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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers? [CLOSED]      Home login  
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 Evilenchantress
Joined: 5/23/2005
Msg: 76
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?Page 4 of 140    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41)
In response to Scotchbeef, I do not need to hide anything from the "next guy". I am honest in my relationships and have nothing to hide or to prove to anyone but myself.

I dated a single father of 3 who's mother was seldom in the picture. He seldom had time away from his children so we went on family type dates - toboganning, walks in the park, etc with all the children. We managed to find some time alone for us but I really enjoyed those dates.

The problem with dating single parents is that you become attached to the kids as well. It's hard enough losing the other person, even harder to lose the children when they had nothing to do with the breakup. My son was disappointed he couldnt see his friends anymore.

On the other hand, my ex is remarried to someone with 3 boys. My son loves the fact he has 3 'brothers' now.
 Thorfinn4more
Joined: 6/19/2004
Msg: 77
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/28/2005 8:49:26 PM
Response to Incredible25...

Sounds like you have your head screwed on straight. Being pregnant and single can't be easy, taking your time and making sure of anyone you might choose to date should be (but isn't always) common sense. You sound like an incredible woman, and pregnant or not, I can't see why a guy wouldn't consider dating you. So what if you are pregnant... you aren't with that guy anymore, and I'd assume you have no plans to ever go back to him, from what you've said.

I'd have no problem with meeting and getting to know a single mom/pregnant woman... well, besides me being a bit shy around women I find attractive. Pregnant women usually seem to have this glow to them anyways... my ex- got noticeably more attention when she was pregnant with my son, from other guys... (I certainly found her more appealing than usual, during that time also!)

Being a single dad who hasn't dated in a while, I'd probably prefer to meet single moms... for the reason that they already have some parenting experience, and can understand better, maybe, about why my son will always be my sunshine. Doesn't mean the right woman couldn't also mean the world to me, in a different sense.
 incredible25
Joined: 5/28/2005
Msg: 78
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/29/2005 4:07:15 AM
To Yardape_99: I don't think many women would give you a chance based upon what you freely write here. To be a single mother or a single woman does not change who the person is inside and to me the status is the same; a single mother is still just a single woman. Only an insecure man would not be involved with a woman based upon the fact that she brought another human being into this world. I think woman who have children are the most unselfish people in society, just think what that could add to a personal relationship. Of course one's children comes first before everyone and everything else in life - have your own kids and maybe you'll understand. By the way - Children are not someone else's mess and if men want their "own family" that's entirely up to them, but remember this - FOR EVERY SINGLE MOTHER, THERE IS A SINGLE FATHER. And that single father has to find someone else in life just as much as the mother does.
 Goddard
Joined: 2/17/2005
Msg: 79
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/29/2005 6:24:13 AM
Incredible, don't you think that:

Perhaps men don't have the duty of dating single mothers?
That calling them "insecure" because they don't want you only gives them one more reason to avoid you?
That men can have other priorities than other man's children, and it doesn't make them evil?
That "not giving a chance" is not only a woman's prerrogative?
How can you be "unselfish" if you expect others will sacrifice their expectations for you?
That wanting to be the first one in a woman's life is a legitimate expectation, so we go for women who can fulfil it?
That if you expect him making the effort, he may expect you making the effort, too?
That you can't rule what men should like?
That you can't shame anybody into liking you?
 Goddard
Joined: 2/17/2005
Msg: 80
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/29/2005 6:32:16 AM

Is anyone familiar with the term self-fulfilling prophecy? If you expect something to happen - it will.

Do you mean that you expected to become a single mother?
 Scottishlad70
Joined: 4/19/2005
Msg: 81
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/29/2005 6:54:36 AM
I have to disagree, well...thats not the case with me, I would love to find a decent woman that has children. I find "us" dads need to expand our search and find a woman that has the understanding that we do have kids and having said that 99% are woman that already have kids.
 SaritaTallahassee
Joined: 12/3/2004
Msg: 82
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/29/2005 9:27:50 AM
I think that men that already have kids of their own, would probably make better husbands for women who have kids? They have experience with kids, they understand that kids require time, love. caring, money, and they would be far more understanding that men that do not have kids.
 shelbe
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 83
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/29/2005 1:45:34 PM
IV JUST SAT HERE AND READ EVERY RESPONSE ON HERE,SOME GOOD,SOME BAD.
IM A SINGLE MOTHER OF 2 AND IV BEEN SINGLE FOR 4 YEARS NOW.THERE HAS BEEN A FEW POTENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS IN THAT TIME BUT NOTHING SERIOUS.ALOT OF MEN RUN THE OTHER WAY WHEN YOU MENTION YOUR KIDS BECAUSE THEY DONT THINK YOUR A NORMAL SINGLE WOMAN.TRUE???
ALOT OF MEN THINK THAT BECAUSE WE HAVE KIDS,THAT WE CAN'T HAVE FUN.WE WANT MEN TO KEEP US,BE SUBSTITUTE DADS...BULL SHIT.IF ANYTHING WE ARE THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE.
DON'T GET ME WRONG ID LOVE TO FALL IN LOVE TOMMOROW,WETHER THE GUY WAS A SINGLE DAD,OR A BLOODY ALIEN....WHO CARES.ASLONG AS I LOVE HIM AND HE LOVES ME AND MY CHILDREN THEN...GREAT!!!!!
IV YET TO MEET A SINGLE FATHER BUT I WOULD LIKE TO.ID JUST LIKE THE CHANCE TO HEAR A MANS SIDE OF THINGS.

I WANT TO MAKE ONE THING CLEAR THOUGH.THE TITLE TO THIS THREAD....."eVER WONDERED WHY SINGLE MEN DO NOT LIKE SINGLE MOTHERS".IT NEEDS TO CHANGE AS ITS NOT 'ALL' SINGLE MEN,ITS JUST THE VERY SHALLOW,IMMATURE ONES.
 Goddard
Joined: 2/17/2005
Msg: 84
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/29/2005 3:51:29 PM

ITS NOT 'ALL' SINGLE MEN,ITS JUST THE VERY SHALLOW,IMMATURE ONES.


Calling men who don't like you "very shallow, immature" is not a good way to make them like you. I'd say that, on the contrary, they're mature enough to think with their big head and decide that you are not what they are looking for.
 Jetplague
Joined: 4/4/2005
Msg: 85
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/29/2005 5:01:47 PM
To a lot of men, being with a woman with a child is serious. To be with the mother is to be involving the daughter/son as well. They not only have to think about the welfare of the woman he's getting in a relationship with, but the child as well. That's what I think the men who see this turn away from.

Now granted...I said wasn't about to date a woman with a child, only because I've gone through that experience in my past. And having never been in a relationship before in my life, and that being my first love of my life, I was overwelmed with the sense with where that was headed. The strain of long distance, former bf probs, ex-husband troubles, and family struggles...just burned me out like nobody's business. I mean here I was, a guy that never had dated in his life, never been with another woman, suddenly gets thrusted into this whirlwind and a child seeking for a father in all of this. It broke my heart to hear this poor little girl get caught up in the triple threat of ex-bf/current bf/Original father confusion.

I think I was too busy focusing on what the child's needs where and not on the relationship. But that's the kind of guy I am...I have to think of the welfare of the child before my own. It was frightening to me at the time, especially because I had never been in that situation before. I respect single mothers, I think they have the biggest role as a parent.

Now since that time, and having helped to raise my two neices (the tornados of chaos) I can at last begin to relax some fears about all that. True I'm still a little leary on dating single mothers, but I wouldn't out right walk away if she suddenly told me this. Single parents after all need love too, and they need to have an adult conversation like anyone else. So I wouldn't walk out on a single mother if she brought it up, I'd be a bit surprised (naturally) but I wouldn't be so rude as to dash away from the woman.

I dunno if this makes me sound like a jerk or what...but it's just my feeling on the matter. I'll apologize up front if this offends any woman...
 moondreamer1977
Joined: 1/24/2005
Msg: 86
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/29/2005 5:10:35 PM
Then please point me in their direction!!!! I know it was a blanket statement that does not include every single male in the world, but I still find it hard to find one that does understand. And no, I'm not talking about men from clubs or POF specifically, but I've had problems in both areas. And men my age?? I don't date men my age because they don't ask me. I typically get asked out by older men, which I like because they are more settled. However, it's also hard finding men that not only are willing to date a single mom, but are also open to having kids or even having another child if they already have one. No, this isn't a topic I bring up to them on the first or even second date if I get that far, so it's not a factor of scaring them away. This is one of those topics I let come up on it's own. I'm not 100% sure that I want more kids, I'm open to it definitely, but so often I'm told flat out, I never want a child from me brought into this world and I don't want to raise someone else's either. So, what am I to do?
 moondreamer1977
Joined: 1/24/2005
Msg: 87
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/29/2005 5:14:20 PM
katehopeeden:

You go girl! I do the same thing and feel the same way. When I do find a guy that accepts that I have a kid (usually has his own kids) he immediately wants to meet mine. Well, okay, I'm a cynic, so that's a red flag to me, but still, I don't want people coming out of my kids life. She's already had her father disappear and I'm not about to make her go through that again.
 SaritaTallahassee
Joined: 12/3/2004
Msg: 88
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/29/2005 5:24:16 PM
After thinking this over, I realized that single women who have kids have certain advantages as a potential mate, over single women without kids:

1) Single women with kids tend to have a more stable (less crazy) life because of their child;
2) They're probably more likely to be mature, and less likely to be bed-hopping from guy to guy;
3) They probably developed a great deal of patience from having their patience tested by a child;
4) They learned to be nurturing because of their child;
5) Some may have learned to do cooking because of their child.
 incredible25
Joined: 5/28/2005
Msg: 89
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/29/2005 5:39:31 PM
TANGOPERU - The term was in reference to expecting a guy to run from you because you're a single mother. It was in response to the person who posted the original message. I was assuring her that if she focused on something else, perhaps it wouldn't happen as often. To say that everything that happens in your life happens because you expected it to is absurd and clearly disregards the meaning of the term I used. If you're still confused, try reading a few psychological texts or journal studies on the topic! All the best.
 incredible25
Joined: 5/28/2005
Msg: 90
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/29/2005 5:47:43 PM
TANGOPERU:

Not choosing to date someone because their 1) a single mother or 2) a single father is the same thing as discriminating because of skin colour, occupation, religion, income level, social status and every other discriminatory factor. Everyone has the right to choose the person best for them, however if everything else is right and the only thing holding you back is the child that the parent unselfishly has raised and never asked to be brought into this world, than that person is not worth dating. Understand? I would say the same thing if someone told me they weren't interested in me based upon my job. Having a child is not a flaw in someone's personality or life. If you go through life overlooking people because of children, you may overlook a wonderful opportunity for your own life. Having a child is not a disease by the way. I'm not looking to change your narrowminded view, but get this straight: I don't expect anyone to change their expectations of a relationship to be with me, just the same as I won't change my expectations for a loving, caring, accepting human being with morals and values.

Considering at least 50% of all marriages end in divorce, and at least half of those divorcees most likely have kids, should those people go through life not dating or expecting a date?

What about widows that have children? I guess those people who have had their spouses die should probably not expect a date either.

Grow up.
 Goddard
Joined: 2/17/2005
Msg: 91
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/29/2005 6:34:25 PM
Not choosing to date someone because their 1) a single mother or 2) a single father is the same thing as discriminating because of skin colour, occupation, religion, income level, social status and every other discriminatory factor.

Dear, where have you lived all those years? When dating, everybody discriminates because of a lot of factors. Of course, it's called "having standards". And you can't rule what factors are valid or not.


than (sic) that person is not worth dating.

So, you have some standards making you decide if a person is worth dating or not. Why are you denying us men the same right? Because it affects you?


Having a child is not a flaw in someone's personality or life.

Did I say the word "flaw"? I don't think so. Do you think your children are a flaw?


Considering at least 50% of all marriages end in divorce, and at least half of those divorcees most likely have kids, should those people go through life not dating or expecting a date?

Considering that the percentage of divorce is HIGHER among people in second marriages, I wouldn't quote it as a good example. Anyway, of course they should date. But they shouldn't expect that people won't take into account their circumstances and background (children included) when deciding if dating them or not.


What about widows that have children? I guess those people who have had their spouses die should probably not expect a date either.

Oh, please.


I don't expect anyone to change their expectations of a relationship to be with me

Yes, you do. You expect that the guy you like will change his expectations and date you, or else you will call him "shallow" and "narrow minded" or "having the mentality of a ten year old" (your words).


Grow up.

BZZZZZZZZZZZZT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
From my dictionary:

Grow Up.- (Verb) 1. A form of verbal manipulation commonly used by a woman when a man is not doing what she wants. 2. Expression used when a woman wants to shame a man into silence because she has no arguments to back up her statements.

Sorry my friend, doesn't work with me. I could say the same to you: GROW UP. You have children, and they're a factor in how people see you, for better or for worse, whether you like it or not.
 aumtatsat
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 92
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/29/2005 11:30:47 PM
Ok, here's the deal from where I sit. I dated a single mother one time. I have been 'on the market' only very briefly, since I lost my wife very recently, and she was the first woman I asked out. We had a lovely time. Her kids are great, and I didn't call her again. I may yet, but I want to tread lightly... I really love her kids.. they're sweet, gorgeous, wonderful... and I like her too... now, that's scary... I've barely been out of a twenty-five year marriage, and here's a beautiful opportunity to love someone. I don't know if I'm ready. I need to shop around some, just to see who I am on my own. I don't mind risking getting hurt, and if she's willing to take that risk, OK, I'm game. ...but I really don't want to be someone responsible for hurting those kids... I think they are deserving of being loved and having someone stable and caring, and I'm not sure it can be me, and I don't know if it's fair to them to risk hurting THEM if it doesn't work out for me and her... so out of respect, I haven't called, lest I start to make some kids love me, and disappoint them... It's so easy for me to love kids, and easy for them to love me that it really concerns me... anyway... thought you should know
 bobbyTomorrow
Joined: 5/23/2005
Msg: 93
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/30/2005 12:26:09 AM
I don't know what the problem is single\expecting moms, cause alot of guys I know including myself think milfs are cool. Pregnant chicks can be hot too!
 Latin-mix
Joined: 2/28/2005
Msg: 94
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/30/2005 2:38:39 AM
I don't thing there is anything wrong with dating a women with one or two kids max and as long as there over 5ish...
 singguk
Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 95
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/30/2005 7:00:27 AM
TO incredible 25
hope everything is fine ,Being a mother is the greatest gift from God ,and being a father should be the same ,there is a question in my mind why we (men)make love to women and if they get pregnent then we left her and go to another woman,as i think there is a one thing THERE ARE LOT OF MEN BUT A FEW OF THEM ARE HUMANE ,based on this point i often make myself understand about the point that why single men dnt like single mothers, i have been with a friend of mine at a hospital when his wife gave birth to a child and it was a moment to see my friend's happiness and from there i thought being a father ,i will be with almight God grace,i 100 % refused the bad side of the men to refuse women on the basis that they are mothers,how can the world goes on without being mothers and fathers,
Think about it Guys,
 moondreamer1977
Joined: 1/24/2005
Msg: 96
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/30/2005 9:20:53 AM
singguk

Thank you SO much. To add another link to this, I've even seen mens profiles say it was okay to have kids as long as they didn't live with you. This is another thing, seeing how the courts are essentially pro-mommy in custody, do you really want a woman who did something so horrific that the courts actually took her kids from her custody? I realize this isn't every case, so please people, don't start kicking and screaming. Sometimes hubby had more money to fight with, but as a general way of thinking. Also, several of you said as long as they are older. Okay, fine, then you end up with teenagers that will tend to be more adamant in the thinking that you're trying to REPLACE their dad than a younger child who will accept and love you unconditionally. The older a child gets and has lived alone with mom, the more protective they'll be of her and not particularly fond of you. The older a child gets if they have ongoing contact with their dad, the less they'll be willing to accept another man in THEIR house setting up rules. Younger ones are more open minded to love everyone.
 Thorfinn4more
Joined: 6/19/2004
Msg: 97
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/30/2005 11:06:00 AM
I agree with ya Moondreamer, being single again, I have no problem with dating a single mom, and would probably prefer one, actually. I'd prefer them to have younger rather than older kids, in an ideal situation. My ex- had a 3 yr old and a 6 yr old, when we met, and those were great ages... I went from a single guy of 27, to an insta-family with 2 kids, adding a 3rd a couple years later.

I don't know why some guys would not want another kid, unles, maybe they have older children already... If you haven't dealt with babies in 10 years, starting all over could be a daunting task, I s'pose. Personally, I am undecided whether I'd like another of my own... I know how much work they can be, but the rewards can also be so great... :)

As far as being the "new man in the house" and setting up rules... as long as both adult support each other, and use good sense, the kids usually respect the rules. When my ex- quit showing me respect tho, and allowed her oldest to do the same, discipline in the house went to Hell. It can't work if partners don't support each other in public with the kids... differences should be worked out behind the scenes, in private, away from the kids.
 flawingman71
Joined: 7/16/2004
Msg: 98
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Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/30/2005 12:50:32 PM
It goes both ways, but I have known plenty of single moms who can find dates, mostly because being a single mom is becoming more and more common. Try to find a date as a single dad, as I am? Forget it! Women just are not interested, even most single moms.
 incredible25
Joined: 5/28/2005
Msg: 99
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/30/2005 3:29:29 PM
TANGOPERU:

I'm sorry that you don't like being wrong.

You seem to misunderstand my written words. I've never once wrote that I expect anyone to date me or change their expectations/standards in order to date me. I think you're making up a debate in your own mind. What I did say however, was that I don't think it's right to rule someone out because of their children. If you can't realize that it's an unfair expectation to measure up to, then that is your own problem in life. We have differing opinions, the only difference is mine is humane. Hopefully, your life will be 100% perfect in the eyes of the person you become interested in so that she/he will accept you. My debate with you is finished.

Everyone on this forum has really great, valid points and I enjoy reading them. 99% of people out there are very supportive of other people. It really is a shame that in year 2005 there are still people who discriminate against others. Every woman has had the choice to have their child and wondering if a guy will date them because of it shouldn't even be a consideration. A child is another human being. Everyone has the right to have children or to have them in their lives, but it shows character depth to handle life with compassion.
 shmoes
Joined: 11/1/2004
Msg: 100
Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/30/2005 3:50:39 PM
Hmm, I would rather someone rule me out because I have a son, then find out the hard way they're just putting up with him to be with me ..

even as a parent, I take carefull consideration as to if I want to date someone with multiple kids ...for example.. am I ready for a family of 2 (me and him) to go to a family of 5 (me, her, +3 kids) .. .. it's not something to take lightly .. so in the same regard going from a single guy or girl who can be carefree to a responsible parental figure is a huge step ..

now i'm sure some of you will respond with .. well it's just dating .. or I don't need a new daddy for him/her .. irregardless if you're a parent .. your partner takes on a responsibility by dating you.. there is just no way around it.

I may be speaking for myself here mostly .. but I would like to date someone with the IDEA that it could go further .. if it doesn't so be it .. but making the right choices in the begining .. can save alot of people some heartbreak .. including the kids.
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