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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Guy takes four days to respond?      Home login  
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 51
Guy takes four days to respond?Page 3 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
OP, I'm wondering if you're seeing a difference between the speed with which he responded to e-mails before that first/second date and now, and that's where your concern is coming from. If a guy had previously always replied within a day and then that slowed down considerably, that'd be reason for me to wonder what had changed.

But if this is just how he's always been with e-mail--well, as many posters have suggested, perhaps it's time to try a different way of communicating, like the phone, which most folks see as more immediate. If it still takes him four days to get back to you, you'll have a better idea where you stand with him. Or you could just ask...

--Ms. Flis
 Random Guy
Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 52
Guy takes four days to respond?
Posted: 1/30/2008 12:20:29 AM

My gut feeling is to SOMEHOW kindly hint that while I'm interested in him, I'm NOT interested in waiting games. How do I go about figuring this out, and what to say?

The solution to your problem is to simply live in the future. You need to plan your dates/interactions/communications with him 4 days into the future, so that you can compensate for him being out of phase with your time-space continuum. It's unfortunate that Scotty is no longer with us, as I have no doubt that he would have been able to help you.


...simply call him so you can talk to him there and then, and not go through the "Oh sorry, I hadn't had a chance to check my email." bullshlt. I mean really, the fact that you choose to communicate solely in a digital manner is apparently unproductive. You state that you are "...NOT interested in waiting games." so why do you choose to wait then!?

In the immortal words of AT&T "Reach out, and touch someone."

Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 53
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Guy takes four days to respond?
Posted: 1/30/2008 12:24:22 AM

He can't have both? Personally I would never date a woman who would expect me to drop my friends and my social life to be at her beck and call.

Oh sunshine a man CAN AND SHOULD have both... However OP appears to want a little more interest shown in her direction... Which is up to her...

Neither is WRONG, however if he wants both, he might want to consider doing a tad better at showing her he's just as interested by a 15 sec, got your e mail... Lets get together later this next week... Hmmm that took me 3 seconds to write.... hit send, and off to the party with the pals...

Perhaps her expectations are to much for him...

However that is why communication as what both parties expect of each other comes in. If she is thinking he likes her, and wants to pursue some thing. Yet he thinks she's cute, but isn't ready for that kind of commited time... That should be a topic that is addressed.
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 54
Guy takes four days to respond?
Posted: 1/30/2008 12:48:53 AM
OP. It's been two dates. Maybe his awkwardness is due to the fact that you, admittedly, are impatient. He may interpret this as needy and neither men or women like needy. He obviously likes you and is probably still a bit shy.
Don't kindly hint anything. Be straight forward with him. Men get crazy when women expect their men to know what they are thinking. We want an emotional encounter, not a verbal ink-blot examination.
I doubt he's playing any games with you. He's just living his life and life gets crazy for all of us.
Good luck.
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 55
Guy takes four days to respond?
Posted: 1/30/2008 1:21:17 AM

women need the feedback, it drves us crazy if we don't get that feedback, and then we get annoyed for not having feedback, and sometimes that's going to come back on THEM. Or, maybe they do realize it and just want to make us crazy so they can call us psycho. Whatever....Guys are poopybutts when it comes to communication

That is so funny but true. Talk to the man, let him know that you're feeling under appreciated and ask him point blank if he's interested in continuing the relationship. We hate it when you 'expect' us to get it. You're much more complex creatures than the male.

I can't believe you don't talk on the phone, why not? Call him up and ask him a question about something mundane to you but that he's interested in, we like it when we know the answer and think that we are helping, it makes us feel empowered.

If you really feel a connection, hang in there and be more assertive on date 3, you take the lead. You'll know for sure after you kiss him. Men have problems expressing their feelings and it's tough being a guy today, after the Womens Lib movement we don't have a clue what the 'right' answer is. Come on, if he had replied in less than 2 days, that could be viewed as needy or too insecure for some here. Email is not the best form of communication. Don't screw this up by being insecure or overly sensitive. Beginnings are such delicate times.
Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 56
Guy takes four days to respond?
Posted: 1/30/2008 2:45:56 AM are going to get differing opinions on this thread because people view responses in different ways.

It boils down what makes you feel comfortable.....if you find 4 days is too long to stick to it.

Noone can really know, what he has done in the those 4 days....

He could be out saving the world or he could be.....

Locked in his computer room adding to those messy stains on his computer monitor...

Anyway....if he really wanted to pursue he would have made contact before 4 days....

Playing hard to get doesn't work these days........if that was what he was trying.....

Just my 2 cents
Joined: 2/23/2007
Msg: 57
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Guy takes four days to respond?
Posted: 1/30/2008 3:09:58 AM
I have the bad habit of waiting days-- even a week or two-- to respond to messages

I have to say, I tend to be like .marc.
Personally, my work schedule tends to interfere with my correspondences. I certainly hope, I am not causing guys to get the wrong impression of me. Just because I do not respond quickly, does not mean that I am not interested, it means that I have a life.
If he reads this thread, you may not get the results you wanted. He may get a bit upset.
As for the physical contact, each of us are different, there should not be a time frame as to which date you do the hugging, kissing, blah, blah, blah. I went on a third date with a guy from POF and he came right out and told me he wanted sex, I said, "yea, that is normal". Needless to say, that was our last date.
I think you just need to live "one day at a time", what is meant to happen, will happen.
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 58
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Guy takes four days to respond?
Posted: 1/30/2008 3:24:56 AM
He's NOT interested. Move on.
Joined: 4/18/2005
Msg: 59
Guy takes four days to respond?
Posted: 1/30/2008 3:27:00 AM
Ok here it is, some guy's like to take their time to respond to a message, To think it out before just putting something out there they think you want to hear. Looks to me as if both of you dont want the other to think your to eager to rush into anything . I come to this conclusion because you said you have each others cell #'s . Why not call him Friday night instead of emailing him I just dont get it . People make things so complicated these days when things are tough enough. So as we say over here on the east coast shit or get off the pot!
 maui john
Joined: 5/31/2005
Msg: 60
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Guy takes four days to respond?
Posted: 1/30/2008 3:28:17 AM
dont take it personal,,, he has a real life outside of his online life.....mayne he will include you if you ask nicely
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 61
Guy takes four days to respond?
Posted: 1/30/2008 4:01:25 AM
For me, communication is very important. I always answer my e-mails as soon as I finish reading them. I know what busy is too, but I have always made time to respond to e-mails from those who are important to me.

The best way a guy can show his interest in me is by having regular, daily communication with me. That doesn't have to take a long only takes a few minutes to type an e-mail or pick up the phone and call to say hello. If the communication is sparse, I tend to take a step back and question if the man is really interested in me. If it gets too far between, I move on. If the guy can't communicate well, he is not for me anyway.

Also, if I see that the guy who is supposedly interested in me has been on the dating site but I have not heard from him, that sends up a red flag, and I proceed with much caution. I watch the actions, and if the words aren't in sync with the actions, I move on.

If it took a man four days or a second e-mail to respond to me, I would have started looking elsewhere by then. That would say to me that he just is not interested enough in me to bother contacting me.

I have been in one-sided relationships (if you can call that a relationship) before, and I won't be doing that again. I won't be sending second e-mails anymore either. I will respond when I get a response. I got tired of being the only one doing the communicating, so I have changed my way of thinking. Communication should be two ways, not just one. If a man is really interested in a woman, he needs to show it. No one can read minds.
Joined: 12/20/2007
Msg: 62
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Guy takes four days to respond?
Posted: 1/30/2008 5:47:18 AM
Excellent advice. I'm following this myself. If they don't communicate, I'm not wasting my time. I'm tired of the chase. They can chase after me at this point. I want someone that won't call me 15 times a day but who will let me know every so often that he does think of me and whatnot. I'm not asking for constant reassurance. I'm looking for someone who knows that in order for ANY type of relationship (family, friend, lover) to work, communication is imperative!!!
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 63
Guy takes four days to respond?
Posted: 1/30/2008 6:00:38 AM

Actually I can't believe no one has pointed this out yet. Everyone is so quick to judge him and throw him to the curb. I bet most of the women telling you to dump him now are all single and wished they had a recent date.

Not with a guy who doesn't respond to you in 4 days^^^. I would rather be single then to deal with the childish games.
Joined: 12/13/2007
Msg: 64
Guy takes four days to respond?
Posted: 1/30/2008 6:29:04 AM
There are so many views on getting to know a new person . But I believe each situation is different. You say you get along and he is very interested in seeing a movie.
That's great! Until then get on with your own life so you have something interesting to talk about when you meet up.
I usually respond right away to an email but not always. There are times I take a few days , and it has nothing to do with how interested I am. Sometimes I like to ponder a response. I would find it quite invasive if someone I had just met was questioning me on when I read an email and why I did not respond right away. Maybee it was "kind of a busy weekend" for him. Only time will tell if you allow it to happen.
There is something very attractive about a man who wants to be with a lady and is not afraid to express it. You are dancing with him about giving him a chance to set the pace and take the lead . Mabee introduce a new song.
In one of the best relationships I've had it took us three months to kiss. Now I'm not saying this is a "rule" I met him in his place of business , and a whole month had gone by before I realized this attractive man I met always managed to work into the conversation a reason for me to go back or get in contact with him soon. If I had predetermined expectations on how he should have showed interest the wonderful years we had would not have happened.
Another time within a week of dating, a man started phoning me 6 or so times a day wanting long conversations. Meals got burned, tv shows and activities got interupted all over "not much to say , I just want to talk" I felt overwelmed. The turning point came when I was working with an autistic child having a major meltdown and he wanted to wait on the phone until I was done.
I usually just read forums over coffee break but I thought it might help you OP to offer a different viewpoint.
If it was me in this situation I would go on this date and have fun . I would not mention the email at this stage of this new person in your life. Give him a chance to naturally be himself. With this you will have your answer if he is a compliment in your life or not. Hope this helps.
Good luck. C
Joined: 10/15/2006
Msg: 65
Guy takes four days to respond?
Posted: 1/30/2008 6:45:05 AM
If you are both looking for the same thing it should not take him 4 days. Dump the guy before you even get started. Just my opinion.
Joined: 10/30/2007
Msg: 66
Guy takes four days to respond?
Posted: 1/30/2008 6:45:39 AM
2 dates and you are already demanding to hear from him in a specific time frame? like 4 days is a long time? LOL... If you had been soo soo busy like you claim you are, you would not even have noticed that 4 days had pasted.

He obviously does not think it is soooo important the way you do... give him space you have only gone out twice!

Stop being so pushy!
You are asking him on a date (the movies)? Did he say yes?
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 67
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Guy takes four days to respond?
Posted: 1/30/2008 8:42:01 AM
Geeeezzzz, come on!!! This is NOT rocket science. The issue is NOT how many days it takes to respond to email. It's NOT that she's pushy, and it's NOT that he's a bad guy. They're just not synchronously geared for goodness sakes.

The woman made a decision....she wants to see him again. He wants to make a decision....but first he has to analyze the crap out of it before he can commit to a simple "YES, or NO" answer. He's SAID that he's "very interested"....but he can't decide what to do with that decision. I totally agree with
If you are both looking for the same thing it should not take him 4 days. Dump the guy before you even get started. Just my opinion.
If it takes him 4 days to decide on going to a movie on such and such a day at such and such a time.....JUST IMAGINE what it would be like if you were every jointly responsible for deciding to buy a car, a house...or have children!!!!

Some people move too fast, and others don't move at all. Neither way makes anyone a bad person, but you'd better recognize those potentially annoying traits before you enter into a relationship.....because they're highly unlikely to change.
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 68
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Guy takes four days to respond?
Posted: 1/30/2008 8:55:33 AM
Why don't you just ask him. If the question sends him running you probably don't need the person in your life. If his answer sends you running....

Life will not end if you don't have any meaningful relationship with this guy so you could save yourself a lot of hand-wringing if you just ask the guy if he is really interested because while people are busy, four days after you have actually been on a couple of dates is pretty lame, and why no phone? Ask him that too.

Grandma makes a good point because if the guy decided on opening that e-mail to go to a movie, he would have said I would love to, I am busy and will get back with you to finalize plans, not take four days to respond.
Joined: 5/8/2004
Msg: 69
Guy takes four days to respond?
Posted: 1/30/2008 9:06:41 AM
If a guy is sincerely interested in you he will move heaven and earth to be with you/talk to you. Think about it this way, if you are having a busy day or a bad day what is the first thing you want to do? You want to call or be in touch with someone you care about to touch base/connect. Believe me, if he cared NOTHING would stand in his way of contacting you. I mean how long does it take to type out an email/make a quick call at least to say "hey, I'm busy ...but I'm thinking about you...your plans sounds you later to talk...miss you/love you (or whatever the case may be)" That's just my two cents. On second thought, he might just be insensitive to other people's feelings so you have to weigh it carefully.
 dogs rule
Joined: 10/12/2007
Msg: 70
Guy takes four days to respond?
Posted: 1/30/2008 9:06:51 AM
He could be a nice guy not wanting to push things to quick. You have only hugged and gave him a peck. Make the first move and give him a romantic kiss. Also try calling him to ask him out instead of waiting for an email. I don't always answer emails right away either. Sometimes when I am busy, I don't have time to write everything I want in an email so it sits till I remember to do it.
Oh wait, I should be answering my emails instead of posting in here!

Don't hint anything. If you want a man to know something come out and tell him or ask him. Just cause you think its a clear hint that we men should get, we don't think the same as you and you may not like the results. Simply cause we didn't understand the hint.
 Arlo Troutman
Joined: 11/16/2006
Msg: 71
Guy takes four days to respond?
Posted: 1/30/2008 9:09:18 AM

He replied back that he's "very interested" in seeing a movie and said "I did get your email on Friday. Sorry I've been slow to respond, but it was kind of a busy weekend. "

This is where the annoyance factor comes in. I'll admit, I'm an impatient person. However, I'm ALSO very busy - I work full time and I'm a grad student. I "KNOW" busy.... but I believe if something's important, you make time for it.

It's good that you're revealing your Control Freak attitude right off the bat: you get full points for honesty.

Should make it easy for him to dump your Drama-Luvin' Self.

 Arlo Troutman
Joined: 11/16/2006
Msg: 72
Guy takes four days to respond?
Posted: 1/30/2008 9:11:51 AM

Guys are poopybutts when it comes to communication.

Oh man, this is PRICELESS!!!

Will you marry me?

Joined: 9/27/2007
Msg: 73
Guy takes four days to respond?
Posted: 1/30/2008 9:14:13 AM
Consider this solution. Sechedule a date for when you both are off the next day or on the day itself. Plan an activity that includes a large block of time and might include two meals or a visit into "personal" living spaces. You will have an answer the next day. If there is no answer-that is the answer. (If it involves 02/14/08 that doesn't count.)
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 74
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Guy takes four days to respond?
Posted: 1/30/2008 9:20:57 AM
What if a person actually, heaven forbid, is taking time to consider how to respond?

I tend to wait purely because I don't generally sit here constantly. (Currently this isn't the case--- I'm twiddling my thumbs until the school districts get back to me... those who have been following the .Marc Odyssey know what I'm talking about.)

What usually ends up happening is that I check my messages late at night.
If there's something, I read it. Then I think-- "I get really slap-happy when I'm tired. If I respond to this now the woman with think I've got the mental capacity of a hamster. I'd better wait until I'm awake."

However--- sometimes I don't have "awake and in front of the computer time" until Saturday. So-- what happens if you e-mail me during a really busy week on a Sunday during a time when I'm out? It might take me 6 days to respond. (Or in the case of the 2 week period where I was putting together my 187 page portfolio.... a bit longer.)

If I'm less interested or have a lot of time on my hands I respond faster.
I get replies from forum members out almost right away, 'cause I'm not really interested in making a good first impression here. (No offense to any of the people that have messaged me... it's just a different kind of impression.)

Granted--- I'm not this busy all of the time. I have ample time to date should that occur. (But I don't really see myself dating until my employment issues are resolved... that doesn't seem responsible.) But I do tend to take time to think about what a person has written in order to give a decent response. Sometimes I do wait until I'm in a correspondence mood.

Again-- I don't even respond to, "Hey, you sound interesting, wanna chat?" style messages. I think those are really lame for making a first impression.
I guess I could half ass an answer faster..... but I'd much prefer using my whole ass.
Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 75
Guy takes four days to respond?
Posted: 1/30/2008 9:51:21 AM
4 days isn't a big deal. Maybe he does have a busy social life. Maybe he is seeing other women. Remember this is just 2 dates, not a serious relationship yet.
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