Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Sarcasm red flag or not?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 quietcowboy
Joined: 12/25/2007
Msg: 51
view profile
History
Sarcasm red flag or not?Page 3 of 20    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20)
I love sarcasm as long as it doesn't include a viscous barb directed at somebody present within ear shot. When it is used to insult or hurt somebody often that is when "the sh%t hits the fan".
 Desi1955
Joined: 9/28/2006
Msg: 52
Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/29/2008 7:28:39 AM
I don't like sarcasm, so to me it's a red flag. I especially hate it when someone says something mean, then says "I was just kidding. Can't you take a joke?" I don't keep people like that in my life.
 Desi1955
Joined: 9/28/2006
Msg: 53
Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/29/2008 7:41:51 AM

I love sarcasm as long as it doesn't include a viscous barb directed at somebody present within ear shot.


That is the definition of sarcasm.

Sarcasm:
(Dictionary.com)
1. harsh or bitter derision or irony.
2. a sharply ironical taunt; sneering or cutting remark: a review full of sarcasms.
(American Heritage Dictionary)
A cutting, often ironic remark intended to wound.
A form of wit that is marked by the use of sarcastic language and is intended to make its victim the butt of contempt or ridicule.
(online Etymology Dictionary)
1579, from L.L. sarcasmos, from Gk. sarkasmos "a sneer, jest, taunt, mockery," from sarkazein "to speak bitterly, sneer," lit. "to strip off the flesh," from sarx (gen. sarkos) "flesh," prop. "piece of meat," from PIE base *twerk- "to cut" (cf. Avestan thwares "to cut"). Sarcastic is from 1695.
(Wordnet)
witty language used to convey insults or scorn; "he used sarcasm to upset his opponent"; "irony is wasted on the stupid"; "Satire is a sort of glass, wherein beholders do generally discover everybody's face but their own"--Jonathan Swift
 firegurl61-17
Joined: 11/22/2006
Msg: 54
Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/29/2008 7:49:21 AM
Thank you Desi...people think humor and sarcasm are the same...contempt in any relationship is a recipe for failure...its an attempt to make others look bad..and that to me is not a joke!
 skyydancerdreaming
Joined: 11/15/2007
Msg: 55
Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/29/2008 9:46:56 AM
"A sense of humor and sarcasm are two entirely different things."

This is a quote: "Sarcastic humor, yes it is the healer of our soul. A cup of reality mixed in with some slap-my-face humor...." That's why it's called sarcastic humor, which most certainly exists. Intelligent people combine the two. And no, not everyone appreciates it, but I sure do. Also, most of my friends having biting sarcastic humor -- and that's exactly why I love them!! People such as yourself would think my friends and I didn't like each other if you heard us talk at times. However, you'd be very wrong. We love to play with words and life which sometimes turns into, oh, I don't know -- sarcastic humor
 Arugula
Joined: 11/5/2006
Msg: 56
Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/29/2008 10:00:43 AM
It depends on who is using it. Some people are good at it and it's funny. Some people are purposely mean with it. Some people are unintentionally mean with it.

Frankly, sarcasm is one of my favorites. I think I'm good at it. And my friends seem to enjoy it and use it themselves. But...we all know it's all in good fun. If I sense that someone doesn't like it, I won't include them in the sarcastic comments.

There are some people who absolutely can't deal with sarcasm of any kind. I think they're likely the ones who've experienced abusive sarcasm by someone who is verbally/emotionally abusive and cloaks it in "It's just a joke." The receiver of this type of abuse eventually sees ALL sarcasm, no matter who it's from, as being abusive. The abuser hit under the belt so many times with sarcasm that it's ruined for the person. Maybe it was comments about the size of their a**, or the pimples on their face as a teen, or their little hands, or their big head, or their bow legs.....We all have weak spots that no one who cares for us should smack at. Unfortunately, abusive people ferret out those weak spots and poke at them incessantly. Too bad really. I think the majority of sarcasm is meant in good fun.

Some examples....a guy calling his friend with the belly Buddha...because he has that belly and because the guy knows all sorts of wierd freakin stuff or a girlfriend saying "Keerist...Arugula's drunk already" when you fall off the boat at 8 in the morning...knowing you haven't been drinking anything besides orange juice.
 cncgandolf
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 57
view profile
History
Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/29/2008 10:55:14 AM
I love entymology, so I'll go right to the root of the word ... which also happens to be the root of my problem with it. The word comes from the root word Sarca ... which means to tear flesh.

I do not find anything attractive or desireable about tearing flesh. Monty Python's dead parrot routine is hilarious. Bill Cosby's Noah's Ark routine is gut busting. The guy with the sledgomatic is fun if I have some protection. Laughing at myself with loving acceptance puts life in perspective. A Friar's roast or the comics who rip other people apart are like fingernails on a chalk board to me.

However, that reaction to sarcasm is in alignment with everything else about me, too. First do no harm - emotional, spiritual, mental, physical - to self or others under any excuse, rationalization or justification - especially "just kidding" or "game" or "being funny." It likely comes from being the youngest in a family that need someone to kick and I was the target back then. No more. I don't need such people around me anymore.

To those that think it is a lack of intelligence to dislike sarcasm ... I have a doctoral degree and significant career success. Lack of intelligence stopped being something I could be accused of back in my childhood.
 Sabrosura
Joined: 8/1/2007
Msg: 58
Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/29/2008 11:01:29 AM
I definitely do not view sarcasm as a red flag! I enjoy a witty/tongue & cheek type of sense of humor once and a while.

It becomes annoying when you are hurtful to a person or do not know when to stop. i.e. there is a time and place for everything
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 59
Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/29/2008 11:06:25 AM
I'm the poster girl for sarcasm and tongue in cheek humor. I try not to use it to hurt others though, although I've been told that I'm funniest when P1ssed off. This is because in many situations I have to "behave myself" and have some dignity so I turn it into humor.
 sontildawn
Joined: 2/21/2008
Msg: 60
Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/29/2008 11:11:48 AM
I agree with you...it is a red flag, because only insecure people feel the need to insult others to make themselves feel better. I can tell the difference between funny and just plain insulting and I prefer not to be around that type. If someone likes me, I don't see why they would insult me. Honest critism is fine but sarcastic pokes at ones being is just rude and would only be a bumpy road ahead. I think people should really think of the golden rule...only dish out what you want to get back.
 canoist
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 61
Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/29/2008 11:20:03 AM
To me, sarcasm is a conversational tool. Its how you USE that tool that matters so much. One can use it to be mean or one can use it to enliven a situation.

Its like a knife. If I walk into a public school or airport with a knife, its a weapon. If I walk into a kitchen or workshop with the same knife, its a useful implement. Even if I never use it!

Personally, I like sarcasm. But I realize there are many other fishes out there who don't. That means we just won't get along, so I go fishing again hoping to find a sarcasm-compatible fishie. My profile is full of sarcasm, so any sarcasm-resistant fishies won't likely get past that.
 zopz
Joined: 1/3/2008
Msg: 62
view profile
History
Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/29/2008 12:16:20 PM
I'm still trying to grasp why so many people consider sarcasm to be such a terrible thing... plenty of people have already said it can be used either way and I'm pretty sure everyone agrees that it's not good when you try to disguise an insult as a joke.

"Sarcasm[A] is stating the opposite of an intended meaning especially in order to sneeringly, slyly, jest or mock a person, situation or thing. It is strongly associated with irony, with some definitions classifying it as a type of verbal irony intended to insult or wound.[1][2][3][4][5][6][7] An example of sarcasm is using "that's fantastic" to mean "that's awful".

It is used mostly in a humorous manner, but can express annoyance or anger.[8]

Fyodor Dostoyevsky defined sarcasm as "the last refuge of modest and chaste-souled people when the privacy of their soul is coarsely and intrusively invaded."[9]"

Uh oh. I see HUMOR in there! Everyone better grab some fresh pants!
 Momarks
Joined: 12/29/2007
Msg: 63
Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/29/2008 12:19:20 PM
CAnoe guy,
thinly veiled attempt to get us to view your profile... it worked.. although.....lol

your profile has the gentler, kinder version of sarcasm..

GEneral :
the OP hasn't been back to talk about which form of sarcasm he is questioning.

MOst people on here have agreed that the caustic form is very damaging in the short term as well as long term.

NO matter what, people on the receiving end may not ever forget the remark , nor will it's effect ever go away completely. Some compulsively sarcastic people seem to be completely oblivious to that fact It's like they can't help themselves.

The problem will SOME people who self-identify as being sarcastic is that this also requires a high degree of self awareness and intuitive sense as to who can handle it, when to use it, what not to mention (don't be sarcastic with a person who is sensitive about his large nose or her fat ass about those very things )and when to stop.
People SAY that they know all these things however this is not always the case.

I think many people have been in the uncomfortable situation of being in a room with someone who won't stop with the same sarcastic comment masquerading as a joke. These nutbars laugh uproariously at their own joke and take offense at anyone who takes offense.... " what's up with him? I was only joking !"
 Rachelle~C
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 64
Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/29/2008 12:39:51 PM
Sarcasm does not necessarily mean that someone is cruel.Obviously you are not the type of person to find a sarcastic sense of humor funny.We would not get along well at all.
 TheFantasyArtist
Joined: 1/23/2008
Msg: 65
Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/29/2008 1:11:30 PM
The "dark side"? I walk the way of the Jedi,lol!
 skyydancerdreaming
Joined: 11/15/2007
Msg: 66
Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/29/2008 3:22:16 PM
"To those that think it is a lack of intelligence to dislike sarcasm ... "

I didn't get the impression that most people thought you had to be intelligent to LIKE sarcasm. I believe it was stated you have to be intelligent to BE sarcastic.

Also, cruelty and sarcasm don't necessarily go hand in hand - they can, but they don't have to. I am very sarcastic at times, but I never deliberately hurt anyone. One can be cruel without being sarcastic, one can be sarcastically cruel, and one can be just plain ole' sarcastic
 transituser
Joined: 2/26/2008
Msg: 67
Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/29/2008 3:49:57 PM
red flag is you are the butt of the sarcasm and it's clearly not well intentioned

not a red flag if you find it amusing and funny.

sarcasm for some is a self protective mechanism, sometimes unconscious or thinly veiled aggression

sarcasm for others is just plain clever irony.
 Lil Brooker
Joined: 12/29/2007
Msg: 68
Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/29/2008 8:07:44 PM
Momarks,
Mssg 50. Excellent. You've described both sides of this debate.

ARe you talking about the caustic form of sarcasm, when negative comments are thrust at you almost constantly...
or
Are you talking about the sarcasm about life's little "ironies" : to highlight the difference between the expected and the reality?


IMO, your Corner Gas episode is humourous...and it is sarcastic.
I've experienced your former description of "sarcasm" for 15 yrs in a relationship not easy to walk away from. So, for me, when I read in a prophile, that someone has a sarcastic side, it's a pass. BTW, sarcasm comes from Greek and it means "to tear flesh". For some reason I couldn't post that yesterday.
 Harry Peter
Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 69
Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/29/2008 9:28:10 PM
Your dating life must be hell OP.... dealing with people that have a sense of humor.........

What's next? You meet a woman, and come back here saying she's too serious?
 drmmergy
Joined: 10/25/2007
Msg: 70
view profile
History
Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/29/2008 9:47:38 PM
You have to know how, and when to use it.
And it helps to be good at it.
Could I MAKE this any clearer?
 Blk_Archangel7
Joined: 12/21/2007
Msg: 71
Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/29/2008 9:48:22 PM
there is a black and white to sarcasm. Depends on how people take it. For me, If it's on the joking funny side of things it really wouldn't bug me. But if it were on the cruel side of things just to be an ass or a ****, then I wouldn't give them the time of day.

I have a black and white sense of humour as well, less sarcastic but more of an attitude kind of sense of humour. I can say things or do things that might cause people laugh or do things that cause people to get pissed off.
 kathareeene
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 72
Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/29/2008 10:09:41 PM
whaaaaaaaaaaaat?
im the most sarcastic person in the WORLD
with a HEART OF GOLD
so no ur wrong
just readin too much into stuff always gets u in trouble
kathi
 lake_chik_65
Joined: 1/30/2006
Msg: 73
Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/29/2008 10:53:09 PM
some can throw out insults under the guise of joking... depends on their intention... maybe they dont have the guts to tell you your tie looks ugly! and all that appears is sarcasm... lacking honesty with oneself has its affects

myself... im a smartass... and not always a smart smartass either. .. sometimes im trying to be funny and its hurtful... sometimes im trying to be hurtful and its funny.... geesh!

whatever the case.. as most things... its up to the individual and who they are and how they see the world... etc etc etc... bla bla bla...

i try to not take anyone seriously and absolutely not a soul personally and then im never too badly astounded by much



good luck

 ~*Angel Eyes*~
Joined: 2/17/2008
Msg: 74
Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/29/2008 11:02:01 PM
I can take jokes easily, and I make my own jokes. I came across those that 1)GET ME. They laugh, and know not to take me serious.. and then 2) The huffy kind that gets all mad/upset over something lame. I don't like people that can't take sarcasm.
 Soul Union
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 75
Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/29/2008 11:07:00 PM
I have been thinking about this for awhile. I see alot [sic] of people decribe [sic] themselfs [sic] as having a sence [sic] of humor that has a sarcastic bite or being witty with sarcasm. I am thinking this is a red flag for passive agressiveness [sic]. Usually sounds like unresoved [sic] isuues [sic] or even plain meanness. I know I had to stop that part of me because my family use to do it alot [sic] when i [sic] was growing up. It was like only the auther [sic] of the sarcasm though [sic] it was funny.
Im [sic] sure Im [sic] going to here [sic] alot [sic] of critism [sic] over it but bring it on. Lets [sic] see how it plays out Interested in seeing what otheres [sic] have to say on the matter. Sarcasm funny or not? Sarcasm sign of a bumpy road ahead? Start of just being mean and abusive to one another? - Ill light your fuse

> Well, your spelling is funny enough.
> - Soul Union.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Sarcasm red flag or not?