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 AUTHOR
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 109
Guy takes four days to respond?Page 6 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
People aren't all alike. Not everyone feels a need to be in constant contact, especially early in a relationship. Some people prefer to wade in, others like to dive in without checking the water.

I have to admit, though, that if someone is inclined to assume the worst simply because I took four days to reply to an email, they weren't the right person for me anyway. I'm thankful that I've met someone who isn't like that.

Getting to know people isn't a waste of time even if it doesn't turn out how you might have wished.
 drivingharmony2
Joined: 6/23/2013
Msg: 110
Guy takes four days to respond?
Posted: 7/23/2013 6:15:40 AM
^^^^^^Absolutely correct, people aren't all alike. If they were, it would be a very boring place, especially here on forums. However, just because people like consistent contact does not mean they are diving in without checking the waters. Different strokes for different folks....Geez, haven't heard that one lately....I just aged myself.... yikes!
=====
and you know what Paderic! I agree with your other two statements! :)
 NewYorkFan1
Joined: 6/30/2013
Msg: 111
Guy takes four days to respond?
Posted: 7/23/2013 6:26:39 AM
If I meet someone I am interested in, why would I wait 4 days to respond to an email or text that she has sent me. Or why would I wait 4 days to contact her at all. I think that would just show a total disinterest in that person.
And I wouldn't expect her to just sit around for a few days waiting to hear from me. I would expect her to be back in the pond nibbling and sampling other bait. And finding someone else that shows more interest in her.
As for being too busy to communicate, I bet most people still find enough time to still be logging into their POF accts to see what else is lurking in the waters. As what said earlier, with all our technology that we all have, it takes only a couple minutes of our time to communicate with someone and let them know we are genuinely interested in them.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 112
Guy takes four days to respond?
Posted: 7/23/2013 6:35:21 AM
IMO...At the beginning of a relationship...If there is a mutual interest...I don't understand "why" you would not pursue.
That doesn't mean...endless text messages or phone calls...just a good morning e-mail even...
If you haven't got time to even do that...then maybe, you shouldn't be dating....
I like people that have "passion" and that has nothing to do with "sex"....err..well. not in this scenario...

Yes, the minds of others is exactly the reason "why"....you should error on the side of "attention".....or consideration.
I don't know any women that wouldn't... like to hear and know if a man is thinking of her.(unless she is not interested)
If a man....doesn't have the interest to contact me....within a couple of days of a first meet.....he's just not that into me...imo.
I would assume...I have been put on a back burner and shrug and move on....
Put it this way....The first thing both people need to know about each other
-Is if there is a mutual interest..right?
Now if you don't contact me within 4 days....to me that shows little interest or game playing...again..imo.
 35brock
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 113
Guy takes four days to respond?
Posted: 7/23/2013 6:52:48 AM
If it happened once, I would give the other person benefit of the doubt for now. Instead of assuming that they weren't that interested or they are playing games. Perhaps they had cell phone problems, they were sick, they wanted to respond earlier and simply forgot etc
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 114
Guy takes four days to respond?
Posted: 7/23/2013 7:23:32 AM
I do think people rush into relationships and the divorce rate is a pretty good indicator of that.


<div class="quote">If you haven't got time to even do that...then maybe, you shouldn't be dating....


Frankly, I find this notion that people who don't conform shouldn't be dating to be rather insulting. Maybe they shouldn't be dating YOU, but that doesn't mean they shouldn't be dating at all.


<div class="quote">I don't know any women that wouldn't... like to hear and know if a man is thinking of her.(unless she is not interested)


I know one (and I've known others). In fact, she seems to appreciate not being smothered.
 drivingharmony2
Joined: 6/23/2013
Msg: 115
Guy takes four days to respond?
Posted: 7/23/2013 7:41:59 AM
^^^^^^^I don't agree with your assessment regarding divorce rate being higher
because people rush into relationships. A blanket statement like that doesn't fly.
I was with my ex for 4 years prior to getting married. Ahhhh, but you probably think
we got married too soon??? :)
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 116
Guy takes four days to respond?
Posted: 7/23/2013 7:51:07 AM
When I was single, I multi-dated, so my schedule filled up pretty quickly. If a man waited four days before contacting me again, I often had other plans lined up, and couldn't see him again that week.

The indifferent men faded away; those that were truly interested in me made more of an effort to contact me sooner next time.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 117
Guy takes four days to respond?
Posted: 7/23/2013 7:52:33 AM
paderic


Frankly, I find this notion that people who don't conform shouldn't be dating to be rather insulting

Get your heckles up all you want...it's my opinion..

Did....you miss in my post...

IMO


imo


again..imo




I know one (and I've known others). In fact, she seems to appreciate not being smothered

Good for you...If you both think it's "smothering" to talk to each other everyday...you have found your match!
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 118
Guy takes four days to respond?
Posted: 7/23/2013 9:16:40 AM
Ahhhh, but you probably think
we got married too soon??? :)


Nice strawman argument. I don't know you or your ex, but I do think many people rush into relationships with blinders on and don't pause to think whether they are a good match until after they are married.

If you all want to assume that any break in communication means the other person isn't interested in you, that's really no skin off my nose. I just thought I'd chime in to provide another perspective on the question. At the end of the day, you've learned that you weren't compatible with this person and you went your separate ways. I call that a win-win.

By the way, my "heckles" are not up.

That's all I have to say, now I shall abide by forum rules...
 justlookingvt
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 119
Guy takes four days to respond?
Posted: 7/23/2013 11:56:25 AM




Is he doing this on purpose?


Unless there is something preventing him from being in touch for a period of four days, he is doing it on purpose. Most likely he is pretending to be busy in a self aggrandizing effort. If he had a reason and he was interested in you, he would have mentioned what it is to ensure you don't interpret that as lack of interest.



Is it possible he's iffy on his level of interest?


When someone is interested they make time for whatever they are interested in. When someone doesn't make time, it means their level of interest is limited at best.



Does he want to keep me guessing?


He wants you to believe he is a busy man with a life. He might want you to understand upfront that you might be about as important to him as washing his car or motorcycle.



My gut feeling is to SOMEHOW kindly hint that while I'm interested in him, I'm NOT interested in waiting games.


Wait four days to let him know you are not interested in playing games :-) ... there is no rush :-) He shouldn't be any more important to you as you are to him.



How do I go about figuring this out, and what to say?


It's all figured out, anyone that makes you wait four days without a very good reason is showing you how irrelevant you are to them. As far as what to say, he can't be bothered to show interest, you shouldn't be bothered to make time to say anything about it :-) If you want to be really kind, you could say "have a nice long waiting life" :-)


 TuMuchFun
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 120
view profile
History
Guy takes four days to respond?
Posted: 7/23/2013 12:29:38 PM
No need to make such a fuss, Paderic has a different purpose here than a good majority and his position on this matter only reinforce them. If you were to look at the pertinent portions of his profile his opinion is perfectly in line with what he is looking to accomplish here. He is fine with a date here and there and not looking for anything serious, so kudos to him...sure beats the hell out of serious, long term and then vanishes after pillow talk.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 121
Guy takes four days to respond?
Posted: 7/23/2013 12:42:49 PM
I'm wondering if you are looking to meet someone and you do,
what is the purpose of waiting 4 days to contact them? I'd
assume they weren't interested.

If you're already in a relationship, not sure with all the modern
technology why you can't take a moment to say good morning or
good night to someone.

On the other hand, if you have what you want and it works for you...
who cares what others think?

Me? I like the daily contact. Unless you're on a secret mission or
are in an area without any kind of service...I would think four days
between hailing someone would be an indication of an interest I wouldn't
be interested in.

Nothing says I'm thinking about you like a 4 day (or more) void.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 122
Guy takes four days to respond?
Posted: 7/23/2013 1:08:02 PM
Message 154, if one's goal is to stay single, this stance makes perfect sense. Personally, I would be hard-pressed not to speak to my live-in partner for four days. If daily conversation is something that makes one feel smothered, marriage or a live-in relationship would definitely be a mistake.

By the same token, if marriage or a live-in relationship is one's eventual goal, I think it would be prudent to pay close attention to a prospect's past relationship history, as well as interest level, and date accordingly.
 CallmeKen
Joined: 9/4/2009
Msg: 123
Guy takes four days to respond?
Posted: 7/23/2013 1:29:59 PM
Four days? Pfft. I meant to respond to your forum post in 2008. Sorry. I was busy.


I believe if something's important, you make time for it.

I hear this a lot, which is why I'm a big proponent of The Rules. The guy calls on Monday to Wednesday. He makes plans for Friday or Saturday. He calls the day before to confirm. He calls after the date for the Recap. That's dating. It's a slow progression. Daily emails before intimacy / exclusiveness are a signal of clinginess.

The honest truth is, no matter how much you want us to be, guys don't read minds. We don't know your intentions. You could be wanting a relationship with just one guy. If so, congratulations. You could also be dating 8 guys simultaneously and a Dinner Whore. We don't know that either. I can't tell you the number of Two Date Tap Outs I've received since joining this little board. Should I invest a daily conversation if you're just going to bang your cycling instructor three weeks in? (Yes, that has happened to me.)

We live in a 24-hour news cycle with all night Wal-marts. We want it, we want it now. But guess what, Virginia? Dating doesn't work like that. Let the grass grow a bit before you cut it. In the meantime, keep searching. Unless you have an exclusivity agreement, you're still free to look yourself. Best of luck.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 124
Guy takes four days to respond?
Posted: 7/23/2013 7:35:41 PM
No need to make such a fuss, Paderic has a different purpose here than a good majority and his position on this matter only reinforce them. If you were to look at the pertinent portions of his profile his opinion is perfectly in line with what he is looking to accomplish here. He is fine with a date here and there and not looking for anything serious, so kudos to him...sure beats the hell out of serious, long term and then vanishes after pillow talk.


I wasn't going to post in this thread again, however I think some clarification is necessary after this post.

I've been in a relationship for roughly the past year and a half. I have a profile so I can post in the forums, I am not interested in meeting anyone. I don't even log into the dating half of the site. In the year and a half that we've been dating, there have been a few occasions where we've gone more than four days without any contact, including (but not limited to) the thirteen days I was in China and the week she was in Italy.

I realize that my relationship style doesn't fit with most people, but I'm OK with that. Their acceptance isn't important to me.
 jane802
Joined: 5/26/2013
Msg: 125
Guy takes four days to respond?
Posted: 7/23/2013 7:59:41 PM
I do totally agree. Well put and direct, honest and to the point.
 justlookingvt
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 126
Guy takes four days to respond?
Posted: 7/23/2013 8:00:49 PM


In a relationship between a man and a woman, the amount of time that goes without contact very often ends up defining the type of relationship they have.

People who are in a mutually supportive long term relationship tend to be in touch often. This is a result of the mutual emotional support and fulfillment they derive from each other.

A "relationship" where communication among the parties is occasional is typical of FB type relationships, where the relationship is mostly for physical convenience and not likely one where emotional support is mutually given.

 jane802
Joined: 5/26/2013
Msg: 127
Guy takes four days to respond?
Posted: 7/23/2013 8:34:32 PM
I agree, I know with my busy schedule and exercise program, family and errands this can take time. Maybe the gal is just jumping the gun and needy as well. He may be tired, it happens to me, where I don't always respond to an email for a couple days. I don't sit around and wait, I have so many emailing me I can't keep up and that shows they are interested. Ect ect.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 128
Guy takes four days to respond?
Posted: 7/24/2013 7:37:10 AM
I know this thread is pretty old - but here's my take. If you're counting the days - you're too into the guy already. Four days isn't a long time unless you're watching the clock. Date more guys, or be busier, or less concerned. The call will come when it comes (or it won't). When it does, if you like the guy - answer/respond.

Some people in serious relationships may not talk for a couple days at a time, and it's not a big deal to either of them. What's normal to him may be a long time for you. Adjust your expectations, or realize it's a non-match and move on.
 justlookingvt
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 129
Guy takes four days to respond?
Posted: 7/24/2013 7:51:08 AM


don't need to be calling or emailing them every few hours to check up on them.


I hope not. Neither extreme is good, each indicate a different type of problem.

.................................................................................................................................................................................
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 6/25/2013
Msg: 130
Guy takes four days to respond?
Posted: 8/10/2013 8:02:30 AM
I blame texting, and all the variations of "social media", for this outbreak of insisted-upon instant gratification. We have so many more ways of c0mmunicating with others, and yet somehow we're becoming *MORE* selfish, and losing awareness of the fact that *OUR* standards aren't *EVERYONE ELSE'S* standards...
 GreenSparty117
Joined: 11/13/2013
Msg: 131
Guy takes four days to respond?
Posted: 12/10/2013 2:15:40 PM
If you have his phone number, what are you emailing him for? CALL HIM.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 132
Guy takes four days to respond?
Posted: 12/10/2013 2:24:14 PM
FleurDeLis- Two dates in, I'm sure neither one of you is thinking you are exclusive at this point.
Why are you sitting around waiting for him?
I say you are still ok to answer messages and go out with someone who has time for you.
If he misses out and you click with someone else, oh well.
 ae86drift
Joined: 10/21/2013
Msg: 133
Guy takes four days to respond?
Posted: 12/10/2013 7:36:51 PM
Maybe your not attractive to him.
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