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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Ex wife is best friend but women see her as competiton      Home login  
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 Diana619
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 86
Ex wife is best friend but women see her as competitonPage 14 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)

i think what has happened here is that people believe that if you dont hate your ex you should still be with them.am i right?


Nope........wrong. I am friendly with my ex after raising 3 sons together and a 20 year marriage...BUT........ He is NOT my best friend nor do we spend nights together at each others homes, nor do I expect a new guy in my life to be his friend, and I don't want to be friends with the woman he chooses. That chapter is closed in my life. Period!! I don't hate him but I don't keep hanging on to the past either.
 anyoneoutthier
Joined: 3/19/2007
Msg: 87
Ex wife is best friend but women see her as competiton
Posted: 2/27/2008 2:55:15 PM
Hey Bikeman, he did mention the kids in this.......... So wot you gonna do about that if he remains "best friend" wif the ex over the kids???? who is he gonna go to when he's not himself? a doctor or someone who knew him for years to talk things that bother him out?

Your statement here: If I were interested in a divorced woman and she told me her X is her best friend, I don't think I'd be interested in forming a romantic relationship with her. I'd look elsewhere for romance, and if she didn't understand my sentiment I'd explain it to her.



The OP all so said that he would stay at her place if needed and that she has staied at his place for days at a time, if some women feels she needs that kind of a realtionship with her F= up ex than she might as well stay with him , I for one would not not stick around if my SO was at her exs beckon call she is nothing but a losser in my book.
 Diana619
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 88
Ex wife is best friend but women see her as competiton
Posted: 2/27/2008 3:48:23 PM
hey black.let me introduce you to white...look at that a match made in heaven.


*passionandsong.........Could you PLEASE have your girlfriend or ex wife teach you how to use the quote function? It is very annoying when you copy the entire post of another instead of quoting just what you are responding to.
 Diana619
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 89
Ex wife is best friend but women see her as competiton
Posted: 3/3/2008 8:09:24 PM

I noticed the o.p. is now absent from this topic


Maybe his girlfriend read his posts about him still having a "thing" for his wife.
 arwen_30512
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 90
Ex wife is best friend but women see her as competiton
Posted: 3/17/2008 9:24:02 AM
I am new here and I see I have a alot on this topic to read, wow so many posts.

However one comment stuck out so far, and I must admonish the poster, who obviously does not know what she is talking about nor is she educated in this field:

Tigerlily1 said ( to whom I dont know as she does not seem able to use the QUOTE function nor does she address her comments so we know who she is talking to):


Freud made a good point many years ago and it is applicable in making some evaluations but freudian slips, that would mean she had a sexual interest in the new wife and that is as sick as the rest of your post that I didn't bother to read.


My dear, please limit your comments to YOUR area of expertise and education. Freudian Slips are NOT limited to sexual inferences, where ever did you get that idea from? And Freud didnt make any comments years ago, he made them many DECADES ago. He died in 1939.

However, I am educated in this field, in fact I hold a triple doctorate and am a research scientist in this field. May I ask that you kindly refrain from making comments about a field you know nothing about? Your comments about Freud and Freudian slips was completely wrong.

Also, would it be too much trouble for you to use the QUOTE function as well? I have been on here a grand total of 4 min and have divined its intricate workings and committed it to memory already. When you read a post and then hit the REPLY button, no one but you knows who or what you are replying to unless you quote it or reference the post number. This makes it exceedingly difficult to know what your responding to.

I would like to have known what this post is your refering to, that in your opinion is an example of a "...very healthy woman who puts her childrens needs first...".

I imagine that I will find it by wading through all these posts, but it would have been easier if you had gone thru the mind numbing agony of using the QUOTE function.

Peace Be With You All

Lisa
 YingKissesYang
Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 91
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Ex wife is best friend but women see her as competiton
Posted: 3/17/2008 9:51:05 AM
I think its fantastic bamabob and his ex are best freinds.

Great points ALBINO dino: """"in a new and budding relationship, your priorities should be focused on your partner, your mate, your friend and lover. You should be willing to negotiate and focus on her needs, feelings and thoughts.

If life is about what is GOOD FOR YOU, then you will get exactly what you seek; yourself. If you have no room in your life for someone special, then you will have to make do with a lot of partial connections. (like your ex)"""

I agree, "boundaries" are few and far between for some people today (and I am no better). Basically, our boundries (?) are whatever we feel like, and that's not a boundry.

Hey BAmabob, if your ex is such a great friend, why aren't you married to her still?

Ok, well, if you ever again want a new GF and you want to keep your ex as a freind, try this: DON'T TALK ABOUT YOUR EX SO MUCH. Geee's is that so hard to figure out? Are you that "weak kneed" or casual out the mouth that you can't be careful what you say?

I've noticed very few people really ever analyze this issue on the forums. Its whatever is convenient for them. I guess that's why our Govt has soo many laws, if there wasn't a law against everything, most people would think "I have no problem doing that, its fine, go for it, its the other people who are trying to control you" So we have to pass things LIKE SEATBELT LAWS AND SPEEDING LIMITS.

Yes, I know I can drive 90mph without my seatbelt on no problem, but is that the right thing to do? Of course not. Same with Ex's as friends........Esp BEST FRIENDS!

Hey Passion dog, don't let the doubters get you down, you are basically correct, althoug your grammar could use a little help....

"""'f you keep having the same problem, there comes a time where you have to admit the problem isn't imaginary. More than half of the women you've dated see your ex as a threat? She probably is! I know you don't believe it, but honestly, why would all those women see the same thing, if it weren't (in some way) true?"""

And this guy, whats up? """"Hey Bikeman, he did mention the kids in this.......... So wot you gonna do about that if he remains "best friend" wif the ex over the kids???? who is he gonna go to when he's not himself? a doctor or someone who knew him for years to talk things that bother him out?""""

DUDE!!! THE KIDS ARE 40 SOMETHING NOW! They don't need mom and dad at the school play or little league games anymore. How weird was that? Yeah, if the kids get married, Bamabob and the all the Ex's can show up (with some of their POF enablers, who can't say "no") and hug each other and chat about the old times......at weddings, and maybe Thanksgiving, etc.

edit....would someone please vote to delete TARASHEA's posts, that chick is driving me nutz with her ashinine dribble and post whoring.
 arwen_30512
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 92
Ex wife is best friend but women see her as competiton
Posted: 3/17/2008 12:27:23 PM
I've been reading the posts in this topic, what a mess!

I'll address the latest one first, altho it may be off-topic.

aquariumecosyst said at the end of his post:


....would someone please vote to delete TARASHEA's posts, that chick is driving me nutz with her ashinine dribble and post whoring.


Fishtank, may I ask what is your specific objection to Tarashea? I have not read all through this mess yet, but a cursory analysis reveals that he is one of the clearer more logical thinkers on here, although somewhat caustic. A couple females as well echo his sentiments just as strongly, why no ire for them? One of the females even went so far as to say you fellows should grow some balls and a spine as regards to keeping your ex's around. How come that didnt bother you?

These are, of course, rhetorical questions, because as a doctor in this field, I already KNOW why Aquarium objects to Tarashea so much, I am just seeing if he has the character to admit it! I love playing with Mice!

But for what its worth, I vote to keep his posts on here, at least until I can read them all !

Bascially he's [ Tarashea ] standing on the Piggy's and seeing which one squeals! He strikes me as a very self-disciplined, highly educated, well read, logical scientific type. Probably been in the military as well. Why does such a Man annoy you so much Aquari?
 wallflower1
Joined: 1/15/2008
Msg: 93
Ex wife is best friend but women see her as competiton
Posted: 3/17/2008 4:35:45 PM
Sounds like you are still married. Maybe being lifelong friends killed your marriage as it should be. There is a thread on here that talks about whether it's better to be friends first.
You are enjoying all the benefits of a male/female "best friends"relationship with your ex. So what are you looking for in a woman? Sex? It sure sounds like there is no room in your life for a woman except as a sexual partner or as a "girlfriend" for your ego.
I dated a man once who had an ex hanging off his hip. She was his best friend, too.
Funny thing, I have seen more men fall into this when the wife kicked them to the curb for another man. He needs to have his ego blown up after such a terrible crash! She says all the things he wants to hear from her. "You will always be precious to me!" "You will always be my best friend!" "You are always there when I need you!"....on and on...He buys into this...feels superior to the shmuck that wife left him for. The guy is a schmuck for allowing his wife to spend days at her ex's. What does he have? Nothing...maybe some sex once in awhile from a wife who's best friends with her ex.
There is alot of power issues going on here...too heavy!
Me! I want the attraction factor , the chemistry and the best friends all in one package called my husband....and vice versa.
Ex's are meant to be ex's!!!!! Friendly? yes...Friends?...not particularly...Best friends?
NOT!!!!
 Aura*
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 94
Ex wife is best friend but women see her as competiton
Posted: 4/1/2009 2:39:37 PM
If you're such "best friends", then why did you divorce??
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