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 The Minister of Dudeness
Joined: 6/11/2006
Msg: 1
Quiz: How Chivlarous Are You???Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Quiz: How Chivalrous Are You?

Ponder these tricky scenarios to determine where you fall on a scale from Sir Lancelot to Sir Mix-a-Lot.

Start with –5. Add or subtract points for each answer.

1. On a date:
a. You always pay for dinner. (+5)
b. Even on your birthday. (+15)
c. But you make her pay for what she's eaten off your plate. (–20)

2. You're on the street and a woman is attacked. You:
a. Confront the attacker. (+20)
b. Look around for someone strong and brave. (+2)
c. Shout, "Hey, stop that!" (–5)
d. Twice. (–10)

3. The person who best represents how you think women should be treated is:
a. Mullah Mohammed Omar, head of the Taliban movement. (–50)
b. Henry VIII. (–15)
c. Giovanni Casanova. (+5)
d. Oprah. (+20)

4. If you were lame enough to have a ringtone, it would be:
a. "Face Down Ass Up," by 2 Live Crew. (–20)
b. "Girls," by Beastie Boys. (–10)
c. "Glory of Love," by Peter Cetera. (+10)
d. The version of "Glory of Love" you wrote for your wife. (+25)

5. You're sitting down on a crowded subway car. You would offer your seat to: (Choose all that apply.)
a. a pregnant woman. (+3)
b. an elderly woman. (+5)
c. a man with long hair. (+10)

6. Someone grabs your girlfriend's ass at a bar. You:
a. Punch anyone who won't make eye contact. (+10)
b. Stand by her while she does. (+5)
c. Tell her it was probably accidental and she needs to relax. (–5)
d. Collect the five bucks, ask your friend if it was worth it. (–40)

7. At your birthday, your intoxicated wife slips and bangs her head really hard. You:
a. Take her to the hospital and insist that she did not ruin your birthday. (+20)
b. Lay her down on a pile of coats and tell her to close her eyes for a few hours. (+5)
c. Ask her why she always has to be the center of attention. (–10)

8. You're camping and a grizzly bear appears. You:
a. Tell her to run, then make yourself seem as big as possible, like they showed you on Discovery. (+20)
b. Run, telling her to make herself seem as big as possible, like they showed you on Discovery. (–20)

9. If a woman were an automobile, she'd be:
a. a Lexus, elegant, with plenty to love under the hood. (+5)
b. a 1967 Shelby Cobra, a privilege to experience, worthy of constant pampering. (+15)
c. a Jeep, palatable in most situations, best when dirty. (–5)
d. a minivan, utilitarian, slightly embarrassing, best for holding children. (–20)

10. At Thanksgiving dinner, your uncle suggests your girlfriend should abstain from a second helping of mashed potatoes. You:
a. Take another serving yourself as a sign of solidarity. (+10)
b. Tell him he's out of line. (+5)
c. Suggest the green beans. (–10)

11. If you were an animal, you would be:
a. a New Zealand paddle crab. (They eat their mates while mating with them.) (–50)
b. a blue crab. (They hold their women in a pre-mating embrace to protect them as they're molting.) (+10)
c. a black vulture. (Philandering vultures are attacked by other vultures.) (+20)
d. a sea horse. (Males carry the babies. Lucky **stards!) (+30)

KEY

More than 100 points: Congratulations! You belong in the esteemed ranks of Prince Charming and Sir Lancelot. And if you're not getting walked all over, at least you're getting laid.

50 to 100: You're in the ranks of Sir Mix-a-Lot. But since we've been forced to lower our standards, you'll probably do okay.

Less than 50: You’re pretty much a d1ck
 The Minister of Dudeness
Joined: 6/11/2006
Msg: 2
Quiz: How Chivlarous Are You???
Posted: 2/28/2008 7:03:27 PM
^^^ You've been dating Sir-D1cks-a-Lot?
 brighterone
Joined: 12/26/2007
Msg: 3
view profile
History
Quiz: How Chivlarous Are You???
Posted: 2/28/2008 7:05:49 PM
Leave it to one of my favorite men to bring some humor back into the Cali forum!!!

For the 23rd time, Will you marry me??
 Cucka Occurs
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 4
Quiz: How Chivlarous Are You???
Posted: 2/28/2008 7:38:34 PM
Woot 103

I've paid for my own birthday dinner, it was a steak, I was having a birthday BBQ.
I never wrote a song for anyone yet.. have sang a few.
I'm not sure us both having more potatoes would help the uncle to know his place.
I love to carry the baby, but I don't think that's what it meant... -)

Well on that note, I feel like going and opening a door somewhere..

RuMoR
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 5
Quiz: How Chivlarous Are You???
Posted: 2/28/2008 7:53:37 PM

You've been dating Sir-D1cks-a-Lot?

My voices and I are thinking Sir-D1cks-a Less or Sir-is-aDick.
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 6
Quiz: How Chivlarous Are You???
Posted: 2/28/2008 10:20:08 PM

Remind me, how many do you have in there?

I've lost count.



Sir-Lance-That's-Not?

Or Sir-Lance -without, or whose lost a lot.
 TheLimey
Joined: 2/24/2008
Msg: 7
view profile
History
Quiz: How Chivlarous Are You???
Posted: 3/1/2008 12:52:03 PM
I held a door open for a wrinkled old crone last week & the look she gave me would have curdled milk. If the door had hinged the opposite direction I would have hit her in the face with it.

I go to the building 3 or 4 times a week, maybe next time I'll get my chance.. :)
 AceOfSpace
Joined: 5/28/2007
Msg: 8
Quiz: How Chivlarous Are You???
Posted: 3/4/2008 4:01:06 AM
I am pretty sure that most 35 to 40 year olds get laid more than most 50 year olds. I am sure it has naught to do with Leykis. I think you might reexamine that statistical sampling.


What's that rumbling I hear? At the risk of starting the avalanche I must say that getting laid seems to be easier with every passing year. Getting into a quality relationship seems tougher, but that might be because one's standards get higher with experience.

The trick to generating interest seems to be the willingness to take "no" for an answer and move on without rancor. I don't know why, but people (not just females) just can't stand the thought that you'd be indifferent to them. They just have to keep after you to find out how you could possibly be that way. They feel compelled to show you that they really ought to matter to you. If you aren't likely to be hurt by their rejection, and if you communicate that attitude in advance, they simply have to check you out.

The "without rancor" part can be tough to get right, but hey, if someone is too dumb to see what I have to offer that's really not my problem. I'm better off moving on to be with someone who does.

Leykis takes the "ok, next" principle to an unsavory extreme, but sadly, the essence of it appears to be correct.

Now, where did I leave that helmet and my transponder?
 AceOfSpace
Joined: 5/28/2007
Msg: 9
Quiz: How Chivlarous Are You???
Posted: 3/4/2008 9:10:22 AM

Or your eyesight is getting Worse with each passing year. Cool, makes it easier for us old broads.


a) Well there is that! LOL (-50 points)

b) Not at all, my dear! Women get lovelier and more alluring every day! (+25 points)

c) Not at all! Women get lovelier and more alluring every day, especially you! (+50 points)

 The Minister of Dudeness
Joined: 6/11/2006
Msg: 10
Quiz: How Chivlarous Are You???
Posted: 3/5/2008 11:15:49 AM

You know how toddlers get angry when you want to do things for them, and want to do it themselves?


Not me. Now show ME some chivalry and go fetch me a beer 'n' sammich. Wench!

(Oh, and Andrea Bocelli called, he wants your number...)
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 11
Quiz: How Chivlarous Are You???
Posted: 3/5/2008 6:20:15 PM

Maybe growing up means you learn appreciation for smaller things.

I guess I haven't grown up yet. I do appreciate things that don't take up much space though.


b) Not at all, my dear! Women get lovelier and more alluring every day! (+25 points)
c) Not at all! Women get lovelier and more alluring every day, especially you! (+50 points)

Robert has it going on!
 fzrhusker
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 12
Quiz: How Chivlarous Are You???
Posted: 3/6/2008 1:45:13 AM
We would both run from the bear, remember, all you have to do is out run her, not the bear. Just kidding
 StrangerInTheHouse
Joined: 2/9/2008
Msg: 13
Quiz: How Chivlarous Are You???
Posted: 3/6/2008 7:40:29 AM
Not at all since I gave a word to the wise manager of a female friend who claimed she was being harassed by the guy... and then the next week I found out she put for a roomful of guys at a bachelor party. *LOL*

Sometimes we wake up and smell the coffee.

Uh... let me amend that:

If it's my wife or my daughter... my sister... then, yes... and I always try to be a gentleman... that is, I'll see to the comfort of others before my own (unless they disrespect me), but I don't really think it's a virtue for a guy to always be sucking up to women. Some of them take unfair advantage.
 JadeMuse
Joined: 11/3/2007
Msg: 14
Quiz: How Chivlarous Are You???
Posted: 3/6/2008 1:12:20 PM
I can almost guarantee you'll NEVER get laid if listen to Tom Leykis.
Listening isn't the problem; believing him is.

My brother tried to defend listening to that pig!
He said that he wasn't trying to get you married, just get you laid.
Well, my brother isn't having any luck getting laid after believing his B.S. either!
He just makes me want to borrow SSG's shank...
...put the poor ba$tard out of his misery!

BTW...
Isn't this supposed to be about chivalry, though????
It is chivalrous to never speak of Tom Leykis' philosophies ever again. There is at least +500 points right there!
 JadeMuse
Joined: 11/3/2007
Msg: 15
Quiz: How Chivlarous Are You???
Posted: 3/7/2008 7:29:28 AM
How about those jousters....
 AceOfSpace
Joined: 5/28/2007
Msg: 16
Quiz: How Chivlarous Are You???
Posted: 3/7/2008 8:04:37 AM

But it fascinates me to see who gets her knickers all in a twist at the mention of his name!


Well, he is awfully obnoxious. Especially if you're female.
 JadeMuse
Joined: 11/3/2007
Msg: 17
Quiz: How Chivlarous Are You???
Posted: 3/12/2008 2:50:46 PM
TIP......
Wrestling the lighter out of a woman's hand to light her cigarette = Not Chivalrous.
 JadeMuse
Joined: 11/3/2007
Msg: 18
Quiz: How Chivlarous Are You???
Posted: 3/13/2008 6:40:30 AM
SoCalHans...

Pssst … Ladies: Guys only open the door for you so they can check out your ass while you walk through.
Thank you for that gem...
We kinda know that already. <----probably messes us the whole racket!! Shhhh!!!!
And, if we like you, we just might give you a little swish!
 The Minister of Dudeness
Joined: 6/11/2006
Msg: 19
Quiz: How Chivlarous Are You???
Posted: 3/13/2008 2:49:03 PM
Excuse me, eeek. but I believe she was talking to me.

M'Lady, er, Wench... Make that a PBKY Jelly sammich.
 0aperture0
Joined: 3/15/2008
Msg: 20
Quiz: How Chivlarous Are You???
Posted: 3/22/2008 2:27:00 PM

Start with –5. Add or subtract points for each answer.

Oh great. Starting off in the hole.

Wait - is that a bad thing?


If you were lame enough to have a ringtone, it would be:

Theme from 2001: A Space Odyssey. I'm totally lame.

'Course, there is the Obelisk metaphor...


5. You're sitting down on a crowded subway car. You would offer your seat to:

My psychiatrist.


7. At your birthday, your intoxicated wife slips and bangs her head really hard. You:
b. Lay her down on a pile of coats and tell her to close her eyes for a few hours. (+5)

No no no no no!! Closing your eyes with a concussion = very, very bad.


9. If a woman were an automobile, she'd be:

Seeing my psychiatrist.


11. If you were an animal, you would be:
a. a New Zealand paddle crab.
b. a blue crab.
c. a black vulture.
d. a sea horse.

(singing)
One of these things is not like the other,
One of these things just doesn't belong...


More than 100 points: Congratulations! You belong in the esteemed ranks of Prince Charming and Sir Lancelot.

Lancelot was a home wrecker and Prince Charming was a tights-wearing Nancy-boy. (Not that there's anything wrong with that.)

They both rode cool horses, though.
 0aperture0
Joined: 3/15/2008
Msg: 21
Quiz: How Chivlarous Are You???
Posted: 3/22/2008 4:48:59 PM
^^^Why do you think Cinderella dropped her slipper?
 0aperture0
Joined: 3/15/2008
Msg: 22
Quiz: How Chivlarous Are You???
Posted: 3/22/2008 5:06:32 PM
^^^ I bet you're right! Apparently, she knew a good to0lbelt when she saw it and flirted ruthlessly. Clever girl, that Cindy.
 0aperture0
Joined: 3/15/2008
Msg: 23
Quiz: How Chivlarous Are You???
Posted: 3/22/2008 5:12:38 PM
^^^ I gotta change my profile essay. Be right back.
 kjamesb
Joined: 3/24/2007
Msg: 24
Quiz: How Chivlarous Are You???
Posted: 3/22/2008 5:30:31 PM
78 but I had to take quite a few zeros where nothing applied.
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