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 Ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 4
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How many women would get married againPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
For me to EVER consider marriage again it would have to be something out of this world

an alien perhaps?

No..I've come to a stage where I think that relationships can be valid and satisfying without the legal stuff. I am seriously considering a relationship where my partner and I would have separate households. At this age I can do that as I am not having any more children. I like my space... and I appreciate men more when I don't see them day in and day out. I'd really like to try something more egalitarian, and based less on need and more on mutual support and deep companionship. I don't think autonomy necessarily negates interdependance.

IMHO
 Leigh AKA PL
Joined: 4/20/2006
Msg: 6
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How many women would get married again
Posted: 1/5/2008 8:51:00 PM
I am very old fashioned and still think marriage is the way to go if in a serious loving relationship.... I am getting remarried in september.... can't wait.... but I can understand people who would never do it again.... I just think it is so romantic and having a young family also to me shows them that family traditions and values still mean something to me and hopefully encourage them to think the same... but we are all different
 Leigh AKA PL
Joined: 4/20/2006
Msg: 9
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How many women would get married again
Posted: 1/5/2008 9:16:40 PM

Yeah, I would say it is. Marriage is very obviously not for life, and it's also costly, both getting into and out of it. If you're not 100% committed to your common-law, spending the extra money isn't gonna make it so.


true I agree.... but I think if your not married and you feel like giving up on the relaionship it is easier and you don't work as hard to keep it going like if you were married.... oh and OP... no you don't need to change your feelings just because society has... I have always been old fashioned and always will be... some of us have to keep the old times alive and kicking and I am proud of my old fashioned way's as I am not keeping up with the Jones's so to speak
 ~JustSimplyMe~
Joined: 8/18/2006
Msg: 14
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How many women would get married again
Posted: 1/5/2008 11:53:42 PM
Though I have never been married, I would never be in a common-law relationship again if that counts? I was in one for 8 years and though he bought me a wedding set of rings, he never even bothered to ask me to marry him. I am old fashioned enough that I won't do the asking.
I have decided that if I'm not good enough to marry, I'm not going to warm any mans bed indefinitely.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 19
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How many women would get married again
Posted: 1/6/2008 6:47:31 AM
Living together doesn't necessarily mean a softer breakup. Just means less legal hassles.

Would I marry again? Sure. Would I live with someone again without being married? Sure.
 SueCat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 21
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How many women would get married again
Posted: 1/6/2008 8:59:54 AM
I doubt if I will remarry. I haven't totally ruled it out, but I don't feel the "need" for marriage. I did enjoy being married, and don't regret the man I married. I think a couple can have ever lasting love, companionship, etc. without it having to entail a piece of paper. A relationship has to come from the heart, not from the church, piece of paper, or rings.
 Ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 25
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How many women would get married again
Posted: 1/6/2008 12:22:17 PM

I see from a couple of the responces that a few women have the idea that, not only they wouldn't marry, living together wouldn't be an option on top of that.
These women also want long term just not in the same house hold... Isn't that kinda throwing the intire idea of being a long term couple out of the window? What future could one actualy expect from a situation like that..... Whats the piont of even getting involved??? I'm not knocking them,just kinda baffled by this type of logic. Sounds like someone that's been hurt bad & is affriad to give it one more shot....


I can understand that some people may have a different idea of what entails a relationship than others. I've had both common-law and marriage relationships. I have found that I don't function well, and am not very happy when I don't have my own time and space... it ends up being an irritant to me which is not healthy to my relationships. It's not his fault, it's not my fault... it's just the way I am built. I have ADD and get overloaded quite a bit, and the best way for me to become centered again is to be alone...sometimes for a few days. Well, that wouldn't be fair to a partner now... If he had his own place I could just say, "okay, go home...I need to be alone and center myself...we'll get together in a few days..I'll call you later if you want". I am also an artist, when I am in the middle of a project I need to focus on that..I can't be distracted all the time...and I have found VERY few guys can handle that. Most seem to NEED attention..a lot. These are the reasons why I have considered trying something different.

Also... I just have never really bought into the "traditional" relationship. I'm not a domestic goddess..I despise housework (though it HAS to be done) I do most of my own repairs and stuff. I love to work and enjoy my career, I enjoy being able to support myself... and the independance and self-esteem that comes from that. I'm not terribly interested in a "handyman" type (though I appreciate someone who can turn his hand to many different things) I guess I am more interested in a deep friendship with a lover, than a traditional relationship. Being older has given me the freedom and self-assurance to be able to offer my care, love, concern, friendship and my sexuality to someone who is also my best friend... but not in any way my possession. I want to know we are together because we WANT to be, and that we enhance each others lives without sacrificing our individual identities and pursuits. Some people can do this in the context of marriage...I can't. I think I'm a bit of a wild animal that way...I don't mate well in captivity. The strangest part of his for me is that it has NOTHING to do with a monogamous commitment.. I am naturally monogamous... I just can't stand being around anyone ALL THE TIME.

This is how it is for me right now... I am opening my mind and heart to alternative ways of being in a relationship... and isn't that what life is about really? expanding oneself? It is for me.
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 28
How many women would get married again
Posted: 1/6/2008 2:33:26 PM
I've never done so myself, but have had a couple of close calls and will be eternally grateful that I didn't go there. I've had a lot of people tell me that I haven't missed much. Despite not knowing very many happy couples (I do know a few), I wouldn't rule it out if I met someone who I couldn't live without.
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 29
How many women would get married again
Posted: 1/6/2008 2:33:56 PM
I've never done so myself, but have had a couple of close calls and will be eternally grateful that I didn't go there. I've had a lot of people tell me that I haven't missed much. Despite not knowing very many happy couples (I do know a few), I wouldn't rule it out if I met someone who I couldn't live without. Most of the women I know who are divorced would not marry again.
 justcurioussue1
Joined: 1/10/2008
Msg: 33
How many women would get married again
Posted: 1/14/2008 6:24:54 PM
Been there and done it twice. Would probably do it for a third time - but still married to 2nd one.javascript:smilie('')
I find the comfort of a spouse wonderful - but when you turn into the maid/taxi driver/ dishwasher and other domestic servants all rolled up into one and you start feeling taken for granted. That's what drives me to this site. I am no longer the lover and confidant of my spouse - so next!
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 41
How many women would get married again
Posted: 1/15/2008 9:36:45 AM
This is the opposite of my situation--I've never been married, and would like to be. In theory. I've already got my OWN ducks in a row--emotionally, financially, etc--now I want to see what it would be like to share all this greatness with someone.

It's scary to see that so many women do NOT want to go back to being married.
 4UMaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 42
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How many women would get married again
Posted: 1/15/2008 9:38:39 AM
I would get married again...
uh but...but....I have to start dating first
 Neysha61
Joined: 7/31/2006
Msg: 44
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How many women would get married again
Posted: 1/15/2008 12:07:09 PM
Nyet.
Nada.
Nary.
No! NO!

None for me thanks, trying to cut down on my being b1tched at about everything and nothing I did in particular mind you .... just 'cause I'm there.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 47
How many women would get married again
Posted: 1/15/2008 2:06:30 PM
see from a couple of the responces that a few women have the idea that, not only they wouldn't marry, living together wouldn't be an option on top of that.

That's not an idea, that's a choice or preference.

These women also want long term just not in the same house hold... Isn't that kinda throwing the intire idea of being a long term couple out of the window? What future could one actualy expect from a situation like that..... Whats the piont of even getting involved??? I'm not knocking them,just kinda baffled by this type of logic. Sounds like someone that's been hurt bad & is affriad to give it one more shot....

Not really - I myself if I ever got involved again (questionable) would rather do a duplex, separate places or a real big house so I can get my space somehow. I like to know I can get away and isolate when I need to, and those situations have guaranteed space in em. Marriage isn't really my thing...so I don't plan on doing that, never have.

For me it's not a hurt thing, it's a free spirit/living alone for years thing. I like the fact that when I am home I don't have to answer to, talk to, or deal with anyone until I am ready to. Someone moving in (or vice versa) would mean going home wouldn't always guarantee a nice quiet evening/day when I wanted it. I like to be alone without someone else taking it as having anything to do with them.

Sometimes getting involved long term and seriously is a lot easier when you know it's not going to monopolize your life. People don't have to be together 24/7 in order to be involved.
 cowtrucker
Joined: 5/20/2007
Msg: 48
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How many women would get married again
Posted: 1/15/2008 4:56:07 PM
I'd love to be married... To the Right Man..... I'm already married to my job, but if I found a mate that I love as much as I love my job, I'd consider it.

I'm divorced, and don't want to go through that again. He was a great guy, couldn't have picked better, but those little differences that we thought were ok in the beginning, turned out to be mountains.

If I find someone else who I think could be it, I'm going to make darn sure we have more in common, and we both want the same things in life. It's not fair to either of us to only be looking for a solution to right now...

CowTrucker
Chapman, Kansas
 junipermoon
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 50
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How many women would get married again
Posted: 1/15/2008 6:27:15 PM
i would consider it a huge step to date someone who lives in the same town!

my marriage basically consisted of me doing all the work. literally. i did all the laundry, cooking, cleaning, dishes etc. plus i worked full-time. me ex-husband drank. and did little else.

i realize not all men behave that way, but i have no inclination to put myself in even the possibility of that position again. i like my own living space and lots of down time.

i might consider a long-term relationship with someone, but he'd have to live at least 10 miles away.
 CHRIS6725
Joined: 12/23/2007
Msg: 53
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How many women would get married again
Posted: 1/15/2008 9:10:25 PM
I have been married and divorced twice..the first time, I was young and stupid, the seond time, I was just stupid!!! I don't think I will ever marry again. I do not want any more children. Marriage is good if you plan on raising a family, if not why bother. Either she will screw you, or you will screw her. If I met a man and fell in love, I would just want to live together in harmony.
 hd321
Joined: 9/7/2007
Msg: 56
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How many women would get married again
Posted: 1/15/2008 9:44:05 PM
Whenyer strange mentioned the type of set up I would consider (after my last 2 flops). I think duplexes or adjoining houses would be spiffy! No marriage (too much legal tussle at my age). But, yes, adjoining houses with a long term committment and a loving relationship-AWESOME!
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 64
How many women would get married again
Posted: 6/6/2008 8:08:54 AM

I think duplexes or adjoining houses would be spiffy! No marriage (too much legal tussle at my age). But, yes, adjoining houses with a long term committment and a loving relationship-AWESOME!

I used to think so too...until I realized that if things didn't work out, now you'd be either buying out the other person, trying to sell and move to solve the problem, or wind up living next door to someone you used to date and saying hi to a lot of their dates on the way in our out of their side of the house.

So...put the houses about a block or two apart, and that's much better...then it's awesome.
 ColumbiaSingle
Joined: 5/20/2008
Msg: 67
How many women would get married again
Posted: 6/6/2008 1:19:42 PM
I seriously doubt I will get married again. I highly underestimated the difficulty of marriage and apparently my choices were not all that good. Between the odds of it working out and the emotional and financial fallout of when it does not work out, I would not opt for marriage at this point in my life, but I am older so that probably makes a great deal of difference. I also do not desire to live with someone. The two houses and a steady relationship is what I seek.

I would advise someone younger to marry if they are careful in their choices and don't feel pressured by society to be married just for the sake of appearances.
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