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 Next Time Round
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 13
dating a guy with health problems....turnoff?Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
The girls who it does bother will marry someone who's never had so much as a cold. They will: die of heart attacks at 50; develop severe dementia in their old age; get hit by Mack trucks while jogging etc.

That's how life is. Just smile at their rejection and say "Good luck" -- just don't tell them why your smile is so wide.
 Stephanie Dawn
Joined: 1/24/2008
Msg: 14
dating a guy with health problems....turnoff?
Posted: 2/17/2008 5:35:51 PM
No, in no way is it a turnoff. I am partially deaf in my left ear, and have had back problems since birth, but I believe men with certain "flaws" are in truth, an incredbile source of strength. If you can only confide in the fact that were all not perfect, realize our very imperfections are a gift, and sometimes, or greatest source to humbleness.
 *SnowAngel*
Joined: 1/1/2008
Msg: 15
dating a guy with health problems....turnoff?
Posted: 2/17/2008 5:53:05 PM
It wouldn't stop me for a second. I look out for huge character flaws as deal breakers...a few life hurdles in a life seems to add character in my opinion.
 MelissaMelissa
Joined: 4/2/2006
Msg: 16
dating a guy with health problems....turnoff?
Posted: 2/17/2008 6:43:17 PM
Love=Love, it has no conditions. Granted you have to develop love with someone. But anyone who is looking for a relationship of substance would not care.

I dated a guy for a while who had a heart attack at 19 (unknown congenital heart defect). He was 23 when we started dating, and he had permanent scarring and pain in his chest from open heart surgery. Ie- we couldn't always do things physically, and he had days where the weather affected him and he really just wasnt able to get up and moving.

Honestly, it never phased me. That was him, his condition wasnt an object of scrutiny, but rather a part of the whole package I was getting. Any person you date will have "flaws" because no one is perfect. You always get some bad with the good, everyone has challenges. Yours may be physical, someone elses may be emotional, another persons financial, etc... The right girl will see you for the whole package, not look for your flaws.

Don't worry, the *right* person will have no issues with this. And honestly, I doubt that generally *most* women would care.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 17
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dating a guy with health problems....turnoff?
Posted: 2/17/2008 7:45:43 PM
Your post is confusing, will it be potentially passed to kids or not? And although I can understand that you don't want to go into your entire health history, whatever problems you deal with now are pretty much essential to answering this question.

I think if your quality of life is pretty good and there are not major struggles and numerous hospitalizations in the future, this would be a consideration but should not stop women from getting into a relationship with you. You are young, however, and you may take a little bit longer to find someone than the average guy your age because this type of situation is something that people don't face until they are quite a bit older.

You have had health issues, many men your age that are perfectly healthy are going to drink and/or smoke, or stress themselves into having premature issues so there is no guarantee that your partner will remain healthy. Even given good genes, there is the medical anamoly. But again, some women your age may not get this yet.

I am impressed with the young women, beautiful ones at that, that have responded to this thread, look at those closely and don't get discouraged.
 cocytus
Joined: 11/9/2007
Msg: 18
dating a guy with health problems....turnoff?
Posted: 2/17/2008 8:16:44 PM
Since we ALL have health issues of varying degrees...unless the health issue was potentially contagious or would require the other person to make significant changes in their own life to accommodate somebody else......to me, somebody stating that they wouldn't a person w/ health issues is a sign of somebody being very shallow.
 Rachelle~C
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 19
dating a guy with health problems....turnoff?
Posted: 2/17/2008 8:51:24 PM
Everyone has ,is currently experiencing or will go through health problems in their lives.People who would pass you by and not want to deal with it well i wonder how they will feel when their partners dump them when they will inevitably have to face a health crisis.


You didn't say anything about your issues being life threatening and even then i would have no problem dating someone with health issues .
 Ms.F***ingSunshine
Joined: 2/14/2008
Msg: 20
dating a guy with health problems....turnoff?
Posted: 2/17/2008 9:46:27 PM
My ex husband had many health issues. Some that might be very difficult for some people to live with. I am not saying I am a martyr or anthing like that...far far from it..

In the end, it was not his health issues that ended it, it was his attitude around me and my kids, etc..I will spare you the gory details.

I fell in live with this man because of the way he handled himself, even with his illness. If he did not tell me he had it, I would have no clue that he was ill. He's stubborn enough to live forever....lol....

So no, the illness itself is not a turnoff, it would be for me, you attitude around it. Meaning that if your attitude around your illness was negative, then it more then likely is negative in alot of area's of your life..and that is a huge turnoff.

jmo


 nycdoctor
Joined: 8/2/2005
Msg: 21
dating a guy with health problems....turnoff?
Posted: 3/3/2008 1:46:40 PM
run...run away
 rustytalent
Joined: 11/20/2007
Msg: 22
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dating a guy with health problems....turnoff?
Posted: 3/3/2008 2:20:47 PM
I suffer from migraines and have had mates chew me out for it, and even dump me before. It sucks. It makes it hard to imagine anyone staying with you through some really serious.
 SmartAlec
Joined: 2/8/2005
Msg: 23
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dating a guy with health problems....turnoff?
Posted: 3/3/2008 2:24:25 PM
I think that depends on the condition and how that affects your quality of life. Chronic pain can make people depressed, downright cranky and hard to live with. I have dated people with all kinds of health issues as long as I am clear what I am in for! and total honesty is the key.
 Country Music Fan
Joined: 9/21/2007
Msg: 24
dating a guy with health problems....turnoff?
Posted: 3/3/2008 4:00:41 PM
Well all from time to time may not be able to do thing that a 100% healthy person does. I wouldn't have a problem with it. Good luck OP
 ~*Angel Eyes*~
Joined: 2/17/2008
Msg: 25
dating a guy with health problems....turnoff?
Posted: 3/3/2008 4:37:25 PM
I'm not turned off by medical conditons, depending on what they are. How will being with someone with these conditions effect me? I am not a very patient person, it's one of my flaws...
 Lavinia10
Joined: 2/4/2008
Msg: 26
dating a guy with health problems....turnoff?
Posted: 3/3/2008 6:51:09 PM
no, not necessarily.
 amycarr
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 27
dating a guy with health problems....turnoff?
Posted: 3/3/2008 8:04:14 PM
all i can say is NO its not a turn off
 iliose
Joined: 2/14/2008
Msg: 28
dating a guy with health problems....turnoff?
Posted: 3/3/2008 11:07:28 PM
Sickness is a state of mind. If someone acts like a sick person, it's a total turn off.
 Ms.F***ingSunshine
Joined: 2/14/2008
Msg: 29
dating a guy with health problems....turnoff?
Posted: 3/16/2008 2:20:35 PM
thanks for that felineinkent


just met another fellow who talks about his disabilities due to a head injury years ago. he says it turn off alot of ladies when he metions it.

well, my 2 cents..don't let that be your first topic of discusion....if, by looking at you, she can't tell, then let the rest of your woderfull personality speak for itself. if you are a functioning human being, job, kids, ex's..lol...then you are one of us... Tell her later on, when she can go WOW!!

Personally, again, none of that bothers me...is it perhaps because I have been in the nursing field since 86? My favorite patients are still the ones that have this determination, and always, always do very well in recovery, due to their attitude and sheer determination. It amazes me what a guy can do after he is injured and "they" tell him he can't walk ever again or whatever...it is an actualy turn on for me to see that a man's spirit is stonger then someone else's opinion!

Very nice topic.

(excuse the spelling errors, I type to fast for my own good!)
 ClassicRockr84
Joined: 10/9/2007
Msg: 30
dating a guy with health problems....turnoff?
Posted: 4/27/2008 11:22:58 AM
Well to start with, I have a calcium imbalance which means most of the calcium in my body ends up going to my kidneys and forming kidney stones, leaving my bones much weaker than normal (thats right, osteoporosis is not just for post-menopausal women)...this has had to be carefully controlled for 10 years with medications and supplements. So no contact sports or karate for me. I also have an extremely fast metabolism that burns up calories at a much higher rate than a normal person, which is why i have trouble keeping weight on. This might seem great to some people cuz it means I don't have to worry much about my diet, but the downside is I have to constantly carry food with me or else my blood sugar gets low and my brain and body starves. Feels like a bad hangover and makes me want to fall asleep. This is very dangerous in some situations like when i'm driving, which I can't do very much. And recently I have had sleep problems, trouble focusing and remembering things, and an increase in my ADD symptoms that got so bad i had to quit my job as well as give up my apartment. Not sure as to what suddenly made this worse. And feeling so tired and zombie-like all the time makes it hard to do my art, which is my one passion in life. I don't even feel creative anymore, it takes forever to come up with good ideas and execute them, also not a good thing in my field of graphic design.

So i have essentially had to put my entire career and life on hold while I try to figure out how to get myself balanced again. And on top of that, I am now depressed because I wonder if i can ever regain my independence and have the sort of life I had just a year ago. So bad some days that I can't even get out of bed and don't feel like anything is worth doing. For the past 6 months I have kind of become a recluse living at home and have not felt very social. Like friends at school would call me and I just wouldn't want to talk, cuz I feel like its too hard to explain what's going on and they wouldn't understand anyway. And an awkward situation with my ex has made it difficult to socialize with my these friends because they are all connected to her. While my family has been supportive of me through all this, living with them is frustrating too because I am way too sheltered at home and over-protected.

Anyway this is what my life is like, if you can call it a life. I think I badly need to meet some new people and get out to start doing stuff...someone to talk with about art and other intellectual stuff, or go to museums and parks with, would perhaps stimulate my mind and get me interested in life again. I don't think I'm ready for "dates" or a relationship right now in my current state, but even someone to hang out with as a friend would be nice.
 NoMexShrek
Joined: 4/12/2008
Msg: 31
dating a guy with health problems....turnoff?
Posted: 4/27/2008 11:35:18 AM

It's easy to say "sure I'd date someone w/health problems" until you've lived with someone w/a disease. It's more like, It depends. Or if the person had a health problem and used it as an excuse to shut their life down and not "try" anymore...well, that would also drive me crazy (unless their dr. approved of the behavior).


Kaylie hit this on the nose. My ex wife has Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis. When we met, she was of the "I have it, some days I am sore, so what" mentality. It is controllable enough that she played college basketball on a scholarship. But after we got married, it suddenly became this "debilitaing disease" even though her doctor said it was still under control and in remission, and any increase in problems was due to weight gain.

She just decided to not excercise any more, gorge herself and sit around the house. Went from 150# and in shape to 307# and hardly able to fit in her car in 2-3 years.

Of course, now that we are divorced, she has lost 130+ pounds and is almost back to where we were when we met.

As a result, I am kind of leery on dating anyone "disabled". I used to admire my ex for how she never let it stop her from doing what she wanted. But once we were married, it became an excuse to let herself go, and was used to extract every last cent from me in divorce court (walking in on cane, with a limp, wheezing).
 SueCat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 32
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dating a guy with health problems....turnoff?
Posted: 4/27/2008 2:30:40 PM
Health problem - it would depend on what it is, and if he's proactive in taking care of himself. Diabetes for example is treatable, but one must be vigilant about their diet & exercise, as well as foot care. If I were to meet a man with diabetes and he did nothing but eat sweets, drink, and rarely exercised, then I'd say his health problem would be a turnoff.
 danielmarkjarvis
Joined: 2/10/2008
Msg: 33
dating a guy with health problems....turnoff?
Posted: 4/27/2008 3:20:10 PM
i think that it is generally a turnoff cause some women look for perfection but then some dont,what one women finds attractive another will not(not my words but they make the most sense)
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