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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > What will you compromise? Or trade off?      Home login  
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 CynthiaSM
Joined: 3/29/2014
Msg: 61
What will you compromise? Or trade off?Page 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

With regards to sex lives, one of the most fascinating discoveries is that aging liberals have way more sex. Political ideology had no bearing on overall life satisfaction, but the most conservative men on average shut down their sex lives around age 68, while the most liberal men had healthy sex lives well into their 80s. Vaillant writes, “I have consulted urologists about this, they have no idea why it might be so.”

The answer isn't to be had from a urologist; the problem isn't physical or medical.
The answer is to be had from a politician or cleric; the problem is in the conservative's view toward women, women's bodies, and the role of sex.
Certainly not saying it is absolute, 100% of men holding conservative 'values' or political views select subservient women, or select a woman who will fill the 'barefoot, pregnant, housekeeper, support' role, or believe sex is solely for procreation. I think that's lip-service for public consumption only for many conservatives.
But look at the role of sex espoused by the religions favored by conservatives and it seems axiomatic that there will be no sex once a woman is unable to bear children. They create public and private structures to brain wash their adherents that sex is a sin and a woman is either a whore, a breeder, or a madonna.
So once past breeding age, unless it's at the "husband's prerogative", I think (my opinion only) that more and more these days even aged conservative men would rather not have sex than to have sex with the 'Madonna-sex-is-a-sin-limp-fish-going-through-the-motions' woman they married.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 62
What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/6/2016 10:15:19 AM
That sounds too much like astrology hocus pocus, where people are matched up by their birthday and told who to avoid because of their birthday, and people's personalities are all based on what astrological sign they were born under. I guess finding someone who is a good match based on who they are and being compatible involves too much logic and common sense for a lot of people to comprehend.
 HalftimeDad
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 63
What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/6/2016 1:26:00 PM
I know a guy who wants to marry a woman. But she wants him to get circumcised first.

That seems like a hell of a compromise to me.
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 12/24/2015
Msg: 64
What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/6/2016 1:34:46 PM
I feel that would be a small price to pay for the woman he loves. (After all, women get breast implants to please men.) And a very romantic gesture. Kind of like Van Gogh, except instead of mailing his ear to her, he could mail his foreskin.
 HalftimeDad
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 65
What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/6/2016 2:03:05 PM
Would you undergo female circumcision for a guy then?

What ever happened to accepting someone for who they are? You're clearly one of those man hating feminists I keep hearing about.

(Sorry, had a short nap)
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 12/24/2015
Msg: 66
What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/6/2016 2:09:31 PM
^ Female circumcision is not the equivalent of male circumcision - it's the equivalent of having the penis removed in its entirety. And I don't hate men - penises are great. Especially if they're circumcised.
 HalftimeDad
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 67
What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/6/2016 2:12:35 PM
Nah. I can still have sex with a woman who has had female circumcision. A guy can't have sex without a penis.

You're wrong again. [Drops mike.]
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 68
What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/6/2016 6:47:07 PM
before you lick that, em, envelope, I hope I warn you in time....don't mail (male?) foreskin.

It gets handled so much by the post office, and then....you're forced to pay for parcel post.

"...finding someone who is a good match based on who they are and being compatible involves too much logic and common sense for a lot of people to comprehend"

>>>I hate to be the cynical anal opening of the group, but if its true that "common sense" is uncommon, it might be true that finding a good match by knowing what and who one is, then taking enough interest in other human beings to notice who is a good match and who is not, could very well be out of the grasp of the general populace.

oh well, there's always room for drunken hookups. who was it again who claimed beer was proof the gods above love us?
 Olivoil
Joined: 5/3/2015
Msg: 69
What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/6/2016 6:57:13 PM
At this stage, I'd compromise very little. And the longer I'm single the more I like it.
'Been attached three times, long term since age 15, and compromised more than I care to think about. So if I want breakfast potato chips, nobody is going to rag on me for it. And nobody is going to demand I hurry up and do my 'quick get ready' on a Saturday morning, just so we can go for coffee and read the paper.
Lately I have been flattered by the attention of wealthy man my age and an up and coming young buck with a great career, who's going places.
I'm in a comfortable little bubble, and my freedom trumps everything right now.
 showboatsupreme
Joined: 1/25/2016
Msg: 70
What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/6/2016 7:31:11 PM
^^^

So you found a warm body to pay for your entertainment. Kudos.

I get the attention of hawt single mamas and older gals.

Touche...

My freedom doesn't need to flinch with these options.
 Olivoil
Joined: 5/3/2015
Msg: 71
What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/7/2016 7:57:11 AM
Who said I went out with them, and that they 'paid', which always seems to hit a nerve with certain men on here. You don't know me, showboat, and that I always go dutch when with friends, male or female. I'm not one of those poor destitute women certain men seem to rag on about.
There was no date, no hang out, or cuddle time. Have no idea if their bodies are warm.
I'm not dating, therefore not compromising at the moment.
That was my point, what was yours again?
 Inner_Gorilla
Joined: 12/3/2015
Msg: 72
What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/8/2016 8:28:42 AM

But look at the role of sex espoused by the religions favored by conservatives and it seems axiomatic that there will be no sex once a woman is unable to bear children.


I think this is so right on the money. To many religions, they still view sex as something dirty, something for the purpose of procreation. They fail to understand the many other ramifications of sex, or why have sex. Women that are willing to embrace other spiritual ideologies tend to be more open minded about the mind, the body, sources of energy, and sources of pleasure. And many of these women do happen to have a more liberal view on politics and life to where their actions and desire are not hypocritical to their religious beliefs.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 73
What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/8/2016 11:55:32 AM
it is crazy, they can't seem or don't want to, recognize the connections that get made when two people have good sex together.

focusing on sex with regards only to an end product of making a baby, are great if you want to ensure the Divine Right of Kings gets passed thru a bloodline, or want to maintain noble bloodlines to keep a rigid government going, rather than leave things up to election after an office holder passes away.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 74
What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/8/2016 2:02:47 PM

To many religions, they still view sex as something dirty, something for the purpose of procreation.


I don't want to turn this into another religion bashing thread, but I'm wondering about a specific religious practice when it comes to procreating. I recall hearing way back when that the Catholic church was against any form of birth control, and if sex with no birth control resulted in pregnancy, so be it. There are probably other religions that have the same view. Is it still the Catholic church's policy to preach against any form of birth control, other than abstinence, or have they stepped into the 21st century yet?
 Inner_Gorilla
Joined: 12/3/2015
Msg: 75
What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/8/2016 9:05:39 PM

I recall hearing way back when that the Catholic church was against any form of birth control,

You forget that unlike the protestant Christian religions, Catholicism you go to confession and all your seems are then forgiven. Thus some of the most proficient fornicators are Catholics, yet they seem to not get over the guilt. I've had some very Catholic women contact me about all the nasty things that they would love to do, only to retract and find salvation and later on tease again.
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 76
view profile
History
What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/8/2016 9:39:11 PM
msg 86, from CynthiaSM:



With regards to sex lives, one of the most fascinating discoveries is that aging liberals have way more sex. Political ideology had no bearing on overall life satisfaction, but the most conservative men on average shut down their sex lives around age 68, while the most liberal men had healthy sex lives well into their 80s. Vaillant writes, “I have consulted urologists about this, they have no idea why it might be so.”
The answer isn't to be had from a urologist; the problem isn't physical or medical.
The answer is to be had from a politician or cleric; the problem is in the conservative's view toward women, women's bodies, and the role of sex.
Certainly not saying it is absolute, 100% of men holding conservative 'values' or political views select subservient women, or select a woman who will fill the 'barefoot, pregnant, housekeeper, support' role, or believe sex is solely for procreation. I think that's lip-service for public consumption only for many conservatives.
But look at the role of sex espoused by the religions favored by conservatives and it seems axiomatic that there will be no sex once a woman is unable to bear children. They create public and private structures to brain wash their adherents that sex is a sin and a woman is either a whore, a breeder, or a madonna.
So once past breeding age, unless it's at the "husband's prerogative", I think (my opinion only) that more and more these days even aged conservative men would rather not have sex than to have sex with the 'Madonna-sex-is-a-sin-limp-fish-going-through-the-motions' woman they married.


O Cynthia, bit of a bias showing? Anyway, I'm pleased you interjected "my opinion only," into your screed. I can only agree, minimally, that there are certain repressive attitudes ingrained w/in some congregations and believers. I can assure you they are not found w/in this writer. Further, those who do have these repressive attitudes tend to have double X chromosomes vs the XY pairing you've disparaged. Those who have read the totality of scripture find great comfort in such like the Song of Solomon which, if made into a modern movie would surely receive an advisory rating. Just sayin'.

But, thanx for your contribution!

TK
 geekgrrrl
Joined: 1/28/2009
Msg: 77
view profile
History
What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/8/2016 9:44:37 PM
What will I compromise? Or trade off?

NOTHING! ZIP! NADA! LOL
 Perspektiv
Joined: 1/24/2016
Msg: 78
What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/27/2016 4:57:00 AM

What flaws can you accept, or not accept, from someone else, and what do you want/need to be accepted, or overlooked, in yourself?


I don't want my flaws to be overlooked. I want them to be accepted. Just like I'd do the same, for another.
If you can't accept them, then I'm not compatible with you. That simple.

Taking someone you need to "work on", or "train" is an old and flawed way of telling someone they should settle for less in life.

Overlooking, or "living with" what I bring to the table, is someone settling to be with me. I'd rather be alone, than with someone who took me on a "you didn't send me genital pictures--you'll do", level.

I'll accept all flaws, for someone I'm compatible with (would take a deal-breaker, for me to walk).

If I liked a girl, flaws no longer matter to me. If we're incompatible, all I will notice, is your flaws. Everything is working, or you're working for everything.

That said, there are deal-breakers, which to me are a little more serious than flaws.

I.E Someone being a binge drinker, violent, broke with zero ambition, and the like, which to me would be a little much to compromise on (you'd in fact be sacrificing part of who you are).
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 3/29/2014
Msg: 79
What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/27/2016 5:58:57 AM

I don't want my flaws to be overlooked. I want them to be accepted. Just like I'd do the same, for another.
If you can't accept them, then I'm not compatible with you. That simple.

+1
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 80
What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/27/2016 7:33:13 AM
I've got flaws. I use it to get rid of the gunk between my teeth.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 81
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History
What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/27/2016 3:49:59 PM
You have heard others say that they have woken up and were just not in love anymore? So for some it is like a light switch that goes on and off but that is probably just infatuation anyway.
 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 82
view profile
History
What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/28/2016 6:57:54 AM
Again, I believe that most men work sort of backwards, and pretty much every woman is a potential mate until we find something that turns us off (because if we're sexually turned off, we're not going to be able to have sex with her, and won't like looking at her, which for her will be unacceptable).

So for me, that's being fat, and really short hair; either one, or both, pretty much rules out anything in the romance department. Then we move on to annoying things that we absolutely cannot stand without screaming (fits of murderous rage, terrible hygiene, continuous singing off key, doing things that make it dangerous to live with her (sharp objects left in random places where I could accidently hurt myself), that sort of thing. Beyond that, pretty much anyone is good to go.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 83
view profile
History
What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/28/2016 10:58:29 AM

I'm wondering, 'what is your bargaining tool'?. What will you give for what? What will you accept in another, and what do you need/want to be accepted in you?

I think the only compromise one should make is one that they know is for the best in general, but the person they're now dating is motivation to go in that direction.

EXs: Bad habit (smoking, always stopping by McDonalds after work every day), Never exercising at all, Drinking too much too often, etc.

You're compromising things you'd like to compromise, but lack the motivation to do so, as it will be a pain in the arse for a while. So one can actually utilize a dating situation as motivation to get over a bad habit or convenience that they know they're best without or whittled down.

However, asking someone to change something that's not So much right or wrong, but just a lifestyle conflict, IMO, is asking too much. Some single people like going to the bar on the weekends. Someone they date may HATE that concept and think ill of it, unfortunately. That's something not to change -- just an unfortunate mismatch. Big difference between that and something that IS not good + the person wanting to change that non-good anyway.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 84
mental flaws for your teeth
Posted: 2/28/2016 11:50:16 AM
"You have heard others say that they have woken up and were just not in love anymore?"

>>>it could be that the other person grew up, matured in a direction the first person wasn't interested in going. perhaps they became a homebody who falls asleep at 9pm and doesn't want to travel anymore, for example. Or who doesn't find their body is a temple anymore, but a lounge to rest in. Or perhaps the one who fell out of love, wasn't really in love all those years ago, they just needed a coworker for the job of raising a baby. they thought it was love, but it really was that they didn't have a better choice to compare it to, and after all these years, they've found some new measuring sticks.
 ForeverTexas25
Joined: 1/18/2015
Msg: 85
What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 3/13/2016 4:34:30 AM
I can compromise on the guys age, looks (to some extent, as long as there is mutual attraction), and whether or not he has kids. But I won't compromise on dating a man that is bi (or if he used to be gay), or dating a man that is involved with doing/dealing drugs. Those are a couple of the deal breakers for me. What I would like for a guy to overlook in me, is that I can get overly emotional at times, and that I don't really like going to parties or clubs or going out drinking.
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