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 latinguy83
Joined: 2/14/2005
Msg: 114
Jokes that crack you up but others don't find 'that' funnyPage 2 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
What do you call and an empty bottle of cheese wiz?

Cheese was.


Effing Brilliant.
 wyteknight
Joined: 12/27/2006
Msg: 115
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Jokes that crack you up but others don't find 'that' funny
Posted: 6/22/2008 7:58:44 AM
Two nuns in a bath
1st Nun: where's the soap?
2nd Nun: Yes, doesn't it!!!!

Two eggs in a pan
1st egg: Geez it's gettin' hot in here!
2nd egg: wait til you get out of here.... they smash your head in!!!

Newly press-ganged sailor on board ship: What do you do for sex during the months at sea?
Bosun: See that barrel over there with the hole in the side? Every Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday you get to screw it!!
sailor: what about Mondays?
Bosun: Monday is your turn in the barrel!!!

 Greyfeld
Joined: 1/11/2007
Msg: 116
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Jokes that crack you up but others don't find 'that' funny
Posted: 6/22/2008 5:32:57 PM
Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs, floating in the ocean?

A: Bob


Q: What did the blonde do when she first woke up?

A: She went home


Q: How many roaches does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: Nobody knows. When the light turns on, they all scatter.


Q: How many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Only one, but the lightbulb has to really WANT to change.


A blonde was walking down the road one day, and saw a dirt lot off to the side. Upon inspection, she saw another blonde in the middle of the field, rowing furiously in a rowboat. The first blonde yelled out, "IT'S BLONDES LIKE YOU THAT GIVE US ALL A BAD NAME!! IF I COULD SWIM, I'D COME OUT THERE AND KICK YOUR ASS!!"
 steven_mcc
Joined: 6/29/2007
Msg: 129
Jokes that crack you up but others don't find 'that' funny
Posted: 6/29/2008 8:46:45 PM
How do you get a nun pregnant?
You F@%& her. (don't know why that gets me)

2 blondes are in the woods and they spot tracks.
blonde 1: Those are moose tracks!
blonde 2: No! Those are bear tracks!
Then they were hit by a train.

There's a knock at the door. The guy answers and sees a snail on the porch. The guy picks up the snail and throws him. 8 years later there's a knock at the door. The guy opens the door and it's the snail. The snail says "Why did you do that for?"
 Greyfeld
Joined: 1/11/2007
Msg: 130
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Jokes that crack you up but others don't find 'that' funny
Posted: 6/30/2008 10:26:23 AM
A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to persuade them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so.... thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.


Mahatma Gandhi , as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Get ready...)) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
 *BehindTheseHazelEyes*
Joined: 8/6/2007
Msg: 140
Jokes that crack you up but others don't find 'that' funny
Posted: 7/6/2008 6:04:59 AM
Three tampons are walking down the street, a small one, a medium sized one, and a large one. Which will be the first to talk to you? None. They're all stuck up ****es.
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Canada's worst air disaster: Canada's worst air disaster occurred today when a small two-seater Cessna crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central Newfoundland. Newfie search and rescue workers have recovered 826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.
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One day, while Sue was cleaning under the bed, she found a small box. Curious, she opened it and found 3 eggs and 10,000 dollars. A little bit suspicious, she confronted her husband of twenty years about it.

"Oh, that," Frank said. "Every time I cheated on you, I put an egg in this box." Sue was a bit unhappy about this, but figured that 3 affairs over twenty years wasn't so bad.

"But what about the 10,000 dollars?"

"Every time I got a dozen, I sold them."
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Do you want to know a funny joke? Pull down your pants and look down.
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Two old men in a retirement village were sitting in the reading room and one said to the other, ''How do you really feel? I mean, you're 72 years old, how do you honestly feel?''

''Honestly, I feel like a new born baby. I've got no hair, no teeth, and I just wet myself.''
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What is long, hard, and stiff, is used inside a warm, wet place, and gets moved back and forth for the best effect?A toothbrush.
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An expert fisherman is a ''master-baiter.''

HAHAHAHHAHAHAH!!!!
 Its_just_Geoff
Joined: 6/18/2008
Msg: 142
Jokes that crack you up but others don't find 'that' funny
Posted: 7/6/2008 4:17:59 PM
How do you kill a blue elephant?
With a blue elephant gun.

How do you kill a pink elephant?
Squeeze his trunk shut until he turns blue then shoot him with the blue elephant gun.

How do you kill a madras elephant?
Put him in hot water and let him bleed.


Let's see who gets this one....
Miles Davis and his entourage were travelling and decided to eat dinner at a roadside diner. After dinner he asks the waitress "How's the pie?" The waitress replies "The pie is gone." Miles Davis immediately says "Then I'll take two pieces!"
 L80nw8ng
Joined: 7/2/2007
Msg: 146
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Jokes that crack you up but others don't find 'that' funny
Posted: 7/7/2008 1:40:40 PM
Tarzan, Tarzan flyin thru the air,
Tarzan lost his underwear,
Tarzan said, "Me don't care,
Jane's gonna make me another pair"

Cheetah, Cheetah flyin thru the air,
Cheetah lost his underwear,
Cheetah said, "Me don't care,
Jane's gonna make me another pair"

Jane, Jane flyin thru the air,
Jane lost her underwear,
Jane said, "I don't care,
Tarzan likes me better bare!"

 secret_agent_thing
Joined: 3/20/2008
Msg: 147
Jokes that crack you up but others don't find 'that' funny
Posted: 7/7/2008 1:48:42 PM
Heres a good one from 8th grade.

Whats long, hard, and filled with seaman.

A submarine

Oh the memories.
 RDtoo
Joined: 1/30/2005
Msg: 151
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Jokes that crack you up but others don't find 'that' funny
Posted: 7/13/2008 11:41:04 PM
This town got flooded and a little boy and a little girl climbed up to the roof of the house to stop from being drowned in the 6 feet of water. As they sat there they saw a hat go floating by. It got to the end of the house and came floating back by. The little girl asked the little boy if he noticed the hat. The boy said "Yeah, that's my dad. He said come hell or high water he was going to mow the lawn today".
 Joker311
Joined: 7/5/2008
Msg: 156
Jokes that crack you up but others don't find 'that' funny
Posted: 7/19/2008 1:15:57 PM
"i knew you where disapointed when you ran into the wall with a woodie and broke your nose"
 sugarstwisted9
Joined: 11/21/2007
Msg: 162
Jokes that crack you up but others don't find 'that' funny
Posted: 8/12/2008 7:27:09 AM
Whats the worst thing about the rising unemployment?

Its hard to have sex with your boyfriend when his wife's home all the time....

haha come on its funny.....
 flyguy51
Joined: 8/11/2005
Msg: 163
Jokes that crack you up but others don't find 'that' funny
Posted: 8/12/2008 3:25:32 PM
A skeleton walks up to a bar and says, "Bartender, I'd like a beer... and a mop."
 oddsrhuge
Joined: 7/10/2007
Msg: 165
Jokes that crack you up but others don't find 'that' funny
Posted: 8/19/2008 11:51:08 AM
Continuing the cow theme from page 1...What do you call a cow with two legs?


Lean Beef

Where does dragon milk come from?

Cows with short legs


Musicians???

What do guitarists use as birth control?

Their personalities


Cheers
 RandyG70
Joined: 2/28/2008
Msg: 167
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Jokes that crack you up but others don't find 'that' funny
Posted: 8/21/2008 9:04:37 PM
What did the farmer say when he got his tractor stuck?











Damn, I got my tractor stuck.
 linbeck
Joined: 5/22/2006
Msg: 168
Jokes that crack you up but others don't find 'that' funny
Posted: 8/22/2008 9:54:51 AM
Why do they call it "PMS"?


















Because "Mad Cow Disease" was taken!

 VVendy
Joined: 6/7/2008
Msg: 173
Jokes that crack you up but others don't find 'that' funny
Posted: 8/23/2008 10:00:40 PM
knock knock
who's there
Losersayswho
losersayswho Who?
Exactly
 wb150at45
Joined: 7/22/2008
Msg: 175
Jokes that crack you up but others don't find 'that' funny
Posted: 8/24/2008 9:56:50 AM
doc, when i look in th mirror, i get horny?
understandably, you look like a poosy!
 z71pcgf650
Joined: 3/8/2006
Msg: 179
Jokes that crack you up but others don't find 'that' funny
Posted: 9/10/2008 2:26:41 PM
How can you tell when the stage is level?
Drool runs out of both sides of the drummer's mouth

What do you throw a drowning guitar player?
His amp

How do you shut a guitarist up?
Put sheet music in front of him

How many guitarists to change a light bulb?
12 - 1 to change it - 11 to tell him what he did wrong

How many Freudian psychiatrists to change a light bulb?
Two - one to change the bulb and one to hold the "penis" .. er ... I mean "ladder"
 PAClassyLady
Joined: 5/31/2008
Msg: 188
Jokes that crack you up but others don't find 'that' funny
Posted: 9/12/2008 9:49:40 AM
A Mexican goes to his citizenship test. There is a question on the Language section: "Make a sentence using the words green, pink and yellow." The Mexican thinks for a moment, then shouts out "I know! Thee phone eet goes greeeeen greeeen, I pink eet up, I say 'yellow'?"

Sorry... But say it out loud, it really is funny.


Rock on.

~m
 Runwithpaul
Joined: 9/17/2008
Msg: 199
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Jokes that crack you up but others don't find 'that' funny
Posted: 9/22/2008 11:14:13 PM
Why'd the chicken cross the road?




Cause it was safety-pinned to the punk rocker.
 Ronnie Depp
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 208
Jokes that crack you up but others don't find 'that' funny
Posted: 9/25/2008 4:34:43 AM
If a skydiver is caught masterbating, is that considered a hijacking?
 edm_styles
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 211
Jokes that crack you up but others don't find 'that' funny
Posted: 1/10/2009 4:37:56 AM
What has 9 arms and sucks???


Def Leppard
 John517
Joined: 1/3/2009
Msg: 219
Jokes that crack you up but others don't find 'that' funny
Posted: 1/12/2009 5:00:40 PM
Did you hear the Energizer bunny was arrested?

He was charged with Battery.
 hazleyedgal
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 222
Jokes that crack you up but others don't find 'that' funny
Posted: 1/13/2009 5:29:56 PM
Okay so there is a sign in my hometown that says.

Penitentiary area: beware of hitchhikers.

but as me and my sister drive by it we always say, Hitchhikers beware, Penitentiary area.
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