Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Just Take it on the Chin?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 gigigrongbell
Joined: 12/19/2006
Msg: 7
Just Take it on the Chin?Page 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I'd find the nearest door and leave. I don't want that kind of relationship and I think staying says it's okay.
 El_Mariachi
Joined: 4/21/2007
Msg: 8
Just Take it on the Chin?
Posted: 1/11/2008 7:13:19 PM
Exactly.

Why reward bad behavior?
 Ignoble
Joined: 10/11/2007
Msg: 9
view profile
History
Just Take it on the Chin?
Posted: 1/12/2008 10:16:21 PM
Hahahaha, I took the title of this thread in the completely wrong way. Gahahahaha.
 DesertLioness
Joined: 8/2/2006
Msg: 10
view profile
History
Just Take it on the Chin?
Posted: 1/13/2008 10:37:33 AM

The person who walks away usually has something to do with it. They are never totally innocent to some degree.
You're kidding, right, Chela? While I find no fault with some of the "reasons" you mentioned earlier in your reply, I find your last line objectionable. It's that type of thinking that encourages men and women to stay in chronically abusive relationships. "It must be MY fault ("to some degree"), so I will stay and try to fix MY problems to try to make that person be nicer." OUCH!

My actions are all mine. The responsibility does not belong to someone else if I behave badly, regardless of what the other person said or did. Period. If I am with someone who frequently behaves in the manner that the OP stated, the other person's behavior is NOT my responsibility; my decision to leave or stay in that chaos IS my responsibility.


It would at least "seem" to be a no win situation for one person.
OP, it is. I guess we are all entitled to a bad day, but this is ABUSE. I have known some people who believe this is communication because they are letting their feelings out. (And gee, if she beats you, throws acid on you or shoots you, she will feel even better!)


What if you just walk away but they follow???
Some people have a habit of doing this (women are especially guilty of this). This is a total lack of respect for someone who needs their space. Couples need to set ground rules for fair fighting at a time when they are NOT fighting, then they need to follow those rules. This person is fighting dirty and there is no excuse for any of this from an adult.

If you are in that relationship, get out. If you left that relationship, stay out. If you have just started dating this person, cut your losses and run like hell! She's toxic.
 DesertLioness
Joined: 8/2/2006
Msg: 11
view profile
History
Just Take it on the Chin?
Posted: 1/13/2008 10:45:17 AM

Qestion: What did you do to create the "Explosion"?
Oh, my dear gawd! Again, here's that belief that assumption that the other person is to blame for the S.O. behaving abusively. This type of thinking perpetuates abusive relationships. I would bet a year's salary that the S.O. the OP is referring to has a history of this type of behavior in relationships.

I'm curious, rladi, if the OP was a female, and she was describing a boyfriend / lover / husband who was behaving like this toward her, would your response have been the same?
 SLAFFA
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 12
Just Take it on the Chin?
Posted: 7/17/2015 11:58:30 PM
Well folks... what say all you "newbies"?

Obviously as a Forumite, few are going to "take it". Especially with no [visible at least] Mods around.

But in the RW?
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 14
view profile
History
Just Take it on the Chin?
Posted: 7/18/2015 10:34:28 AM
Why would any man or women get involved with or stay involved with a person like that.

I have never been involved with anyone like that. I don't fight with friends and I certainly wouldn't be with someone who acted like that.
I was taught at an early age not to put up with people's drama. One of the best lessons I ever learned.
 Qura
Joined: 8/5/2014
Msg: 15
view profile
History
Just Take it on the Chin?
Posted: 7/18/2015 11:25:13 AM
I've never been in a relationship like that. I like to think that this is b/c I've never put up with even the first step toward drama--raising a voice, for example, in anger. It's probably just b/c I'm lucky, though.

This is why I think it is SO important to give relationships time to grow--so you see how someone responds under pressure (at work, anywhere) well before the relationship is established enough for you to become their whipping post.

Pay attention, and the people you meet and date will reveal themselves. Walk away when they reveal themselves to be immature, egocentric, dishonest, etc.

I give people a 2nd chance--I warn, if you do that again, we are done. Told my ex that about something when we were dating. He never did it again. But of course, most people will do it again :)

There is a lot of drama in my professional life (I work with teens). I will not live with it at home. I'd much, much rather be single!
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 16
Just Take it on the Chin?
Posted: 7/18/2015 3:12:46 PM
I do not know how many others have had to "deal with" EXPLOSIONS from a SO. What did you find was the best way for YOU to handle it? A screaming/shouting match? Do you/did you just walk away. Or just stand there and "take it"?
-----------------
I just walk away. I know people can get pissed off and say things they don't mean, so I really don't take that stuff too seriously.
 sealady111
Joined: 5/31/2015
Msg: 17
Just Take it on the Chin?
Posted: 7/18/2015 5:38:48 PM
Walk away.
If they follow you.
Go further away.

If they continue go to somewhere with other people.
If it becomes violent go to the police.

Shouting back at someone who is shouting at you achieves nothing.

I would not tolerate such 'explosions' from anyone.
"That is something with which I will not put".

__________________________________________________

In a past life I was a sales representative for a company that had a poor reputation for delivering stock on time.
So I experienced quite a few customers, YELLING, at me.

I would just sit or stand there, wait till they had finished and calmed down then document and work through their problems.

Many times the problem was easily fixed.
e.g.
They had ordered packs of 6 which were out of stock so I supplied individually wrapped.
By filling these simple back orders I became a record sales person.


Solutions are often simple.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 18
view profile
History
Just Take it on the Chin?
Posted: 7/18/2015 6:10:10 PM
Four main types?? There are 12 stereotypes. I am none of the four, for instance and I am sure others would agree.
 sealady111
Joined: 5/31/2015
Msg: 19
Just Take it on the Chin?
Posted: 7/18/2015 6:17:01 PM
Clooney with your comment #74 of



I'd withhold sex for a week and stop doing the dishes...


^^^ Does that mean she has to go out to eat?
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 20
Just Take it on the Chin?
Posted: 7/18/2015 8:50:50 PM
SLAFFA- This topic is like an onion, there are SO many layers.
What type of person are you dealing with?
Is the yelling out of character?
Do they only yell when they are VERY upset and/or it doesn't happen frequently?
OR, are they just a very angry person that uses yelling to intimidate?
There are people who have known me close to all my life and have seen me get mad enough to yell only a few times, some never.
Yet, by the end of my marriage, I was yelling quite a bit out of frustration.
No excuses, I should have been gone LONG before it got that bad.
Unless we are talking about the type who yells to intimidate (and in that case, they should wind up yelling at the wall, because that is abuse), then I try to stay calm and try to find out why they are so angry.
If I yell, something is wrong, way wrong.
So, if that's the case and it's out of character, I talk and listen.
Being very candid, I allowed boundary's to be crossed, I let myself get disrespected and ignored, so by the time I resorted to yelling, it was out of sheer frustration.
If you find yourself on the other end of yelling and the person isn't usually a yeller, it's time to talk.
If you re the one yelling and you normally aren't, it's time to open up and share what is going on.
I did that and I still got ignored, so it's on me that I stayed knowing things were not going to change.
I stayed mad at myself longer than I did him, and that's saying a lot.
I was mad as heck at myself for wasting so many years.
Honest, open communication is key, but it's just as key that the other person listens.
If they don't it's time to walk, before you find yourself someone you don't want to be.
Knowing this now, I will speak if I feel run over or ignored.
If they keep it up, I'm gone.
Life is too short.
Long story short, if you encounter someone that ALWAYS yells when angry/upset, walk and keep walking.
If it isn't normal for them, talk and LISTEN.
If you can't be bothered to talk or listen, it's likely YOU are the problem.
 motowncowgirl
Joined: 3/24/2015
Msg: 21
Just Take it on the Chin?
Posted: 7/19/2015 6:45:45 AM

What if you just walk away but they follow???

dump them.
next step: restraining order.
 Peas_
Joined: 5/2/2015
Msg: 22
Just Take it on the Chin?
Posted: 7/19/2015 7:00:51 AM
Where's the op from this thread? One opening post? Bait thread.

To make a woman angry enough to be screaming at you, I would say, you are provoking her somehow. Playing mind games. No communication. Not mature enough to be in a loving relationship without communication which women rely on to express emotions can lead to a bottling effect. It's hopeless being with a man who makes her feel that way.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Just Take it on the Chin?