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 bishmich
Joined: 6/2/2006
Msg: 99
Over 50 with younger kids?Page 5 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
Well I will be 50 this february and I have 4 years old son ............ His mom is 47 yrs old..........src=http://www.plentyoffish.com/smiles/icon_114.gif border=0>
 JAD2011
Joined: 1/9/2011
Msg: 101
Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 1/12/2012 8:59:38 PM
I am an over 50 with young kids in the home. Technically they are my grandchildren but I have raised both since their births. I also homeschool the oldest.

Do I want to meet someone for a serious relationship? Yes. Or I wouldnt' be here.

Have I had much luck in that respect? No. Quite a few run for the hills when they realize I have small kids in my care.

I can make time for a person I am interested in seeing and building a relationship with. It's not MY issue ... it's theirs.

I also have no issues with the other person having small children. I love kids. Always have.

But I also want to have adult interaction. That's not too much to ask in my book.

JAD
 chillin1955
Joined: 2/27/2011
Msg: 103
view profile
History
Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 1/19/2012 8:38:19 AM
I too have a 12 and 14 yo. I also had 2 in their 30's and 4 grands.

The thing is, I'm tied down, I cannot just up be spontaneous as I would like and as men would like and to be honest I don't blame them.

I know my vibrational match will come soon enough. In the meantime, I enjoy and appreciate where I am.
 1388SmartBlonde
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 105
Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 5/5/2012 1:55:41 AM
My boss and his wife are in their late 40's. They have a 5 & 8 year old and lots of men our age had young children with a 2nd wife, so kids at home is not that uncommon. My suggestion is to focus on the men who already have teens and tweens still at home as you two will be "in the same place" with parenting.
 SpittyKitty
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 114
Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 6/19/2012 5:34:43 PM
The greatest thing I will ever do in life is to raise my kids.
I made my bed and I am lieing in it.
It is very hard to match up at my age (any age can be tough).
It's even harder with young children.
It is what it is.
 TheReason_
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 115
view profile
History
Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 6/19/2012 8:15:02 PM
This is why I feel I'm too old to have kids of my own, at 42.

 Debyduz_
Joined: 5/4/2012
Msg: 116
Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 6/28/2012 3:07:06 PM
Hope 49 counts. I have 5 children 3 at home. They are 6, 9, 10, 19 and 32. 6, 9, and 19 are adopted. I didn't expect to be dating again at this age. It sucks, but my heart made the choice to bring more children into our family. They truly were meant to be with us. Guys my age are done with little kids. Younger guys want their own kids. Most guys that have custody of their kids seem to have a bad attitude. They think they are better parents then women. So I steer clear of them.

I seen a show where a woman with 14 children found a man and got married. So I am not giving up. I am sure there are men out there who have room in their hearts for women and their children. I know that I would love any man's child/children as much as I love my own. I know not everyone is wired that way.

The only time it gets me down is when we are out at amusement parks and I see the whole families together. I really miss that. Sadly though the ex had to go and our life is better without him. I ended up adopting the last 2 as a single mom. I would adopt more children if I had the means to take care of them. Too many children don't have a home or family.

I would be the crazy kid lady instead of the crazy cat lady.
 Doc_Sage
Joined: 2/25/2009
Msg: 120
Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 6/29/2012 5:18:00 PM
I am 58 and my only son is 30+ and living on his own.

So...Will I date a lady with kids at home? Certainly. Why not? It may limit some activities. So what.
If love is present, we will find a way to make it work.

This lead to another question; I still work full time. Should I refrain from dating someone who is retired?

Doc Sage
 spot4username
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 121
Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 6/29/2012 5:42:33 PM

Most of the men I meet around my age have children who are grown and seem to find my situation to be a deterrent to getting to know me.


I find myself in the opposite situation. A lot. My sons are 17, 21 and 23. The youngest will be a SR this year and the other two have graduated from college. My sons rarely need me for true "mom" stuff.

I keep meeting men who are my age and older who I think would be a great fit. We will talk about our children and they will mention their children who are close in age or older than mine and then....

their toddlers or preschoolers. Yikes. I seem to be surrounded by men who divorced and then married younger women who they had children with and now they are divorced again.

I love being a mother more than anything. I was class mom, team mom, coach, fundraising goddess, go to cookie baker, car pool driver, field trip chaperon, substitute teacher, etc. I really don't want to do those things again as the mother or step mother and I know that I would never be able to be the detached sort. I wouldn't be able to help myself.

So - OP (and all those after her since this thread is ancient) I understand a man or woman not wanting to be in that position again.
 likkers69
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 122
Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 6/30/2012 11:39:01 AM
And I also have the same problem but obviously from a mans point of view I too have younger children and any woman I have spoken to seem to disappear as soon as I mention this. Help and advice please
 Aura1shine
Joined: 3/2/2011
Msg: 123
Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 7/24/2012 12:32:40 AM
^^^^^^My suggestion to your post is finding a single mom whom has the children the same or close to yours children age for dating because of similarity will help you both through the ups and downs of raising them while rebuilding a new life together as a separate one or combining to be one.
 SONNI100
Joined: 12/24/2010
Msg: 125
Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 7/24/2012 9:11:46 AM
Interesting to read everyone's situation. My sons are 40 and 34.....8 grandsons from 5-15..
I have had no children at home since I was 43. I admit I was very surprised when I started dating again that so many men in their 5os and 60s had fairly young children at home. It isn't a situation I would deliberately walk into....
 Lionesse19
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 127
Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 7/26/2012 10:59:52 PM
At your time of life many are grandparents and I would say dont want to have to deal with other peoples' young children. They can be a real problem, especially resentful or jealous teenagers and if you have them at home all the time, that can be a dealbreaker for some. Time together would be very limited and of course women always put their families first.

I would also be wary what man I let into my life with young ones still at home. Unfortunately abusers and paedophiles often target these sort of families. ANyone who you dont know the background of, such as from the net, I would find too risky.
 Dolphina
Joined: 6/10/2012
Msg: 128
Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 7/27/2012 1:19:58 PM
I appreciate that many of you have younger kids and you are genuinely interested in meeting potential partners who will accept you and be happy to make a family with you. I question, though, the mindstuff of guys my age (59) with younger kids approaching people like me, with no children, wanting us to accept their children and become a step-mother to them. I've had a few men request this of me, and I ran quickly into the mountains, as it were. I don't have a motherly instinct - never have - and the idea of bringing up children as I near my 60th year completely horrible. I guess these men are desperate and will overlook lots of red flags to get what they seek. The biggest red flag I fly is this: I don't want a live-in relationship with anybody. Seems quite a few men with kids don't read my profile!
 Funfiftysomething
Joined: 6/24/2012
Msg: 130
Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 7/27/2012 7:06:23 PM
Wow this is so interesting. I had no idea so many over 50 have young children at home. I saw a profile of a man my age of 54 and he has a 1 yr old. I feel really sorry for him. My youngest is 17 1/2 and I am so ready to be done raising kids. I have a 35 year old so I think I've been doing this long enough. Because of that I really would like to meet a man who is done raising his kids too. At least if men do have younger children they don't usually have full custody. One problem is that neither of us has a place to be alone together so intimacy is a huge challenge.
 Dolphina
Joined: 6/10/2012
Msg: 133
Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 7/27/2012 7:59:35 PM
[tbicon: I'm kind of surprised that you ever got to the point of a guy wanting you to be a step mom to his kids. Its quite obvious you have nothing to offer a single dad, in fact your attitude about no live in relationships possible would put you on the don't bother dating list of most quality guys.]

I'm kind of surprised too, given that the conversations start with this premise of me being a stepmother to their kids - as the opening conversation, not one further down the track. Quite obviously I have nothing to offer a single dad because I have no interest in mothering. I am too old. That's the bottom line.

My attitude towards a live-in relationship comes about from too many men thinking they'll give up their job and relocate and move with me. This has been said to me over and over again. Just because I own my house and have a good professional business. I may come to a position of deciding to share a live-in arrangement, but I want a relationship that develops organically and does not start with the premise of us living together in my house. Many of the men who contact me are not financially well off. I seek an equitable relationship with a man who is not needing from me a mother for his kids, but who chooses me because of shared interest and desires.
 SSC-SAF
Joined: 5/20/2012
Msg: 134
Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 7/27/2012 8:17:06 PM

I'm kind of surprised that you ever got to the point of a guy wanting you to be a step mom to his kids. Its quite obvious you have nothing to offer a single dad, in fact your attitude about no live in relationships possible would put you on the don't bother dating list of most quality guys.


That's a rather harsh assessment of someone whom you don't know. While I'm sure that based on what she wrote she doesn't care if she has anything to "offer a single dad" , why would her not wanting a live-in relationship make her a "don't bother dating" person for any relationship?

I personally do not believe in living with a man without being married to him. I have no issues with others who choose to do so, but I'm not going to do that myself. If that means that some "quality guys" aren't interested, then they weren't of the "quality" I seek and I wouldn't be interested in them.
 FastReb
Joined: 1/3/2009
Msg: 137
view profile
History
Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 7/27/2012 9:08:04 PM
OP, I'm in the same situation. I'm 51 and have my two sons, ages 11 & 8, who live with me full-time. As other posters stated, most people our age have already raised their kids and don't want the demands again that come with young children. I can't hold it against them. They made their choices and I made mine. And in that respect, I have no regrets. And yes, I keep telling myself that hope springs eternal and I'll find someone who can accept the whole package.
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 138
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History
Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 7/28/2012 1:11:39 AM
i fost/adopted three teens at age 50, ages 10 1/2 to 13. got divorced in late 50's and i was the one with the remaining child and the others in and out, but with all the issues. sure, there are some who don't want kids. some cannot take the issues. etc. etc. there are also people with kids, or grand kids, who really like kids no matter what. main thing is that you have a family life w/o major dysfunction. i know guys who've broken up with moms who did not 'manage" their families or dumped the kids on them. if "your" kids, you need to have the family in reasonable shape and not expect an outsider to run it for you.

there is another overlapping issue that some people who are retired are dating someone who still works. same issue. do you have time for the partner?

lastly, i've known many men who had babies with younger women who dumped the kids on them. usually due to addictions. they too are in the same boat.

so, if he doesn't like your kids, move on. don't use one or two guys who don't like kids as an excuse not to find the right guy for you. join parents w/o partners. if they are younger, network and have them find you an older relative or friend! this is how people used to meet. one must take advantage of all social situations?
 BigBadNIrish
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 141
Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 7/28/2012 6:43:59 AM
Yanno, I've hear the been there, done that, and don't want to do it again because it's my time now thing...and I'm fine with that...because there are plenty of fish in the sea and others with different preferences.
 SSC-SAF
Joined: 5/20/2012
Msg: 142
Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 7/28/2012 7:03:17 AM

why would her not wanting a live-in relationship make her a "don't bother dating" person for any relationshiip?


Exactly my point - but it was YOUR statement I was talking about:

in fact your attitude about no live in relationships possible would put you on the don't bother dating list of most quality guys.


And then you say:

To me its a statement she has little desire to be close to a guy, so why would a guy want to waste his time?

So, which is it?

I may be wrong, but I interpreted her "no live-in" statement as not wanting to live with a man without marriage. That doesn't mean that she doesn't want to be close to a guy.
 SSC-SAF
Joined: 5/20/2012
Msg: 144
Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 7/28/2012 11:26:10 AM
Self-evident to you, perhaps, but your method of delivery was clear as mud, and I disagree with your premise.

I don't see where she said she would never live with a guy if she was married to him. That was my point, which you seem to have missed. No matter, she can clear it up for both of us if she wishes.
 JoseMadre
Joined: 1/9/2012
Msg: 145
Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 7/30/2012 3:20:01 PM
In 14 months I'll be 50 and my daughter will be three months shy of her 10th birthday. It has been a definite issue with most of the women I meet who are over 40 because their kids are either out or just about out of the house and another 10 years of child rearing is not on their list of wanna do's. My current interest (two dates, we'll see where it goes) is 37 with a 4 year old. The best bet is probably someone similarly situated.
 dmzvisitor
Joined: 3/25/2011
Msg: 146
Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 7/30/2012 7:48:05 PM
If I ever get to the point of meeting someone I would actually like to date, I would be very clear about the time I have to see him (1/2 the week, and some flexibility), and about keeping my dating life separate from my home life. I would not bring someone to my home until I knew them well enough to feel it was safe for me, and never when my kids were home unless we were planning to live together (not sure I'd do that, either, though).

I like the fact that POF has the "all my kids are over 18" choice, b/c if there is a "yes" for "have children," it means they have kids under 18. I don't want to be any more specific about that. Men are much more likely to talk about their kids and have pics of their kids in their profiles than I am, and probably we all know why. That's ok.

I do avoid "retired," just b/c I won't have the freedom of a retired person for many years yet (b/c of work; my kids aren't that young!), but if someone who is retired contacted me, I'd explain that and see where it goes from there.
 AlfredoDP
Joined: 5/31/2012
Msg: 147
Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 7/30/2012 9:57:41 PM
Ok, ok.
This is one of the posts that made me leave pof the first time around.
Closed minds are what is killing us.
Children, they are life... yes you slobs, blast them, yet love cats, dogs, rats.... do they scare you?
Well, now that YOUR children are all grown up,... guess what, you are going to have a lonely life.
At our age, I know of people whom adopt, yet you reject them.
Thank you for the support.
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