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 AUTHOR
 ACountryWalk
Joined: 7/23/2011
Msg: 51
Married people on POF...Page 3 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
To me its totally disgusting, married and looking just not right if you aren't happy get out before someone makes mistake #2. Secondly, for those who are on here supposedly happilly married but keep the account open for conversation?? advice, whatever?? Seriously!!, when i originally signed up it was for dating!! not for cheating, not for idle conversation. Different tips that can help out us SINGLES!!! is fine but when it comes to married people on here enjoy the time with your spouse and get off of the dating site!! BUT DON'T HATE ME IT'S JUST AFTER ALL MY OPINION!! Good luck to all who are seriously looking and SINGLE!
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 52
Married people on POF...
Posted: 12/30/2011 6:23:40 PM
"Do people here really spend that much time fending off the advances of married people, or encounter married person after married person?"

yes. i get messages from married men all the time. there are the ones that are upfront about being married and then there are the ones that pretend they are available, free, divorced, single, and looking for a serious relationship when they are not. it is the latter that you have to watch out for. it's very very painful to really like someone only to discover that they are married, and you were just a playful diversion.
 AxYoM
Joined: 11/4/2011
Msg: 53
Married people on POF...
Posted: 12/31/2011 7:44:30 AM
Yes, I have encountered married men on POF. It is fairly common. Some are honest and have married selected or list single, but explain they are looking for a threesome to be with him and his wife or looking for a side relationship. The must not be married filter doesn't work.

As for the dishonest ones, well it comes out eventually and you learn to notice the signs right of way. Some claim divorced or separation, but still living at home with wife or have never seen a lawyer. House still listed in both parties name. Then there are the ones with fake identities. My second date from POF had 4 identities in 6 states.

You learn the signs and move on. Sadly, it has become normal, that doesn't bother me anymore. I still don't wish to date them. The dishonesty is their issue not mine.

At this point I'm more frustrated by men lying about their height.
 WesternRose
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 54
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History
Married people on POF...
Posted: 12/31/2011 9:53:31 AM
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you Larissan!

Couldn't have said it better myself.
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 55
Married people on POF...
Posted: 12/31/2011 10:37:32 AM
widow~

"Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you Larissan! Couldn't have said it better myself."

right back atcha, widow! i am sorry for your painful experience, and as i said, i've been there. the thing is, why should we have to be so much on the defense? if someone just wants to get some, then why don't they just hire a professional and leave those of us that are seriously looking for someone alone? maybe they are just cheap.
 bullfrog12
Joined: 4/24/2009
Msg: 56
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History
Married people on POF...
Posted: 12/31/2011 4:24:28 PM
There are also married women on this sight and they are saying they are only looking for single men,so what is wrong with a married man looking for a married woman,they are in the same boat,
 bullfrog12
Joined: 4/24/2009
Msg: 57
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History
Married people on POF...
Posted: 12/31/2011 4:28:59 PM
What you are saying is that men do not have feelings and they only think with their male organ.
 AxYoM
Joined: 11/4/2011
Msg: 58
Married people on POF...
Posted: 1/1/2012 2:40:34 PM
Oh, today I was reminded of my favorite... Separated, but spouse still lives at home.
 WesternRose
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 59
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History
Married people on POF...
Posted: 1/6/2012 10:17:07 PM
Larissan...I'm going to be like Smokey and "Second That Emotion" Sad thing is the men don't look at things from our perspective. They are more interested in scoring. I am sick of having to deal with that mentality. Guess I'm just ready to move on.
 not_your_girl_next_door
Joined: 6/24/2012
Msg: 60
Married people on POF...
Posted: 3/17/2013 8:37:33 AM
I was talking with a guy I met from here, and we met in real life once. It was really a casual thing....I was kind of on the fence as to whether I was attracted to him or liked him as a friend. Well anyway, a few days after that, at about 11pm, I get a text from his number saying "btw hes married this is his wife" blah blah. I respond with "ok" Then at around 1am I get a call from a blocked number...didn't answer that (she was obviously an idiot to think I would??). More texts. Whatever. I almost wanted to tell her I'm not even INTERESTED in him, if he can't hang out with other women no wonder he's on a dating website....but I didn't. He texted me and apologized the next morning, started offering an explanation, and I told him I didn't know him well enough to believe one or the other, and that was that.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 61
Married people on POF...
Posted: 3/26/2013 11:07:29 AM

Yes, and when they get caught then you end up with the blame and your own guilt. Do you want that?

OK, I know,in practice, that there is always a sector of the populace who believe in blaming the victim.
But when it comes down to just plain sense-why should a person who was lied to, be blamed or feel guilty?

I realize that just plain sense is becoming scarcer...so, why do some people complain about other people who want to "endlessly email"? Ever stop to think that the "endless emailing" is a means of screening for a married liar?
As for the rest of message #75,meaning the poster absolutely no disrespect- but I am curious as to how he has so much information about how male cheaters operate...
Cindy O
 dishearteneddave
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 62
Married people on POF...
Posted: 3/31/2013 9:23:38 PM
In defence of married men I offer the following. Please put down any knives or pointed objects you may be holding. :)


(Msg #68. Larissan04) if someone just wants to get some, then why don't they just hire a professional and leave those of us that are seriously looking for someone alone?


Because many are seeking the same thing you and others are seeking. Physical affection, the feeling of being loved and held. Does a professional sex worker really give a damn about her client?

Many ask, “If you want sex outside of marriage why not divorce?” To that I reply, “Has anyone ever been told they should marry for sex? That sex was the most important thing to consider when marrying? That a common interest in activities and goals were NOT important?”

If common interests and a similar outlook on life and similar beliefs in child raising and similar ways of handling finances are important why would someone divorce? Is sex important or not? It seems it’s not when asking where on the list of priorities it should be placed when considering marriage so why should someone toss away a perfectly “good” marriage (similar interests and outlook, similar ways of dealing with child raising and finances) just because the sex/physical affection is lacking?


(Msg #75. ^campfires^) One of my favorites are the ones who will expect to communicate with you every night, after their wife goes to bed. Then they go cuddle up with their wife, and you spend the night alone.


If cuddling led to anything they wouldn’t be communicating after their wife went to bed. They would be going to bed with their wife. And then there’s the wives dealing with husbands who have ED. Years ago, after divorcing my first wife, a couple I knew was dealing with that problem. A couple I knew for many years. I knew them when I was a teenager.

One day the stay-at-home wife came into the city with her husband on his way to work and unexpectedly showed up at my door at 8 am. It was my day off and I was still in bed. After letting her in I told her I had gone to bed late the night before and for her to have some coffee, breakfast if she wanted and I would get up in half an hour. I needed a few minutes to deal with the hangover.

Moments later she walked in the bedroom, undressed, then got in bed with me. That’s when I learned about her husband’s ED, that she always liked me, that she needed to feel loved, etc.

No, nothing happened. I told her I was too hung over to do anything. After that I never went to see them again. I made excuses until they stopped inviting me. In those days I believed it was wrong even though I knew we were both clean. In those days I was naive. In those days I never knew what it was like to go without physical affection, for years. In those days I had absolutely no empathy for people in that situation. And as fate would have it karma caught up with me.

Now I’m well aware of what it’s like to lack physical affection. Yes, sex. And yes, I have found someone who, although too young to have experienced it herself, is more than happy to be with me. A young, single mother returning to school. And when I asked her where she would like to go for a nice brunch/lunch or what small gift I could get her she asked if I would give her the money instead.

“I would appreciate any financial help you can offer rather than spending money on restaurants and gifts I don’t need”, she said.

Is she banging me for the buck? Possibly. On the other hand if I took a lady to dinner and ordered a decent bottle of wine it would cost more than I give the young lady. If the lady I take for dinner invites me back to her place and we have sex would it be considered she’s banging me for the buck or for the rack of lamb with the mashed sweet potatoes and roasted peppers along with the $50.00 bottle of wine?

So I suppose the question is, “Is sex special?” If it isn’t, if all the things I’ve mentioned are more important for a successful marriage, then it shouldn’t matter if one seeks it elsewhere. On the other hand, if it is, then one should understand why those who lack sex in a marriage seek it elsewhere.

Just saying.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 63
Married people on POF...
Posted: 4/1/2013 1:16:48 PM

So I suppose the question is, “Is sex special?”


Dont ask us, ask your wife. Ask your children.


I would ask that you consider the potential fallout of what you seek here married folks....the only people who are going to consider your status as being condusive to meeting, is to a nutbag. You will only attract people who the average bear would pass up. You will attract people who feel they have nothing to lose and in saying that-you are exposing the ones you SAY you love, to said nutbags. Your children for example...what if you decide you dont want to see a nutbag anymore...but by the time you are finished with the nutter, they have knowledge of who your children are, and even maybe where they work? What if they are not done with you yet, and start poking around into your life? What if they found out where you worked, approached your boss/coworkers? Stuff spreads pretty darned fast and people are not as anonymous as they would like to think they are.....


Are you sure some sex is worth the potential issues this could cause?

If you actually love your wife and your children, you wouldnt dare risk exposing them to people who would want to meet a married person in the first place. But that is just my humble opinion. To me, love is in the actions we take, not just easy words spilling from a mouth.
 ladywyatt
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 64
Married people on POF...
Posted: 4/1/2013 1:39:12 PM
It figures good ole delusional dave would dig up a 2 year old post to continue to try to justify his behavior......

If you yourself were truly comfortable with what you are doing you wouldn't feel the need to come on here and defend yourself. You have some heavy guilt going on. You know that what you are doing is wrong.

Do what ya want DD, I could care less...just quit tryin to get support for your behavior from those of us who want real relationships of our own and not be sharing with yer wife....

You have yer piece of azz, go play with it....
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 65
Married people on POF...
Posted: 4/1/2013 2:53:33 PM

Does a professional sex worker really give a damn about her client?

You tell us, you're a professional sex worker's client, according to this post. That puts you in a position to know the answer to that.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 66
Married people on POF...
Posted: 4/1/2013 2:56:52 PM

It figures good ole delusional dave would dig up a 2 year old post to continue to try to justify his behavior......

To be completely accurate, it was not DD who revived the topic, but I do agree he seems to have seized the opportunity to seek justification-it may be a pattern?


To that I reply, “Has anyone ever been told they should marry for sex? That sex was the most important thing to consider when marrying? That a common interest in activities and goals were NOT important?”

All those thigs are of very significant importance,and the wise course of action is to seek a partnership that places high value on all of them. There happens to be a clause in the marriage vows about "forsaking all others". Or was that left out of your marriage vows?
Is sex important? it must be- you are going outside your marriage to get it. If your marriage is so harmonious in other respects, then why not just forego sex, since its' not important? People do not die from not having sex. Emotionally healthy ones seem to be able to cope with celibacy when necessary.
My heart goes out to couples who are dealing with debilitating illness/sexual incapacity, but not every person with a sexually disabled spouse is out there looking for a side piece.


Now I’m well aware of what it’s like to lack physical affection. Yes, sex. And yes, I have found someone who, although too young to have experienced it herself, is more than happy to be with me. A young, single mother returning to school. And when I asked her where she would like to go for a nice brunch/lunch or what small gift I could get her she asked if I would give her the money instead.

I'm sorry but I have got to wonder whose pocket that money REALLY comes out of?

I'm not so naive as to think its' uncommon for women to exchange sexual favors for some kind of paractical or financial assistance, but still the ideal sexual scenario is 2 people who WANT to have sex, not sex where one of them feels obligated, or is practicing covert prostitution as a means of supplementing household income...



If it isn’t, if all the things I’ve mentioned are more important for a successful marriage, then it shouldn’t matter if one seeks it elsewhere.

Except that clause about "forsaking all others"...yes yes, I know that the clauses'original purposes were to prevent children of uncertain male parentage,to reduce the risk of STDS and other communicable dieases,and just generally to reduce the risk of strife in the village.
Since you feel so justified to go outside your marriage, why not tell your wife about this young woman. Perhaps your wife would like to make a contribution to her upkeep? That also may help to get out in front of any possibility such as those outlined in message #78.
Cindy O
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 67
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History
Married people on POF...
Posted: 4/1/2013 6:06:24 PM
Other than one major ethical issue, it could well be a win-win-win situation.
 ladywyatt
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 68
Married people on POF...
Posted: 4/1/2013 6:36:34 PM
^^ If you have an open marriage, then it is assumed that your wife is in agreement with you having sex with others...a bit more acceptable over DD's deception of his wife.

so yea maybe a win/win for you forumonly

but it's a win/lose for DD
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 69
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Married people on POF...
Posted: 4/1/2013 7:14:28 PM
How can you be sure it's a win/lose for him? Or even for his wife, aside from the ethical issue that she isn't being given a choice? This could well be the best solution for them all - for his wife in that her life isn't disrupted. I don't agree with Dave's approach, but can see that it may still be the best answer for him. If his wife loves him, why should she want to deny him a pleasure she no longer can or wishes to provide?
 dishearteneddave
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 70
Married people on POF...
Posted: 4/1/2013 7:59:54 PM

(Msg. #78. Femaleconnection) If you actually love your wife and your children, you wouldn’t dare risk exposing them to people who would want to meet a married person in the first place.


You raise a very good point. On the other hand the lady in question has told me a bit about her life. From her father abandoning the family when she was young to her mother having 4 children from 4 different men she is trying to further her education and better herself. “I don’t want to be like my mother”, she told me.

Granted, people will find her morals questionable but where was/is society to help young women like that? Over the last six weeks we have spent hours talking and she has been open with the conversation. I have been to her apartment which she shares. I have observed her on a couple of occasions when we went for lunch.

While money is exchanged she made it clear I was to determine how much I can afford to give her and she has made it clear it is not necessary to give her money every time we meet. I have made it clear I am not “in charge” of this “relationship” and she is to speak her mind, let me know if she is uncomfortable with anything. Anything at all.


(Msg. @79. Ladywyatt) Do what ya want DD, I could care less...just quit tryin to get support for your behavior from those of us who want real relationships of our own and not be sharing with yer wife....
You have yer piece of azz, go play with it....


It appears you enjoy stalking me. This is not the first thread you have appeared on after I. I will say the lady I met could teach you a few things about being civil.


(Msg. #80 HelenBackAgain)
Dave: Does a professional sex worker really give a damn about her client?

You tell us, you're a professional sex worker's client, according to this post. That puts you in a position to know the answer to that.


I doubt she is a professional. If she was she would be demanding a lot more than I give her. Google to see the average fee for four (4) hours. In any case I emailed her this morning and let her know I would like to discuss that very topic when I see her tomorrow. We have met 8 or 9 times in the past six weeks and, well, I can see the “relationship” appears to be going in a certain direction. My imagination? Her game? Who knows? While I sought an emotional component to any “relationship” I might become involved in I have to ……..


Msg. #81 Ladyc4) To be completely accurate, it was not DD who revived the topic, but I do agree he seems to have seized the opportunity to seek justification-it may be a pattern?


Thank-you for the correction regarding reviving the thread. As to seeking justification considering this is a dating site and there are married folks here I feel I have something to offer those who are contemplating a similar move. I believe that after five years of bringing up the lack of sex to my wife only to receive a shrug of her shoulders no further justification is required. On the other hand whether my experience ends happily or not my experience may be of benefit to others.


My heart goes out to couples who are dealing with debilitating illness/sexual incapacity, but not every person with a sexually disabled spouse is out there looking for a side piece.


While my wife has had no illness I dealt with situations that cropped up. Change of job. Buying and selling a business. Her dad’s passing. Menopause. That’s why it’s been five years. She has finally made it clear she does not have sexual feelings for me or anyone else. I asked her a direct question. “Do you get any sexual feelings when looking at any man?” Her reply was, “No!”


I'm sorry but I have got to wonder whose pocket that money REALLY comes out of?


My wife is well educated and earns a very good salary. I am retired. Our money has always been separate, at HER insistence, from day one.


I'm not so naive as to think its' uncommon for women to exchange sexual favors for some kind of practical or financial assistance, but still the ideal sexual scenario is 2 people who WANT to have sex, not sex where one of them feels obligated, or is practicing covert prostitution as a means of supplementing household income...


I couldn’t agree with you more. My intention was to meet someone in a similar situation. However, that could pose additional problems. If two people around the same age really enjoy each other sexually there is the distinct possibility it could lead to them wanting to be together full time.

As for the lady I meet there is no time limit other than her having to attend college and study and there is no price discussed. Also, every time I am with her I tell her this has to be mutual as far as enjoyment is concerned. It does not unfold in a prostitute/john fashion. She has left it up to me to determine how much I can help her financially.


Since you feel so justified to go outside your marriage, why not tell your wife about this young woman.


Last summer I asked my wife if she wanted a divorce considering the lack of sex/sexual attraction on her part. Her answer was an emphatic, “NO! I love you. Are you nuts?” So, do I rub her nose in the fact I am seeing someone? Do I not see anyone and let resentment build? If she offers the proverbial monthly “pity f**k” (PF) do I make myself content with that?

We have discussed this for five years. She has made it clear it is nothing I am doing or not doing that is the cause. I have suggested a doctor’s visit. She now believes it’s her menopause and it will pass and everything will return to normal. She has infrequently offered the PF. Between having to schedule it days in advance to knowing she isn’t getting anything out of it…the feeling is one of resentment towards her coupled with the feeling of revulsion towards myself. At least the young woman I see enjoys it and does orgasm even if she’s not passionately in love with me.

I’m hoping things will change. Either my wife will regain sexual feelings or my sex drive will diminish and it will all be just a faded memory. Both and either are distinct possibilities.

In closing I just want to say the young woman has nothing to do with ego or arm candy. I can not show her off to anyone. I can not parade her in front of my friends. Due to the fact she prefers the financial help rather than a lunch, movie, etc. no one sees us. But I’m not with her for that. I’m with her for the affection she shows me, in private. There is nothing sleazy or debased or trashy about it. It is beautiful.
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 71
Married people on POF...
Posted: 4/1/2013 10:11:26 PM

I doubt she is a professional.

You pay her for sex. That is what a professional sex worker is.
 ladywyatt
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 72
Married people on POF...
Posted: 4/2/2013 6:27:55 AM
DD ya can't label a person as a stalker when you put yerself out there....

I really feel sorry for your wife. Married to someone she loves who is so self centered. Having his cake and eating it too....If you actually did love her you would give HER the choice of deciding if she wanted to have an open marriage too.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 73
Married people on POF...
Posted: 4/2/2013 12:18:56 PM

I can not show her off to anyone. I can not parade her in front of my friends.

Why not? Just explain to everyone that you are perfectly justified in your actions, since your wife will give you neither sex or a divorce.
Of course, if the young woman has a few other sugar daddies on the string, SHE may not want to appear in public with any of them. I mean absolutely no disrespect to her, but this would not be the first-or-last-case of a woman "trying to better herself" by getting more education ,AND having a few gullible married men helping her with the bills while she pursues more education. And I have no doubt that as part of making something like this work, it would be absolutely imperative to avoid any sense of sleaze, debasement or trashiness, to make it seem beautiful.
Cindy O
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 74
Married people on POF...
Posted: 4/2/2013 5:12:40 PM

If you actually did love her you would give HER the choice of deciding if she wanted to have an open marriage too.

Sure. Maybe she'd like to take a lover herself, or already has one (if we believe him, she DID give him the old, "It's not you, it's me" after all), or would rather divorce if this is the arrangement. She certainly deserves to be able to make an informed decision about what kind of marriage she's in. Everyone does.

Of course, if the young woman has a few other sugar daddies on the string, SHE may not want to appear in public with any of them.

I doubt DD's the only one, and surely not the first. Just because, when he asked what he could offer her, she went straight to money.
 dishearteneddave
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 75
Married people on POF...
Posted: 4/2/2013 7:50:39 PM

(Msg. 86. HelenBackAgain) You pay her for sex. That is what a professional sex worker is.


Perhaps you can shed some light on what transpired today. I asked if her roommate was home. He wasn’t. I asked if I could come there and we could talk rather than go to a motel just for two hours as we were meeting later than usual. She said OK. I picked up a few beers and ordered a pizza when I arrived. It was lunch time.

The “deal” had been I would give her $100 each time we meet. I had set the price. We have started to bond (please, keep the laughter down) so I asked her about our frequency of meeting.

“Obviously I want to see you more often”, I said, “but I can only afford to contribute $300/mth. What I’m asking is how many times can I visit you for $300? Can I see you more than three times per month?” (I have seen her 8 or 9 times over the last 6 or 7 weeks.)

“Is that why you see me twice some weeks and only once other weeks”, she asked. “I thought you didn’t want to see me more often. I told you before you didn’t have to give me money every time. We can see each other 10 or 15 times a month if you want. I like spending time with you.”

That is where we presently are. Needless to say I can not see her 15 times a month. Maybe twice a week especially since spring is here. I have a lot of yard work to do plus I have a couple of classic cars I like to tinker with. So, is she going to go along with, say, 6 times for the price of 3? If I do get to see her more often for the same contribution does that prove she isn’t a sex worker and just needs financial help? Does that prove she actually does like spending time with me? Or is it all a savvy business move waiting to see if I will contribute more voluntarily?

More importantly, wouldn’t I be better off if she was a “professional”? It would limit my visits and it would avoid the possibility of an emotional attachment, an attachment that appears to be happening.

What’s your take on it?


(Msg. #87. Ladywyatt) I really feel sorry for your wife. Married to someone she loves who is so self centered. Having his cake and eating it too....


Ah, but that’s just it. There is no cake. Just the crumbs. AKA: Pityf**k


(Msg. 88. Ladyc4) Why not? Just explain to everyone that you are perfectly justified in your actions, since your wife will give you neither sex or a divorce.


I don’t think folks would agree with me. :(
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