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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers? [CLOSED]      Home login  
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 bob2013
Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 3426
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?Page 138 of 140    (100, 101, 102, 103, 104, 105, 106, 107, 108, 109, 110, 111, 112, 113, 114, 115, 116, 117, 118, 119, 120, 121, 122, 123, 124, 125, 126, 127, 128, 129, 130, 131, 132, 133, 134, 135, 136, 137, 138, 139, 140)
mermaid, by now my views and statements are well known to who have read this thread for anything more than 5 pages. Do we cringe? Yes we do, but in an open forum they have a right to express their opinions. The range of people on here is vast, the mantra comes from negative experiences in most cases. Stop for a moment and consider this, in the last 5 pages we have had pop-ins who posted, single moms, who do not represent in any way shape or form the 5 to 7 of you who post regularly. I looked at their profiles, I am not judging them, though they write poorly, bad spelling, ask what would seem impossible to find. They may even represent the ones who the mantra against single moms is directed at, is that you or these other women? Of course not, nor are those pop-in men with the derogatory statements are me. This is not a utopian society where people must learn the correct way, you hope they learn by discussion and example in their personal life. Most though only have their personal experience, they may or may not grow from discussion or be able to embrace a different paradigm other than the one embedded in their mind. We can only try and discuss if open to change great, though many a convert may encounter that same type of user and fall back if he doesn't change his selection process. Bob
 little_mermaid
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 3427
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/29/2008 11:18:10 AM
Does this include getting knocked up, not getting child support, and the father not playing a role in the kids life? (not always the case as I know)

I was married. Got a divorce while pregnant. Had a baby chose to forgo child support and chose to not have the father in our lives..I knew it would be difficult. I knew men may judge me out of hand..choose not to date me. I also knew it was more important for me personally to do what I needed to do and what felt right for my family. I believe for us I did the right thing. There are people who may judge me but they haven't walked in my heels/high-tops..they have no idea. So for this one I am not dismayed. I feel when the time is right it will happen. Til then enjoy the moments that are there right now.

I don't feel dismayed. I don't feel like there is not a right guy out there. I don't feel a stranger out there would know my type. The only type someone here would know about me is that I am a mother. There is more to me just like there is more to all of you then what is shared here. I don't feel as if I am a high risk. To me high risk would be someone who might drink too much, party too much, sleep with a slew of women/men. Someone who needs to feel wanted by the opposite sex at any cost.

I enjoy the attention from men would feel bad if they stopped looking. I also know I am more then they might bargain for..this example like in a store or something when I am alone. IT is what it is. Sometimes its funny and sometimes it is sad...they have no idea of my type until I choose to share...all of my type(S) that make me who I am. Just like you all. Male or female we are more then an outer shell and we are more then what one might see here...or in the store or dmv or wherever.

I like other mothers here have priorities straight. I am a mother and a father.. actually truth be told I am better at wrestling, sports and playing then I am at cooking...(keep seeing this mentioned) I have g/f's who are better cooks then I am. I applaud them but we all have something and everyone is a unique individual with there own strengths and weaknesses.

*** Bob says: We can only try and discuss if open to change great, though many a convert may encounter that same type of user and fall back if he doesn't change his selection process. ***

It did seem like a few pages back we might have all come to a greater understanding..Real thought provoking conversation. A deeper look at the people who have been here for a time. A better appreciation of what others have gone through and why they feel the way they do. Then a few pop-ins came in and back again we are to defending ourselves and others..I understand what your saying. I really do. Suppose in regards to one poster..who I mostly disagreed with I am more emotional or feeling then he is. So I vented, I guess..
 bob2013
Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 3428
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/29/2008 11:26:55 AM
Rhino, I reread your post. I understand your attitude and your objections. Funny thing about it is you and Smuggler come down on the same side of this issue. I concur society has slipped a notch or two down on the morality issue. What were accepted norms in the 50-60's in terms of "Mayberry" types of morals is just not the same any more. Some historian somewhere, someday who is smarter than us all, will explain the root causes that led to this. Just as with the Roman Empire which was founded on certain ethical standards in 100 or 200 years slipped to a bachanalian society, that sought to erode those standards, we now live in the same place. Because of certain freedoms I would be loathe to give up, due to liberal viewpoints that also erode morals each and every one of us must now define and cling to our own moral precepts. Teach our children right from wrong, make it known our stance and one we hope they will adapt to themselves. That will not, cannot change a general direction of our population. So while I have my standards, which are probably going to be not so different than yours, while you have yours and apply them to your life in your way. The difference between us is I choose to not tilt at windmills, these people will not change now, I cannot change them, their own parents did not, could not change them even if they cared too. You may choose the bully pulpit, I'm fairly confident your words fall on deaf ears. To the group normally on here you are preaching to the choir, to those others, do you really think they care or will change from any statements made on here? From any reasonable point of view to quote the immortal AC/DC they are on "the highway to he11". But go for it, if that is what floats your boat. Bob
 web identity
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 3429
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/29/2008 11:35:20 AM

From any reasonable point of view to quote the immortal AC/DC they are on "the highway to he11". But go for it, if that is what floats your boat. Bob


because a guy won't date a single mom he's on the road to hell??

very reasonable......hahaha
 little_mermaid
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 3430
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/29/2008 11:40:55 AM
To me personally the fashions from the 40's 50's was great..I am not so sure I would want to live in Mayberry, however. In fact I think being a single mother I might have been bruised from more stones then, then now. There were many examples that those times were not as perfect as one thinks..things were hidden from public view..all was not as it seemed.

Teaching our children and leading by example seems right. You create your own happiness for yourself and your children...you don't have to go back to mayberry to teach them it can be done wherever you are if your willing.

As to knocking a bully to his knees or preaching to the choir or tilting at windmills...sometimes they leave and go to spew there hatred elsewhere..when they see they are not getting what they want out of here.
 desertrhino
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 3431
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History
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/29/2008 11:45:33 AM
Bob, you missed a key point: I have no illusions about the "Mayberry" morals... they were a façade covering up a lot of misogyny and racism. (Edit to add: and while I was thinking and typing, mermaid said the same thing, apparently) Perhaps I went too far down the "right and wrong" path in my discussion and clouded the "hurting others" as a key concern.

Let me try to sum up succinctly: My problem is when people are viewed as objects, objectified, used, discarded, hurt, etc... or trashed because of some "class" identification with characteristics or features that may very well not apply to them. THAT is not morally correct or particularly ethical. Using people as interchangeable (as sex toys, for example) and not treating them as persons, THAT is amoral and possibly plain evil.

And I'm not sure Smuggler and I are going to overlap on this particular issue, either. *shrug*

 little_mermaid
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 3432
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/29/2008 11:49:11 AM
No he is on the highway to hell when he is a user abuser liar with no moral compass. That was what I believe was being said.

Karma really. Be careful how you do unto others..it will come back if not in this lifetime..then perhaps another.

Of course here is another windmill and baiter...I am going to go wash my hair..

Happy Sunday people enjoy it.
 bob2013
Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 3433
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/29/2008 12:28:14 PM
Web, read through everything and try to understand where I'm coming from. I said nothing about single moms in any of my posts about him. I was referring to his attitude about women. Would you be thrilled to have your daughter, sister, mother or any significant woman in your life dating such a guy? Maybe 5 or 6 such guys? In my core beliefs, YES, I think he is on the highway, using people for whatever purpose leads to that slippery slope of moral decay. Although I find him quite refreshing as I said for being honest about it, none the less, does not make him a pillar of dateable virtue.Bob
 bob2013
Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 3434
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/29/2008 12:42:52 PM
Rhino, now we have come full circle. When put in context of msg 3431, you and I find ourselves again on the same side of the fence. I also disagree with you on Smuggler. He has not advocated using anybody that I recall. He HAS sought not to be used. Something that depending on the particular quote can be misinterpeted, mostly he seems to rail at privilege. Since no one here seems to ascribe to a privileged mentality I think some of his points get lost in translation. Your message is understandable, especially by me in my glass house after flaming, what was his name about 7 pages back. Having since regained my composure, I now believe not to take the bait and flame but try and reason is the best course of action. My thoughts anyway, bob
 MizQ
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 3435
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/29/2008 5:00:53 PM

Can't the single mommies hook up with the single daddies?


Definitely, but I am still trying to locate where they all hide out…

*looking around and waving to Bob, Simm, Ms. B, LM, LB, MS, LT, DR, Smug, and anyone else I missed..

What I find the most frustrating about this thread is the single moms that come here, post comments that perpetuate negative assumptions of our group and then leave. They negate what we “exceptions to the rule” are trying to do…and forces me into battle with my own group.

It is a fact that some single moms do posses the negative attributes that some of the men have come here and described. Some of these men have encountered situations out in the dating world that have turned them away from single moms, or they might not have ever dated a single mom but just have these ideas in their heads of what we are like, and yes, they are entitled to their opinions. That is what makes the world go around.

Could some of us single moms do without the name calling, derogatory comments about our bedroom habits, bodies, parenting abilities, ability to carry on an adult relationship, etc? Sure, but that comes with the territory of threads such as this, when naive questions are posed from the get go.

Just because something is stated about a group, does not make it gospel truth for every member. We enlightened folks know that! Those of us that participate in this debate and do not fit the stereotypical assumptions of a “single mom” know who we are!

On a side note, if most of this thread was indicative of what I have personally have faced in real life, I would be requesting a bottom bunk in Simms commune.
 MalibuSteve
Joined: 2/1/2008
Msg: 3436
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History
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/29/2008 5:27:39 PM


Can't the single mommies hook up with the single daddies?

Definitely, but I am still trying to locate where they all hide out…


Sacramento. Come on up. The weather's nice (once in a while).
 little_mermaid
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 3437
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/29/2008 6:47:28 PM
MsQ your so right.
 Kiss_My_Karma~
Joined: 7/4/2005
Msg: 3438
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/29/2008 8:01:07 PM
Well let's just all find some property somewhere, sell our worldly goods, bring our guitars and put our hair in dreads and live in harmony. Come on, Q, Mermaid, Bob, Steve, Laney, Ms B,(sorry if I'm leaving anyone out)....Looney can even come share some love sometimes. We know he goes both ways on this issue. lol
 LoonyTunz
Joined: 8/11/2006
Msg: 3439
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Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/29/2008 9:04:06 PM

Looney can even come share some love sometimes. We know he goes both ways on this issue. lol

okay I think I might need that clarified a little. And the lovin' will have to remain platonic.
 Smuggler1
Joined: 2/2/2008
Msg: 3440
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/29/2008 9:27:29 PM

And I'm not sure Smuggler and I are going to overlap on this particular issue, either. *shrug*

Actually Slick... I couldnt agree with you more!

I dont agree with the way you attack people for their views on things... but I think you're coming from your own perspective.

P.S. That is a good picture.... LOL...

 MizQ
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 3441
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/29/2008 9:28:40 PM
I think this thread is turning warm and fuzzy...

Ok, LT. My mistake...LOL

 LoonyTunz
Joined: 8/11/2006
Msg: 3442
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Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/29/2008 9:32:09 PM
Not a problem. That is what the edit button is for.
 Laneybird
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 3443
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Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/30/2008 7:44:56 AM
Ok...am gonna tread carefully before I reply to that....what on earth is a step down transducer?
 RNH78
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 3444
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/30/2008 8:47:44 AM
First, a little about me...I'm a single mom of two and have had a few dates...I have full custody of my two (it's a long Jerry Springer type of story that's long over now) I have to say there are plenty of guys that will date a single mom...but they are often overlooked because they're not "hot" or rich or whatever...I recently met someone who doesn't have any kids and can't have any...He said all the women pushed him away because he's not into drinking, not good looking, not rich, not a college grad or even a homeowner. He said that women picked him apart. Sure he's not "model material" but I'm not attracted to looks...personality counts way more to me. Maybe this is why so many people have trouble finding that special someone, they simply overlook the good ones.
The honest truth is most people my age already have kids..so if they're not willing to accept that I have kids and responsibility-there's the door, don't let it hit ya on the way out!
I agree with chatpilot up there by not introducing the kids til you're sure...It's happened to me-me and my kids got attached to his..and then we broke up. Life happens, but as they say live and learn.
So have you found anyone on here yet?
 bob2013
Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 3445
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/30/2008 9:17:28 AM
Welcome rnh, that's a good question. Our group hasn't hit that recently, maybe it was covered earlier and I missed it. How many dates guys? Is anyone serious with anybody now? I was seeing someone, but it did not work out. Although I have dated about 10 women on here. A lot of firsts but only 2 second or more dates from this site. Bob
 MizQ
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 3446
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/30/2008 3:32:07 PM
Isn't that thing Smuggler is speaking of a generator of some sort...Does it have extra outlets? LOL


So have you found anyone on here yet?



Ok, seriously speaking, I did meet someone last year. We dated for nine months. Nine months too long. Think some of the women's actions being described here, but being done by a man. Every experience is a lesson, though.

 Smuggler1
Joined: 2/2/2008
Msg: 3447
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/30/2008 7:06:24 PM


So have you found anyone on here yet?
Ok, seriously speaking, I did meet someone last year. We dated for nine months. Nine months too long. Think some of the women's actions being described here, but being done by a man. Every experience is a lesson, though.


LOL... Hey... After a year on this thing... I can raise my hand and say yeah! I met someone! Wow...

I suppose there are miracles in the world.
 johncorbeno
Joined: 3/27/2008
Msg: 3448
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Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/30/2008 7:12:44 PM
Guys I am a single man and one of my friends has two kids. We have known each other since we where 4 or 5 and in the last year or so we've toyed around with the notion of dating.

I finally caved in and decided to take a chance with her. We spent the weekend together and it was okay but I came away feeling like she didn't really like me for me, more like she liked me because she saw me as someone who is stable and dependable, good with the kids, a positive role model, etc, etc. I don't mind that she recognizes all of these things in me because they are all positive, but let's face it, as a guy I want my partner to 'want me.'

I think things would have been a lot better if she showed me some passion, I mean rip my clothes off and have her way with me passion. The weekend we spent together should have been just the two of us, we should have went out and did things. I needed to know that she wanted me for me, not to be a daddy to her kids. I don't expect her to put me before her kids but I do expect her to fit some personal time with just me, I need that in a relationship just like anyone else.

I think there are a lot of guys out there who are more than willing to date a single mother, we just want to ascertain that you genuinely like us for who we are, not what we can do for you or your kids. If there is something real between you and me the kids will fall into place. Now please, don't take this as me saying you shouldn't let us know, because being a father to a child is a very large responsibility and not everyone is ready to take that leap.

Also if a guy doesn't think he is ready to be a dad to your children I think it's a responsible call on his part to exit stage right rather than lead you on for months and eventually jump ship.

John
 MizQ
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 3449
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/30/2008 7:25:15 PM

LOL... Hey... After a year on this thing... I can raise my hand and say yeah! I met someone!


C0ngrats, Smuggler! Would you prefer a champagne or a beer toast!!



Also if a guy doesn't think he is ready to be a dad to your children I think it's a responsible call on his part to exit stage right rather than lead you on for months and eventually jump ship.


Welcome John,

I appreciate the sentiment, as well as the responsibility that you show in regards to this issue.
I do have to just chime in and say (because I can't shut up) that just remember it might not always be the case that the women you meet are in need of a dad for their kids. Some of our children's fathers are still very much in our children's lives. :)
 bob2013
Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 3450
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/30/2008 7:31:43 PM
Couple of things John, that's a tough transition from friends since 5 to dating partner, women usually would have you permenantly ensconced in the friend zone. Additionally, no offense intended, "caved in" is not the normal term or attitude to have to inspire passion. It sounds to me like 2 old friends were talking, both were lonely and decided to see if a spark was there. I don't blame you at all for being upset at the lack of interest on her part. I think both parties should have mutual attraction going, it should have some zing to it as well, to try and make a go of things. Sounds like you both came away with some things to think about. Good luck, Bob
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