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 that_ol_lady
Joined: 4/19/2013
Msg: 108
Married people on POF...Page 6 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

TrustInKarma


I went on a date with a married guy that I met on POF. His profile stated divorced and looking for a relationship, he had pics of his kids posted and he went on and on how he was one of the last good guys (HA!) and that nobody would ever give him a chance because he was such a dedicated dad. I thought he was nice and we messaged, texted and then went on a date. He as super polite and seemed like just a regular nice guy. I did see his military ID card and noticed that his name was spelled a very unusual way. So after the date, I searched for him on Facebook and there he was - with his WIFE in his profile pic, blissfully happy. I looked at her FB page as well, as I thought that maybe he was separated, but nooooo - wife was pregnant with child number 4 and was just ADORING her "wonderful" husband (a typical proud military wife). I was floored. So I messaged him and asked him if he was married - within 20 seconds he closed his profile. I sent a message to his wife and told her that she needed to keep her husband locked up.


did the wife ever message you back? if so did you tell her about his lies an profile he had..

there are just too many stories like this is always the so called nice guy so lonely an single just looking for love,,by day they are the standup husband an dad by nite the lonely single guy whos just needs to catch a break an find love..

these things aren't new to me either of hearing the woo is me stories an the yes im really just a nice guy with a bad rep only to find out that they have a wife/girlfriend still very much in the picture or have more kids then a day care center..its ridiculous how they seem to think you will never find out..
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 10/8/2013
Msg: 109
Married people on POF...
Posted: 12/31/2013 6:50:21 AM
That_ol_lady, no, the wife never responded back, but I got blocked from his and her FB right after I sent the message. I assume he was able to convince her that I was just a "crazy ****", that or he got into her account and blocked me and she never saw the message.

Another thing happened to me yesterday - I'm still shaking from that. I have a profile on another dating site that I hardly ever go to but yesterday I got an email notification that someone "liked" my photo. So I logged on and looked and I couldn't believe that it was a guy that I briefly "dated" in 2012. He got married just six months ago, pics of him and his lovely wife all over FB. He is a VERY VERY high ranking guy in the military and yet he is back online, posing as "divorced" and trolling for action. UNBELIEVABLE. After only a few months of marriage and him being all lovey dovy over his wife. I guess I dodged a bullet with this one, but my trust in men in general is at an all time low.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 110
Married people on POF...
Posted: 12/31/2013 8:11:28 AM

He is a VERY VERY high ranking guy in the military


Sounds like we could add this to the suggested that anyone married, separated AND/OR "in the military" shouldn't be on dating sites!!!!!!

Make as many "rules" as ya want, the pieces of shiat will still be here, and get this, all of them stink!!!!
 that_ol_lady
Joined: 4/19/2013
Msg: 111
Married people on POF...
Posted: 12/31/2013 8:54:27 AM
@karma sounds like mr high rank military is abusing his power in more ways then 1..the fact he is freshly married ink not dry yet an already back at pretending to be single an lonely screams alot about his character the word shady comes to mind im sure u did dodge a bullet on that 1..

i bet he would challenge any woman his wife included to just try an prove he is a liar an cheat an probably try an coward her down just for asking 1 little question.. somebody needs to come knock ***holes like that down a peg or 2..it wont be long before that divorced status will be true..

as for the other guy blocking you on fb im sure he did probably play the oh shes just some crazy chick i dont even know her you would believe a stranger over your own husband bit...
 Crystal_Planet
Joined: 10/30/2013
Msg: 112
Married people on POF...
Posted: 1/1/2014 7:55:52 PM

I still stand firm that people who are married or separated should not be on a site for singles, you are NOT single until you are divorced!


I've always been curious about this. Is it a legal issue? Or a moral one? A person should be shunned for being separated and literally the next day he may become a great catch because his div0rce came through? Or is it a secret thing that once divorce papers are signed, it is physically impossible to reconcile with your ex?
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 114
Married people on POF...
Posted: 5/27/2018 8:36:55 PM
If you don't know the signs of a married person, abuser, cheater, etc., then you shouldn't be dating. Period. That's another reason it's best to get to know people a bit before becoming intimate with them, especially if they're suspect or you're unsure of their intentions. Unstable situations need no further complications.

Re: Married people on POF. Back in 2010, I did talk to a man who claimed he was separated. He gave me his Facebook and I saw that it said "Married to Jane Doe". I read his wall/timeline and Jane Doe was still posting lovey-dovey posts on his page as of 48 hours earlier. I swiftly blocked his married ass.
 BLONDE_ANGEL_1
Joined: 4/27/2018
Msg: 115
Married people on POF...
Posted: 5/28/2018 1:16:54 PM
There are a few forums members who remarried but as far as I know all of them don't hide it or try to cheat, etc.
 BretIAm
Joined: 3/25/2018
Msg: 116
Married people on POF...
Posted: 5/28/2018 3:36:04 PM
I'm one of "those people" (separated). Bring on the pitchforks and torches, people!

I have nearly full custody of my high school age son except for about four hours per week. Once he graduates shortly, we divorce, sell the house, and move on with our lives. The future ex-Mrs. Me and I get along fine. No issues. Both of us have dated other people.

I'm guessing I have missed out on dates because of my relationship status. That's fine. I understand completely if I scare women off.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 117
Married people on POF...
Posted: 5/29/2018 3:23:32 PM
Yes, there are lots of married men cheating on their wives on dating sites. There are also married women too! I dated one woman, and did not learn she was married until the second month! Talk about a shocker!

Another lady friend........we talked about dating a few times, but never did........ after 3 years she finally reveled she is still married!

Now, both of these women are truly separated and living apart from their husbands for many years and truly done with them, so a relationship is possible. Whether it's right or wrong is up to you. But the deception is a real mood killer - and love killer......both women originally represented themselves as "single".

I don't ever want to hear that all men are bad - there's some naughty women out there too!

What's worse, just because someone is truly single does not mean they are healed from the previous relationship and ready for a new relationship........ many are on the rebound and NOT ready.

I would suggest that separated could be okay, depending on your morals - if they are truly detached emotionally from their ex and living alone, they may be as good a candidate for love as a single person.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 118
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Married people on POF...
Posted: 5/29/2018 9:40:52 PM
I need some kind of proof a person is single or at least separated. I wouldn't date someone that's still in the same home with his wife while divorcing.
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 119
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Married people on POF...
Posted: 5/30/2018 3:41:35 AM
I always check out new users. I am the curious sort!

Saw one this morning who said that he "might be getting separated and maybe even divorced".

So... maybe bonus points for being honest???
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 120
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Married people on POF...
Posted: 5/30/2018 3:51:51 AM
137
If you don't know the signs of a married person, abuser, cheater, etc., then you shouldn't be dating. Period.

Are you braindead? Where would the average person learn how to identify an abuser, cheater, etc.?
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 121
Married people on POF...
Posted: 5/30/2018 11:38:48 AM

Are you braindead? Where would the average person learn how to identify an abuser, cheater, etc.?


You sound like the braindead one. You can search for anything online, you know. Better to be aware than find out the hard way. There's no excuse to be willfully ignorant and then insulting when another person points out common sense. Some clues are pretty obvious as far as married people are concerned. A lot of the times, they only pay cash, they typically want to meet far, you can never go to their home, you never meet their friends or family, they're never available on the weekends, etc, etc.

I used to work with domestic violence survivors and my organization was big on education and prevention. There are many resources at many "average" people's fingertips. The problem is, many people don't care to research, listen to or learn from other people's advice/stories until it's too late. The aforementioned would classify more as "braindead" than a person who actually is aware & mindful when it comes to meeting, dating & trying to cultivate connections with online strangers.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 122
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Married people on POF...
Posted: 5/30/2018 12:41:41 PM

If you don't know the signs of a married person, abuser, cheater, etc., then you shouldn't be dating. Period.


This would be great advice if everyone who was an abuser, cheater, etc., showed the signs we've come to recognize.
Not everyone fits into the stereotype.

Since you worked in the field, I'm sure you know many stories of families that came apart with no warning, people who
showed no signs of aggression, who had raving reviews from family members, long time friends, work colleagues. Sure,
hindsight is a great thing, but if we could really read people like you suggest, we'd have a lot fewer problems than we do
now.
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 123
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Married people on POF...
Posted: 5/30/2018 1:52:01 PM

they only pay cash, they typically want to meet far, you can never go to their home, you never meet their friends or family, they're never available on the weekends, etc, etc.

ALL of those things apply to me and I am definitely not married.
I also hate talking on the phone, rarely answer my phone, and take a while to respond to texts.
lolololololol
I wonder if any man I have ever spent time with wondered if I was married.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 124
Married people on POF...
Posted: 5/30/2018 6:19:26 PM

This would be great advice if everyone who was an abuser, cheater, etc., showed the signs we've come to recognize.


People tell us who they are all the time by their actions and behavior, whether it is subtle or blatant. If one too blinded by "great chemistry", good looks/sex/charm to the point they're wearing rose-colored glasses, then good luck.


ALL of those things apply to me and I am definitely not married.


Well, if you really do exhibit ALL of those traits and are not married/attached, you'd be an exception. If I met someone and they exhibited a combination of those, I'd move on.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 125
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Married people on POF...
Posted: 5/31/2018 6:44:45 AM
You know, if you really did know it all about everyone all the time,
you wouldn't be here.

But good luck with your lucrative career as a soothsayer.

 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 126
Married people on POF...
Posted: 5/31/2018 7:11:55 AM
Often there are signs that a person is married, if you listen to your intuition.

1) If they can only see you during the week, especially at lunch, during their workday, but never on weekends, they are probably married.

2) If you can't come to their home, they don't want you there because you would meet the wife!

3) If they have a home phone but won't give you their number

People who are truly separated and living apart from their spouse may be harder to weed out.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 127
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Married people on POF...
Posted: 5/31/2018 7:31:18 AM
The first thing I do is get a home phone number if I'm thinking to meet someone. Of course some people may not have a hard line these days, but I haven't run into that yet.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 128
Married people on POF...
Posted: 5/31/2018 5:33:23 PM
sometimes, we like to think other people make mistakes b/c we want to think we can avoid falling into the same trap--they didn't get fooled, they did something wrong. other times, we wanted to forget the old saying, "if it sounds too good to be true...."

Be aloof, make someone feel like they have to prove themselves to you, and even the straightforward will be tempted to embellish their lives. Want to avoid BS, let a person feel so comfortable they can share the real "Them" with you. Then you will listen and hear details that don't make sense. Like "one time when WE went shopping..."
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 129
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Married people on POF...
Posted: 6/1/2018 6:01:23 PM
144
There's no excuse to be willfully ignorant and then insulting when another person points out common sense.

That wan't an insult. It was the first word that came to mind after reading that one sentence I quoted and I couldn't be bothered to look up a synonym online. My main question itself was intended to elicit the answer you gave in order for me to right this post. The question was.

143
Where would the average person learn how to identify an abuser, cheater, etc.?

I only included part of the question. It actually read, "Where would the average person learn how to identify an abuser, cheater, etc. before they met that type of person?" This was your reply to my original question.

144
You can search for anything online, you know.

Of course I know but when someone meets one of the dregs of society they don't go rushing to the internet to look up that type of personality. When you were asked out on your first date did you bother to look up these kinds of personalities to determine if that person who asked you met any of the criteria. The answer would be no and no won else would. Would I be correct if I said when you graduated from high school you were basically ignorant of such things as is every one else? It's when you were working on your degrees you learned it.Nothing in life prepares us to deal with these types of people however there is one thing that makes us all susceptible to them. From birth we are all taught the same thing, to Trust.


Better to be aware than find out the hard way.

And you must admit that's how the majority finds out. Because of Trust The average person doesn't expect to meet these reprehensible groups of people people. The cheaters, the abusers, tricksters, con artists, pedophiles, sociopaths and so on. Take the con artist. Recently on the news was a televangelist who is asking for donations so he can by $54 million dollar plane. His supporters and others who religious will have faith he is doing the work of god because of that inherent trust we all have. Now imagine what the people on the forums would have to say if someone created a thread about it. At some point a person learns to mistrust unfortunately we all don't learn how to and that is why almost everyone finds out the hardway.

144
Some clues are pretty obvious as far as married people are concerned

Of course and it would have to be learned or taught. When first meeting someone for the first time do you think the majority are looking for clues the person they are meeting is deficient in character? Of course not? It doesn't work that way in real life or in OLD.

1. they don't know what to look for
2. They are attracted to that person and it affects their thinking. They miss the red flags
3. Married people, cheaters, abusers, sociopaths are very good at what they do and have this amazing ability to disguise themselves as normal people in order to obtain they're goal.
4. enough reasons.

144
I used to work with domestic violence survivors and my organization was big on education and prevention. There are many resources at many "average" people's fingertips. The problem is, many people don't care to research, listen to or learn from other people's advice/stories until it's too late.
Exactly!!! What's in bold could also read, The problem is, people are not taught to recognize these kinds of people until it's too late. Instead of basic psychology they should be teaching high school students how to recognize the worst types of people. That would be the real prevention.

144
The aforementioned would classify more as "braindead" than a person who actually is aware & mindful when it comes to meeting, dating & trying to cultivate connections with online strangers.

That is human behavior unfortunately, not braindead and it all comes down to Trust. For example as children we are all told don't talk to strangers and of course we are taught to trust people we know. We should be teaching our children something different because 90% of child sex abuse offences are committed by people the child knows.

I hope that is understandable.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 130
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Married people on POF...
Posted: 6/8/2018 6:26:40 AM
I have seen a few women's profiles on mainstream OLD websites that mentioned they were married. A few other women told me that they were married on the first email. But probably more likely than not married people on mainstream OLD websites will not be honest about their marital status. I have seen more married women (or at least more women admitting they are married) on sex websites. Of course, some of these women were swingers or in open relationships. There were other women looking for a casual relationship and didn't want their husbands to find out.
 winfieldbrian
Joined: 8/9/2008
Msg: 131
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Married people on POF...
Posted: 6/8/2018 9:45:37 AM
Well, when the Ashley Madison web site got hacked a few years ago it was proven that almost every woman's profile on there was fake. Men had to pay to message women so employees would respond to string men along - and keep draining their wallets. Craigslist shut down their Personals forums because they were accused of supporting human trafficking. Backpage got taken over by the feds for the same reason. I don't know where else married men and women can go to have their casual relationships or hookups, but married people deserve love and sex too, so somebody has to help them out in their situation. If a married woman wants a FWB type of relationship and we get along, then I'm willing to be that friend.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 132
Married people on POF...
Posted: 6/8/2018 11:43:12 AM
^ people have been cheating LONG before the internet was ever thought of. Most affairs happen between work colleagues, for obvious reasons relating to familiarity and proximity. The internet has just made cheating easier and more anonymous.
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