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 ooobaby77
Joined: 8/20/2007
Msg: 276
Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?Page 12 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
I have met a few spineless jelly fishes, but I never had anyone do the hundini on me!! For people to act so cowardly like that you are far better off without them. It has nothing to do with the person they are running and hiding from, it's their own sick dillutional issues and people like that live LONELY lives man~~ Sucks to be them....

O and if I did have a coward do that to me I wouldn't cry over it, hell no!!! I'd flipping count my blessings man!!! LOL
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 277
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Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 1/7/2009 7:01:00 AM

(Msg 285) If you are basing your decision to stay with a woman solely upon how good they look naked or their skills in bed I would venture to guess that you don't really give a rat's azz about her to begin with. Everyone knows how to copulate - it's not exactly rocket science so if that is a man's only litmus test in continuing a relationship with a good woman, it's pretty sad.


It's not that sex is the only reason. It's that it's a very important part of a relationship. Also, it's not just a matter of knowing how. It's a matter of wanting to.

In msg 283 you wrote,
I think it's ok to be tactfully honest with a person if you don't think they are right for you. Just don't wait until AFTER you have slept together.


One has to determine compatibility in that area because they have no option. Let's say a person likes skiing and is seeking a partner who enjoys that, as well. If the partner stops skiing the person can still go skiing and chat with other skiers. The same applies to almost all other areas of compatibility except sex. If a couple are to be faithful to each other then sexual compatibility is a must.

It never fails to amuse me when I hear people say sex is not at the top of their list or not a priority or some other comment meant to devalue the importance of sex. One can bet if they found out their partner had an affair sex would immediately be front and center. It would not only top their list but would become the focal point of their entire life.

When folks ask themselves how important sex is they should be asking how important fidelity is. How important faithfulness is. If those things are not important then one can say sex isn't important. If those things are not at the top of their list when seeking a partner then they can honestly say sex is not at the top of their list.

As to the OP's question,
I know there are many other threads on this topic but I just wanted you to share how you felt when you realized the disappearing act has happened.


After the first time I realized the best precaution is to get information about them. Far too often the dumpee knows little about the dumper. "I don't know where he lives." "I have a difficult time getting a hold of him on the phone." "He's frequently out of town."

People who tend to disappear do not divulge info so you will have difficulty contacting them. It's a version of the "go slow" charade played by both sexes. They don't have feelings for the other person because if they did they wouldn't be going slow.
 jackygirl27
Joined: 5/7/2007
Msg: 278
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Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 3/8/2009 4:40:55 AM
You explained it very well and short an sweet.Recently had it happen too though we didnt just talk or one date.Chatted everyday on msn several dates over period of 4 months.Slept with each other ,everytime we were together great chemistry.We really connected on all levels then out of the blue,GONE its now been 4 months and like you have said still going through the stages,wondering why,emailing him and no reply,sadness,anger.Im hoping for soon the feeling of how lucky i am that he did this and that i am better off.Tell me it comes.
 barbee1970
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 279
Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 3/8/2009 6:03:14 AM
Just tell them don't let the door hit them in the a** and don't come back cause the other "sweetie" no longer wants him
 Jenna for today
Joined: 10/25/2008
Msg: 280
Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 3/8/2009 10:36:21 AM
yes, yes and yes. I just met a guy that i dated 2 times within 4 days and he was calling me 3-4x a day and emailing....THEN POOF. Nothing...just gone. It bothered me a bit as i thought he was a decent guy and even a simple email saying "i met someone else" would have been great. This is online dating and i know that most men have 3-4 women going at once...but the courtesy of even an email would have been cool. Especially that the guy was 45!!!!! When do we start to have some common courtesy??
Dont get upset or even spend 5 minutes on it. I say...NEXT!!!! Seriously, if they dont call back or email...i wont email or call or ask why??? Truthfully - who cares??? It just means that you found out he was an a## really soon.
Get back out there and be prepared...it may happen again....

Enjoy the process and dont take it too seriously...it makes this whole dating thing so much more fun!!!
 jackygirl27
Joined: 5/7/2007
Msg: 281
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Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 3/8/2009 6:01:00 PM
Thanks for the advice all.The common courtesy must never come with people like this cause mine was 53.
 feedschickens
Joined: 3/24/2009
Msg: 282
Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 4/8/2009 2:35:40 AM
women do the same thing. the answer is easy. if you want respect and honesty then give it...to yourself. don't get physically intimate with someone, no matter what they say without a real commitment. wine and laughs and music doesn't pass muster. there needs to be a foundation of friendship that's lasted through a crisis or two or at least spanned the completion of a joint creative endeavor that required commitment and follow through over time in practical ways. it's old school, but the old school was right. wait for a ring or give up any expectation or demand for real loyalty and commitment. PEACE
 bigben1731
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 283
Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 4/8/2009 3:13:19 AM
it does hurt when you see that they are either player or scammers and not what they say they truly are as i see it they might be david copperfield with the magician trick
 amyd1
Joined: 4/1/2008
Msg: 285
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Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 4/8/2009 6:36:59 AM
well let me start by saying its a poor shame for someone to do that to someone. i have been on pof for a long time and had only met a couple of people. well i met this guy from athens tn. he drove down its like 2 hrs away he rented a hotel room for himself. we went to dinner and sat and talked for hours. he asked if i would date him and only him, we dated a month with him coming down every weekend he even brought his kids. they got along great with me and my kids, we had a picnic at the park it seem to all be going so good, this last day i saw him was on a sunday he left like he always did with hugs and kisses and babe i will see you next weekend. we talked and chatted the whole next week everything good. on that friday i got a message that he was short on money and was not gonna be able to come that weekend. i was like well thats ok i know how tight money is now u try to have a good weekend, and we will see each other next weekend. since then i have sent him messages on pof and they were deleted unread, no reply. i left messages and sent text messages and no reply. i have not heard anything at all. how can someone do that to someone ya know gaw just say hey i dont want you or something! im so confused cause it was all going so good then poof he is not heard from again. i feel that is selfish on his part. why do guys do that? its just not cool at all.
 infoseekngeek
Joined: 3/24/2009
Msg: 286
Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 4/8/2009 12:06:04 PM
I'm not a player or a scammer, but sometimes it goes like this:

I had been emailing a woman from out of state (not my norm; not into distance relationships). She happened to be coming to a nearby state and mentioned that maybe she could make it up to see me. When she finally got to my state (on other business) I was in the middle of my weekend work marathon and told her it likely wouldn't work out this time.

Ended the weekend work marathon, came home Monday morning and crashed, but left my cell phone in my coat pocket downstairs. When I found it Mon. night, battery was dead, so plugged it in. Well, when it goes dead, it shuts off, so even though it was plugged in, it wasn't on. Today I unplugged it, realized it was off and turned it on. Greeted by two VMs from her (kinda hey, how are ya, sort) and two texts. Replied to the texts (sorry, phone died, just recharged, how are ya?). Come home from dropping daughter off at a class and find and email where she rips me a new one for not contacting her, that I'm a player, yada yada.

Instant turn off. How the heck do you reply to that?
 4umjunkee
Joined: 2/13/2009
Msg: 287
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Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 4/8/2009 5:46:00 PM
My theory is...the *date* is attracted to you,has a good time and does plan to see you again...but then once *the date* is at the computer sees other possibilities..maybe you are 5'6" and his dream gal is 5'3"..and there she is..so the mission isn't over and you are just one of many that caught his interest while fishing. There is no emotion in the date..or the dates of those thrown back. The only emotion is that of the disappearing slacker who could care less about the people he/she has met and given the insinuations that all is well....when really..time was just being filled while waiting for more fish to choose from.
My favorite quote " Don't make someone a priority when you are only an option"
 Lobo_Corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 288
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Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 4/8/2009 5:51:33 PM
I've never had anyone I was in an actual relationship with disappear on me.

Maybe you encountered a wierdo... Or maybe you misunderstood the relationship?

You're right, there are a lot of threads along both of those lines - Especially where one person thought they were "owed" some degree of consideration that they probably weren't, based on one or two dates. (Or worse yet, "How rude is it for people to delete my email without even replying?!")
 4umjunkee
Joined: 2/13/2009
Msg: 289
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Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 4/8/2009 5:53:47 PM
Oh geesh - infoseekngeek:
...my cell phone goes everywhere with me if I am expecting a call...havn't dropped it in the tub yet...but came pretty close !
Not to insinuate anything..but you were expecting a call...and ah...phone wasn't handy...and it kinda died..and accidently was turned off....
Did you really want to see her ??
OK....the scolding is over...perhaps you should try to explain one more time..and end the conversation just how you said it here


Instant turn off.




Just like the phone..*wink*



 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 290
Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 4/8/2009 5:56:11 PM

The only emotion is that of the disappearing slacker who could care less about the people he/she has met and given the insinuations that all is well....when really..time was just being filled while waiting for more fish to choose from.

Well stated and I completely agree, unfortunately.

My favorite quote " Don't make someone a priority when you are only an option"


and I'd like to add my own:

What you accept in the beginning, you can expect in the end.

I seem to attract those who think it's appropriate to disappear and then reappear. Uhhhh, sorry ~ I don't think so. To each their own, I'm an accountability freak. If he's not accountable in the beginning? He certainly won't be in the future either. I'm worth more than that. (And so is everyone else here!!)
 4umjunkee
Joined: 2/13/2009
Msg: 291
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Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 4/8/2009 6:04:07 PM

What you accept in the beginning, you can expect in the end.


Very true!! Thanx -I've added that to my book of quotes titled .."STOP LEADING ME DOWN THE DAMN GARDEN PATH! I ain't going to follow no more!!"
 infoseekngeek
Joined: 3/24/2009
Msg: 292
Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 4/8/2009 6:25:44 PM

Oh geesh - infoseekngeek:
...my cell phone goes everywhere with me if I am expecting a call...havn't dropped it in the tub yet...but came pretty close !
Not to insinuate anything..but you were expecting a call...and ah...phone wasn't handy...and it kinda died..and accidently was turned off....
Did you really want to see her ??
OK....the scolding is over...perhaps you should try to explain one more time..and end the conversation just how you said it here..


Not that I need to explain myself or give you a call-by-call, txt-by-txt play-by-play, but no, I wasn't expecting a call. She'd left the state already.

Point is, we all have lives. It's not always all about you. When you over-text and over-email it's a bit melodramatic and needy and a huge turn-off, in my opinion, especially if we haven't even had a first date yet. If I haven't returned a call, an email, or a text, maybe, just maybe, I didn't get it yet.
 4umjunkee
Joined: 2/13/2009
Msg: 293
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Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 4/8/2009 6:37:51 PM
Your right - you don't need to explain anything to me but I thankyou for your response.
And I will agree with you..that because texting, e-mails and ims are so quick and available a person can get a little put out thinking that the reciever should have responded as quick as the communication was made.

And for the record...I don't text!
 nakedlove
Joined: 1/1/2009
Msg: 294
Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 4/8/2009 9:43:32 PM
I had a womwn do the disapearing act on me once a long time ago. I have always believed that; If I take someone out and provide her transportation, I have the responsibility to get her home safely, even if I never want to see her again. If she doesn't want me to take her home she has the responsibility to tell me she is making other arangements for her transportation.

In reality all she needs to do is say, "take me home" and I'll take her home. Ofcourse I may want to talk about what is wrong.
 kiki_1121
Joined: 3/31/2009
Msg: 295
Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 5/2/2009 6:33:57 AM
Wow - just what I feel like I am going through right now. I met a guy from POF hung out a couple of times kinda started to have athing for him and he said he'd like to go out again blah blah blah. I call and TXT and now starting to feel like that "stalker" type thing. He said to get a hold of him but I am starting to feel the brush off. For those that it "never happened to" good for you, but we aren't all rock stars. And it is kinda tought to "get over it" if you were thinking that it could lead somewhere. I totally understand the draining effect since you think that things were going well and then "poof" you don't get a "hi" or "bye." I am def a person that likes the closure too. I am a big girl, tell me if you aren't interested and I can get on with life. Otherwise I feel like I am hanging on to someone that is sending me mixed messages and some how I am the crazy one?
 miami*nice
Joined: 5/15/2009
Msg: 296
Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 6/1/2009 7:27:55 AM
Hi Jenna,

I find that when a man "rushes in and rushes you" get it ready he will rush out too! Just think about how absurd to know a guy 4 days and he is texting or calling excessively. He doesn't really have it together because it's the lack of Impluse control. Not that you aren't great or desirable , it's about him and his needs. You don't need him and he will do this over and over. I know being older and wiser this happens a lot in life.
 Whaaaat
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 297
Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 10/2/2009 6:39:10 PM
It was done once to me. We were supposed to meet up, at his invitation and insistence. He wussed out last minute, wouldn't answer texts, didn't come online. I didn't get upset, actually, I was glad it happened then instead of me getting out there and him not showing.
Best part was when he came back online, two weeks later, and accused ME of backing out. Right.
 Cindy A. S.
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 298
Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 10/5/2009 12:43:17 PM
I had one do that. On a first date, we went to a movie, while waiting at a table, he got up put MY ticket on the table said he would be right back, an hour later went looking for him in the parking lot---He was there, in the car on the phone!!!! He was watching out though, as soon as he saw me heading for his car, he jumped out like he had been shot out of a cannon, which made me even more upset.
Needless to say, that was the end of the date.
 Wish I could change it
Joined: 9/7/2009
Msg: 299
Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 10/5/2009 2:10:48 PM
Well try dating a guy for 3 months and then out of the blue just leaves vanishes. Stopped texting me and calling me. What the hell we dated for 3 months no explanation. I think its different when it was just 1 or 2 dates. It hurts but you get through it. I beat myself up over it but not anymore. Hes an ass you just have to learn to accept it and move on. Its nothing you did its just the way he is. You cant change someone!
 Cindy A. S.
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 300
Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 10/7/2009 8:38:47 PM
Wish I would--, well it hurts three months or first date, still makes you feel unwanted and not even enough concern as a human being, such lack of respect,I cried all the way back to my car I was so humiliated.
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