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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > I am So fed up with men these days      Home login  
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 Honey_J
Joined: 11/6/2007
Msg: 26
I am So fed up with men these daysPage 2 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
Just to clear up a misconception. when I spent days on end with him, I meant that for a month and a half now he and I have been spending at least 3 days each week together. And its not all sex that happened when we were together. In fact, at times i dropped hints and made comments but he didn't want sex. He just wanted to play his new Special Edition Rock Band game and when he wasn't playing that we watched tv together. The reason I thought he was good for me was because he DIDNT want sex constantly, but when we did it was amazing. And after we would curl up together, lay back and watch infomercials together until the wee hours of the morning sighing happily. We actually had a good thing going. He claimed he was happy with me and wanted to persue something serious down the road with me. But he never mentioned he was also seeing other girls. He had me believing I was the only girl he was seeing. He treated me like his girlfriend.
THe only reason it might have seemed thus far that I wasn't taking any of the advice I have gotten here is because the situation isn't exactly suited to that view of how you think the relations with he and I are. It wasn't just about me doing things for him at his place and sex. There was meeaning. There was sweetness and ... I think I fell in love with him, which is troubling to say the very least...
So does that make sense?
 Mosey_Burns
Joined: 6/6/2007
Msg: 27
I am So fed up with men these days
Posted: 2/5/2008 1:32:11 PM

All men want is SEX


Basically, yes. But some of us are better actors than others.
 Honey_J
Joined: 11/6/2007
Msg: 28
I am So fed up with men these days
Posted: 2/5/2008 1:57:54 PM

Id dump you just mentioning you ate KFC and Mcdonalds for lunch


And why is that? I got a TREAT. Normally I'n quite healthy but was craving chicken. I get a treat like that MAYBE once per month. It was nice to be able to just kick back and eat some mashed tatos and fried chicken and biscuits.


hit the gym and play hard to get, we, as men do want sex, it's what drives us to be with you, dont try and sabatoge that...understand it.


Hit the GYM?? I'm 120 pounds dude and am dieting... if I had transportation to go to a gym, even THEN I wouldn't. I'm not the gym sort of girl. I'm more inclined to go get a nice sweet cup of java, grab my sketchbook and sit back doodling while enjoying some nice Johnny Cash. I'm an artist, not a gym fanatic.
As for playing hard to get... I am tired of that, because thats when nobody notices I exist at all. I put myself out there, take chances. I might get hurt often but I am confident there is SOMEBDY out there that will appreciate me for me and what I have to offer. Im a good hearted person with potential to make someone HAPPY and I'll be d ammed before I give up trying to the fullest extent.
 crayonzz
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 29
I am So fed up with men these days
Posted: 2/5/2008 2:19:35 PM
While I, too, am fed up with men these days...
I'm always confused by the woman saying she is 'used for sex', anyway--what, you didn't want it?? If you didn't want it, then don't have it.
And she gave "all her time" to this guy? It was a few days, or am I reading this wrong?
You had a good time, crased at his place, and then the affair was over. Time to move on to the next good time.
===========================
Come to think of it this is what hapend to me a gew years ago. An old friend/flame from the past had broken up with her latest BF and was headed interstate. She crashed at my place for a few nights while making final arrangements.
We shared a bed, enjoyed one another, but, in the end, she decided that she didn't want to get serious with ANYBODY for a few years.

But the time we spent together was lovely.
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 30
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I am So fed up with men these days
Posted: 2/5/2008 2:57:47 PM
I don't see anything where you say you had explicitly agreed to be exclusive to one another. All I see is something where you seem to just expect him to be exclusive just because the two of you are intimate. Maybe your disappointment lies in that expectation.

If you are not married you have no right to expect someone to be exclusive only to you even if you are having sex, even if you live together, unless you two make an agreement to be exclusive. Simply assuming because someone is having sex with you that they aren't having or aren't "allowed" to have sex with someone else is a sure fire path to disappointment. If what you really want is an exclusive relationship then get it agreed to.
 kathyphelps
Joined: 12/19/2007
Msg: 31
I am So fed up with men these days
Posted: 2/6/2008 9:17:37 AM
OP,
WOW!!! is all I can say to this...........
 Honey_J
Joined: 11/6/2007
Msg: 32
I am So fed up with men these days
Posted: 2/6/2008 11:30:24 AM
Staying at his place like that for days on end was HIS idea... he wanted me there.
If he wanted other people he could have been with other people but he chose to spend that time with ME. Doesn't that mean something?

How can it be MY fault if Im not a b itch or rude or demanding or play games? I'm genuine, giving, caring, compassionate, absolutely sinful in bed and open. It doesn't make senes that it could be ME. I've done lots of soul searching in the last 8 months and frankly Ive learned a lot about what I have to offer and what I want out of life. I have also learned that I'm attracted to jerks and idiots. ANd geeks.
 kathyphelps
Joined: 12/19/2007
Msg: 33
I am So fed up with men these days
Posted: 2/6/2008 11:39:07 AM
Honey
I guess you hit it on the "head"... Maybe your just to EASY i dont mean that in a bad way.... But it sounds like you mother "them" to much......My 2 cents,,,, Move on there are so many out there and so little time.....HURRY!!!!!!
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 34
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I am So fed up with men these days
Posted: 2/6/2008 11:57:04 AM

How can it be MY fault if Im not a b itch or rude or demanding or play games? I'm genuine, giving, caring, compassionate, absolutely sinful in bed and open. It doesn't make senes that it could be ME. I've done lots of soul searching in the last 8 months and frankly Ive learned a lot about what I have to offer and what I want out of life. I have also learned that I'm attracted to jerks and idiots. ANd geeks.

The jerks and idiots you are attracted to have something that you *need* that is not healthy... and you find it every time. You are picking them honey... that's how it is your fault.

I suspect you could look into healthier boundaries. There are books that do a good job of describing this... Co-dependent No More is one... How to Love without Losing Yourself is another. It seems to me you are likely co-dependent in relationships. I'm not as "up" on that as I once was... I'm sure some other posters have more current knowledge of it and could give you some suggestions.

You've hung in with this thread, and I think that should be acknowledged. You've heard some things here that have not been at all easy to listen to. It's been good advise. You've got a neat opportunity here honey... some more soul searching, some tough work and you can drop this last barrier to you having happiness and a great relationship. It all starts with you... there's no magic man out there. It will continue to go this way until you've done the work on you... and then life and love will open up for you.
 Honey_J
Joined: 11/6/2007
Msg: 35
I am So fed up with men these days
Posted: 2/6/2008 4:11:43 PM
Perhaps the best I've heard thus far... Your words made me cry. Thats exa ctly what I have saught to hear for so long, the angle so true and compassionate in it's humaness. Thank you for that. It means a great deal to me. Although my disability isn't as extreme as others, I still feel trapped within the uncertainty it holds for the rest of my life. The short version is that I have epilepsy. I cannot drive, am limited to where I can work and what I can do. I try to go beyond that stigma, try to push myself past my boundaries and limitations but it becomes so tiring that my body gives out. SOmething is wrong with the left part of my brain, and its effecting my calculations and actions. Others dont understand and judge me, nlame me for things I cannnot control. I also suffer from an anxiety disorder that directly effects the seizures, and that in turn deepens the depression, deepening the anxiety and thus a vicious cycle I can't seem to escape.
Yes I know I suffer from another disability: Codependancy. Its terminal unless I reach inside and find the cure I cannot reach without the proper tools. But the reasons... are not as subtle. I am an adopted kid, and feel that I was abandoned and given up on all throughout my life. My biological mom gave me up, my adoptive family disowned me 3 months ago, my fiance and father of my child threw me out because he couldn't deal with my mood disorders and now I live with my biological mother whom Ive only known since last March but she says she doesn't want to get involved in my personal affairs because shes too busy. Its abandonment issues. I feel if I cannot make some sort of relationship work then I have failed myself. I strive to push myself, strive to go beyond my limitations that only I have placed uon myself, but its gotten me nowhere.
But a good note.... I was wrong about the guy I was seeing. The person that told me he was seeing other girls lied because her boyfriend broke up with her and misery loves company. SHe wanted me to be miserable too. He called me today and we;re getting together soon. Im hopeful. But Im not putting all my eggs in one basket. Im also not going to do as much as I have until I get some work from him towards something real between he and I. I give what I get. I really feel soething for him, but I have to learn that I don't have to give everything I have to him, or I won't have any strength left for me.
My heart is about to beat right out of my chest and my head is swimming. I just really hope Im not wrong about this. Otherwise its work all for naught.
Ive got to grow and learn from past mistakes or everything I have endured will just have been pain without growth. It has to all have a purpose. I believe things happen for a reason. I just have to figure it out.
Thanks again for your kindness. You are a great person with a good heart and I truly appreciate it.
~Honey J~
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 36
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I am So fed up with men these days
Posted: 2/6/2008 4:36:59 PM
At 24 I'd assume you have not met a lot of men, boys maybe but not men. Video games and Taco Bell? Come on.
 blondebeauty2010
Joined: 6/23/2007
Msg: 37
I am So fed up with men these days
Posted: 2/6/2008 8:37:23 PM
all i can say is one bad apple doesn't spoil the whole bunch people are all different and he apparantly wasn't the one you were meant to be with. just jump right back on that horse and ride again because someday you will find the one you were meant to be with and he won't treat you like that. guess i'm just a hopeless romanic but there is someone out there for everyone sometimes it just takes alot of kissing frogs to find that handsome prince hang in there!
 El_Mariachi
Joined: 4/21/2007
Msg: 38
I am So fed up with men these days
Posted: 4/19/2008 9:08:22 PM
Oye.. not a pity thread my as... behind.

Make. Better. Choices.

The choice to paint all men with the same brush is yet another BAD CHOICE.

The end.
 simpleman20188
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 39
I am So fed up with men these days
Posted: 4/20/2008 12:14:14 AM
I can't help here only want to say sometimes you will have to kiss a bunch of frogs to find your prince.

Maybe it is the ones you choose to be with. Take stock of what you have used as your criterea to choose and see if maybe changing some of it will bring you what you seek.
 ttawny
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 40
I am So fed up with men these days
Posted: 4/20/2008 11:15:26 AM
The only common denominator in your failed relationships is........well it's you.

Why are you blaming everything on the men that YOU picked? Yeah, some of them are all f*cked up, be YOU picked em. Seriously.....think about that one.

For the love of all things sacred and holy, quit b*tching about your poor choices, and figure it out.
 PURE-Energy
Joined: 9/13/2007
Msg: 41
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I am So fed up with men these days
Posted: 4/20/2008 6:58:21 PM
Every time I get attached ... every time I think I found a guy that I can mesh with...
He has to go and screw it all up. I give everything. My time. My devotion. My passion and affection. My loyalty. They always claim I make them so happy. But just as the one before, he goes and hurts me, breaks my heart and I feel so used. Its always the same thing. **All men want is SEX. **





I don't want SEX...SEX is over rated theres too much work involved in having SEX and SEX can Ruin sometimes a relationship so hence I DON"T WANT any SEX,and I am not like s most males,sorry..ALL males aren't all alike so you can't BLAME all males,if that all they want is SEX God why is it that one bad APPLE screws it up for the rest of the GOOD APPLES?
 boats1
Joined: 2/28/2008
Msg: 42
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I am So fed up with men these days
Posted: 4/20/2008 7:23:32 PM
hi I've just read your heart break i am man and i can simply tell don't give if he can go with out sex 2weeks there's always a chance he will hang a round does not mean that mean that foreplay is out of the question but he does not get it all it makes them think twice about and maybe if you let the hang on even longer it could be better please understand 90 percent of males just have no idea how to treat a lady so please don't give up on some man are OK i know its hard to take on but if you ever need an opinion on some guy don't hesitate to talk to me and i think i am a prety open person an dishonestly i don't like man that make it hard for the rest of us ok keep your head up high as you are a great person and i don't even know you my profile is boats1 drop me a line and who knows we could be great friends regards boats
 boats1
Joined: 2/28/2008
Msg: 43
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I am So fed up with men these days
Posted: 4/20/2008 7:24:48 PM
hi I've just read your heart break i am man and i can simply tell don't give if he can go with out sex 2weeks there's always a chance he will hang a round does not mean that mean that foreplay is out of the question but he does not get it all it makes them think twice about and maybe if you let the hang on even longer it could be better please understand 90 percent of males just have no idea how to treat a lady so please don't give up on some man are OK i know its hard to take on but if you ever need an opinion on some guy don't hesitate to talk to me and i think i am a prety open person an dishonestly i don't like man that make it hard for the rest of us ok keep your head up high as you are a great person and i don't even know you my profile is on here drop me a line and who knows we could be great friends regards
 Mr__Ed
Joined: 11/23/2007
Msg: 44
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I am So fed up with men these days
Posted: 4/20/2008 7:28:56 PM
What's the big deal about sex? It only takes a minute.

Oops, I forgot about the begging and the apologizing - (Hmmm.... 3 hours plus two minutes) - Yep, I guess sex is a bigger deal than I thought.

Did you hear about the old guy who was accused of trying to have sex with someone? He was convicted of assault with a dead weapon!

(Insert drum roll & cymbal here! - Now roll your eyes. - O.K. you're done.)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Actually, I doubt that the cats would have destroyed the place or starved to death without supervision, and the place was probably clean enough for him before you arrived. It really sucks when someone holds out hope for a relationship which may not be forthcoming. Optimism and self-sacrifice are good qualities, but if there's nothing given in return it's like being lifted in the air before being "dropped off" at the curb.

You'll feel better when you meet your next choice, but until then, a little
, , and especially and will get you through. Just try to avoid too much .

In the interim, you have "us" to talk to.
 KountMacula
Joined: 12/15/2006
Msg: 45
I am So fed up with men these days
Posted: 4/20/2008 7:42:44 PM
Men are men, women are women. THis is what it is. However, not to get all "Dr Phil" on ya,but you teach people how to treat you. Too much to soon says to the person you're invovled with: This is someone I can take for granted, treat anyway I want to, cheat on, and disreagard. This seems to be your problem. Remember, the only way to get people off your back, and stop walking over you, is to stand up striaght and tall. Love your damn self. Do YOU. Walk like a queen, and your king will find you.
Take care of yourself.
 chrylann
Joined: 12/8/2007
Msg: 46
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I am So fed up with men these days
Posted: 4/20/2008 7:47:45 PM
I find myself not wanting to go out with a guy repeatedly because of fear of being hurt. When I start feeling a bond, I get scared and run, don't want to see him anymore.

The reason they use you for sex is BECAUSE YOU LET THEM. I've said this on other threads, don't give them sex on the first or even second date. Feel them out to see if that is all they want. If it is they will drop you like a hot potato. If it is not all they want, they will wait. GIRLS, we are allowing ourselves to be used, by sharing one of the most precious gifts we have to give.
 litershadeofbrown
Joined: 1/8/2008
Msg: 47
I am So fed up with men these days
Posted: 4/20/2008 7:51:46 PM
I could never agree with you more..I was married for 13 yrs. to a women who could not go out and find her own friends or time. So I was forced to lay down my everything for her. Not that I didn't love and would TR Y, but in the long run I ended up losing everything, kids, job, wife, place to live, car, etc. because ultimately she was not happy with me nor herself. She had a house, cars, we had great jobs, but we argued unhappily for years and she finaly decided that she was the victim and left me for another man. Not that im happier now than I've been in years, however, I just wish this would of ended like at least 7 years ago....Now im 38 sexy, LOL, with nobody who really loves me....Caesar.
 KountMacula
Joined: 12/15/2006
Msg: 48
I am So fed up with men these days
Posted: 4/20/2008 8:22:47 PM
Whew! Aren't you a ray of sunshine? You must be beating the guys away with a stick. Let me guess....you run into a lot of losers, and jerks. Want to know why? Because any good,sane guy of quality will look at your character traits, and run for the hills. And no, it's not because he's intimidated by your stregnth of conviction either. Probably just don't want to be bothered with a "bag lady"(Woman w/ too much emotional baggage)You're jaded, and I aplogize on the behalf of every guy that ever screwed you over. They did a real number on you, and it saddens me. They took you on a ride to"Bittertown". However, it seems as if when you got there, you took a look around and decided to stay there. Isn't that a delight for all the future guys you meet. They now get to pay for your past. FUN!!! You are a beautiful lady, obviously intelligent, and strong. Use that intellect to discern that thet ONLY common denominator in all your relationships is YOU.
My advice to you( not like you asked me or anything)is to BE the change you want to see. You keep getting negative stuff, because you're negative, jaded, and cynical....basically just really hurt, and wounded. I know you think I'm full o's___, and that's OK, I'll be that. Just think about this.
 Masked_Hero
Joined: 12/14/2003
Msg: 49
I am So fed up with men these days
Posted: 4/21/2008 12:07:08 AM
OP your make'n it sound like you was married to the dude... He told you that he wanted to take it slow... What more did you want him to say ??? Dude obviously trusted you if he let you stay at his house eat'n McDonalds and snoop around his house all day, while he was bust'n his ass at work. Good grief ! there is just no win'n with some women.
 Palifornia562
Joined: 4/8/2008
Msg: 50
I am So fed up with men these days
Posted: 4/21/2008 12:30:49 AM

He would come home on his lunch breaks, bring me my favorites from McDonalds or KFC....


you eat mcdonalds and KFC everyday, and you're really wondering why he doesnt want to be with you??? step on a scale and look in the mirror
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