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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?      Home login  
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 26
Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?Page 2 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
Not just men,not just women. Both do it, and some do it alllllllll the time with everyone of their relationships. Someone mentioned chicken s,,,errr,,, chits. That's one of my descriptions of these people also. They'll do it after 1-2 dates, they'll do it after 1-2 months, and well, you get it. It's a personality trait and it's not hard to see it coming if you know what you are seeing.

Do NOT waster energy on these type or you'll burn yourself out. Questioning your self worth, your actions, etc. The best thing to do is turn, walk away, and never ever turn your head back for the last glance. Ohhhh, don't EVER contact him/her again,,,,even thou at times you'll want to with everything you are.
Joined: 4/11/2007
Msg: 27
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Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 1/30/2008 6:29:05 PM
I've never had someone ditch me while on the date, but I've had several who just stop communicating out of the blue. Things seem to be progressing, you've met and things seemed to go well, they say they had a great time, all the signs that they did are there, they even say they want to see you again, and then . . . nothing. I think it's a female thing to wonder what you did wrong, what's wrong with you. I know I did that the first couple of times it happened. Then I realized it wasn't that I did something wrong, it just wasn't there for him and he didn't have the courtesy to say so.

I think the times it has bothered me the most is when I've told them about how disappointing it is to have that happen and then they do it, too. After 4 years of online dating, I've had it happen more than a few times. I would much rather have someone say, "It's not going to work for me," than to just do the disappearing act. Shows respect and honesty. The disappearing act is juvenile and cowardly.
Joined: 3/6/2007
Msg: 28
Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 1/30/2008 6:40:43 PM
I don't mind when they just don't "feel" it. However, don't tell me how wonderful I am, tell me you ARE (not might) going to call me the next day, and then disappear. That shows a complete lack of respect, and I don't "deal" with that very well.

I can usually tell if I'm going to hear someone after the first meet, but it's the ones that "seem" to be crazy about me who disappear that I can't get used to.
 Little Nicki
Joined: 1/19/2006
Msg: 29
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Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 1/30/2008 6:59:04 PM
The fact is, this type of "man" just has Relationship A.D.D. because they simply get bored too easily and tend to be SELFISH (incapable of thinking about anyone's wants/feelings but their own)- this is the type of man who would get bored with Halle Berry if given enough time. The minute this type of man is not kept constantly stimulated like a hyper two-year old, they want to blame someone else so they don't have to feel bad about running to stick their****elsewhere.
Joined: 12/2/2007
Msg: 30
Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 1/30/2008 7:02:49 PM
It's so easy to say, "Don't take it personally... you wouldn't want to be with someone like that anyway... be glad you found out early..." but really, I think it's only human to feel disappointed and rejected. I've never had a guy vanish in the middle of a date, or arrange to meet and then stand me up, but I've had a couple of occasions where I was fairly interested in a guy, and we hung out a couple of times, and he up and vanished. Sure, the whole "you're not their type" thing comes up as a possibility, but it probably doesn't stop you from wondering *why* you're not their type.
Joined: 5/6/2007
Msg: 31
Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 1/30/2008 7:08:38 PM
I've had this happen to me quite a few times. At 1st I try to tell myself...they're busy, they're sick and a million other excuses. Next I think well what did I do wrong and I pick myself apart. I then will attempt contact with them and see if he responds and try to give him the benefit of the doubt. I have been known to send nasty emails or leave a voicemail expressing my displeasure. To be honest it seems as though the disappearing act is the most popular way to let someone know you're not interested in pursuing anything further. I could probably count the number of times a guy has actually come right out and said they were no longer interested. Having experienced both...I would so much rather have the other person just SAY they don't wanna go out with me or whatever. I'd rather KNOW, than sit there and rack my brains In the end I know that they are just spineless cowards. Yes its rude and yes it sucks.
Joined: 12/31/2007
Msg: 32
Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 1/30/2008 7:13:56 PM
Did you read the post from.. last words?? The men were tough and angry and the women were hurt and accusing. If you were together less than three months. well sorry. More than that, he owes you a final contact out of respect and consideration. From reading these posts..the guys won't agree. I tell a man that I'm not going to see him anymore to save him the stress of calling and my not returning the calls. I'm giving him the respect and consideration of being honest. Good luck.
Joined: 5/22/2007
Msg: 33
Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 1/30/2008 7:16:15 PM
I thought he was a flake who didn't know what he wanted & I was glad not to have invested any more time or emotion than I had. I lol'd.

This was an ongoing dating relationship, of the type I asume the OP is referring to, not a one-time no-show or being stood up.
Joined: 12/18/2007
Msg: 34
Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 1/30/2008 7:32:04 PM
Jade60X. Please email me. I need to talk to you about this person.
FunFLgirl. Please email me as well.

Thank you.
Joined: 7/8/2007
Msg: 35
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Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 1/30/2008 7:35:30 PM
Dated a man for a year and he up and disappeared 3 months word...nuttin...Even faked a e-mail from his son telling me he had cancer and had a lung removed on a previous disappearing act...only to find he was im'ing my roommate's sister.....anyone that does that has no respect..for themselves nor anyone else.What goes around comes around sooner or later and they will one day feel this hurt for themselves.
 I am madisonmarina1
Joined: 2/23/2007
Msg: 36
Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 1/30/2008 8:07:59 PM
Ok...for a man, you find in women-emotion...for a woman...we find a man who may or may not have anything but a sexual sensation to be met. Men seek women to fulfill their needs mentally, emotionally and physically. If not all 3 are met, they leave to find another subject. The sad thing about electronic life is that there is no real connection between people. WE are just words. We can end up talking and meeting, but we were just pretend people in a little box waiting to be fished out. Expectations are always high when you plan a meeting. Most of the time we are disappointed at what we get. Some end up running before they make the initial meet, some wait till it is over, and some wait till it has become sexual which equal more emotional connection to a woman, and then disappear. To share yourself, your mind, soul and perhaps body for some women is a deep thing. Not all women are so easily tossed onto a bed and taken. Some make it an important step to connect. I have heard of a woman who met, dated, slept with a man, only to have him disappear. She later read on his profile that he had changed what he was looking for in terms of looks and personality. The personality wsa the same, but everything she was turned out to be everything he did not want. She was upset because he should have not led her on. Then to read about it like that...imagine the feeling of knowing that you were so unwanted...yet taken for a cheap...well...I am sure some of us can fill that in...just because we are strangers...getting to know each other...please say something..."go away" "get lost" "go f*** yourself" "thank you" ..."bye"...either way it will be painful...but make it a little easier on someones ego...we do want to find love at some point...don't break us down so we are a dramatic mess for the real men in the world...

This man...he does not see what we feel...he thinks we are weak...women come and go for men...the odds are better for them on no wonder some feel this way...
Joined: 1/25/2008
Msg: 37
Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 1/30/2008 8:10:34 PM
well.. I just had this happen to me........... It wasn't my Idea to meet and the meeting as far as I knew was just that,,,, To say hi...

The next day exchange nice E mails .... There's no juicy details here ...well some,, most here would have told me RUN like Hell... LOL...This was a 55 yr old widow ..
two days later account deleted .....GONE ?? ... WTF .. ???

out come.. I feel like ... WHAT ????? ..... Hmmmm .. ok I'm on the POS list....
maybe I should have done the " hey baby do ya wanta number " ... ???

Then you go into,, Shit .. " I just got used " .... but for what ??? .. what was I used for ??? Hmmmmmmm ?????

The entire time of all this oh poor me ... in my mind is,,, I really feel sorry for this person,,, in that she is the type that feels,, this is her way out ..

Now keep in mind this was only as friends and to shot the chit......

Oh did I say during this e mailing period,,, A great miracle took place ,, one of the greatest act known .... Hubby came back to life ......

hmmm maybe hubby came back found the brand new laptop and smashed it .....

Oh well
Joined: 1/16/2008
Msg: 38
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Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 1/30/2008 8:18:45 PM
I know its terrible, the worst thing is missing out on the breakup sex. I have sleepless nights for weeks wondering what it would have been like...
Joined: 11/24/2007
Msg: 39
Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 1/30/2008 8:20:23 PM
Well -- this depends on how serious the situation was I think. If you were exclusively dating the person then yes, that is definitely a miserly thing to do. But most people have the decency to contact someone whom they have been dating in real-life, if they feel the need to end it. Just vanishing out of a relationship is odd indeed.

At the other extreme, if you merely exchanged a couple of emails and never met -- welcome to the world of meeting people on the internet. It's not the same as real life.
Joined: 1/15/2008
Msg: 40
Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 1/30/2008 8:31:39 PM
I am so glad that i clicked on this thread today,i know i am not alone after reading previous replies,i met a man on smooch early august,his pic made me go wow 52 and a widdower,wife died feb last year,with in a week our emails turned toevery day contactvia msn and phone calls he asured me I was the 1st woman he had contacted romanticly since his wife died,i thought at the time 5 months isnt long enough to grieve and pushed the thought aside,he lives in qld I live in vic, he came to see me early oct,we spent 4 days at my home filled with laughter and what i thought was love,he went back home to qld ,we started to make plans for a future together,to get engajed in feb and for me to move to qld where we would one day marry in the near future// but 1st he had atrip to europe to do,As his ticket had been bought the month after his wife died, oct and nov saw passionate romantic cards arrived filled with his undying love for me//now i wonder me or my assetts///,as this man has nothing lives in a rented flat and has atwo thousanddollar car and is on the pension with a part time job driving backpackers to work// but money is not my god and I pushed some thoughts out of my mind and told myself this is true love dont be cynical/dec came he flew to europe for his holiday saying before he left i count the days till I come back to you/ none of his travell plans did he share with me other than xmas day at his decwifes auntys and xmas eve in edinbourgh scotland,he would phone me xmas day// xmas day came no phone call no email,i spent xmas day alone ,the friendship ring he was going to send down before he left didnt arrive he made contact via msn on 27dec staying at cousins place, cousin didnt like others using his computor and he leaves for scotland tonight by bus, 28 i get a short 2 line email,hes in scotland backpackers has no msn, next night I am on line very late downloading stuff up pops his pop up saying he was on line,i opened up msn there was no instant message there for me,i waited a couple of minutes then shook the msn line,he came on with hi babe theres one computor here with msn,this was in reply to my query how come you are on msn?,next day i send email ,day after i send another both wishing him happy new year,new years eve comes no replies to my emails new years day still no replies or happy new year messages or phone calls/i was devastated,i sent angry email on the 2nd asking whats going on why have you forgotten me//this got a reply ,he was in edinbourgh with 100,000 people on high street not out with another woman,but he was visiting a backpacker friend who was 29 and far to young for him// no more replies to my emails till 16 a message on smooch saying I love youre profile but love you more youre yowie//I replied, next email comes 20th saying i am totally faithfull to you and miss you,love you//21jan short email saying hes back at cousins place ,excuse this time cousins computor playing up cant use msn and have trouble sending emails,I havent replied to this or the email put on smooch 3hours later saying cant wait to hold you in my arms your yowie, you see i had spent 20dollars getting a stuck email of his free on the 20th on incredible mail ,the penny finally dropped,no phone calls ,no promised post cards ,no xmas or new years messages to date,excuses about using computors, all this from a man who wants to marry me//well its been 10 days now and no more emailsfrom him he flys back to australia tomorrow arriving on the 3rd in brisbane,will i fly to brisbane to meet him\\ No// love is like a flower when neglected it wilts and dies and this lady has cried her tears and is healing her trampled heart and my love for him has wilted from neglect and died,do you think he was faithfull to me for 6 weeks,I dont,I feel i have been deceived and i am probably not the only one he has been leading on,i wonder how many others ian has had on line beside me,no more seeking a soul mate thru computors for me I have been on my own 13yrs,i will stay that way and seek chat friends only from here on,so girls if you chat to a 52yr old widdower from bundaburg be ware as two physic friends have told me beware hes after money not love and i the silly fool realize what I was told months ago was right,,beware hes a user/
Joined: 10/19/2007
Msg: 41
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Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 1/30/2008 8:43:25 PM
I know exactly what you mean
and I must say
you wrote it extremly well and explained it very well
I do go through all you mentioned and feel like the stalker a bit too when looking for closure but I dont know your case entirely
but i know my guy promised the world said he would never just disappear and was going nowwhere and askedm eto marry him all to dump me on whim out of the clean blue and moved on
like nothinghe promiseve ever happened ugh
it sucks i hate it
i went throught same thing as you
i was shocked at first so i said nothing and got out of the car and just leflt
then i got angry and called him and yelled at him
then i got sad and called him and cried
and then i just gave up
id ont think you and i are stalkers lol
i think when they behave like this they force you to act like that
there is a book by viginia satir called crazy making
most of the time ia gree with taking charge of your life being positiev blah blah
but everthing in moderation
the people on here and life that spout these extremes of its all waht you make it
your in complete control
what a crock of sh**
that book is great for helping you to understand people can make you crazy
if someone is standing there provoking you to anger
like this guy did me
then they asked for it and deserveit
and it was not meeeeeeeeeeeand it sounds like ti was not you
im assuming you mean disappearing by promising the world then not ever calling or contacting you or responding??? with no closure
sorry you had to go through it your not alone
and yes when i read how you dealt with it i felt like youwere reading my mind
so wellwritten your very smart
and im sorry it happened toyou
and me and all it has happened too
sorry no grand advice
Joined: 1/15/2008
Msg: 42
Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 1/30/2008 8:50:34 PM
sorry I didnt mean to write such a long letter but my heart goes out to all who get used by computor dateing \\ it hurts to be used when you put yourself on line with honesty and love and you find the other wears a different glove// I am not bitter just very disallusioned when someone professes to love you and then can forget you/I try to get by with the thought for 5 months I thought I was loved and had found the man of my dreams till he disappeared over the horrizon. happynew year to all and may you walk in peace and harmaony//jeanie
Joined: 12/18/2007
Msg: 43
Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 1/30/2008 9:15:44 PM
I am truly amazed and saddened by how MANY people there are who get used in this fashion.

The most amazing part is that I honestly, truly, cannot conceptualize WHY a man would do that. WHY they would go to that much trouble....WHY....

I could never do it. My guts would eat me up. I will never understand the depth of depravity that people stoop to in order to come up with ego gratification.

I am so sorry for those of us who have been duped and used and hurt.
Joined: 2/16/2005
Msg: 44
Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 1/30/2008 10:07:31 PM
When a woman I have been corresponding with suddenly "disappears", I assume that either:

* Her husband found out that she was cheating on him (and lying to me about being single), or

* She was an Internet scam created by a Russian or Nigerian guy.
Joined: 11/21/2005
Msg: 45
Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 1/31/2008 6:48:29 AM
I agree totally !!!
Joined: 5/5/2007
Msg: 46
Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 1/31/2008 8:02:16 AM
In fact they dont need to pretend that polite, i like straight person,just tell what they think and then end up ! In relationship i have never been but seem once now from friendship,lol!
Joined: 12/31/2007
Msg: 47
Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 1/31/2008 8:08:13 AM
Hmm, how interesting you should bring up such a question at such a time....

Darling, I spent almost 2 years here chatting & talking on the phone with some freak (lets call her VD or DW or BG or Special K (Pfft....shes' special alright....good luck with that there Doougy......just sayin) ooooor, just 'Liar From Darkside, NS'...yeah, that should do) & it was actually quite the spectator sport here at POF. A soap opera if you will. Fact is, she was a fake....maybe not a complete fake, but her intentions were fake lets put it that way. I had a plane ticket, a hotel, the whole 9 yards.......TWICE! & in the end she bullsh*tted me hard & copped out easily with one lame excuse after another & I ended up with the knife in the back, the broken heart & the moths in my wallet.

Problem is, it was partially my fault.....yep, mine. I knew better as soon as I started asking invasive questions & she would duck & dodge like a sweating boxer & yet I still wanted to 'believe'. What is even worse is she is still here in this very place spreading her disease. Like a maggot in a dead carcass she festers.

Matter of fact, I almost lost the one I 'truly' love in the midst of all this disorder, luckily for me......(lets call her 'AF) was far stronger than I was & 1000 times the woman the 'Liar' was. Of course being the fine ignorant man I am, it took me some time to realise that what I wanted to 'believe' & what I knew to be 'true', were 2 very seperate things....I hate to say it, but part of this is your own fault sweetie.

You know? In the end there is no reason for you to sit & drive yourself nuts amidst postulation & assumptions of 'why' someone would take their own inadequacies as a fully funtional human being with a heart & soul out on you. It happens. Many people in this life are weak...... & 'love'.....well, it takes strength & most people, be them male or female just can't handle it. They are p*ssies & you my dear are not, so take pride in that fact & that fact alone.

In reality, all you can do for them is feel pity. Feel sorrow for their situation, whatever it may be, feel sorrow for their weakness as a human being, feel sorrow for the fact that they are so shallow, so pitiful, that a thing such as the internet & the still life imaginary relationships that reside there are what so easily satisfies & fills their time between real relationships & that, that very meanial thing is in which what they take such pride & joy in.......must be such a feeling of accomplishment.....Just hope that some day they may resolve their disfunction. Hope that one day they realise that the lies they have so immerse themselves in, that they take such ferver in, will devour them in the end.

You are not alone...Now, move on & be happy about who you are until someone comes along that can actually compliment you & make you feel twice the person you thought you were.

Edit Post: By the way, has any of you posters thought about seperating your d*mn paragraphs with 'spacing'?.....Jesus, like its not hard enough to read all you windbags......Ermm, wait a minute........nevermind.
 Maggie 132
Joined: 8/19/2007
Msg: 48
Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 1/31/2008 8:15:12 AM
Funny this happened to me this weekend..Chatted to a guy on here for a couple of weeks...Met for coffee. Everything seemed fine. We made arrangements to have dinner the next evening . No show.....
Now how did it make me feel...pissed off . Why ..because this man did not give me any indication at all he was not interested . He stood at my car and took my number and even discussed the directions. He repeatedly said he enjoyed himself and was looking forward to dinner. Not only did I wonder why he bull ....ted but he also wasted my time . I mailed him but the coward did not respond....oh well his loss ...but I hate my time being wasted .;..
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 49
Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 1/31/2008 8:19:38 AM
When this happens after one or two biggie.
When it happens after seeing someone for several months and developing some real feelings and trust toward them...that sucks. Makes you feel like a piece of shit, not even worth the few minutes of the other persons time to respond and say it's just not working for them.
Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 50
Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 1/31/2008 8:30:44 AM
When this happens after one or two biggie.
When it happens after seeing someone for several months and developing some real feelings and trust toward them...that sucks. Makes you feel like a piece of shit, not even worth the few minutes of the other persons time to respond and say it's just not working for them.

I agree that the disappearing act is worse after dating for several months, but it is still rude to disappear after 1-2 dates. If you went out with a person at least once, then there was at least some initial interest. I would rather have a woman tell me that "we're not a match" than just ignore me. I don't need a detailed explanation.
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