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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Ex wife is best friend but women see her as competiton      Home login  
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 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 47
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Ex wife is best friend but women see her as competitonPage 6 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
Agreeable, friendly, no drama, wants what's best for the kids, that is great. Best friends?
 BamaBob
Joined: 11/12/2007
Msg: 48
Ex wife is best friend but women see her as competiton
Posted: 2/10/2008 5:12:24 PM
It seems that what most people here have the biggest problem with is the term "BEST" friend. Maybe we all have to come to some agreement as to what BEST FRIEND means. I can only tell you that this is one person who has always been there to talk to me or just to touch bases with or to call and check on me from time to time. It does not mean we are sleeping together or that I put her before all else in life. She's just a friend and someone I can trust and have always been able to....despite that in the past 25 years there have been several women to come and go....but this one friend is still there and does not interfere in my relationships. She is the one person that my ex-wife got along with best and a couple of the ladies I'ved dated were good friends with her...even giving her special trinkets for Christmas gifts. She is a part of my life and I do not see why I should give up a friend or change who I am to satisfy a woman in my life. It just seems so immature and childish to be jealous of someone that is only a friend.
 Captain Incognito
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 49
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Ex wife is best friend but women see her as competiton
Posted: 2/11/2008 3:22:12 PM

Just recently had a girl decide not to even meet me after we had become very close via IM's, emails, and phone calls. Of course, you experienced guys know that ANYTHING can be made into an excuse when a woman gets cold feet. And there are many women who have experienced the same. The problem I've had with at least 1/2 of the women I've met recently is that they refuse to accept the mother of my children as being one of my very best friends and that there is absolutely nothing going on or ever will go on between us. We've been life long friends and to me it's like she is an undesirable sister that I sometimes feel sorry for. Her husband and I are good buds and get along fine and our children really love the fact that we do have such a friendship. I would think absolutely nothing of spending the night at her house if I just needed a place to stay or was having some kind of problem that I could not deal with or just wanted someone to talk to. However, so many people want to read more into the relationship than is really there. I mean...this woman comes to my place and hangs out for days at a time (I live on a lake where it's good fishing and the type of place that people love to come to visit just to be here). Her husband pays no attention to it and is fine with it. There is absolutely nothing going on between us other than old friends. We give each other good bye hugs after family Christmas parties and do not hide those. Most people find it hard to believe that we get along the way we do and our friendship has gotten in the way of several possible relationships. My past experience and serious relationship was strained and practically ruined because she didn't want the ex in our house. However, since that time my ex has become more important to me as a family member. I'm now feeling that if some woman doesn't want me associating with her in the manner I've chosen then it's the same as if she doesn't want to associate with my family at all and this woman is a part of my family and we take great pride in being able to have this kind of friendship. One girl I dated met her at a few of the family get togethers and they became very close friends and still call to check on each other from time to time or just chat. As a matter of fact, I didn't burn that bridge either and that girl is still a good friend also but simply not one I'd want to spend the rest of my life with..... so... what say you?


Nooooooooo. My ex is also a good friend (We get along better now that we're broken up). We just realized that we were not happy with each other at around the same time and we were able to talk about and the breakup was more of a "Phew, I'm glad you're not upset" for both of us. This is the person that has been there for me and I was there for her for 13 years of our lives. That's more than a third of it for each of us. We also have a kid together. We have been living under the same roof for the last two years since we've "separated" while we get rid of our joint debt (this is a huge issue for a lot of women even considering me as I have found out). This summer, I am getting my own place. The divorce should be going through (Again, it's taken this much time, just because I wasn't rushing in to get in to anything and my health plan was good so it was just one less expense to worry about for her so that money could go to the debt).

I still plan on coming over for more than just "visitations with my son" It's going to include dinner at the end of the day when I drop him off.

So, I understand what you mean. Personally, I don't want anyone that insecure that they can't accept my friends as just friends. It just means I'm not trusted.
I'm not going to make them like her. But at least be respectful of my friends around me (That would go for any of my friends if they're my ex or not).
 Urbanessa
Joined: 8/15/2007
Msg: 50
Ex wife is best friend but women see her as competiton
Posted: 2/11/2008 6:28:33 PM
My best male friend also is an ex of mine. They are exes for a reason, and if there was still something going on they wouldn't be the ex. New SO's being jealous of exes are just acting immature and ridiculous, and I certainly wouldn't give up a lifelong friendship with an ex for a person I've only just met. Those jealous newbies should get some self-esteem.

I am actually expecting my new partner to be on friendly terms with his exes, too. People who are not talking to their exes any more or talk trash about them raise red flags.
 Captain Incognito
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 51
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Ex wife is best friend but women see her as competiton
Posted: 2/11/2008 7:27:28 PM
You're too nice OP. You need to learn things like hatred and resentment and pretend you've got a baggage filled unsolvable emotional itch and you can't stand your ex. That's the normal way to go. What's wrong with you man? You just can't go through life maintaining happy relationships like this. You're making others jealous. That's what it is.


I think you're not far off from the nail. Maybe it is that they are jealous that you don't have the emotional baggage. I know if I had a problem that I felt couldn't bring to my new partner (ie: the problem was with my new partner). I would probably talk to my ex to see if I could do anything different from the boneheaded things I did with my ex. I trust her not to try to jerk me around. I wouldn't call my ex my "best" friend, I would hope that my new partner would be that. But she is a close friend.

And Smiley

My responses were MY opinions ONLY. OP put up a post & we're all entitled to our own opinions & beliefs. I also practice what I preach - I wouldn't do to my partner what I wouldn't want him to do to me! Also, did you not READ CLEARLY OP's post - his decision to maintain his friendship with his ex is causing him to lose out on relationships

What if your new partner said you couldn't hang out with your "BFF" or what ever you call the person you hang out with the most when not with your partner. The person that has been there for you when you've had bad times. The only other thing I can think of is that you're an introvert that doesn't have any friends and you blame the world for this. That maintaining any sort of long term relationship is difficult for you because you can't open up to anyone.


Um..no.......The best thing for your kid would have been to stay together and work on the marriage.......not divorce and use your child as an excuse to keep seeing each other

yes, living with two depressed, unhappy people that fight all the time is a wonderful enviroment to grow up in. No thanks. I did it as a kid. Lets just say my parents are what I use as examples of what not to be as a parent to my child.
 Urbanessa
Joined: 8/15/2007
Msg: 52
Ex wife is best friend but women see her as competiton
Posted: 2/15/2008 9:52:10 AM
Tarashea, that is an incredibly immature point of view you're having there.
I agree, an ex that has moved on from being a spouse to being a friend does mean that there are emotional ties. The sort of emotional ties that you have with friends.

Following your argument emotional ties with each and every person other than your current spouse should be cut. No family. No friends. No acquaintances whatsoever, because you have emotional ties with all of these people.

What people like you need to learn and understand is that the friendship feelings you share with eligible exes does not interfere with the romantic love you share with your spouse. Quite the opposite. And I will be damned if I would throw away the friendship and trust I've built with an ex just because we don't longer live in the same house or don't make love any more. Just because the romantic and physical part of the relationship haven't worked out over the long term doesn't turn the ex into a bad person that needs to be abandoned. Quite the opposite: People that turn their backs on their exes just because of a break-up act immature and need to sort out their priorities. What did you call it? RUN don't walk away from those people. Exactly my sentiments ... Certainly I would never turn my back on a friend (ex spouse or not) just because the new person entering my life is having a maturity issue.
 Urbanessa
Joined: 8/15/2007
Msg: 53
Ex wife is best friend but women see her as competiton
Posted: 2/15/2008 10:52:04 AM
@cocytus:
A mature person should be able to distinguish between "friendship" and "hung up on the ex". And a mature person should trust in his or her spouse to do the right thing.

Insisting on abandoning exes seems very junior high to me.
Or maybe it's just very American. I often feel that Americans tend to confuse "relationship" with "ownership", and I often see that friendship with anyone of the other gender seems to be a taboo over here as soon as there is a spouse entering the picture. I remember a former colleague's wife throwing a major tantrum because her hubby and I had dared to go to the museum together during lunch break. Married men were not supposed to engage in any sort of activity with women they're not married to. Very immature attitude.

And why would you be uncomfortable around your spouse's ex? I can't find that understandable at all. Keep in mind that the ex is an ex for a reason - if your spouse and her ex would still want to be together they wouldn't have broken up in the first place. That they have broken up means that there's no more interest in a romantic way. So why feeling uncomfortable around him? I don't get it. And, like I said, I am friends with most of my exes, and one is my best male friend. He's certainly no "threat" to any man I am interested in, nor am I a "threat" to his girlfriend. We respect each other and are on very friendly terms. And why wouldn't we? We're grown women.
 Nanzie
Joined: 5/8/2007
Msg: 54
Ex wife is best friend but women see her as competiton
Posted: 2/15/2008 11:44:12 AM
I agree that strings are still tied too closely with your ex... Being friendly and cordial is important when you have had children together, but you do need to sever the "Best Friend" relationship, or you haven't truly moved on. Any smart woman will realize the bond which you and your ex shared (I believe you form a bond with anyone you have had sex with, and especially stronger when you have had children with them), was something very special, and to keep one foot in, yet one foot out isn't going to set well with a new woman. Just like the Bible says "a man needs to leave his mother and cleave to his wife"... even more importantly, a man needs to leave his ex-wife (not just sexually) in order to cleave to his new one. If you can't release yourself from the emotional ties and strong friendship with your ex now, what's to make a new woman think you ever will? I wouldn't last with a man who couldn't cut those strong ties with his mother, either, much less an ex-wife! (I don't mean to an extreme here, I just want to be the one he runs to for advice, comfort, support, etc, rather than his mother.)

You would be wise to first of all, not use the term "Best Friend" in regards to your ex again... cut a few of those ties, and when you do meet a woman whom you are truly interested in, mention your ex as little as possible, but when you do, refer to her as your children's mother, not as your best friend. Over time, your new woman will realize you and your ex have a very cordial relationship, and if your ex is warm to her, she'll not be threatened by that... but that will evolve in time. You'll keep getting the same results if you keep doin' what you're doin'!

Best wishes....
 Urbanessa
Joined: 8/15/2007
Msg: 55
Ex wife is best friend but women see her as competiton
Posted: 2/15/2008 1:04:32 PM

MOST people who aren't together anymore...stay far apart unless there are financial or familial reasons to be together.
As I stated..not doing as such is a rarity.

That might be true for your immediate surroundings, but it certainly isn't the case in my surroundings. In my world people manage to move from relationship to friendship. And since "my world" is naturally dominated by non-Americans and since I've never met a person freaking out about exes being close friends other than Americans I assume that that is a very American way of behaviour. On my planet people are able to do the friendship thing, and I find that the right (and only) way to go. To me it seems immature as well as a waste of time and effort to throw away trust and friendship only because the romance part doesn't work out.

All of my exes are wonderful men - smart, funny, successful, caring - great personalities. They are an asset to anybody's life, and I enjoy their company, their opinions, our conversations. Why giving that up just because we're no longer holding hands? I yet have to be given a reason why anyone should abandon a formerly romantically loved person as a friend.
 Urbanessa
Joined: 8/15/2007
Msg: 56
Ex wife is best friend but women see her as competiton
Posted: 2/15/2008 1:42:06 PM

Urbannessa -

Tarashea, first of all you might want to get your spelling straight. It's "Urbanessa", not "Urbannessa", and spelling a name correctly is a matter of respect - which you seem to have some issues with as your bizarre point of view on exes reveals.

Wow, I can see I hit the nail squarley on the head as regards to you! You are obviously one of the aforementioned women who think that having a train of single men from failed relationships in your life makes you Enlightened, Urban [ hence your name ], Cosmopolitan, Worldy, and (choke), Mature.

You're as wrong as a person can possibly be about the name. Other than what you're displaying here I consider myself worldly and well-travelled, yes, and that is because I am well-travelled. "Urbanessa" is an hommage to my favorite city in the world, though, where I happen to have lived for twelve years and where I still have an apartment.


Well it indicates alot of things, and none of them flattering.

Well, apparently you consider insulting others mature. I find that immature - and extremely unflattering. Guess that is my alien point of view...


As you can see from the posts and replys, you are in the minority here Urbanessa with your dysfunctional views on having ex-intimates around.

As you might want to consider - great minds have always been a minority anywhere in the world, too. Mensa members are a minority. Award-winners are a minority. Medal-winners are a minority. Being a "minority" does not make a person or their point of view "dysfunctional".


It is a psychological abberation to not be able to make a complete break with your ex's beyond the perfunctory cooly civil contact to administer the needs of joint children. No one said you had to HATE your ex, but there is no good reason to be buddy-buddy with them either. I dont HATE all the people in China, but neither am I in contact with them.

And that is your loss. It is also proof that you're somewhat narrow-minded. You might want to open up a little bit and familiarize yourself with China. Or Russia. Or Somalia. Or any other place outside the U.S. since a good look above the rim might help you to adjust your priorities.


And exactly how is it that a situation is so catastrophic as to tear assunder your marriage but leave the "friendship" unscathed? Explain that to us Urbanessa, I cant wait to hear this rationalization!

I have explained it twice already. Maybe you need to work on your reading abilities as well as your understanding abilities? Couples usually split up because the romantic part of their relationship doesn't work out. Only a low percentage of couples actually split because things are "catastrophic" as you put it. And if things were bound to be "catastrophic" - why would they date - let alone get married - in the first place? In most cases the romantci love just dies so they separate. But that doesn't mean they can't be friends.


As regards to your last paragraph, I said nothing of the sort about not having family or friends around, what sort of education do you have that you got THAT out of what I said?

Again, you haven't read or fully understood what I wrote. Read again and try to follow: I said that the emotional ties that you have with exes that are "friends" are the same emotional ties that you have with any of your "friends" - ex spouse or not. So if you demand to cut ties with exes that are friends you should demand to equally cut ties with all the other friends, because you're having the same emotional ties (the "friendship ties") with them.


One of the basic axioms of civil discourse Urbanessa, at least here in Un-Enlightened America, is that you DO NOT tell other people what they THINK, FEEL, or SAID. I will do the telling as to what I said and meant, not you. And "I" did not say anything similar to what YOU said I said.

Well, go back to what I wrote. Your argument to cut ties with exes that are friends isn't logical at all if you don't demand to equally cut ties with all other friends.
My point is that people should look at the situation as it currently is. The shouldn't look at the past. So if the situation is that you're currently friends with an ex, then you're looking at a friend. Why does it matter that this friend might have shared your bedroom several years back? The past shouldn't be more important than the present.


What I said was that if a person has a new bf/gf who is "friendly" with their ex that there is a > 60% that they will end up back in bed again. This percentage increases to over 90% if your new "love" has a opposite sex buiness partner, an opposite sex workout partner, or an opposite sex best-friend/confidant/roommate. This is RAW Data and statistics Urbanessa, valid statistical modeling data, and it does not vary because YOU do not agree with it. YOU dont have to agree the Earth is round, but it does not change the FACTS either way.

Well, give me the source of that "data" and tell me exactly how it was retrieved.
I call that "data" unbelievable in every meaning of the word. I certainly have no interest whatsoever in making love to any of my exes, and I never have. And, interesting enough, in my world people most are friendly with their exes without hopping into their beds.


If your EX is still around you in a chummy manner, then he is around because of several pschological dysfunctions of yours [ and his ], or because you ( or he ) are keeping him around with the future intent, conscious or not, of ****ing him again.

That is utter rubbish.


And as regards to your dim view of America and of Americans, if you dont like it here, and people are oh-so-more-mature and enlightened whereever it is you come from, why dont you return ? Maybe there are more travelled worldy men over there - I mean every psychologist knows that it is travel and worldliness that define the worth of a man, yes?

Who said I didn't like it here?
Just because you have an immature attitude towards your exes and seem overall to be somewhat narrow-minded and self-centered in your statements doesn't make the United States a bad place to be.


Shea

Shea? Isn't that a butter? So based on your bizarre interpretation of my user name - does "Shea" mean you're pure fat?
 kezza79
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 57
Ex wife is best friend but women see her as competiton
Posted: 2/16/2008 12:39:05 AM
ok this is my theory on this issue i have been with my man for nine months now and he is still friends with hes x witch is fine but i found out that she was in love with him still
so i am worried she is going to try something now i trust him anuff to stop her but the fact that she might try is what bothers me and then there is also the phone calls all the time her ringing him to see if he could take her down the shop or do something else for here now i think thats wrong
so my point is
1 you have kids with here so its good your friends for there sack
2 if your not spending every second with here and shes not ringing you every 5 mins using the children as an excuse i don't see how there is a problem with you being friends with your x
as i have a really close x boyfriend we message and chat every now and then
so i don't see how girls should be bothered buy that
sorry this is so long winded i hope it makes since
 anyoneoutthier
Joined: 3/19/2007
Msg: 58
Ex wife is best friend but women see her as competiton
Posted: 2/21/2008 3:14:56 PM
I would think absolutely nothing of spending the night at her house if I just needed a place to stay or was having some kind of problem that I could not deal with or just wanted someone to talk to. However, so many people want to read more into the relationship than is really there. I mean...this woman comes to my place and hangs out for days at a time .




Being best friends with your ex wll allways cause problems for any realtionship as your SO wants to be the best friend, No SO will ever stand by and see you spend the nite at an exs place or will they stand by and have the ex stay with them.
You are divored and thier is a reason for that and if you cant break the strings that are attached to them the exs must think your SO is a dam fool. People have to deal with exs and more so when childeren are involded but they sure will never stay at my place get in and get the hell out i dont want to have to deal with him and if my SO felt the she had to spend time with hin ok spend all the time you want just get out of my life.
 smsweendoggy
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 59
Ex wife is best friend but women see her as competiton
Posted: 2/24/2008 5:01:40 AM
To be quite Frank with you Bob, you cant possibly believe a word of your b/s. Perhaps your lie to yourself in your sleep. You cant honestly believe that anyone else especially the female gender believe this hog wash either. Remember they come from venus your from mars .
I'll clue you in on what we do believe. Your ex and yourself are too insecure to let go and move on. Your afraid to risk that you cant have what you want ,which obviously isnt each other. Move on pal, take a chance , allow your next partner to get to know you with a clean slate instead of dragging your dirty laundry with you for her to wash.
 sin2gether2
Joined: 8/18/2007
Msg: 60
Ex wife is best friend but women see her as competiton
Posted: 2/24/2008 12:36:48 PM
I'm in total agreement with larissan04 on this.

I dated a man who remained "close friends" with his ex after she left him. They had 2 older teenage children. She was living with her new boyfriend. My bf helped her financially ... much more than was necessary. He went to her house to repair things. He bought her beautiful presents. They maintained many of the same friends so there was constant socializing in the same circles. He even forwarded an email exchange he had with her where she "approved" of me. gag Continuing over a few months, I couldn't handle it anymore.

I don't think these types of relationships are healthy even if there is no sex. There is far too much emotional connection in my opinion. I told the bf when I broke up with him that he needed counselling. I thought he had major unresolved issues with his ex and was unable to really let her out of his life ... and vice versa. A normal breakup means getting on with your life. Moving on.

Anyhow ... it might not be possible for you to sympathize with the new women in your life bamabob .... but it seems clear to me that you are not putting your priorities in the right place. The number one woman in your life should be your new relationship in order for it to be successful. Let the other one go.

Or maybe deep down you don't want the new one to work ....???? So you can continue to depend on your ex wife.
 _JAFO_
Joined: 11/9/2007
Msg: 61
Ex wife is best friend but women see her as competiton
Posted: 2/25/2008 8:43:32 AM
After reading alot of the posts to this thread I've decided that you don't necessarily want to get everyones' opinions. You, for whatever reason, feel confident that your "best friend" and you should continue down the road you're traveling. The thread you created was to "fish" for opinions from people with like thoughts. You want someone who will agree with you so your actions are validated.

I hear over and over again that the best way to ruin a first meeting is by talking about ones' ex.

... try living it daily.
 kakleen
Joined: 9/24/2007
Msg: 62
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Ex wife is best friend but women see her as competiton
Posted: 2/25/2008 10:29:41 AM
Everything you said sound healthy and normal, but referring to her as your best friend does not sound healthy or boundaried. Maybe you should jsut watch your language and if the newbie flees, she wasn't secure enough to date you and handle your modern family.
 _JAFO_
Joined: 11/9/2007
Msg: 63
Ex wife is best friend but women see her as competiton
Posted: 2/25/2008 10:42:16 AM
Bikeman (MSG. 246) ^^^ just expressed exactly what I was thinking. Why in the world would anyone want to get involved with someone who apparently not only thrives on his ex but boasts that said ex is their "best friend." I've found through observation that in a divorce, the person who didn't want the divorce ends up being "best friends" with the one who did want the divorce--if allowed. The one who DID want the divorce has long since moved on and has settled into a new relationship/lifestyle while the unwilling party continues to struggle and rely on the old partner for decisions and advise as if the relationship has never changed.

Get a clue. THE RELATIONSHIP HAS CHANGED.
 jadegreen
Joined: 2/3/2006
Msg: 65
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Ex wife is best friend but women see her as competiton
Posted: 2/26/2008 3:00:06 PM
I think it is only natural and normal for a woman or man to be uncomfortable if someone is too close to their ex. Is great if you are friends, but you gotta draw the limits and also don't limit urself, because that can interfere with a present relationship and your only cheating yourself and you have to be considerate of the other persons feelings in a relationship.
 anyoneoutthier
Joined: 3/19/2007
Msg: 66
Ex wife is best friend but women see her as competiton
Posted: 2/27/2008 2:55:15 PM
Hey Bikeman, he did mention the kids in this.......... So wot you gonna do about that if he remains "best friend" wif the ex over the kids???? who is he gonna go to when he's not himself? a doctor or someone who knew him for years to talk things that bother him out?

Your statement here: If I were interested in a divorced woman and she told me her X is her best friend, I don't think I'd be interested in forming a romantic relationship with her. I'd look elsewhere for romance, and if she didn't understand my sentiment I'd explain it to her.



The OP all so said that he would stay at her place if needed and that she has staied at his place for days at a time, if some women feels she needs that kind of a realtionship with her F= up ex than she might as well stay with him , I for one would not not stick around if my SO was at her exs beckon call she is nothing but a losser in my book.
 arwen_30512
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 67
Ex wife is best friend but women see her as competiton
Posted: 3/17/2008 9:24:02 AM
I am new here and I see I have a alot on this topic to read, wow so many posts.

However one comment stuck out so far, and I must admonish the poster, who obviously does not know what she is talking about nor is she educated in this field:

Tigerlily1 said ( to whom I dont know as she does not seem able to use the QUOTE function nor does she address her comments so we know who she is talking to):


Freud made a good point many years ago and it is applicable in making some evaluations but freudian slips, that would mean she had a sexual interest in the new wife and that is as sick as the rest of your post that I didn't bother to read.


My dear, please limit your comments to YOUR area of expertise and education. Freudian Slips are NOT limited to sexual inferences, where ever did you get that idea from? And Freud didnt make any comments years ago, he made them many DECADES ago. He died in 1939.

However, I am educated in this field, in fact I hold a triple doctorate and am a research scientist in this field. May I ask that you kindly refrain from making comments about a field you know nothing about? Your comments about Freud and Freudian slips was completely wrong.

Also, would it be too much trouble for you to use the QUOTE function as well? I have been on here a grand total of 4 min and have divined its intricate workings and committed it to memory already. When you read a post and then hit the REPLY button, no one but you knows who or what you are replying to unless you quote it or reference the post number. This makes it exceedingly difficult to know what your responding to.

I would like to have known what this post is your refering to, that in your opinion is an example of a "...very healthy woman who puts her childrens needs first...".

I imagine that I will find it by wading through all these posts, but it would have been easier if you had gone thru the mind numbing agony of using the QUOTE function.

Peace Be With You All

Lisa
 YingKissesYang
Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 68
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Ex wife is best friend but women see her as competiton
Posted: 3/17/2008 9:51:05 AM
I think its fantastic bamabob and his ex are best freinds.

Great points ALBINO dino: """"in a new and budding relationship, your priorities should be focused on your partner, your mate, your friend and lover. You should be willing to negotiate and focus on her needs, feelings and thoughts.

If life is about what is GOOD FOR YOU, then you will get exactly what you seek; yourself. If you have no room in your life for someone special, then you will have to make do with a lot of partial connections. (like your ex)"""

I agree, "boundaries" are few and far between for some people today (and I am no better). Basically, our boundries (?) are whatever we feel like, and that's not a boundry.

Hey BAmabob, if your ex is such a great friend, why aren't you married to her still?

Ok, well, if you ever again want a new GF and you want to keep your ex as a freind, try this: DON'T TALK ABOUT YOUR EX SO MUCH. Geee's is that so hard to figure out? Are you that "weak kneed" or casual out the mouth that you can't be careful what you say?

I've noticed very few people really ever analyze this issue on the forums. Its whatever is convenient for them. I guess that's why our Govt has soo many laws, if there wasn't a law against everything, most people would think "I have no problem doing that, its fine, go for it, its the other people who are trying to control you" So we have to pass things LIKE SEATBELT LAWS AND SPEEDING LIMITS.

Yes, I know I can drive 90mph without my seatbelt on no problem, but is that the right thing to do? Of course not. Same with Ex's as friends........Esp BEST FRIENDS!

Hey Passion dog, don't let the doubters get you down, you are basically correct, althoug your grammar could use a little help....

"""'f you keep having the same problem, there comes a time where you have to admit the problem isn't imaginary. More than half of the women you've dated see your ex as a threat? She probably is! I know you don't believe it, but honestly, why would all those women see the same thing, if it weren't (in some way) true?"""

And this guy, whats up? """"Hey Bikeman, he did mention the kids in this.......... So wot you gonna do about that if he remains "best friend" wif the ex over the kids???? who is he gonna go to when he's not himself? a doctor or someone who knew him for years to talk things that bother him out?""""

DUDE!!! THE KIDS ARE 40 SOMETHING NOW! They don't need mom and dad at the school play or little league games anymore. How weird was that? Yeah, if the kids get married, Bamabob and the all the Ex's can show up (with some of their POF enablers, who can't say "no") and hug each other and chat about the old times......at weddings, and maybe Thanksgiving, etc.

edit....would someone please vote to delete TARASHEA's posts, that chick is driving me nutz with her ashinine dribble and post whoring.
 arwen_30512
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 69
Ex wife is best friend but women see her as competiton
Posted: 3/17/2008 12:27:23 PM
I've been reading the posts in this topic, what a mess!

I'll address the latest one first, altho it may be off-topic.

aquariumecosyst said at the end of his post:


....would someone please vote to delete TARASHEA's posts, that chick is driving me nutz with her ashinine dribble and post whoring.


Fishtank, may I ask what is your specific objection to Tarashea? I have not read all through this mess yet, but a cursory analysis reveals that he is one of the clearer more logical thinkers on here, although somewhat caustic. A couple females as well echo his sentiments just as strongly, why no ire for them? One of the females even went so far as to say you fellows should grow some balls and a spine as regards to keeping your ex's around. How come that didnt bother you?

These are, of course, rhetorical questions, because as a doctor in this field, I already KNOW why Aquarium objects to Tarashea so much, I am just seeing if he has the character to admit it! I love playing with Mice!

But for what its worth, I vote to keep his posts on here, at least until I can read them all !

Bascially he's [ Tarashea ] standing on the Piggy's and seeing which one squeals! He strikes me as a very self-disciplined, highly educated, well read, logical scientific type. Probably been in the military as well. Why does such a Man annoy you so much Aquari?
 wallflower1
Joined: 1/15/2008
Msg: 70
Ex wife is best friend but women see her as competiton
Posted: 3/17/2008 4:35:45 PM
Sounds like you are still married. Maybe being lifelong friends killed your marriage as it should be. There is a thread on here that talks about whether it's better to be friends first.
You are enjoying all the benefits of a male/female "best friends"relationship with your ex. So what are you looking for in a woman? Sex? It sure sounds like there is no room in your life for a woman except as a sexual partner or as a "girlfriend" for your ego.
I dated a man once who had an ex hanging off his hip. She was his best friend, too.
Funny thing, I have seen more men fall into this when the wife kicked them to the curb for another man. He needs to have his ego blown up after such a terrible crash! She says all the things he wants to hear from her. "You will always be precious to me!" "You will always be my best friend!" "You are always there when I need you!"....on and on...He buys into this...feels superior to the shmuck that wife left him for. The guy is a schmuck for allowing his wife to spend days at her ex's. What does he have? Nothing...maybe some sex once in awhile from a wife who's best friends with her ex.
There is alot of power issues going on here...too heavy!
Me! I want the attraction factor , the chemistry and the best friends all in one package called my husband....and vice versa.
Ex's are meant to be ex's!!!!! Friendly? yes...Friends?...not particularly...Best friends?
NOT!!!!
 Aura*
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 71
Ex wife is best friend but women see her as competiton
Posted: 4/1/2009 2:39:37 PM
If you're such "best friends", then why did you divorce??
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