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 MCL4
Joined: 7/12/2010
Msg: 353
Does Friends first ever really work?Page 21 of 25    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25)

Well thats the whole point of you not putting up with it and being clear about what you want. A bit of it is you seeing what they are like but the other bit is them seeing what you are like. If they cant push you around in the early stages they will either respect the line you have taken or they will move on. If they move on then thats fine. When you let things drift on like this it slips a bit more each time and then just ends up a bit of a mess with both of you feeling angry towards each other. Figure out what you could of done better and use it for the next time, thats what dating is about I guess. The difficult bit is gauging the line, its very endearing to find a man who is willing to put himself out a bit, give you a lift, help you with stuff and want to take good care of you. Thats not the same as doing everything for that person and not being appreciated for it. Its always a risk lending someone money, sometimes it works, mostly it doesnt. But if you lend them money and they make no effort to pay it back then that, for me, is a line. Its great to offer someone a lift, but if youve broke down and they dont do anything to help you in return, well thats another line IMO.
Well like I said before for the next time I know the warning signs, looking on here (as I have seen) If they are holding up a bunch of money in any of their pictures that a red flag.. shopping can be a potential red flag. I will say I have learned a fair amount about her.. she hates when I try to figure her out as she says but it's really just me staring at her actions and what she says it does. A lot of the guys at work were pretty appalled at how she seemed not to really care how much I went out of the way I went to make sure she got to work safely when the weather was bad, a lot of people said I went above and beyond most would of did and they all said I had more patience then them.. but all said I WAS TOO NICE!


What???? Ive missed something??? Whats this stripping bit all about? She asked for money to strip for you? and you negotiated it? Erm, hun, if a girl asks for money for stripping shes not the sweet lil thing your making her out to be.


Yeah I was pretty taken back at first she asked for $100 in singles but changed it to $50 of course I did not give her anything, funny she's going to school for criminal justice but she has a dream of being a stripper.. I guess all honor students in school are not that smart in some areas..
 MCL4
Joined: 7/12/2010
Msg: 354
Does Friends first ever really work?
Posted: 3/22/2015 12:16:37 PM

You realize there is nothing she can do if you change your number and don't have any contact with her? Let her keep the money she owes you, that's the price for ridding yourself of her. She can figure out how to get to airport and all that on her own. You keep catering to her and she continues to ask for more.

I honestly have no problem with her thinking she's all that and a bag of chips, but she is not being fair, she is not doing what she can do and doesn't cost money. You get what I'm saying?

Have you gotten yourself tested? There is something about her not willing to have sex with you that I don't get. Does she have children? Where is she from? I think I have an idea, it sounds very familiar, there are women whose sole purpose in life is get everything they can from a man while giving him very little in return. It sounds like what she's doing though we're not talking big bucks yet, lol.
I really don't want to change my number due to all the other places I have to contact including my job seeing as it took them 3 years just to get the right number on the paperwork after I had it changed. as far as getting to the airport we are all going in a shuttle bus so she wont face that issue. But I get what you are saying, everything she does ends up costing (me) money I have been tested and I'm clean, she has no kids and she's from Connecticut I love how she tells me shes tired of jumping from relationship to relationship, on her facebook page in one of her albums she has each of the guy's she been with showing them together, some kissing and some not.. now shes said she's been with a guy older then me (I'm 30 and she is 22) but every single one of them got dropped for whatever reason.. I'm curious to know why.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 355
view profile
History
Does Friends first ever really work?
Posted: 3/22/2015 3:11:19 PM
For myself, it's never worked out.
 midnite_icecream
Joined: 12/27/2014
Msg: 356
Does Friends first ever really work?
Posted: 3/22/2015 8:38:25 PM

Friends do have sex with each other. They just aren't in any "friends first" zone anymore, nor are they "just friends". "Just Friends" don't have sex with each other. But boyFriends and girlFriends, and "I want a lover and a best friends" -- they have sex.

Bfriend/Gfriend situations with also having a 'higher love' if you like, mutually expressed, is a different category. FWB is a concept designed to fail. It starts off on the wrong foot. Most people aren't wired like robots. The sort of hurt experienced in FWBs should not be happening to the degree it does if people weren't using their so-called friend as a shortcut to sexual gratification - it's just another means to quick fix sex. You have people wanting FWB with complete strangers. Where's the friend bit in that (rhetorical). It doesn't work for most people. I go so far as considering it a non-entity.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 357
Does Friends first ever really work?
Posted: 3/24/2015 10:41:40 AM

You have people wanting FWB with complete strangers. Where's the friend bit in that (rhetorical). It doesn't work for most people. I go so far as considering it a non-entity.

My point was -- yes, friends do have sex. "Just Friends" don't have sex. "Friends First" = "Just Friends" (at first). But yeah, them crossing ANY platonic lines while hanging out 1-on-1 automatically makes them More than just friends, whether they like it or not.

Anyway, in response to your specific question/statement -- where's the friend bit in wanting to be friends with complete strangers? Well, they're not going to be friends off the bat, as it'll be in the development process technically for at least a little while, but that won't last long -- depending on one's definition of Friend vs Acquaintance, etc.

FWB isn't supposed to work indefinitely. That's not the aim. It's not to last in that gear for more than what a summer fling would be. It can though. But again, that's not the aim. An example would be LD friends (w/ benefits when meeting up with each other & both single). FWB is not a booty call, remember. It's where you are friends, whether it be group-friends or 1-on-1 friends, but you keep it on that level, with the exception of hooking up in the background... meaning you keep it as an isolated side-dish, not to re-define who you two are, with the focal point still aimed at being friends (but not entirely platonic). IMO, the most 'healthy' way is when two people are LD and realize LD relationships don't work. They're LD friends... but when both single & one comes into town (however often that is), they're not a couple or anything, but they're not platonic either and pork each other silly.
 MCL4
Joined: 7/12/2010
Msg: 358
Does Friends first ever really work?
Posted: 3/25/2015 7:21:00 AM
I'm not sure what to call it anymore.. yesterday she was telling me how long some of her friend's she has known for.. with the shorted being 3 years and I said well I'm the lowest one it seems, the interesting part was she got a little pissy when she asked to use the car and I said no.. kept asking and she just gave up after asking like 4 or 5 times, she kept wanting to know why.. then she started assuming then just gave up as she knew it was not going to happen. later on (25 min) she got over it.. She's was like (during the discussion we were having) this right here is like cool points me and you having a discussion this is what bonds friendship, you don't know how to make friends and saying how I only have one true friend.. mind you she's basing all this off from what she has only seen and not knowing my whole backstory of where and who my other friends are..

So a little later she was sitting on the bed and I was in a chair and she was like see this is my idea of having a nice time us watching tv together and having a nice time, I just gave a quick smile and went back to watching tv. She has noticed I cut waay back, she's like Mike it seems like the past few weeks you seem to have a personal problem with me, what's up with that? I told her about the text and the calling which seems to always lead into her wanting something done for her.. and she said that's why we have not went out much or did much because I did not want you to think I'm just using you.

I take whatever she says very lightly.
 MCL4
Joined: 7/12/2010
Msg: 359
Does Friends first ever really work?
Posted: 3/27/2015 8:15:40 AM
Lol too funny she just asked me if I could help her with her all inclusive for the trip.. $425.. I said then how will I eat? In other words I'm paying for myseld.. she's like this will be your birthday gift to me.. who the he'll is she trying to kid.. I tried so hard not to laugh while driving... she's like oh you don't have the money no relationship = no more giving.. I bet my paycheck if I asked her to define it she would be we are dating to get the money..
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 360
Does Friends first ever really work?
Posted: 3/27/2015 8:31:19 AM
If you're not gonna cut it off, don't complain.

Sometimes, you need to be an a$$hole and say "you are on your own, and I see no reason to continue to help you out, I'm not an ATM. You always need something and that something is always money, it's not my affection, it's not my time, it's not my body, it's always money, and I need someone who is more diverse in taste and who can handle their own". "If you cannot afford expenses related to the trip, don't go, you'll be doing me a favor because I know your money-hungry self, will stop at nothing to continue to ask for more, what exactly is it you expect from a man who you clearly don't want to f*ck?"

You ever suggested she go to the bank to get a loan so she can stop asking people for money? Lol. I'm not even gonna say that you can't provide her with what she needs, because she is not giving you something comparable to balance it out. Have some respect for yourself and pull yourself out of this situation.
 MCL4
Joined: 7/12/2010
Msg: 361
Does Friends first ever really work?
Posted: 3/27/2015 11:56:15 AM
She just had a breakdown... she was crying in the car.. not like bawl out but sniffles. . She got on me for not really caring but I told her you are not really telling much what is going on... so I did give in and letting her use the car.. she had me wait at her house and her mom walked in the room where I was a different asked where her daughter was.. she must of told her as well.. so she was not far but must of been bad since the mother said I have never seen her like this before. When she 8th like this you can't get much in including just plain friendship. . But I do hope she is ok
 DeepakTolle
Joined: 3/18/2015
Msg: 362
Does Friends first ever really work?
Posted: 3/27/2015 12:14:48 PM

But I do hope she is ok


I have a feeling she will be once you cough up the money.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 363
Does Friends first ever really work?
Posted: 3/27/2015 12:34:44 PM

She just had a breakdown... she was crying in the car.. not like bawl out but sniffles. . She got on me for not really caring but I told her you are not really telling much what is going on... so I did give in and letting her use the car.. she had me wait at her house and her mom walked in the room where I was a different asked where her daughter was.. she must of told her as well.. so she was not far but must of been bad since the mother said I have never seen her like this before. When she 8th like this you can't get much in including just plain friendship. . But I do hope she is ok


So?

She continues to ask, you continue to give, the relationship is working out, congrats!!!

I'm so used to seeing people break down in rehab, in the subway, in the bus, at school, that it does not faze me. I'm not going to be manipulated by drama, we continue with the first order of business, then you can go back to your breakdown. I've had students kneel down begging to get into a course (when they clearly neglected to do what they had to do early), sorry but NO, I'm not falling for that.
 oXChemicalXo
Joined: 3/24/2015
Msg: 364
Does Friends first ever really work?
Posted: 3/27/2015 2:17:34 PM

seeing how she is now and turns 23 this week I'm not sure this is something she can fix getting older..


It is possible but unlikely that anything would change for the better as she ages. Frankly she has no incentive to do so. You seem like a decent sort, get out of this now, completely and with some dignity. Find someone else who treats you with more respect and forget about this train wreck.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 365
Does Friends first ever really work?
Posted: 3/27/2015 2:18:40 PM

She just had a breakdown... she was crying in the car.. not like bawl out but sniffles.


This is one example why I cannot take you seriously.

First: ZOMG! She had a breakdown!!

Then: the sniffles.

Have you taken my advice and directed her to this and the other thread where you trash her? Print it out for her? If not, why not?

Another example of a man blaming a woman for his choices. If you don’t like what you’re doing….STOP.
 LinuxD
Joined: 12/6/2008
Msg: 366
view profile
History
Does Friends first ever really work?
Posted: 3/27/2015 8:52:28 PM
Dude, here it is in a nutshell, stop making excuses for this and that. Get a fvcking spine, the beyotch is playing you like she is the bow and you are the fiddle, stop. just stop. You ain't hitting that until eternity comes,some other guy will, you are the fill in, if Mr. 12" and a Dozen roses isn't there, YOU fill in until he DOES show up, exit,stage left.
 thecubanbeast
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 367
Does Friends first ever really work?
Posted: 3/27/2015 10:33:24 PM
I dont think so. I am never friends with any woman I dont have the intention to sleep anyway.
 deetristate
Joined: 12/4/2014
Msg: 368
Does Friends first ever really work?
Posted: 3/28/2015 5:36:36 AM
SEE ABOVE

PAY ATTENTION, ladies.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 369
view profile
History
Does Friends first ever really work?
Posted: 3/28/2015 5:47:10 AM
Is this even a serious topic?

I mean really?

People who stay where they are obviously NOT being treated well, don't deserve sympathy or understanding beyond the point of being aware of their own situation. We're NOT talking about a woman with dependent children who is being beaten and has no recourse financial or otherwise to extract herself and her kids from the relationship, here...

This is a young, healthy man who is obviously perfectly ok with how this woman is treating him as he is obviously getting something from it, even if it's only fodder to post here and gain attention from strangers....

OP, you know what you have to do, so why don't you go do that or get a hobby , other than trashing some woman on a public forum for behaviour that you yourself are encouraging and engaging in....

The snake will behave like a snake, it's in their nature....that's HER excuse...

What's yours?
 deetristate
Joined: 12/4/2014
Msg: 370
Does Friends first ever really work?
Posted: 3/28/2015 11:04:04 AM
Why can't people say,

"You know, maybe you could try a different tact because this one is not working."

Why do they have to say,

"What you are doing is stupid, stupid, and You are an idiot for doing what you do and I can't help an idiot."
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 371
view profile
History
Does Friends first ever really work?
Posted: 3/28/2015 11:18:49 AM
OMG!!!

I just noticed that the guy that everyone seems to be directing their comments towards ISN'T even the OP!!!!

LMAO
That'll teach me to read more carefully.....lol

Sorry OP if you're still around somewhere...
My comments were actually directed towards MCL4...who apparently has hijacked the thread.....

Carry on!!! lol
 MCL4
Joined: 7/12/2010
Msg: 372
Does Friends first ever really work?
Posted: 3/30/2015 7:33:34 AM

Dude, here it is in a nutshell, stop making excuses for this and that. Get a fvcking spine, the beyotch is playing you like she is the bow and you are the fiddle, stop. just stop. You ain't hitting that until eternity comes,some other guy will, you are the fill in, if Mr. 12" and a Dozen roses isn't there, YOU fill in until he DOES show up, exit,stage left.


I only said half of what her mother told me (she seems to be wanting it to work) but hell she's noticed her and what she has me doing is something one would do in a relationship.. her daughter however said I needed to have more of a backbone.. like be more assertive.. kinda odd hearing that from someone using you.

Now get this.. for the past 2 days she asked me what did I get her for her birthday as a gift.. I've been trying to change the subject but she will get right back on it.. take last night for example.. she's like OH you get paid this Friday you can get my gift! So I said wait a second.. first of all you can take that trip as a gift count it as a early birthday gift.. she said but that was in Feb. my birthday is in March.. that's two different months. Then she a few hours before was saying she did not want a gift card or money but a gift.. but then kept flip flopping back and forth.. her mother said don't give her anything given all you did for her so far and I agree I had only planned to get her a card and that was it.. sure she is going to be disappointed but I'm also putting my foot down.

Shes going to be just as upset when she finds out I have a date on Saturday and it's with someone who is not only 2 years younger but far more mature then her 23 year old self.. It's like a night and day difference I don't have to work hard to feel like she's going to complain of me just maybe making a sigh sound or looking a certain way.
 justdeb1111
Joined: 8/12/2012
Msg: 373
Does Friends first ever really work?
Posted: 3/30/2015 12:34:41 PM

OMG!!!

I just noticed that the guy that everyone seems to be directing their comments towards ISN'T even the OP!!!!



Ayep--the thread is 8 years old, but I will add my 2 cents anyways.

Reality check. I believe in friend's first, what I don't condone is being used and there is a small percentage of women AND men who pull such stunts. Trouble is the poor, wah-wah, victim then sees every "friends first" the same way and avoids, badmouths and condemns them.

Grow some stones, if you were dumped, you were dumped regardless of reasons you will never know.

If you were turned down by a blonde does this mean you run scared and panicked and suspicious of all blondes? Hellllllo??? How's that working for you??
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 374
Does Friends first ever really work?
Posted: 3/30/2015 1:06:48 PM
Folks, MCL4 is a troll. No one is that dense.
 justdeb1111
Joined: 8/12/2012
Msg: 375
Does Friends first ever really work?
Posted: 3/30/2015 1:22:57 PM

Folks, MCL4 is a troll. No one is that dense.


LOL! I dunno, MaleFeasance, I've popped into forums off/on for about three years now and I've seen denser!
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 376
Does Friends first ever really work?
Posted: 3/30/2015 2:49:06 PM

Folks, MCL4 is a troll. No one is that dense.

I agree. There are people that dense, but it doesn't take away from the trolling effect. He knows it's fvcked up when he steps back and looks at it, but "it's different" because he's involved and has feelings about her + her ability to keep roping him in. In these cases where guys go at great lengths over time, running through months of craziness and getting used to it -- is almost always where the gal is out of the guy's league. One would have to be Real Dense -- like, have brain problems, if he were going thru that stuff but he could Also somewhat easily do better.

He wants to be dragged thru the mud and/or have the drama over time. Let him! :)
 MCL4
Joined: 7/12/2010
Msg: 377
Does Friends first ever really work?
Posted: 3/30/2015 3:33:04 PM
A bunch of cry babies here assume I'm a troll because I'm saying what happened... Yeah i got myself a date with a girl off from from Brooklyn she's far better then the other girl could hope to be.. Maybe its just the way she was raised.. I heard Dominicans are more mature at. Younger age.
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