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 starofgaia
Joined: 4/11/2012
Msg: 107
Over 50 with younger kids?Page 4 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
I don't care if somebody passes me over for a person without the responsibility of children. It doesn't bother me in the least for the lack of appreciation they have in other people, where it concerns their presumption of my lack of time or attention for them. I don't want their poisonous attitude around my little family, whom I value more than anybody on this planet, of which their declination Of interest in me is most welcomed.
 starofgaia
Joined: 4/11/2012
Msg: 108
Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 5/5/2012 5:18:24 AM
Or, it could be that the biological children are the constant reminders from the prospective date that they had sex with somebody else?, Luka124?
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 109
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History
Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 5/5/2012 3:20:58 PM
There is another thread about wanting (or not) to 'move in together'. Many of us our content living on our own but still having a commited relastionship...that's my girlfriend and I. She often has custody of her grandson and it's a non-issue for us. We love each other to pieces and accomodating her grandson is 'no big deal'. I actually enjoy an excuse to throw a ball around, play on the floor, etc. Keeps me young. If we want to go out and don't have a friend or family member available, we just get a sitter...no big deal. Our vacations together need take the tyke into account but we can pawn him off as needed for a week or two.

Anyways, perhaps if cohabitating was a goal then I'd be less enthused but since we're not 'full time' together, no real sweat off my nose. We just go with the flow. Also, both being semi-retired and financiaslly secure, our schedules are flexible. I have zero legal responsibility..my gal isn't going to get pregnant....I can walk away any time I want (although that's impossible since I love her so much).

Her grandson is no real damper on our relastionship or what we want to do in life.
 jonabella
Joined: 2/19/2012
Msg: 111
Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 5/6/2012 6:25:21 PM
whether we meet a single parent and his kidz or one person who loves kidz..not saying its easy..with eyes and arms open.. @ any age ppl will sure find a way to make it work~
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 112
Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 5/10/2012 8:29:24 PM

I don't care if somebody passes me over for a person without the responsibility of children. It doesn't bother me in the least for the lack of appreciation they have in other people, where it concerns their presumption of my lack of time or attention for them. I don't want their poisonous attitude around my little family, whom I value more than anybody on this planet, of which their declination Of interest in me is most welcomed.


Why do you assume that someone who does not want to take on someone else's children is lacking of appreciation for other people?

Just because YOU love your children does not make you more virtuous than someone who lacks interest in you due to your having those children. It is not a "poisonous attitude" on their part - simply a preference of theirs to have a relationship with someone who does not have a young family.
 willowgrrl
Joined: 5/26/2012
Msg: 113
Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 6/19/2012 4:00:05 PM
Yes, agreed. I asked a nice man out, who belongs to the same movie group I do. We have a ton in common and when we met for a film he revealed he had a young daughter (11). I subsequently tried to ask him out 3 more times and he is never available due to taking care of his daughter. His ex is a Microsoftie and obviously supports everyone as well as sharing custody with her. So, no on mature men with young children. I raised a daughter who is now in her late 20s, and I am free. The man is not, and won't be for many years.

It isn't a match. I think folks with young kids should seek others with young kids - makes more sense.
 SpittyKitty
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 114
Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 6/19/2012 5:34:43 PM
The greatest thing I will ever do in life is to raise my kids.
I made my bed and I am lieing in it.
It is very hard to match up at my age (any age can be tough).
It's even harder with young children.
It is what it is.
 TheReason_
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 115
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History
Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 6/19/2012 8:15:02 PM
This is why I feel I'm too old to have kids of my own, at 42.

 Debyduz_
Joined: 5/4/2012
Msg: 116
Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 6/28/2012 3:07:06 PM
Hope 49 counts. I have 5 children 3 at home. They are 6, 9, 10, 19 and 32. 6, 9, and 19 are adopted. I didn't expect to be dating again at this age. It sucks, but my heart made the choice to bring more children into our family. They truly were meant to be with us. Guys my age are done with little kids. Younger guys want their own kids. Most guys that have custody of their kids seem to have a bad attitude. They think they are better parents then women. So I steer clear of them.

I seen a show where a woman with 14 children found a man and got married. So I am not giving up. I am sure there are men out there who have room in their hearts for women and their children. I know that I would love any man's child/children as much as I love my own. I know not everyone is wired that way.

The only time it gets me down is when we are out at amusement parks and I see the whole families together. I really miss that. Sadly though the ex had to go and our life is better without him. I ended up adopting the last 2 as a single mom. I would adopt more children if I had the means to take care of them. Too many children don't have a home or family.

I would be the crazy kid lady instead of the crazy cat lady.
 Janet_Always
Joined: 6/20/2012
Msg: 118
Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 6/29/2012 1:30:04 PM
My kids are grown and gone now for quite some time (30 & 28) and for several years I think I would have preferred a man without kids as my "freedom" was relatively new... but now, I actually enjoy having kids around again.

I was a good mom and I wouldn't mind playing even a small part in another child's life.
 PinkZombies
Joined: 12/20/2011
Msg: 119
Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 6/29/2012 4:28:25 PM
My two boys are both in high school. I had them when I was in my mid/late 30's. I have not encountered much problem from men not wanting to date me because of the boys (those men probably don't contact me in the first place). My issue is how very busy I am- ithose boys keep me on my toes. Evrryone has their various appointments, activities, and needs. One boy is into sports, the other has a potentially serious medical concern. I need to make sure he'll be ok. Simply put, I am too busy to date right now. But I don't mind because I love my kids, They are the top priority of my life. I do enjoy browsing the forums and "window shopping" profiles.
 Doc_Sage
Joined: 2/25/2009
Msg: 120
Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 6/29/2012 5:18:00 PM
I am 58 and my only son is 30+ and living on his own.

So...Will I date a lady with kids at home? Certainly. Why not? It may limit some activities. So what.
If love is present, we will find a way to make it work.

This lead to another question; I still work full time. Should I refrain from dating someone who is retired?

Doc Sage
 spot4username
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 121
Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 6/29/2012 5:42:33 PM

Most of the men I meet around my age have children who are grown and seem to find my situation to be a deterrent to getting to know me.


I find myself in the opposite situation. A lot. My sons are 17, 21 and 23. The youngest will be a SR this year and the other two have graduated from college. My sons rarely need me for true "mom" stuff.

I keep meeting men who are my age and older who I think would be a great fit. We will talk about our children and they will mention their children who are close in age or older than mine and then....

their toddlers or preschoolers. Yikes. I seem to be surrounded by men who divorced and then married younger women who they had children with and now they are divorced again.

I love being a mother more than anything. I was class mom, team mom, coach, fundraising goddess, go to cookie baker, car pool driver, field trip chaperon, substitute teacher, etc. I really don't want to do those things again as the mother or step mother and I know that I would never be able to be the detached sort. I wouldn't be able to help myself.

So - OP (and all those after her since this thread is ancient) I understand a man or woman not wanting to be in that position again.
 likkers69
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 122
Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 6/30/2012 11:39:01 AM
And I also have the same problem but obviously from a mans point of view I too have younger children and any woman I have spoken to seem to disappear as soon as I mention this. Help and advice please
 Aura1shine
Joined: 3/2/2011
Msg: 123
Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 7/24/2012 12:32:40 AM
^^^^^^My suggestion to your post is finding a single mom whom has the children the same or close to yours children age for dating because of similarity will help you both through the ups and downs of raising them while rebuilding a new life together as a separate one or combining to be one.
 tbicon
Joined: 5/6/2012
Msg: 124
Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 7/24/2012 8:24:29 AM
I'm over 50 with younger kids. My youngest was born when I was 43. I know I am an older Dad, but there are lots of guys in my position. I don't think it is at all unusual to have dads over 50 with young kids at home in the least, so if you are knocking out older Dads with younger children, well you are knocking out a sizeable part of the population. Just one more reason to limit yourselves folks. And then some of you wonder why you are here for years and years.
 SONNI100
Joined: 12/24/2010
Msg: 125
Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 7/24/2012 9:11:46 AM
Interesting to read everyone's situation. My sons are 40 and 34.....8 grandsons from 5-15..
I have had no children at home since I was 43. I admit I was very surprised when I started dating again that so many men in their 5os and 60s had fairly young children at home. It isn't a situation I would deliberately walk into....
 raicor
Joined: 4/22/2012
Msg: 126
Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 7/26/2012 9:15:34 PM
rubber to the road... if one finds themselves single with younger kids late in life, then it will most likely be only the kids later into life. seems acceptable that people who have ended with the children experience would be looking for another experience. surely there must be men on here in the same situation. maybe a manual criteria in the profile may help???

"looking for a man who understands still having younger children at home."

hard line here against dating females in my age group with young kids. and yes, they do find it offensive when i provide that information. i think it may be a miscommunication inside when they discount young kids as a factor in meeting men. hmmm, 46 with and 6 and an 8 year old. 48 with a 26 year old. anyone???
 Lionesse19
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 127
Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 7/26/2012 10:59:52 PM
At your time of life many are grandparents and I would say dont want to have to deal with other peoples' young children. They can be a real problem, especially resentful or jealous teenagers and if you have them at home all the time, that can be a dealbreaker for some. Time together would be very limited and of course women always put their families first.

I would also be wary what man I let into my life with young ones still at home. Unfortunately abusers and paedophiles often target these sort of families. ANyone who you dont know the background of, such as from the net, I would find too risky.
 Dolphina
Joined: 6/10/2012
Msg: 128
Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 7/27/2012 1:19:58 PM
I appreciate that many of you have younger kids and you are genuinely interested in meeting potential partners who will accept you and be happy to make a family with you. I question, though, the mindstuff of guys my age (59) with younger kids approaching people like me, with no children, wanting us to accept their children and become a step-mother to them. I've had a few men request this of me, and I ran quickly into the mountains, as it were. I don't have a motherly instinct - never have - and the idea of bringing up children as I near my 60th year completely horrible. I guess these men are desperate and will overlook lots of red flags to get what they seek. The biggest red flag I fly is this: I don't want a live-in relationship with anybody. Seems quite a few men with kids don't read my profile!
 tbicon
Joined: 5/6/2012
Msg: 129
Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 7/27/2012 5:07:10 PM
I'm kind of surprised that you ever got to the point of a guy wanting you to be a step mom to his kids. Its quite obvious you have nothing to offer a single dad, in fact your attitude about no live in relationships possible would put you on the don't bother dating list of most quality guys.
 Funfiftysomething
Joined: 6/24/2012
Msg: 130
Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 7/27/2012 7:06:23 PM
Wow this is so interesting. I had no idea so many over 50 have young children at home. I saw a profile of a man my age of 54 and he has a 1 yr old. I feel really sorry for him. My youngest is 17 1/2 and I am so ready to be done raising kids. I have a 35 year old so I think I've been doing this long enough. Because of that I really would like to meet a man who is done raising his kids too. At least if men do have younger children they don't usually have full custody. One problem is that neither of us has a place to be alone together so intimacy is a huge challenge.
 Janet_Always
Joined: 6/20/2012
Msg: 131
Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 7/27/2012 7:17:00 PM
My guy has a 9 year old daughter... my sons are 27 & 31.

It has been so long since I've had kids in my home -- I'd actually welcome the chance again.
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 132
Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 7/27/2012 7:53:36 PM
" I saw a profile of a man my age of 54 and he has a 1 yr old. I feel really sorry for him. "

I don't know why you'd feel sorry for him. He made a life choice, not a damn thing wrong with that. The thing is, you're in a different space - you don't want more children in your life, so what. That's your choice. Why bytch about someone else's choice. Go find someone that fits you.

A person with young children should not have to defend themselves for their choices. Neither should someone who doesn't wish to raise children again. Easy, really. There are more than enough men/women out there for us to choose from.
 Dolphina
Joined: 6/10/2012
Msg: 133
Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 7/27/2012 7:59:35 PM
[tbicon: I'm kind of surprised that you ever got to the point of a guy wanting you to be a step mom to his kids. Its quite obvious you have nothing to offer a single dad, in fact your attitude about no live in relationships possible would put you on the don't bother dating list of most quality guys.]

I'm kind of surprised too, given that the conversations start with this premise of me being a stepmother to their kids - as the opening conversation, not one further down the track. Quite obviously I have nothing to offer a single dad because I have no interest in mothering. I am too old. That's the bottom line.

My attitude towards a live-in relationship comes about from too many men thinking they'll give up their job and relocate and move with me. This has been said to me over and over again. Just because I own my house and have a good professional business. I may come to a position of deciding to share a live-in arrangement, but I want a relationship that develops organically and does not start with the premise of us living together in my house. Many of the men who contact me are not financially well off. I seek an equitable relationship with a man who is not needing from me a mother for his kids, but who chooses me because of shared interest and desires.
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