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 cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 26
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push pull or tow, we take trade-insPage 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I am not on that site anymore - haven't been in a couple of years
From what I have been told, they removed their message boards just recently
AND.. you had to be a paying member to participate.

I wish there were others....

BTW - I like your car persona LOL
It was fun when we did that. We had some Mustangs, Jeeps, SUVs and even a couple of old dependable pickup trucks
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 27
push pull or tow, we take trade-ins
Posted: 1/22/2016 9:04:20 PM
cookymaker- Thank you, I can be fairly creative.
Well, darn it (about the other site)
I would leave POF if I could find another chat forum.
Wait, what was the site? I used to be on one that was shut down a few years ago.
The odds are out there that we might have been on the same site, twice, but you never know.
 cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 28
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push pull or tow, we take trade-ins
Posted: 1/22/2016 9:13:32 PM
It was Christian Mingle. The only good thing I got out of that one is because of the message boards, I made a lot of friends. Groups of 16-30 would get together for long weekends. Been to Alabama, Tennessee and N Carolina

Wouldn't it be fun to meet some of the people from here?

Getting back to original post
Compromising on the little everyday things .. everyone is capable of that. both hate doing the dishes.. switch who washes and who dries so that it's fair. He likes Mexican food - she prefers Chinese. Alternate which one on a Friday night
He smokes, she doesn't That's big. Unless he is willing to "compromise" by smoking outside all the time. Today it's snowing. Hmmm. How would that work?

Whose house do we occupy if it gets serious? You could always sell both and buy a new one together. That would be a compromise.

It just depends.. Is it a compromise, settling or asking for unreasonable change?
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 29
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push pull or tow, we take trade-ins
Posted: 1/22/2016 9:31:55 PM

bamagrl68
However, someone could have the best "picker" in the world and get it wrong.
Since the OP mentioned "trade-ins" (I'm pretty sure see meant trade OFFS?), I'll make a car buying analogy.
Say you go to buy a car, you know exactly what you want, you get to the lot and there are two there, just like what you had in mind, exactly the same from what you can see.
What you don't know is that one of them is about one or two drives away from leaving you walking, it looks great, but underneath it's a mess, a mechanics dream, but a car buyers nightmare.
Now, the other, is what it appears to be, all new and great and you can drive off in it and be happy as a clam.
Which is which?
Do you see what I'm saying?

Yes, I do, but your analogy is broken, right from the start. If you have the “best picker in the world”, then you simply are not going to “get it wrong”.

One result of doing a LOT of dating over the last 6 years is that I have greatly refined my “picker”. I don’t have a bunch of red flags, I don’t even much believe in red flags. A woman can exhibit behaviors that would cause most men to run away screaming, but if she’s attractive, I’ll give her a shot. And after meeting her, talking with her, taking a little time to get to know her, then and only then will I decide.

To continue your car analogy, take that used car to a good independent mechanic. Let him put it up on the rack, and give the underside a really good going over. Take it for a test drive, check it out on the freeway and on rough surface streets. Then and only then, make your decision.
 yougotmeakitten
Joined: 8/30/2014
Msg: 30
push pull or tow, we take trade-ins
Posted: 1/22/2016 9:38:03 PM
I never thought about settling. I only thought of how I can be with this person. What can I accept with them or not.

I never imagined getting engaged to someone very ill as I was always active but... oddly, I did and karma found a way to make me slow down. Strange I know.

I have never settled but adjusted in a positive way and we met on common ground. Think of "You take the high road and I'll take the low road. I'll be in Scotland before ye."

No I wont ever meet the place I left but while we take separate paths we still can meet at the end. Two ways of getting there.

Formerly Le Pew
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 31
push pull or tow, we take trade-ins
Posted: 1/23/2016 5:31:16 AM
I suspect how it works is...we meet someone who catches our attention, time passes and...we might decide to keep things as-is, or to advance things and play house. A bit more time passes, and then things might advance to a marriage. Or maybe it doesn't b/c we decide we don't like what we see. If one starts off looking for a LTR...then they might not let their picker get in the way of getting the LTR they want.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 32
push pull or tow, we take trade-ins
Posted: 1/23/2016 5:57:23 AM
" If one starts off looking for a LTR...then they might not let their picker get in the way of getting the LTR they want."

A mistake some people make is that the desire to have the LTR/marriage takes priority over who they choose, and feel if they choose someone who doesn't match their vision of the perfect partner, they can change and mold the partner to match their fairy tale vision of a perfect partner. And they usually have to find out the hard way that they can't change a person to match a fantasy image.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 33
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push pull or tow, we take trade-ins
Posted: 1/23/2016 7:05:10 AM

I will only date women whom I consider attractive. For a LTR, I want someone that has my back, will be there for me, every time. Which isn’t necessary in order to date. I used to think that intelligence was a very big item, but these days I give that less emphasis. I will take common sense and practicality over a great intellect.


I suppose I should clarify, that when I was younger at ~29 I dated a few women that the only reason I dated them was I knew I was going to leave town. One woman I was intrigued with because she had false teeth, I wondered if she would take them out during oral sex? Besides, she was a construction worker and I never dated a construction worker. She got into a bar fight with her sister and it came out her sister thought she was high and mighty because she could afford false teeth, my date countered with shouting about her multiple illegitimate children. They drew a small crowd to watch. Wish I had a video of that. A real "hee haw" moment. But I was only going to be in that location for a couple of months and I lived 1000 miles away. So no one that knew me could judge me, and no way I can find a surprise visitor at my door. I put it down as an interesting few months. I suppose it might have diminish my own self-respect.

I guess from age 35 I only dated women that really attracted me, though in 2008 I let myself be set up with a blind date. She was attractive but not to me. This married woman friend of mine couldn't stand it that I wasn't dating, so I let her set me up.

I never knew the intelligence of women I dated, I have noticed that the male friends I get along best with are highly intelligent / educated, more so than me. I think my wife is fairly smart, she certainly picked up a lot of English and English grammar in a short time.

As time wore on, I got much more selective about whom I would date.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 34
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What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 1/23/2016 6:13:35 PM
It is my experience that chemistry, strong attraction will cause us to overlook many faults that we would not do, in others. It is complicated and every situation is different. What I could not accept is mean spiritness, laziness,
unreliability and self centredness. In an ideal situation we accept each other, flaws and all, that is the nature of love.
What others may perceive as our faults, we may not and vice versa. There is no blanket answer to this question.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 35
What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 1/23/2016 6:23:23 PM
"I'll say this ...it's much easier to compromise with a woman who doesn't have outstanding physical attributes but makes me feel like the luckiest man alive than the other way around !"







Oh I say ! Spot on ! I have no choice but to concur heartily my good man !
 NewGirlJoining
Joined: 1/17/2016
Msg: 36
What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 1/23/2016 7:07:55 PM
I need an emotional connection before I can get close to a man physically. And he must have intellect too.
 SLAFFA
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 37
What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 1/24/2016 8:47:25 AM
Your very first opening line? VVVVV

"We have all been through the horror dates."

W R O N G!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As far as what you put in the question box... At my age, I am not willing to trade off anything. Especially since I have lived "happily" alone for the last 15 years. Compromises sure. There has to be compromises in any successful Relationship. But until I hit the trifecta? I find her "attractive" [enough] to me, we share the same or similar morals, scruples and values and she can always see the big picture - she chooses to live in the RW. And last but not least, CHEMISTRY from that very first minute we spend F2F. I know it can still happen at 57...

The first two are easy enough to find in a Fishpond as big as the one I live in but UNTIL I can find all 3 with the same woman, I will keep Fishing.
 oldfashmntman
Joined: 10/20/2009
Msg: 38
What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 1/28/2016 3:08:22 PM

I'm wondering, 'what is your bargaining tool'?.


I do not have a bargaining tool for all practical purposes, they are either what I am looking for or they are not, no middle ground in most cases.

What will you give for what?

I will go slow dancing from time to time, and shave the beard if she doesn't like them. Nothing expected in return, as I said, either she is or she isn't.



What will you accept in another, and what do you need/want to be accepted in you?


This is way to broad of a question for me to answer, would take me hours as I type with 2 fingers.
 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 39
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What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/3/2016 2:53:54 PM
When I was younger, it was simple; all the other guys were looking for girls with a 'nice rack'. I was perfectly happy with the real skinny girls they ignored. Now, there are no real skinny girls; everyone's fat fat fat; real woman have curves has become real women are round. And for me, fat is a real turn off, to the point where I can't function unless I close my eyes and think of someone else. So there's no one left to date. If I want a skinny woman, I'll have to import one, and then, she'll probably just eat her way to obesity like the rest. It's like Sam Kinnison said; five to seven pounds a year. In half a decade, she looks like her mom.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 40
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What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/3/2016 3:38:10 PM
I have to say that even when madly in love I was always aware of any flaws in the person. I was not so blinded as not to see those. However, when we are in love we tend to overlook any faults or even find them endearing. Once love departs suddenly the habits we tolerated become unbearable and we sometimes wonder what we ever saw in the person!!!' I have looked back at a couple of men I thought I was in love with and wondered what I ever saw in them, physically and otherwise.

And no we have not all been through the horror dates nor do we all find the single situation regrettable and undesirable. You can only speak for yourself.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 41
What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/3/2016 6:35:40 PM

Once love departs


How exactly does "love" "depart"?

Is it like an on\off light switch?
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 42
What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/3/2016 7:13:13 PM
Trade off? You mean I can trade her, like they do in sports teams?
 Inner_Gorilla
Joined: 12/3/2015
Msg: 43
What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/4/2016 8:22:06 AM

what is your bargaining tool'?. What will you give for what? What will you accept in another, and what do you need/want to be accepted in you?


I don't think there should be anything to bargain. What is there is there and appreciated by both parties for what it is.

In other words. I am attracted to a particular type of woman. I've never had to settle for less than that. When I have found that woman, some have loved me for an idea that was in the end not me. Or then tried to changed me. Or we both changed.

The big mistake guys make is that they try so hard at being something they are not, something that somehow that woman would love and cherish. Yet is not them. So they work at changing who they are and becoming that thing the woman thought she wanted, only to find themselves at that new place and the woman realizes that the guy is no longer what they fell in love with. And they drift and they change and create distance.

Relationships are give an take. I would be lying if I said that I do not adapt to the needs of my partner. But I do so because I also want to please her, as much as she wants to please me. worse than trading off something, is remaining silent to something that you do not like and then starts to grow into resentment. More important it's to speak up. Say what is it that you do not like, or insulted you, or hurt your feelings. But we fail to do that so many times and mainly because we give labels to things as being right or wrong, or good or bad, instead of looking at a different angle. Its not that such behavior was wrong, but that it hurt our feelings, or we do not like the outcome.
But we must speak up. Both men and women. Otherwise you become a victim or your own inaction. And in the end you're treated the way you allow others to tread you.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 44
What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/4/2016 9:05:49 AM
" In half a decade, she looks like her mom."

>>>I was trying to remember who said that. I think its true, genetically speaking.

One of the benefits to a healthy relationship, besides the getting laid part, is that it should make us learn to be less of a self centered prick. Give a little, to get a little. Don't always put ourselves first (which maybe becomes practice for when we become a parent). So we give up things that are comfortable to us, but really, aren't necessary-for-survival important.
Guys and gals who focus on getting a relationship, will give up more, to get that relationship. what they should be doing, of course, is looking around, and if they find a great fit, THEN consider a relationship and all the costs that entails. what we lose in order to get what we win.

but, I think it all begins with how much we respect ourselves. Accomplish that well, and you'll find partners who respect you--otherwise, why the hell do you want them in your house?
 Inner_Gorilla
Joined: 12/3/2015
Msg: 45
What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/4/2016 11:36:49 AM

but, I think it all begins with how much we respect ourselves. Accomplish that well, and you'll find partners who respect you--otherwise, why the hell do you want them in your house?


Totally agree with this statement. There has been times when I have not recanted on what I said or did, to her total chagrin and anger. Only to a couple of dates later, be proven right, or that my way did have a meaning and a result. Still, in some other cases, it not so much an issue of being right, but right at what price. Is it that important at that point. And I have found that it has been better to bend, to oblige, to please, to acquiesce that to be stubbornly obtuse. And like the saying goes then you will win the battle but lose the war.
 showboatsupreme
Joined: 1/25/2016
Msg: 46
What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/4/2016 12:04:19 PM
My bargaining tool?

My ability to commit. I still think that is a man's most valuable gift.

But what do I know? I've committed many times...
 Inner_Gorilla
Joined: 12/3/2015
Msg: 47
What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/4/2016 12:14:58 PM

My ability to commit. I still think that is a man's most valuable gift.


And the opposite of that is?.... To leave the relationship. Or in other words abandonment.

In the early stages, absolutely man. I don't like what she is doing or not doing, walk away. It's powerful and you don't have to be conflictive. But what happens when you are already in a relationship? When you have already pledge to go for the long haul. The problem here is that if you look for the door as a bargaining chip, many researchers and therapist say that it then becomes a self fulfilling prophesy. When the bargaining chip is to walk away, eventually you or your partner walk away. When your bargaining chip is to work at it, to figure it out and keep that language out of the narrative, eventually you work it out.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 8/14/2015
Msg: 48
What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/4/2016 1:04:15 PM

My ability to commit. I still think that is a man's most valuable gift.


I remember years ago, someone I worked with told me he'd marry me in a NY minute,
and I was surprised and not sure it was a compliment...but he said something like,
wanting to marry someone was a very high compliment.

I'm still not sure what I think.
I've had some miserable SOB's want to marry me...and I'm left wondering why. Not
wondering why they'd want to marry me (cause I'm awesome of course!) but why
they'd think I want to marry them, being as they were miserable and all.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 49
What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/4/2016 1:10:33 PM

But what do I know? I've committed many times...


...and yet they keep letting you out!...or is that back in?? Oh...you didn't say "been" committed...
 showboatsupreme
Joined: 1/25/2016
Msg: 50
What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/4/2016 2:15:01 PM
Actually, I left them all so my ability to stay committed is questionable :)
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