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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > WHY DID HE STOP CALLING?      Home login  
Joined: 1/27/2007
Msg: 101
WHY DID HE STOP CALLING?Page 5 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Wow! I don't know what to say :) That was not the profile I had up when he contacted me. I changed it aftr we stopped talking and yes mine was up while I was seeing him, but so was his and he never quit reminding me how his 'favorites' list was growing. Although he would say he just ignored mine (favorites list). were right about the confrontation thing and the necklace - I never thought of that. I do not know what his address is - I never thought it would be necessary b/c I knew how to get there. He isn't looking to settle down either - when I suggested we take it day by day, he agreed. So I don't think my not wanting long term was an issue. He is an Aquarius and they need their space and freedom. I am an Aries....I fall quick and hard. He wanted perfection and I am not perfect. He isn't either but I fell for the way he made me laugh and made me feel special and he is genuinely a nice fella. A typical badboy Thanx for all the advice, believe it or not, it has really helped.
Joined: 7/26/2006
Msg: 102
Posted: 1/28/2008 1:40:20 PM
OP, you have received some good advise. The only possible answer that I don't think has been discussed is that the relationship he had with you is typical for him.
He finds someone that he enjoys....that he can have sex with and he enjoys it for a while and moves on. How else could he stay unmarried all this time. It is possible that he is not even
conscious of his relationship pattern. Or he could be a player and perfectly aware of how he is. Don't beat yourself up. I personally think that at 42 you are entitled to make your own
decisions about who you sleep with and when.......we all live by our decisions. We just have to own them.
Happy Fishing....
Joined: 1/5/2008
Msg: 103
Posted: 2/5/2008 9:59:39 PM
Ok Number 1: On what planet did women have it "good" in the old days? Seriously. Put aside the fairy tales about princesses and prizes...because they don't exist...hence the reason they were popular...because they were a massive departure from the reality that women and men will NEVER be equal. So get over yourself. Once again, men looking to blame some woman with some complicated explanation that has very little basis in reality.

Number 2: Why can't women EVER display vulnerability or need or desire or confusion without being called unstable or being accused of living in a fantasy world (kinda like the one where women and men are equal)?? Its like a lose/lose situation...we're cold bitter b***hes if we "man-up" and take life as it comes, and we're being called whiny princesses for requesting information about WHY someone we cared about disappeared.

If this had been just a "friend" who stopped calling you and couldn't be'd be obligated to report it to the law...but this guy is practically calling you irrational for wondering what you could have done to make this person stop calling you. But because you were dating, you're now bound by some unspoken "play it cool" rules that you're not supposed to call a guy or ask what the hell is going on without being called out for being "needy". tis teh ghey.
Joined: 1/5/2008
Msg: 104
Posted: 2/5/2008 10:11:54 PM
Call me JJ...

"conquered"...really??? Way to sum up the nature of all men everywhere in a few words.

By the way I'd like to point out that in a recent poll by Cosmo, the average woman only waits 2 weeks before consummating a new relationship, however flawed those stats are...Something to think about.

I'm still thoroughly confused about how making this freak wait for sex would have made her feel better when he left her anyway. She didn't like him because she had sex with him...she had sex with him because she already liked him...

So whether he left before having sex, or left afterwards...she'd have still felt pain when he stopped calling.

Maybe you're trying to say that this idiot would have had more respect for her had she made him wait to have sex and stayed around, but I'm sure you wouldn't think that seeing as how basing your respect for someone on how soon they have sex with YOU is not only d**k, but a$$backwards, I'm not even going to defend that arguing point. Who would want someone like that anyway?

Doesn't make any sense to me at all.
Joined: 1/5/2008
Msg: 105
Posted: 2/5/2008 10:14:15 PM
I don't think she ever said she didn't call him. In fact I think she made it abundantly clear that she did call him, and he ignored her...thus the confusion about why he stopped returning the calls.
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 106
Posted: 2/5/2008 10:50:22 PM
Hi, im one of those guys who did the same thing to a woman. Let me explain, ok i was dating a woman from brooklyn things were going well we didn't have sex or anything just hanging out for about 3 months. then i met a younger woman from P.A. from the same town my dad lives in.I fell head over heals for the girl in P.A. The woman from brooklyn was so nice and sweet i didn't want to hurt her feelings by telling her i met someone els so i just stoped calling. I was so dum for doing that. The young girl in P.A. didn't give a rats ass about me just my gifts and all that good stuff so after 4 month of getting shit on by this young girl i gave up. I should have stayed with the girl from brooklyn she was the kind of woman i should have married who would have loved me no matter what. I guess what im saying is sum guys are afraid of hurting people feelings.I was just a big chicken. But i got what i dissevered the girl in brooklyn has a good man now. The girl in P.A. is still using men for money, And im the one who is stuck lonely looking for a good woman. But you know what they say "you learn from your mistakes" And girl did i ever. So i hope my little story may help you a little. One more thing one day this guy will realize what the hell did i do. I know i sure did. Take it one day at a time and keep looking.
Joined: 7/21/2006
Msg: 107
view profile
Posted: 2/6/2008 5:29:34 AM
I t takes me 6 months or more get emitate with someone

What i been reading sounds like he used you get what he wanted i hate guys like that

Because it hurt another guys chance because she be to hurt to try again

I not very good typer or speller i figured i put my word in as well

Goodluck i hope you learn dont give to him right away when if i find my woman ill wait as well i want everything perfect between us so f it happneds it be special.

But far him let him go he wasnt worth it

 *~*Red Queen II*~*
Joined: 9/13/2006
Msg: 108
Posted: 2/6/2008 10:34:24 AM
Fotm: Your post took a lot of courage to admit to your mistake. I think your story/experience will help others understand why situations like this sometimes happen . Your honesty is appreciated, I'm sure. It seems you have learned your lesson and I wish you the very best on your search.

If anyone stops calling suddenly, take a look at the situation. Perhaps there was indeed some kind of emergency (medical, family, etc).

However, a person must follow thier "gut-instincts". If something is telling you that things are not adding up, I strongly advise that you find out exactly what the truth is and be brave enough to face it. You could save yourself a lot of heartache when you discover that truth.
Joined: 1/9/2008
Msg: 109
Posted: 2/6/2008 12:57:56 PM
Sometimes we just don't know why things happen....and that's okay... :) Just continue down your path. Did you learn something from the experience? We learn from every situation....

Keep plugging away....
Joined: 12/25/2007
Msg: 110
Posted: 2/6/2008 7:54:45 PM
Peristent guys can be flattering. So, he contacted you, talked to you a lot, and showed a genuine interest. Then he stopped writing. But, you ignored him at the beginning, and now you're basically writing him off instead of putting your big girl skirt on and ask him why he hasn't called. What some ladies fail to realize is that, while a guy doesn't need to be "chased", it still feels good when a woman takes an interest, and is willing to go the extra distance sometimes. Afterall, your guy would, right? Write the guy, and find out what happened. It may not be what you think, so don't think negative! Good luck!
Joined: 7/18/2007
Msg: 111
Posted: 2/9/2008 6:42:28 AM
The real kicker is when their profile states "no head games" and then they pull "the houdini". Isn't that a head game of sorts???LOL. I believe like others it's just easier for them. Either it's not a good relationship or perhaps it's all going great and it scares them. Either way, one day they will realize it and it will be too late. Cut your losses and move on. Never take it to heart!
Joined: 7/24/2005
Msg: 112
Posted: 2/10/2008 2:41:09 PM
The reason I stop calling is merely that COMMUNICATION is a two way street. It’s not all up to’s about US! A call gets you call. It takes two people to make something work.

It has nothing to do with another woman or outside interest coming into the equation at least as far as I am concerned.
Joined: 7/24/2005
Msg: 113
Posted: 2/10/2008 2:44:28 PM
I also totally agree with pleasurecove's comments in message 132!
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 114
Posted: 2/11/2008 10:46:03 AM
This thread starts with:
"He contacted me first. I ignored his emails. He was persistent. I gave in and was glad I did. He is a wonderful man who is lots of fun and said all the right things...things he didn't have to say because I liked him from hello. My question is....after blowing up my cell phone, home phone and email here @ POF for a month....POOF! He has disappeared. I am not gonna chase him but I would like to know why men just cut off all contact? Why can't some men just put on their 'big boy' pants and be honest? If I am not what you were looking for why can't you men be honest? ... "
.... so you can see immediately that it was not a good relationship from day one. It started out on grounds of inequality - he chased, she "gave in". Caught, like prey to a hunter. In other words, her place was passive and reactive, like a fish caught on a hook who then wonders why the fisherman once he has hooked the fish just tries again with his baited hook and is no longer concerned with the one he has already caught.
When both parties grow up they will hopefully discover that each of them is a whole and complete human being with or without another person. Then when they discover each other they will meet as equals. Their relationship will then be built NOT on meeting a need but on satisfying a DESIRE - a very different thing.
I want people in my life who CHOOSE to be there, not answers to my need but enjoying me and letting me enjoy them entirely by free choice, not need.
When this person who started this thread looks on people as complete and free and independent individuals, and looks on herself as already complete and free and independent, then she won't even think of calling a thread "Why did he stop calling?". Instead she might then ask "Why do people stop calling each other?"
She says "I'm not gonna chase him ..." - yet she seems to think it's quite all right for him to chase her - Why? Is she a PERSON - or a prize to be won in a contest?
Women as bait and prizes and prey and males as predators and pursuers and wooers is dinosaur age stuff. In the 21st century each human being is unique and fully capable of productive and fulfilling relationships with others because each person is already O.K. and recognizes that others too are O.K. Face it, folks - Jane Austen is dead.
Joined: 6/28/2006
Msg: 115
Posted: 2/11/2008 1:15:44 PM
he moved on to something better so get over yourself.
Joined: 10/24/2007
Msg: 116
Posted: 2/11/2008 5:17:27 PM
He found what he wanted!
Joined: 1/14/2008
Msg: 117
Posted: 2/11/2008 7:12:42 PM
Sweetie, he's probably sold your necklace....for his vice
Joined: 11/14/2006
Msg: 118
Posted: 3/9/2008 10:49:32 PM
Read "All Men are Jerks, until proven otherwise". Excellent for ALL women. It is changing my perspectives....
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 119
Posted: 3/10/2008 12:54:56 AM
belejab is right.

"The reason I stop calling is merely that COMMUNICATION is a two way street. It’s not all up to’s about US! A call gets you call. It takes two people to make something work."

Fifty years ago it was assumed that men make calls to women, women don't make calls to men.

That is Jurassic Age stuff now. If a woman is still living in that old fashioned way I would not waste time on her because if she sticks to one obsolete belief she probably has a lot more baggage like it and I don't need her in my life, there are plenty more modern women who will relate to me as my equal.

There was a time when a woman could not even walk on the street without a man at her side unless she wanted to risk being perceived as a prostitute. Then women got the vote and started towards being seen as persons, equal to men, and no longer staying home keeping the house tidy for him and making babies for him and cooking meals for her family and being content to sit quietly with folded hands letting him speak while she had no opinions of her own.

Anybody who wants to go back there is welcome but I will not go there. I prefer to live in the present.

"Why did he stop calling?"
You didn't call him.
Joined: 2/25/2008
Msg: 120
view profile
Posted: 3/10/2008 5:36:36 PM
i really dont think you should be in any way let down by remarks about your intimacy with this man as you are a grown woman and it is your business what you do and i think in this day and age people shouldnt be so judgemental. as to the guy not calling well its an easy way out for them it is rare to have a man say what he feels because he didnt want to upset you so hey he ran
Joined: 2/18/2008
Msg: 121
Posted: 3/10/2008 5:46:36 PM
i was always taught from a male if he's not callin u then his doin something that interest him or doin someone else . give it up move on . charity
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 122
Posted: 3/11/2008 8:56:51 AM
Not sure its even the matter of honesty......Its the matter of maturity
GROW UP you so called a man not a freaken mouse
Met a man from here for coffee , all he did was complain about never getting a second date from woman.....I mean the entire time we were together
Well he never called me again ...which wasnt a bad thing cause I would of had to tell him he was a DEPRESSING SON OF A GUN and would rather spend time in a funeral home than met him again. And yes I also hope he reads this
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 123
Posted: 3/11/2008 10:36:54 AM
Obviously there's a problem here. She speaks of his "getting (sic) a second date" as if a "date" is something he "gets" from her. An accomplishment rather than a mutual agreement arrived at by both.
If any woman thinks she is a prize to be won or a trophy to be hunted and captured then I wouldn't waste my time on her. I like women who are secure, whole, and confident, and choose to encounter others as their equal.
Then she goes on to say "he never called me again." Funny thing but I don't remember the legislature passing the law that says he calls her but she doesn't call him. Did she ever try calling? If it was all one-sided then it never was a healthy relationship.
The reference to his "getting a date" is absurd. If two or more people choose to meet socially that isn't a prize won by anybody; it's just an agreement to meet to share some time together.
She is probably justified in calling him names. But what is cowardly and even dishonest is her failure to tell him face to face what instead she just posts here, hoping he will read it. Surely he is a big boy capable of hearing her. If not, and he chooses to take offense then she is better off to see him disappear. She is insulting him by assuming that he is too tender to withstand hearing her disapproval. Hey, sister, he's probably a big boy now - so treat him like an adult, your equal, not as a delicate child who needs to be protected from reality. Quit playing "mother," otherwise the only men you meet will be children who need mothers.
Joined: 2/26/2008
Msg: 124
Posted: 3/11/2008 10:44:08 AM
First i am sorry this happened to you. But you just have to forget him and move on. Trust me there is somebody better for you out there. I have been on this site off and on for about 3 years now and i have meet some wierdos and some i wish i never had met. So anyway sweetie dont let 1 guy ruin your life.
Joined: 2/25/2008
Msg: 125
Posted: 3/11/2008 11:01:27 AM
i quit calling all the time.
mainly because if it's not mind blowing, it's not worth it.
everyone has neurotic issues that make them react when pushed.
maybe he had the emotional capacity of a teaspoon...

however -
to ALL the idiots that are on and on about given it up too soon.
it's 2008.
if men can have sex on the first date so can women.
playen by the rules is so last year.

FYI - women have needs too.
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