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 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 26
Married people on POF...Page 2 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
There are tons of marrieds in online dating sites...both sexes.

Men dont complain about it as often because generally they dont get hit on like women do, so when a married woman approaches it isnt an insult, even if morally they dont agree or go along with it.

I lost count how many times in chat I weeded out married men. And I was not assuming, Id tell them I figured they were married and they would confess. lol

I have chatted with men though that were ticked at how many married women they had run into...seems we are becoming more and more equal everyday. 'yay'
 cookie22222
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 27
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Married people on POF...
Posted: 3/3/2011 11:51:34 AM
I'm not sure what's up with the "married" thing. People do have lives, families, friends, jobs, other commitments. I don't think it's fair to expect someone you've just met/started dating to put you at the top of the list.

I dated someone who all my friends SWORE was married. HAD to be...because he didn't conform to their ideas of how someone should behave. I actually had someone "figure it out" - he must be married to a flight attendant, who was out of town when he was with me, that's it!!!!! Silly. He was divorced, just like he said.

I don't know if it's because just about every woman over the age of 30 I know who has dated, has come across a married guy pretending to be single...? I myself went out a couple of times with one of them, a while back. Maybe it's just hyper-vigilance?
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 28
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Married people on POF...
Posted: 3/9/2011 11:20:12 AM
I've come across married women on here.

There's two main groups I encounter.

There's those who try to hide the fact that they're married. Or give me the whole "well, it's over" bit. They tend to try and keep the relationship low key. They don't want people knowing. And that doesn't work for me.
And of course, there's all those who are just cheating. They admit they're married, and don't want their husband to know.

Others I've come across are married, and tell me upfront. Their husband knows that they are on here seeking another relationship, they're open about it. And I admire that. I've chatted with the husbands of couple, and when I know that the husband really is being kept in the loop, I have no problem seeing the woman.
 pomzz
Joined: 4/25/2009
Msg: 29
Married people on POF...
Posted: 5/13/2011 1:57:46 AM
Some of you need to lighten up a bit. If two consenting adults who just may happen to be married to someone else, decide they want to hook up for a little NSA fun then that is their own business. People stay married for a multitude of reasons one component of that being sex. Seldom are both partners in a marriage on exactly the same page when it comes to sex though. One will usually desire more or less than the other. This is where the "****-buddy" comes in to fill a void. The problem arises however if an emotional attachment forms with the NSA partner. That's when it becomes a very slippery slope.
A good friend who happens to be very religious (but not the preachy type) once gave me a very good piece of advice when I confided in him that I was considering an extra-marital fling with a women I had recently met. He simply said "Why would you want to complicate your life with that?
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 30
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Married people on POF...
Posted: 5/13/2011 4:17:25 AM
What causes folks here, and elsewhere, to "darken down" about affairs, is that it involves deception. MOST of us want a real relationship that will work in the light of day. The vitriol you are bound to see comes as a direct result of the LYING that in usually involved in dealing with cheats.
The "two consenting adults" who you postulate would not be lying to each other, perhaps, but they would be, to their spouses. That does make them LIARS, and as such, not people I would trust in any situation.
Yes, it IS their own business, and if I knew about someone having an affair (I hate that term, it seems to be designed to make the sordid, selfish acts look like a graceful, carefree and innocent little indulgence. "Fling" is a likewise insipid cover-up name for disgusting behavior), I would not intervene unless they were impinging on my life by it. But I will always challenge anyone who publicly claims that lying, and cheating are things to be found even remotely acceptable.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 31
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Married people on POF...
Posted: 5/13/2011 4:24:45 AM
By the way, the apparent statistical anomaly mentioned a long while back (more men having affairs than women) isn't hard to understand. By definition, the person in those PARTICULAR statistics, who is defined as having the affair, is the married one. It comes from the common fact that married people who are cheating, often DON'T tell the person they are cheating with, that they are married. In those situations, it could be accurately said that only the MARRIED person is having an affair.
Therefore, looking only from the perspective of married people cheating, it is quite possible to have one sex do more of it than the other, without resorting to things like same-sex cheating, or one woman being the sex-object of many married men, to make the math work.
 tatjana25
Joined: 2/15/2010
Msg: 32
Married people on POF...
Posted: 5/14/2011 12:01:05 AM
Lots of married men try to contact me in the hopes of reliving their youthful, better days. ;)
 english lass
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 33
Married people on POF...
Posted: 5/14/2011 4:45:26 PM
Yep, lots of married people looking for diversion or ego boosts on the internet...
 Janet_Always
Joined: 12/7/2010
Msg: 34
Married people on POF...
Posted: 5/14/2011 7:45:38 PM
^^lots of single people looking for a diversion or ego boost as well.

As for married men, to my knowledge I haven't met any in person from this site. I can't see how someone would be fooled into thinking they were single for very long. Unless they were separated and that's different anyway to me.
 tatjana25
Joined: 2/15/2010
Msg: 35
Married people on POF...
Posted: 5/14/2011 10:17:28 PM

Vintage, At what point do they tell you they are married?


usually right away!
 suburban_gal
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 36
Married people on POF...
Posted: 5/15/2011 3:15:36 PM
You can probably find married people looking to cheat anywhere. On POF, other dating sites, a bar / club etc. Some will try to hide the fact that they are married. While others will tell you right away that they are married.
 larissan04
Joined: 5/14/2011
Msg: 37
Married people on POF...
Posted: 7/2/2011 9:28:35 PM
there are married men on here. now, i can understand that a man might be unhappy and might be in a loveless marriage, but if that is the case then he should fricken leave his wife. to lie and lead women on, etc. is really horrible. honestly, if i was in a loveless marriage i would not seek solace on a dating website. i'd either work it out or leave. period.
 LatGent
Joined: 7/12/2010
Msg: 38
Married people on POF...
Posted: 9/11/2011 2:03:04 PM
Hello, I'm Latgent.
I have seen married woman making demands that men not belooking for intimate relationships, use drugs,or be married and the woman was listed as seperated from her husband. Talk about sending the wrong signal!! If some one wants to cheat- go someplace else on the web, leave the sane, single, honest broken hearts on POF!!
 geoffonpof1
Joined: 7/9/2011
Msg: 39
Married people on POF...
Posted: 9/11/2011 3:10:42 PM
I have come across two married women whom had emailed me wanting an intimate encounter. "Sorry but not my thing , pick a guy who is also married." was the reply to both women.
From what I have read in some forums regarding the term "married" alot of women include separated.
Which I don't understand why, Im my case the separation is legal which I insisted on.
But yet I still get labelled as being married, which confuses the hell out of me.
 Caringheart2011
Joined: 4/28/2011
Msg: 40
Married people on POF...
Posted: 9/12/2011 12:48:24 AM
No kidding . what about:
"I am married, not happy at home, looking for an honest man .....?"
Some crack me up.
 VacationGuy234
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 41
Married people on POF...
Posted: 9/12/2011 4:23:00 AM
There are certainly going to be people who take advantage of a system. If a group of people are easily able to attract other people and start relationships, a certain percentage of those people are going to continue to do it. In my case, it is, "separated" people who have created a separation so they can fool around and then go back to their significant others that I have come across.

OP, take every relationship for face value until you are ready to get serious. In order to protect yourself, do a little research the people with whom you want to move forward.
However, you might not always like what you find.
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 42
Married people on POF...
Posted: 9/12/2011 6:27:10 PM
i think when women are looking outside of the marriage they are looking for love an affection, and that men are more often then not looking for sex. there is a big difference here.
 jmark4
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 43
Married people on POF...
Posted: 9/13/2011 2:23:12 AM
people are so sleazy these days. Many will eventually admit they are married when you catch them but then they say we are separated. Some even say they sleep in the same bed but dont have sex. lol

People lie more than ever. Like with anything, take it slow and get to know the person, their friends and family in time.
 VacationGuy234
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 44
Married people on POF...
Posted: 9/13/2011 5:02:13 AM

i think when women are looking outside of the marriage they are looking for love an affection, and that men are more often then not looking for sex. there is a big difference here.


Why is that a big difference? If a guy went to another woman for, "love and affection", would that be OK?
 WesternRose
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 45
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Married people on POF...
Posted: 9/13/2011 7:53:58 AM
VG I couldn't agree with you more. In the words of my favorite author: "Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage."

I came to POF on 1/2/11. My profile reflects me in a nutshell and I know what I want. I did a few meet and greets with caucasian men. All stated that they were looking for a LTR in their profiles but, I could tell that wasn't the case and I never bothered talking to any of them again. Then I met the man who swept me off my feet. Actually I felt as though I'd been thrown from a horse. I read his profile very carefully and noted that he said he was divorced. After several e-mail exchanges back and forth we exchange telephone numbers.

We talked on the phone quite a bit before we decided to meet for dinner and a movie. I had to reschedule the date twice. Once due to inclement weather and the second because I had to work. We are still talking on the phone two and three times a day/evening. I am totally charmed by this person.

The communication between us is awesome. We can talk about anything. He is the consummate gentleman and we have everything going in the common interest department. I actually felt as though I'd known him all my life. We could talk sports, politics, our bucket lists, where we had been, and where we always wanted to go. While I could always speak about my family he seldom spoke of his. Except for in the beginning when we spoke of our heritages.

We had several dates and one night over dinner I asked him if I was the first black woman he had ever dated. He looked at me, replied yes, and asked me how did I know? I explained that I felt as though he was choosing his words too carefully for fear of offending me. That hurdle gotten over, we became very comfortable with each other. We spent a lot of time doing things together and going places. I am beginning to feel as though this may be exactly what I'm looking for and that it will turn into a long term relationship.

I updated his resume for him because the project he was working on was over and he was looking for another one. He mentions that there may be something on the horizon but he needs the updated resume and has to fax all his credentials to the project manager. We have a date scheduled for the upcoming weekend and I am looking forward to it. Then I get the phone call. He says " You know that job out of state I told you about that I had to fax my resume to? Well I got the assignment and they want me to be onsite next week." There is nothing but absolute silence on my end to the extent that he asks are you still there? I pull it together, bite my lip to keep from crying and we continue to talk. I understood that he could not turn the position down. If the offer had been made to me I would not have either. We spend as much time together as we can before he has to leave. That was a very sad day for me. I'm standing there looking at him knowing that I am going to miss him but I won't say anything. We commit to staying in touch and say see you later. He said that he would call once he arrived at his destination. I received that one phone call from him and didn't hear from him again.

This is just before the 1st of Feb. Still cold here in Houston and I have the rodeo which is about to kick into full gear. I sent him several cards and e-mails to his personal e-mail and after Easter stopped all communication on my end because I saw no point in it. I went out of town to visit my family on Easter and when I returned I find the Tulip gift in my inbox along with the message Happy Easter. I say thank you, ask how he is doing and then silence again. I am so confused at this point, I decided it was better not to even think about it. My birthday was in May and I was determined to enjoy myself despite it all. I'd actually shared this with two of my closest friends who both advised me to just get on with the business of living my life.

Fast forward to the end of July. I get the little fish icon on my Evo. I check my e-mail and am told that he has listed me in his favorites once again. We start exchanging e-mails and he asks me to come to where he is and take a trip with him. I call him and after playing telephone tag for the first few calls we finally talk. All of the old feelings come rushing back and had it not been for my family responsibilities (my step grand daughter was getting married that Saturday) I would have gone to where he was. The conversation was unbelievable. He apologized for acting as he did and said I didn't deserve it, but when I asked why he stated that we would talk about it when we saw each other. My family obligation was more important. I am deleted from his favorites again and I don't hear from him until after he receives an e-mail from me saying goodbye and wishing him the best in life. I had some serious doubts because I could not believe the lack of understanding on his part.

I was planning on sending him some pictures of the wedding. Being internet savvy I decided to look up his new address in the town he lived in. Up pops a marriage record listing him as the groom of a marriage that occurred in May of 2008 here in my county. Calculating quickly I determine that he could not possibly be divorced from this one. After all he's been on this board since 2009. A little further research showed that there a divorce on file from the 1st wife whom he was married to for 25 years. There is no divorce or annulment record on file for the second. I really start thinking then. I was not searching for this information. God as I know him to be put it right in my face.

I still haven't confronted him with my knowledge. I fully intend to but, I am not ready at this time. Though I have analyzed it in my mind and come to terms with it the bottom line is I have to determine what it is I am willing to accept. In the beginning I was very angry. So much so that I had to ignore his phone calls for awhile. There is one thing I do understand. They are separated and she is 13 years younger than him. He is close to retirement age. This makes for a very sticky situation when it comes to divorce. I just don't know if I am ready for all that drama in my life at this point. I've already lost a husband to cancer and it took me ages to recover but I have. Now I feel as though my principals have been violated in the worse manner because I really do care about this man.
 VacationGuy234
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 46
Married people on POF...
Posted: 9/13/2011 11:20:22 AM
^^^ I"m sorry that happened to you. In the future, Google first and ask questions later.

I'm sure there are other fish who got bitten by this one. Don't let it bother you, it happens, it is not your fault.
 3xsacharmsotheysay
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 47
Married people on POF...
Posted: 9/13/2011 1:35:48 PM
Widow move on and do not give him another ounce of your time or energy. You deserve so much better. Seek counseling, you have much to offer the man who truly deserves you!!
 WesternRose
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 48
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Married people on POF...
Posted: 9/13/2011 2:38:50 PM
3x and VG....All advice is well taken. I know it isn't my fault that he wasn't honest. I recognized that I needed to go back to counseling and called my old grief counselor last week to make an appointment. We are getting together this week but she was kind enough to give me some phone time yesterday. What irked me about the entire situation is that I am an intelligent human being and could not believe this happened to me. I have a few deal breakers and the first and most important one is that you must not be married. This lady wasn't raised that way.

This entire situation has turned me off from getting back out there. I really don't want to. While I don't believe the healing process will take as long as it did when my husband died, there is going to be a healing process that I must go through. Kinda killed the ability to trust someone again just when I felt as though I was ready to.
 3xsacharmsotheysay
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 49
Married people on POF...
Posted: 9/13/2011 2:59:41 PM
Widow, don't even give him that power. Empower yourself by seeking good advice and knowing that there are many many wonderful and decent people out there. Your an extremely intelligent woman but that doesn't mean your impenetrable to deception. Con men have been around since the beginning of time and they are becoming more and more cunning.

Hold your head high and stay engaged in life and know that God has wonderful things planned for you!!!
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 50
Married people on POF...
Posted: 9/13/2011 5:35:49 PM
widow~

i feel for you, i really do. i've been there and it sure did hurt. i never want to feel that kind of heart break again. never.
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