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 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 8
Asking for a 2nd date at the END of the first datePage 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
It is not a serious bad move, it's just simply means nothing. You can ask, and she can say sure. And when you email or phone, nothing happens. So it really has no meaning at all. So I've seen it go either way. I personally, do not ask. Why? It's a waste of time. Now I've been in a situation where the girl then called me the same night because she was lost getting out of where our date was. I gave her directions, she kept talking and for some reason we made a date to have dinner at my place the next night. And, she did show up the next night. As a matter of fact, I am still going out with that girl.
 Internetdatingpariah
Joined: 10/17/2004
Msg: 10
Asking for a 2nd date at the END of the first date
Posted: 2/27/2008 8:54:35 AM
geeez...there's been times I've asked DURING the first date. You can normally tell if things are going well or not. F*ck the rules! If you like eachother you like eachother.
 northeast25
Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 17
Asking for a 2nd date at the END of the first date
Posted: 2/27/2008 12:08:44 PM
It depends on a woman's personality and how well the date went. There are situations when a woman is really undecided about seeing a man again immediately after the first date so she might need some time to think about it. Some women might feel bad about a rejecting man in person. So they might say yes to a second date, then a few days later send an email / text message stating their non-interest.
 fancynanci
Joined: 8/21/2007
Msg: 26
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Asking for a 2nd date at the END of the first date
Posted: 2/27/2008 3:31:43 PM
I see nothing wrong with asking her out again at the end of the first date. I say do it, because if you don't, another man may come along, sweep her off her feet, and you've just blown your chances of ever seeing her again.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 27
Asking for a 2nd date at the END of the first date
Posted: 2/27/2008 4:29:22 PM
Message 32 said it best!
"I'd really like to see you again."
Is the best way to end a good date if you want a second.
shows interest, without putting the girl on the spot.

I usually know after a date whether there will be another one.
whether or not it is mentioned.
But I still end with:
"I'd really enjoyed myself and would like to see you again."

Just gives me an excuse to call the girl.
:-)
 jim2691
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 30
Asking for a 2nd date at the END of the first date
Posted: 3/6/2008 6:49:49 AM
I do agree with you if you want to cancel just make the call, also i think if the date did not click between each other, we can be a friends, i belive in friendship to start with and out open get evrything out of your heart you want to say, just be up front face to face.
 TrackMan391
Joined: 9/22/2004
Msg: 35
Asking for a 2nd date at the END of the first date
Posted: 3/6/2008 5:27:11 PM
I don't know if it's a good idea. Although it's flattering to an extent, it could also be seen as showing desperation. And we all know that's never a turn-on. It's best to end then first date with a handshake/hug/kiss/whatever, and save the asking out for when you call after the date. (Deciding when to call warrants its own forum thread, so I won't start that discussion here.) It's acceptable to casually say "we should get together again sometime", though, because in this case, you're simply throwing out an idea, not putting the person on the spot.
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 37
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Asking for a 2nd date at the END of the first date
Posted: 3/6/2008 6:37:06 PM
Well, I used to have the same dilemma in job interviews, till someone in recruiting told me that it's better to clarify it then, because if you had a bad interview, they are not going to change their minds and give you a chance, and if you had a good interview, you don't have to play the "don't call us, we'll call you" game. You know right away, and can move on or take the job, and little is likely to change anyway.

If he is desirable, it is a good idea. If not, it is bad idea.
If he's not desirable, he's not going to get a second date. So it's a good idea, because you know right away, instead of having to call to find out.

I have had many guys ask me out again by the end of the first date. I never thought anything odd or bad about it. I actually found it to be flattering and liked that I knew where I stood. I think you can tell how it is going.

I also think it says alot about the guy. It shows me he is a man who knows what he wants and isn't afraid to ask. It also shows that he likes to ask in advance, and probably isn't one who calls and asks at the last minute.

As long as you don't have a problem if they happen to say no, go for it. At least you walk away knowing where you stand also.
 _JAFO_
Joined: 11/9/2007
Msg: 40
Asking for a 2nd date at the END of the first date
Posted: 3/6/2008 8:08:35 PM
If you like her -- go for it. I don't believe it's a bad idea to ask her out on a second date at the end of the first one. Actually it's a great step in the right direction regarding communication. Being forthright, and quit with the games.

But the same can be said for not clicking with someone. At the end of the first meeting it's just as important to express those thoughts also.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 42
Asking for a 2nd date at the END of the first date
Posted: 3/7/2008 9:56:48 PM

I agree with Justhank...if you like someone it's ok to mention a 2nd date at the end of the 1st. However, I had one guy say at the end of the 1st date "I'd really like to see you again"


I like that approach too. He has let me know that he is definitely interested without putting me on the spot for an immediate answer.


I am tired of people being scared to or feeling like they shouldn't say "I like you"...why is that so hard?


...I think its about fear of rejection.


...maeflowers
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 45
Asking for a 2nd date at the END of the first date
Posted: 3/8/2008 4:10:37 PM
If I'm on a "date" which to me means I've already met him and like him and want to know more, I like the guy so there is no pressure unless he really does something during the first date to make me reconsider.

If it's the first time I'm meeting him, then yes, it's putting me on the spot - I'd rather not deal with it. Say goodbyes, express interest if you have any, and ask again after the fact.
 cmdr_iceman
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 49
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Asking for a 2nd date at the END of the first date
Posted: 3/8/2008 4:50:54 PM
I’ve never done that because I understand how a person can feel pressured but I’ve had several women do that to me during the first date long before I even walk her to her car or drop her back off at her home. Yes, it is so uncool and makes you seem desperate.
 EagleEric
Joined: 11/2/2006
Msg: 50
Asking for a 2nd date at the END of the first date
Posted: 3/8/2008 4:54:07 PM
You're not doing anything wrong. You could say, "I'd like to see you again, and I'll call (or email) you."

That doesn't put any pressure on her, and if she likes you, she'll say yes when you call. But she might also email you telling you she isn't interested.

The Eagle
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 52
Asking for a 2nd date at the END of the first date
Posted: 3/10/2008 7:25:29 AM

It is because you can't really gauge the interest level of someone after the first date.

If she already knows you, and is on the date, she's interested. What woman would spend a whole night with a guy she's not into?

If it's a first time meeting, then yes you need to gauge interest, but by the time you're going on actual dates it should be obvious.
 Happily Ever...maybe
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 54
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Asking for a 2nd date at the END of the first date
Posted: 3/10/2008 1:10:55 PM
I don't see how this is possibly a bad thing to say. In fact, I think its the polite thing to do. People make too many assumptions and play guessing games with dating these days, and that's what often makes it so hard to find a real connection. If I've had a good time and feel she has too, why not say so? Its pretty simple..."Hey, I had a wonderful time. Would you like to get together again?" She has three choices; yes, no or maybe. If she doesn't have the courage of her own convictions enough to give me an honest answer, she isn't really the sort of person I'm interested in after all.
 tam879
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 58
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Asking for a 2nd date at the END of the first date
Posted: 3/10/2008 3:39:46 PM
After our meeting I asked if she would like to go out again sometime. But, I can`t remember if she said she`d phone or what. But, I had such a feeling for her and I suppose she had for me the same. So, things worked out. I guess it depends on the couples.
 outlawtomboy
Joined: 12/19/2007
Msg: 59
Asking for a 2nd date at the END of the first date
Posted: 3/10/2008 4:00:25 PM
it happened to me last night. it was about 30 minutes before we parted company and he asked if i'd go out with him again. i said yes. he set a firm date and said he'd call. i found it to be both appropriate and JUST PLAIN FUN!
 contrary110
Joined: 8/12/2007
Msg: 60
Asking for a 2nd date at the END of the first date
Posted: 3/10/2008 4:43:27 PM
I don't think there's anything wrong with saying, I enjoyed this, would you like to get together again. It's not a definite commitment yet at that point, not like you've set a day, time, place, etc. If I really didn't like the guy enough to see him again, I wouldn't want to be put on the spot making definite plans. I have been puzzled though by a large # of dates asking if I wanted to get together again, I said sure and I never heard from them again. For the most part, I wasn't feeling a love connection, but the guy was nice and I figured why not go for a 2nd date for the heck of it, ya never know. Obviously they reconsidered, met someone they really clicked with or something....Just seems odd, like a lot of guys don't know how to end the date without saying something about getting together again, even if they're not even interested. I have a friend who thinks some of them are just playing some ego game to see if you'll say yes, like collecting phone #'s and never calling.....What do the guys say on this one?
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 61
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Asking for a 2nd date at the END of the first date
Posted: 3/10/2008 5:16:17 PM
I'm sure all the advice about putting people on the spot is well-intentioned and maybe you should stick to saying I had a great time and I'd love to do it again, and iron out the details later. Those that suggest ask her out again if it went really well are not recognizing that sometimes the individual thinks it went well but the other person on the date couldn't wait for it to get over so there is no way to do this without it being a risk.

But ya know, if it freaks someone out that you had a good enough time to ask them out again, the chemistry is not sufficient nor the emotional stability apparent to warrant going out again. Jesus, it is not an invitation to have children with you. Even if I didn't feel the same way I would feel flattered that the other individual liked me enough to want to do it again. If I didn't have the stones to let him down gently then, I could turn tail and go to my home and do it from the phone or computer.

Do what YOU feel like doing and if she doesn't respond, let the next guy have her. You are not generally going to run someone off that wants to spend time with you and if you do, you are probably dodging a significant bullet early in the game.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 65
Asking for a 2nd date at the END of the first date
Posted: 3/20/2008 8:30:49 PM
To the people who wonder why someone would either agree to another date or ask for one and then drop off the face of the earth, read msg 91...

I totally agree that it's due to being put on the spot before you've assessed the experience, and that most that agree rethink it after it's over and realize they're not planning to pursue it. I truly think that deep down people who do this may be more interested in not being rejected than actually knowing if it's best to meet again. I once had a guy I met for dinner try to buy a gift certificate from the restaurant while ordering from the waitress as a guarantee that I'd meet him another time there. In a weird way he was just trying to secure it...he probably knew it wasn't likely to happen.

Some people can just say no, but it's not easy to look someone in the face who's obviously interested and just burst their bubble. It's for the best, yes but some have a hard time with it. In a LOT of cases on a face to face meet, one's interested and the other isn't, it's just the way it goes.

There's something to be said for being a bit laid back about it and establishing contact a day or two later with a thanks for the meeting and a hope you can meet again, and let the chips fall where they may. What's the rush?
 Fefe_FXDL
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 69
Asking for a 2nd date at the END of the first date
Posted: 4/10/2008 5:14:43 AM
I for one do not like to be asked out on a second date immediately after the first one. I will usually say no, just because of the uncomfortable position I feel I am in at that moment.

There was one time I liked a guy well enough to agree to a second date at the end of the first "meet" (we had met and chatted for an hour or so). I never heard from the guy again. I took it to mean that the guy only asked so he could have his "closure" to the chase. Once he thought he had me, it was game over.

I think it is better to leave it open, and then you have a reason for a follow-up..."Thanks for a great night. I hope we can get together again." It doesn't matter who says it first, but I prefer to hear from the guy within 24 hours. Beyond 3 days, he's off the radar screen.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 72
Asking for a 2nd date at the END of the first date
Posted: 4/10/2008 7:01:34 AM
I, for one, wouldn't mind a bit to be invited on a second date at the end of the first. If I fancy him, it confirms my hope that he enjoys time with me too, so much so, he fancies doing it again. And, if he picked up in our conversation re: something I enjoy and offers that as an option, then I am thinking, there is definitely a possibility for a third -- something he enjoys doing. IOW, he gets bonus points. And a kiss from me is probably in his immediate future.

PS: I am defining date as beyond a first meeting.

I agree with this, in this context. If I am on an official date with him, then it's a given that I am attracted to him and like spending time with him. Therefore, sure I'd like to be asked at the end of one date if there can be another.

I was talking more along the lines of a "meet", where I've never met him before and don't know any of that yet - in that case, no - I'd rather not ask or be asked right there and then; it'd be putting the other person on the spot. In the case of a first meet, I'd rather leave and think it over (if I haven't determined in the first 5 minutes that I am not interested further, that is).
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 73
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Asking for a 2nd date at the END of the first date
Posted: 4/10/2008 7:12:30 AM
Usually when first meeting, no matter how good or bad that meet was, I like to allow both the opportunity to leave it open ended and have to think about the time together, and if you may want more or not.

I usually tell the one I just met to take a day or two to decide and then let me know, and I will do the same. This allows both to think it over, not get caught up in that moment or time, and not have one with great expectations, while the other does not, or is not sure.

Once that is done, and you have your real first date, then it is always nice to decide if and when the second date will happen, and if both of you feel the same way.

Of course, there are times when you know that the meeting was just not what you expected or wanted, and that person was not a match at all, and if that is the case, I am still polite, but will let them know that is just is not going to work.

Just my opinion.......
 Rosalund
Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 77
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Asking for a 2nd date at the END of the first date
Posted: 4/10/2008 11:26:45 AM
I have read most of what has been posted about this.
Why sweat it guys? If you like her and want to see her again...believe me she knows if she would like to see you too. We aren't that different about such things. Ask away and stop it with all this junk. Life is too short. All she can do is say no.
That way you know if its a no go right off and move on with things.
 veloise
Joined: 1/24/2008
Msg: 79
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Asking for a 2nd date at the END of the first date
Posted: 4/10/2008 12:14:52 PM
Why wait for the good-byes? Presumably the two of you are talking about various topics throughout your time together. If you are enjoying each other's company, there are ways to work "will there be a next time" into the discussion.
"Would you like to go to the art museum sometime?" could a part of casual conversation. "I'm signed up to ride TOSRV, DALMAC, and the Hilly 100 this year. Ever done those? Care to join me?" is another. (Bikeman would understand those acronyms!)

On my recent last first date, I was asked the rhetorical question, "want to see me again?" (Also, "can I keep you?" Probably best to establish a strong virtual and telephone rapport before playing these cards, let alone the "what are you doing for the rest of my life?" one.)

HTH
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