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Joined: 3/26/2007
Msg: 76
Self Esteem and Shallow MenPage 4 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
all i have to say on the subject is that losing all that weight in the first place is an amazing feat and i'm not in a position to say if you should lose anymore or not. in my opinion, for what its worth, you look great as you are.
i think that if you want to lose some more weight then you should do it for yourself and not because of what you think other people might think.

i've dated women that were a size 8 and others that have been 16-18 and found every one of them attractive and when we have split up it has never been about size. when you meet the right guy he will want to be with you because of who you are and not because of the size dress you wear

and besides, you may lose another few pounds and then get overlooked by mr right because when he looks at your pic he thinks you look to thin!!
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 77
Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 2/22/2008 10:59:42 AM
Some men are just ...holes! I know it gets you down when they are but whatever floats their boats to be just plain nasty like that is uncalled for.

There are nice guys out there somewhere- just look at winterkisses comments to see not all guys are the same.

And I loved the little pecker joke! LMAO
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 78
Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 2/22/2008 11:59:26 AM
firstly ...sorry people (men) can be such t***s sometimes. youve no need to worry your pics are great, super models look amazing but are probably unhealthy and/or see themselves as fat still even though they are size zero.... don't worry you'll meet someone that see's you for what you are not for how they want you to look
 Mad Mitch
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 79
Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 3/4/2008 11:33:16 PM
Some what of a rude comment should have told himto go **** himself x
Joined: 4/30/2006
Msg: 80
Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 3/5/2008 1:05:48 AM
When some men says these things to a woman, it cuts very deep. Believe me i've had the same problem. Funnily enough before going into a relationship, everything's hunky dory, then a few weeks into the relationship the odd remark here and there.
I NEVER put any man down about how they look when i'm in a relationship, always complimenting, when the situation arises.
To me it's a control thing, my x who was emotionally/physically abusive did this. I felt at that time i wouldn't find anyone else. He ground me down so much, my self esteem hit rock bottom.

What annoys me is this. When i was 9 years old, i got called fat by my aunt. It stuck with me, and this partner i had grounded the feeling into me even deeper. I ended up with an eating disorder years back.
My daughter got called fat by a male at 3 years old, it's affected her badly. She skips meals, doesn't drink much and even made a plan of exercise. Disheartening to see. But, this is the damage that people (who let's face it, can't be happy with themselves if they have to criticise and bully others) are doing to others, who just want to get on with their lives and be happy.

Today, and for the last few years i have turned this around. Ya know what, screw them! If they liked you before they got with you, when they first started talking to you and then change their mind, then it's THEIR problem and not yours. Everyone has different tastes. But it just highlights the shallowness of a lot of people really. I hate to think if these people get with someone, and the partner gets pregnant or ill and puts on weight! Hell, does that mean they are going to run off.....think i'd rather be single if that's the case. That than get with someone that's weak and shallow! lol

It's funny OP as i'm a size 16/18 (but been given the all clear on my health recently) yet when the opposite sex look at the pics, they seem to believe that i'm a size 12! Even when i've been seen on cam they still think i'm a size 12!!
Laughable really, what does sizing mean to a male anyway? lol when they can't figure out true sizing.
If they choose to believe something, despite telling them, then they only have themselves to blame.

Don't let this man destroy your self esteem hun. It's really not worth it. Talk to friends and family about this, they helped me through my turmoil. If you fancy a chat and a bit of support you can mail me if you like too #

Think the key here is about yourself, concentrate on your confidence, never mind what others think. Confidence is more attractive than anything else.

Hahaha good one Jane-d - i've often used the anatomy one though, seems to hurt too funnily enough!
Moral: Don't dish out what you can't take back!
Joined: 2/22/2008
Msg: 81
Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 3/6/2008 3:56:33 PM
Don't lose weight because of what one stupid pig of a guy has told you.Just make a new name up on msn with false pics and wind him up.Then insult him as much as you can,see how he likes it! I can guarentee it works Oh and also ask a guy what his waist size is because a mans size 32 is equivilant to a womans size 16 and so on.
Joined: 2/1/2008
Msg: 82
Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 3/6/2008 4:09:46 PM
My iron has plenty of self-esteem
Joined: 2/12/2008
Msg: 83
Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 3/7/2008 3:14:06 AM
He sounds like a bit of an idiot!
You look fab to me- id love to have your figure!
Maybe you should think about yourself and not about what others say, I know its easier said than done but over the past years ive started to realise that what I think about myself minus other peoples judgements is funamentally more important, after all you can choose to be with or without other people!!
Joined: 1/8/2008
Msg: 84
Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 3/7/2008 3:18:37 AM
Please please please dont let this insensitive arse destroy your self confidence.

There are men out there who poke holes at you, getting you to defend yourself so they start with the upperhand and you on the backfoot... they then have you by the short & curlies from there on in, and control of the relationship as you jump through hoops to please them, this says a lot about their own self esteem that they need to do this...

dont fall for it, youre a beautiful intelligent woman.
Joined: 10/2/2007
Msg: 85
Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 3/7/2008 3:24:33 AM
Don't forget some guys will be hurtful when they want to break up with you because its easier to deal with your anger than your tears. I'm not saying this is the reason but having viewed your profile pictures its safe to say that your figure most certainly NOT an issue

Theres far more important things to consider when dating someone that their looks anyway.
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 86
Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 3/7/2008 5:26:48 AM

Don't forget some guys will be hurtful when they want to break up with you because its easier to deal with your anger than your tears. I'm not saying this is the reason but having viewed your profile pictures its safe to say that your figure most certainly NOT an issue

why thank you!

Yet another guy that's viewed my profile but not said hi... lol ...story of my life!!

Joined: 10/2/2007
Msg: 87
Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 3/7/2008 5:53:56 AM
Awwwwwwwwwww I was viewing your profile because of the comments made & had you been closer I would definitely have said 'hi'. Unfortunately there is a lot of mileage between Hull & Swindon so the chances of a long meaningful are pretty remote.

But for the record................ I would
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 88
Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 3/7/2008 5:57:25 AM

ahhhh it's so nice to feel wanted..

Did notice that the said d*ck head is still on here searching.. guess he hasn't found his little barbie girl yet..... shame!
Joined: 2/22/2008
Msg: 89
Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 4/18/2008 5:33:38 AM
don't starve yourself you are beautiful and you have a fantastic womanly body...keep it up!
He needed a new pair of glasses....though I am not your type you would be mine:)
Joined: 9/21/2007
Msg: 90
Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 4/18/2008 9:45:22 AM
i understand what your saying, but to be honest its better to know what someones really like eh ? xx you were lucky to find out so early on .
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 91
Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 4/19/2008 6:48:46 PM
To the OP

As someone who has been heavier than I am now, to the point where Iwasn't happy and have lost it through perseverance and work - not to the extent you havecongrats by the way.. People had commented before but - i lost it for me...

You have to be happy in yourself what anyone else says doesn't matter one jot.

Oh and as far as the perfect size for a woman - it's the size of the woman you love.

You are much more than the skin you're in...


Edited post to say - I have read your profile but live too far away (at the moment) from you to reply with a Hi. Personally I think any gent would be lucky to find a partner such as yourself...

Joined: 1/25/2008
Msg: 92
view profile
Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 4/19/2008 7:10:21 PM
HeyOP, I know exactley how you feel, Im 5'5-5'6 and weighed 9 and half stone before my child, was very slim and could 'pull' whom I wanted.
I lost the weight after both my children and felt great. I then went on to the pill injection, got PCOS and it gained my weight to 13 stone.. I have had medication to force start a menstral cycle and have since lost half a stone but am now at a point where it just wont shift.
I need to get down the gym,start swimming and I am pretty sure the exercise will shift it, but I have nobody to have my daughter every day in the week while I go, she starts school in september so will be easier then.
I go out every saturday night with friends (ex has children) and I do get sometimes some very nice looking men but they are only looking for sex and I am not interested in all that bull.

There are so many shallow men out there that look at the pretty.tiny girls for relationships and only want the bigger more curvy women for a quick shag!
I am totally sick of it and its one of the reasons I came here.. met some lovely people but just live to far away to start anything with.

I believe just biding your time, get your body into a shape YOU are happy with will get you noticed more but I also think, if they dont want me know then fook them!

Its a hard situation and being a single mum dont help factors but who cares... I have my kids and they are all that matters at the end of the day!
Good luck to you babe xxx
Joined: 1/3/2007
Msg: 93
Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 4/19/2008 7:36:01 PM
With regards to the self esteem- it can take a knock when our guard is down and especially when delivered by someone you think is possibly someone you think or maybe starting to think , a lot of.
And thats an issue that no one else can sort for you. Its a case of love yourself and your own body for who you are and whether the the right man comes along or not you are happy in your skin.
otherwise you will end up in a cycle of relationships where you try to fit the ideal of someone else- its a short term deal I'm afraid as this cannot be kept up for long.

So the guy has commented you are heavy in photographs and he dissaproves- is this the only reason for his cooling towards you or is this just an easier tangible cop out for him-was the conversation sparking etc it may be HE is socially inept and looking for an excuse. Certainly an old photo which you have improved upon since seems a poor excuse.
I have a suggestion for your self esteem an exercise I was made aware of,
score yourself a figure out of ten for how you feel about yourself now (good or bad out of ten), how old you think you look ( age)and how you think the world thinks of you (good or bad out of ten) put the results out of the way for a month
Then: dress smartly every day for one month , start by polishing your shoes every day ( as you will know from top to toe you look smart)
go to the gym or similar have 45 minutes exercise 3 times a week and at the end of the month score yourself again ( when dressed up smartly). you may find you accept yourself more and feel better in yourself, But don't use the excuse of shallow men because its abit lame really and it may colour your view for all.
Its ONE manONLY who you didnt click with. there really are plenty more fish in the Sea.
I would have said hello- too far way though, shame really, Jap import owner county pool player and 200BHP!
Joined: 10/5/2007
Msg: 94
view profile
Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 4/20/2008 12:54:31 AM
You are beautiful...remember that and don't let any idiot say otherwise.
You deserve so much more than a man as shallow as that
He will be the lonely one in life with attitude like that
 girl at sea
Joined: 12/26/2007
Msg: 95
Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 4/20/2008 1:31:35 AM
why would you even be bothered what a complete stranger has to say bout you.....

and a prick at look great and have achieved a lot ....i wouldnt waste the time even thinking bout him at all.

i was out with my mates and this guy started to chat to i have weight to loose ,but i look good feel good ,and am a positive person............he then said your absolutly gorgeous......... but would be even more gorgeous if you lost 3 stone!!

i looked at him ..sorry i said , is this because i dont fancy ,you cause your far to ugly??
off he went............ahh bless!!
Joined: 7/13/2007
Msg: 96
Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 4/20/2008 9:41:26 AM
I know how you feel, Did have 1 guy approach me for a chat but said straight off he only wanted a chat because he only likes slim blonds and I thought it was fine and it did hurt a bit but after chatting for a couple of weeks I got a text saying 'Now we have been chatting I don't care what size you are I think your beautiful will you meet me for dinner' Don't you wish all guys were like that? and not so set on the fact they only fancy slim women lol

I also met a man who loved my fuller figure but did say if I lost a little weight I'd be even more stunning, Hes now a really good friend we did date but hes too far away, he couldn't get enough of my body and still loves it.

I have no problem attracting men they like my face and my personality you need to stay away from men who think they are only attracted to slim women and theres plenty who like larger women or who don't care about dress size. I have a full length pic and its not put anyone off yet, but only show people I have some sort of trust in not to be offensive. I don't believe the problem is soley because your not a size 8 I think you have to look deeper, After all he is only 1 man out of dozens so maybe your doing something wrong?

I'm not 100% happy with my body and want to lose weight but not desperate to lose weight, and if you allow 1 mans comments make you starve there are deeper underlying issues there. I'd never starve myself because of 1 man, However after being force fed by my husband when he left I went without food for 3 weeks and trust me its not pretty.
Joined: 2/20/2007
Msg: 97
view profile
Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 4/20/2008 6:53:59 PM
Only an idiot would write that they 'hope' someone would be different from what a photo looked like!! Self esteem is a personal thing, high, low, good, bad, indifferent but it is *self* esteem and externalising it to others opinions will *always* be counterproductive. Cognitive behaviour therapy is pretty good for these sort of things.
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 98
Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 4/20/2008 7:00:41 PM
I dont have a problem with drugs, cigs, alcohol.. but food.

My weight yoyo's, despite being a semi-pro athlete.

I prefer if someone says something upfront, atleast then you know. It's when people look at you, or don't look at you are the case may be, that it sets off your own paranoia, which is worse.

Also, women are far more shallow when it comes to weight on their significant others. Women who are bigger and curvier are more socially accepted as attractive. For me, it's a lot more difficult.
Joined: 10/3/2006
Msg: 99
Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 4/20/2008 7:22:40 PM
What an @rsehole.
Youve got a fantastic figure, so dont let one little insignificant little speck of a man get you down. He's not even worth your feelings

And finch, not all women are bothered by a guys weight...i prefer bigger guys!!

Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 100
Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 4/20/2008 7:26:21 PM
we need more people like you then : - P


For the majority of people.. weight is somewhat of an issue a lot of the time for men. With women, it can even be cool to be a "bigger" girl.
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