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 redee2tryagain
Joined: 9/13/2006
Msg: 10
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Self Esteem and Shallow MenPage 4 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
Firstly OP, congratulations on your remarkable achievement! Well done you!

But .................

.........you know OP, there will be those that rush to your defence, slamming men as pigs!

There will be men proclaiming he was wrong/right to say what he did!

There will be people saying he was just being honest!

But OP don't rush to be thin, because of one man's comments.

You see, there are women on this site who are slim/thin and they are on this site because even though they are slim/thin they too are looking, just like you.

Don't think for a minute being considered as slim/thin will get you Mr Right, it has to do with other things as well, like chemistry, personality, looks, values, interests, so you see OP, being slim/thin may not fix it after all..........

......just be you and one day a good man with a good heart will find you.
 DeusXMachina
Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 29
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Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 1/30/2008 3:23:02 PM
I concur with 925 dancer

Losing weight for health, for your own sense of fulfilment, to prepare for a special occasion.. all positive things

Losing weight because someone hurt you - that isn't. You're tying what should be an achievement if done for the right reasons to your unhappiness in a way that might be hard to break

If you;re happy with the person you are you can be happy at any weight and never think that detractors are anything other than deluded. Don't starve yourself because someone made you feel bad though. if you want to do this, find a reason thats positive and that will make you feel good about what you do, then consider it.
 weezygirl
Joined: 11/15/2007
Msg: 40
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Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 1/30/2008 8:22:17 PM
i find often someone that shallow is usually full of themselves.if they are making such rude comments about your weight..i guarantee it won't stop there.

yeah everyone has a preference but to outright say something like that is downright ignorant.i wouldn't pay much heed to a jerk like that..that's probably why he's still single!!
 Equ1nox
Joined: 4/23/2007
Msg: 54
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Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 2/20/2008 11:11:18 AM
Well...

HerMajestyUK.

Youve accomplished something that many people in this world wouldnt have the willpower to do..

Be proud of yourself.
Dont let some selfish loser ruin your pride and sense of achievement.
 4x4+geek
Joined: 4/7/2007
Msg: 64
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Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 2/21/2008 1:03:36 AM
First:
People can be inconsiderate, insensitive, or tactless. Occasionally most of us are, usually accidentally. Conversely, some people are purposely hurtful. I find it best, when possible, to avoid people that display this antisocial, destructive behavior - so you might consider it good fortune that you discovered this trait early in your relationship. If you ascribe to: "The best revenge is living well", it necessarily follows that your efforts should be directed to this end. A person who treats others the way you were treated is not at peace or, really happy.

Second:
People who are very happy with themselves, who accept themselves, are attractive. People who dislike themselves project that, and it dissuades people from approaching and forming close relationships. I have experience attractive, sexy fat women and scary, mean, unattractive, thin women. Body weight had little-to-nothing to do with their success in relationships.

Third:
I watched food/self-esteem issues severely damage loved-ones lives and relationships. I sense you are heading down a dangerous road. If you're that unhappy, it might help to get some objective help. I can understand hurtful comments staying-with you for a while, but I would do anything I can to avoid obsessing about them. IMHO, Making serious life decisions while upset is not the best course.

Fourth:
Might I suggest you try this: Turn off the computer, go for a nice walk and go do something you enjoy with someone you like, or even strangers. Resolve to not think about or mention anything related to weight, or diet for one day at-a-time. Have a good day.
 Lorri55
Joined: 10/5/2007
Msg: 90
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Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 4/20/2008 12:54:31 AM
You are beautiful...remember that and don't let any idiot say otherwise.
You deserve so much more than a man as shallow as that
He will be the lonely one in life with attitude like that
Lorraine
 icarusi
Joined: 2/20/2007
Msg: 93
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Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 4/20/2008 6:53:59 PM
Only an idiot would write that they 'hope' someone would be different from what a photo looked like!! Self esteem is a personal thing, high, low, good, bad, indifferent but it is *self* esteem and externalising it to others opinions will *always* be counterproductive. Cognitive behaviour therapy is pretty good for these sort of things.
 restless_native
Joined: 12/17/2006
Msg: 99
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Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 3/14/2009 10:08:01 AM

I have messaged numerous guys on here and not one of them have bothered to reply to me, i cant help to think thats its because of my size, wish i could meet a non shallow guy!


People simply have preferences. It doesn't necessarily make them shallow.

I've messaged women in the past and not had a reply. I just put it down to the fact that some women simply don't fancy ugly blokes in the same way that some men don't fancy fat birds.
 restless_native
Joined: 12/17/2006
Msg: 104
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Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 3/14/2009 5:10:46 PM

Oops, from the sublime to the ridiculous eh???


Not really. Just completely missing the point I was making.

If the only reason men don't like larger women is because they are shallow that surely means that any man who doesn't like any woman for any reason is shallow. And by extension any women who finds any man unnatractive equally shallow.

If you follow that logic either everyone on the planet is shallow or the whole idea is complete bollox.
 badge73
Joined: 1/17/2009
Msg: 127
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Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 3/16/2009 9:27:00 AM
lol pigeon dont hold back girl. ive just read the o.p and it came across as a bit trolling and clearly shes sensative. why do people get het up over comments from people they aint met? hows a guy meant to be honest when a girl with a big bum asks him?
 *november babee*
Joined: 2/19/2009
Msg: 146
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Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 3/17/2009 6:28:44 AM
The only time it annoys me is when you have got a size 20 odd woman saying shes average.
You arent.


why would it annoy you..? i dont see why it would even interest you never mind annoy you.. if she sees herself as average thats her business.. if a size 8 girl sees herself as a few extra pounds there again why would it bother any body else...?
 restless_native
Joined: 12/17/2006
Msg: 148
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Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 3/17/2009 6:43:44 AM
Here's the thing.

You don't get average blokes moaning that women don't find them as attractive as Brad Pitt.
You don't get short women constantly banging on about how shallow men are for preferring someone taller.
People who wear glasses don't constantly complain that there are others who prefer their partner to have perfect eye sight.
I could go on. But, I'd probably bore myself.

It is interesting that it seems that there is predominantly one type of person who finds it difficult to accept themselves and realise that everyone has limits without trying to blame others for their lack of success when it comes to dating.
 *november babee*
Joined: 2/19/2009
Msg: 150
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Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 3/17/2009 8:11:55 AM
well i see dozens of profiles with "sexy good looking guy/girl" on them and they are far from sexy or good looking.. is that not their perception of what they look like to...?
 restless_native
Joined: 12/17/2006
Msg: 156
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Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 3/17/2009 10:54:35 AM

What a complete load of crap and bollo.x the MAIN type of "moaning about people not dating me and being shallow is"-- TA DA,,, DRUM ROLL... SHORT MEN. Not fat women as you are insinuating. Rethink what you THINK you know. There were last summer something like 5/6 threads one after the other every day on this forum from short men whining. The topic is d2d.


Fair enough.

I'll amend what I said to include short blokes as well as large women as people who seem to have chips on their shoulders and be aggressively defensive if it makes you happy.
 Cleverkitten
Joined: 5/17/2008
Msg: 161
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Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 3/17/2009 3:40:00 PM

Fact is if most guys ideal is size 12 and he gets offered a one nighter by two girls a size 8 and a size 14 he's a lot less likely to turn the size 8 down cos she's too skiny than a size 12 cos she's too fat.


You might want to amend that cos he seems to be being 'offered' a size 8 and a size 14 but he's turning down a size 12 as its his ideal. When did she turn up ?

OK, so the size 14 is drop dead fekkin' gawjus and the size 8 has a face like a bulldog licking pi$$ off a nettle, who will the shallow man choose ?.................... The one who gets her knickers off of course
 Cleverkitten
Joined: 5/17/2008
Msg: 164
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Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 3/17/2009 4:32:40 PM

I'd have them both at the same time! (Oh, does that mean I'm shallow?)


How can you be shallow you have a 'serious' yellow blob Having them both isn't shallow it's just greedy

(But you need more stamina cos you didn't have them for long enough for this message )
 Cleverkitten
Joined: 5/17/2008
Msg: 167
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Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 3/17/2009 4:45:14 PM
So a man was honest with you about how he saw you ? would you prefer he lied ?


Think the OP is no longer a member so unlikely to answer that profound question
she is probably pregnant again and weighing several tons, with her emotions in meltdown and moaning on another site about feckless men
 Gut_Reaction
Joined: 11/11/2007
Msg: 193
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Oh god just had the best giggle ever
Posted: 3/18/2009 5:19:00 PM
His tongue is quite obviously firmly in his cheek. Has fook all better to do with it.

OT Shallow seems to get results, must do as I get the impression a majority of ladies are scared of deep. not that I can do deep, don't matter how loudly you demand more.
 Gut_Reaction
Joined: 11/11/2007
Msg: 203
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Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 3/19/2009 9:48:13 AM
have you met the same internet guys as me Josh?


He has that's why he be still anally retentive. When he meets one who is the real 9" he'll become far slacker.
 thetalkingstove
Joined: 4/13/2009
Msg: 208
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Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 4/25/2009 10:24:57 AM

But it does piss us ladies off when we immediately get asked "what size are you" in the first 30 seconds of chatting..


Yikes. If I were a girl I really don't think I'd have the patience to use dating sites, it sounds bloody awful!
 electric-gypsy
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 211
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Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 4/25/2009 12:14:43 PM
at what point is someone 'perfect' ... i.e. how much more weight do I have to lose to avoid comments like that?


OP, it's natural to feel hurt by unflattering remarks, but we've all experienced it. After a while, you develop a thick skin (no pun intended). An overweight body is a sign you're unfit and unwell, so although this guy may be tactless, we're all guilty of judging on appearances. It's called natural selection.

The point at which you're "perfect" is the point at which you are happy with yourself. None of us can please everyone, so focus on pleasing yourself and optimising your health (rather than weight loss alone).

Congratulations on your healthier lifestyle. Well done!
 Shoedaddy
Joined: 3/2/2006
Msg: 218
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Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 3/16/2010 7:39:15 PM
(Aitch Em)As has already been said, 47% of women in the UK are a size 16 or over. I've described myself as 'average' build because my top half is a 16..
pg6 msg#150

Lol.. so that's how you ladies/girls rationalize yourselves?- That being a size 16 is actually only 'average' as of now in this area. Lol. Understand that being an 'average' loser doesn't shield someone from being considered a loser. Size 16 is "overweight"/"fat"; just because the typical woman is overweight/fat doesn't now mean that being "fat" is no longer a negative rating. These women think that just because most people are fat, that now they are entitled to mingle with the lower-Upper crust: because hey, they're average! The 'average (body type)' label is terribly misleading, and provides women with a psychological loophole with which to rate themselves as being part of the desirables simply because they are technically *only* as undesirable as most other women.
 Darkbutcomely
Joined: 4/20/2011
Msg: 229
Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 7/19/2011 11:10:35 AM
I have had men tell me how great it is for a man try to have a 20 minute conversation about my looks. People think as long as people have something positive to say about your looks it ok. All gravy and good. They think I should want to date them cause they think I am pretty. Compliments are a good thing and should be given like water. Shallow people have the hardest time understand to reduce people to one thing is sad. Shallow is a lack of depth in you as a human being. I get preferences but I dont get this whole thing about looks being the beginning and end of forever relationship. What happens when pretty gets old???? Shallow people???
 ZXTTTT
Joined: 5/10/2010
Msg: 234
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Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 7/19/2011 4:22:56 PM
Well done so far, loosing all that weight that you have, is fantastic. We got to get you back on track for your goal. Pick a goal that is for YOU, do it for YOU, because YOU want to.

Don't stop eating normal food, eat a little less, you need to put fuel in your body, dont rely on these drinks and stuff. When you eat, eat a bit slower and chew it more than you usually do before you swallow it. Then have a walk round the block or go up and down the stairs a few times for a bit of exercise. Also, it might help if you wright down ALL that you eat, some find it effective.

You WILL get there.
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