? Maybe I ended up with it ;)
Joined: 12/11/2007
Msg: 29
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Real Names
Posted: 10/31/2011 9:23:59 AM
If I was chatting with them then I would want to know their first name. I would ask their last name before the initial meeting so I could let someone know who I was meeting and where. Just for safetys sake.
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