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 satx78218
Joined: 10/30/2007
Msg: 2
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Do men really like 'hard to get' women?Page 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
"until you 'get a commitment' "

Did the book say what tit the girl gives for receiving his tat of commitment?

or is it girl-only-receives setup?

Sounds like a lot of wheelin and dealin and sexual politics and subterfuge, if those are into those games.

In practice, a healthy couple often alternates the roles of pursuer and pursued.

The book's opinions are as good or bad as anybody else's opinions.
1000s of books =Tower of Babble.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 6
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Do men really like 'hard to get' women?
Posted: 3/1/2008 10:54:32 PM
1) A woman can be TOO needy or distant. Too clingy, or too hard to get both lose.

2) Making love to someone should happen when you both feel ready. There's no real "too soon" or "too late"... it all depends on those involved.

3) If a woman can play the field, so can a man. There's nothing really wrong if people are just "dating" multiple people... as long as they're honest about it. And when someone becomes more special... then the others should dissapear.

For myself... I don't mind a woman who will "chase" me. In fact, it's VERY much appreciated. A lot of men want to feel wanted. Not just to be the hunters.
And I don't mind a woman who is more... traditional... but needy... that's just a negative.
But just because a woman is chasing a man... that DOES NOT make her needy.
A woman can be the aggressor, can do the chasing... and that doesn't make her needy, possessive or clingy.
 *wwcnd*
Joined: 2/7/2008
Msg: 7
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Do men really like 'hard to get' women?
Posted: 3/1/2008 10:56:48 PM
funny, I should have wrote that book.. I missed my chance to make my first million :P


I typically don't date just one guy at a time.. not until the exclusitivity talk. You know what happens when you put all your eggs in one basket? You get broken eggs. Besides, how else am I supposed to find out if the guy is right for me unless I get to know him on a dating level for a while first? (and even then they're sneaky and fly under the radar :P)
 taogca
Joined: 7/22/2007
Msg: 11
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Do men really like 'hard to get' women?
Posted: 3/2/2008 6:19:13 AM
OP

Never read that book. Agree that [chased by needy, possessive, clingy women] is a big bummer from my point of view. Cant say I want a hard pursuit situation either, that seems to much like game playing.

[I totally get and understand everything this author states, but the last bit sticks in my craw a bit...so guys, tell me -- if a woman sleeps with you early on in a relationship, is it possible for you to develop real feelings for her, or is she always going to be a f*ck buddy in your minds? ]
Can only speak for myself- I can develop emotions for the woman, or not, likely know which potential it will be very early after meeting, have seen/heard it said a woman knows if she will get naked with any particular man within just minutes after meeting. So women really control the situation of what will potentially happen.
Did I muddy the waters?
[
 BuzWeaver
Joined: 7/7/2007
Msg: 14
Do men really like 'hard to get' women?
Posted: 3/2/2008 7:41:53 AM

No, you didn't muddy the waters...and I think you're right.

But here's the deal -- I've seen it happen again and again, with myself and with MANY other women (and maybe this is a generational thing, not sure).

You go out with a guy -- once, twice, maybe three times. You've stated -- both in a profile on a service like PoF, and in person, that you're looking for an LTR. So, the goal is stated and understood. The guy ALSO states that he is looking for an LTR. There's great connection and chemistry -- he calls, flirts, emails. Things get physical on the fourth or fifth date (remember, we're getting old here!). The sex is phenomenal. Day 1, he doesn't call. Day 2, he doesn't call. Day 3, he doesn't call...when and if he does call, it's for more sex. Somehow, the relationship part (the great connection, the flirts, the emails) is lost.

As I say, I've seen this happen over and over again -- and the women are all attractive, sane, fun, kind, smart, and great in bed! This scenario seems to play out MORE FREQUENTLY with men 50-60 years old than younger men -- I'm 49, so you can guess who I date most (yet another reason I suppose to date younger men!).

In short, once the chase is done, the guy is done!


Relationships are more about finesses than a set of rules, processes or procedures. If people are having problems in their relationships they should examine their selves first, a lot of our problems are a result of behaviors we don't acknowledge about ourselves or keep suppressed.

When I say examine yourself this of course is going to come into play when you've had several experiences with similar results. Talk to your friends and family, they are going to know some of those gray areas that could be red flags to people who don't know you.

In reference to the book, some people like the pursuit and other like to be pursued, it really boils down to the individuals expectations.
 catman40
Joined: 5/20/2007
Msg: 20
Do men really like 'hard to get' women?
Posted: 3/3/2008 4:41:12 AM
ladies . do you think playing hard to get will net you a catch ? no . maybe for one night but , that all . we want the woman to be open and tell us what she wants . we have too much to do . work , freinds , ect an ect .
 SeraphimShadow
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 22
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Do men really like 'hard to get' women?
Posted: 3/4/2008 3:08:51 AM
Its a turn off to be chased by needy, clingy women who desperately throw themselves on you however its as much of a turn off to have a women play games and act coy in order for us men to chase after them becuz its just as clingy just in a different approach. Its only that the later is more enigmatic and forces us to pursue in order to find out more. With the former you've put all your cards on the table and theres nothing left to interest us. Sleeping with someone doesnt change how someone feels about another it just complicates them.
 textodd11
Joined: 10/27/2006
Msg: 24
Do men really like 'hard to get' women?
Posted: 3/4/2008 8:03:19 AM
If a woman plays the game of "playing the field" or acting distant then she'll definitely become distant from me... by MY choice.

There are too many fish in the sea and too little time on this earth to waste it while she figures out what she wants. Someone who truly has their sh!t together will know whether I'm possibly the right one for her within 1 or 2 dates.

Now calling every 5 minutes is too much as well but once again, someone who's got "it" together won't do that either.

You've got to be able to recognize the situation and recognize whether you've got the luxury of deciding how fast or slow things are going to go at that moment. In a healthy situation, both parties will at times be in a position to determine the pace of things.

I wouldn't place too much faith in a book on relationships since they are almost always written from a singular point of view and the operative portion of the word singular is "single".
 heaight
Joined: 9/6/2007
Msg: 25
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Do men really like 'hard to get' women?
Posted: 3/4/2008 8:28:54 AM
well me, im only 22 but i consider myself pretty sensible.
to the op, im kinda shy initially but i warm up in short time, but i dont really pursue women, at least not if i just see them on the street, and if i did i wouldnt go for the hard to get types. to me their playing games, being available doesnt make u easy, the chase might be exciting, but if u like the guy too, why are u playing games? and i wouldnt be comfortable with a girl whos "playing the field", everyone would like to feel special with the mate their dating, and to say "how will i know whos right for me", ull never find that person if u cant focus on one person... if i know that ur playing the feild im not gonna devote my all into the strength and progress of the relationship because i know i'm not the only guy ur spending time of interest in. so u would lose out, and never know it.btw having sex with a girl quick once i meet her within 3 to 4 dates wouldnt make me loose respect for her, if she wants it and i want it it wouldnt have anything to do with building a relationship with her.i dont place a high value on sex.show interest but give him space too, n dont call him everyday
 ByronHayes
Joined: 1/30/2009
Msg: 26
Do men really like 'hard to get' women?
Posted: 2/21/2009 7:48:31 PM
I don't like games at all. Hard to get women AND/OR younger women tend to be a turn off. Life's too short and the earth has far too many wonders to waste time chasing in 'the game'.
 windloverr
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 27
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Do men really like 'hard to get' women?
Posted: 2/21/2009 10:16:59 PM
First, and most importantly, people are different; what works for one will be a total turn off for another. The "game" bull$hit, ANY game bull$hit, is a total turn off for me. If he calls, and you're free, then be free; if you are busy, say so. Therte is a HUGE difference between "being available" and being "clingy and demanding". There is also a huge difference between being busy, and playing a game. I don't do games.

Are there guys out there who would never resepect you as "girlfriend material" if you slept with them on a first date? Absolutely. Maybe they are the ones who are into women who play games. The good news is that they, and I, would not be interested in the same women anyway. Are there guys out there who could sleep with you on a first date, marry you, and stay happily married for 40 years? Absolutely.

The trick to it all, is the same across the board...stay true to yourself. If you are the type who needs to date someone for a long time before you sleep with them; then don't change. That's you, and you need to find someone who is into the REAL you, not someone who's following fake rules in a book. If you are someone who is comfortable being sexual fairly early in a relationship; then don't change. If the guy is turned off by that, you probably wouldn't have been a goodmatch anyway. Again, he needs to know the real you; and you deserve someone who can appreciate who YOU are.

Personally, I think sexual compatability is way too important to vest too much of myself in a relationship only to find out, months into it, that we are sexually incompatible. Does that mean that I would not be willing to have a relationship with the type of woman who plays the type of games your book condones? Yes is does; but I'm good with that. They may be phenominal women, and I sincerely hope they find someone who will worship the ground they walk on; I really do; it just won't be me.

On the flip side, I am NOT, in ANY WAY, advocating USING sex as a way to attract someone. That's as bad, if not worse, than PLAYING something you aren't.

Bottom line, if you want to find someone who is into YOU, you have to be real. Women who would be truly successful following the rules in that book, are already doing it anyway. Whatever it is that you do, and whoever it is that you are, DON'T CHANGE in order to please, or attract, someone else!
 bruceskis
Joined: 3/31/2007
Msg: 28
Do men really like 'hard to get' women?
Posted: 2/21/2009 10:27:00 PM
If I care for a woman. I dont like them playing hard to get as a game. If I really care about someone how soon we have sex has no bearing on my feelings for her.
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 29
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Do men really like 'hard to get' women?
Posted: 2/22/2009 5:23:42 AM
sound pretty sick and immature to me, i m opposed to any 'game playing', a woman keeping her potential mate in a state of frustration,....while serial dating, is just after what she considers the best catch,(materialistic gold digger comes to mind)i would have more respect for a prostitute, or a religious fanatic then a woman, hat plays these games,generally i am not one to judge but this would be the number one red flag for me
i have seen relationships like this before, woman plays the field, gets man who has money but no self esteem, she ends up feeling like a she is owned,he gets bored, the end....
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 31
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Do men really like 'hard to get' women?
Posted: 2/22/2009 3:38:16 PM

Holy crap. So, after reading this thread and others I've been informed that

a)If I sleep with a man right away, there's something wrong with me and I'm a wicked women using sex as a tool.

b)If I wait too long to sleep with a man, there's something wrong with me and I'm a wicked woman using sex as a tool.

The moral of the story?

The moral of the story is this -- sleep with a man when and only when it's what *you* want to do. Don't sleep with him, or withhold sex, just because you think it's what you are supposed to do to snare him.
 cw35
Joined: 4/8/2005
Msg: 34
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Do men really like 'hard to get' women?
Posted: 2/24/2009 10:32:55 AM
Women who require some kind of game or chase totally turn me off. I don't jump through hoops or beg for a date or meeting. Any woman who demands this kind of behaviour is just looking to control or degrade someone so in short, no, I do not like "hard to get" women. I prefer a no nonsense up front interest in one another and then see where it goes from there. Books written by women who are clueless as to what men want need to get another hobby other than misleading the public.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 38
Do men really like 'hard to get' women?
Posted: 2/24/2009 2:08:08 PM
So let me get this straight, Chum hangs around woman, with no intimacy or anything like that and only after he tells her about getting commitment she has sex with him. Yeah right! That works quite well with all the doormat idiots out there. Such woman would bore me after three dates, and from there on I am the one who will tell her, "hey, let's just be friends." End of story.
 kickingfate
Joined: 9/10/2005
Msg: 40
Do men really like 'hard to get' women?
Posted: 2/25/2009 10:37:37 AM
I don't mind a little chase..if she plays a little unreachable or "hard to get"In a more playful manner ..but if she's trying to test my resolve and it goes on too long or shes playing the game too hard...then I just walk away and there's no getting me interested to come back. There playing hard to get but she is making sure he also knows she is interested, then theres the woman who play coy and cold to make the man "work for it" and make an effort to look uninterested to see how much he wants her...these types i have no time or patience for.
 musiclvr61
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 41
Do men really like 'hard to get' women?
Posted: 2/25/2009 5:24:23 PM
I can't see more than one person at a time. It takes me longer now to be physical with someone, maybe because I am older and (perhaps) wiser, and I know better what I want out of a relationship. I think I'm willing to wait a bit (despite urges) to be sure that who I like really likes me for me, and not just for sex or to have a woman by his side. It's not a game, it's me being sure I'm being valued for all that I am, not just for sex. I think that if a relationship is building during this time, the sex is only better when it happens, because you both want it more and care more, can be more open, intimate, etc. Part of that relationship building process is being sure the relationship isn't one sided, so I give, and then I wait.....I step forward, and I wait. I don't step back - I just wait for reciprication, confirmation, perhaps him to take his steps, too.
 BiBoz49
Joined: 12/28/2008
Msg: 42
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Do men really like 'hard to get' women?
Posted: 3/19/2009 2:38:17 AM
Okay, folks, here's my question...

I recently read a very good book (STUPID title, but great book) called Catch Him & Keep Him -- it's an eBook. The premise of the book is this: men do NOT want to be chased by needy, possessive, clingy women. They want to be the pursuers, they want to 'win' a woman.

The advice the author gives is for women to date many men simultaneously (NOT sleep with them, date them), and to be honest that you're playing the field. He goes on to say not to be too available, not to be demanding about getting time with him, and basically to keep it lots of fun, playful -- an non-sexual until you 'get a commitment'. The theory being, if you sleep with him too soon, he will never be committed to you emotionally.

I totally get and understand everything this author states, but the last bit sticks in my craw a bit...so guys, tell me -- if a woman sleeps with you early on in a relationship, is it possible for you to develop real feelings for her, or is she always going to be a f*ck buddy in your minds?

I really want to know what guys think about this...


For me, yah I don't want to be chased by someone needy and possessive. Thats one end of the spectrum. But on the other end of the spectrum I don't have the need to 'win' the woman who is playing hard to get. If she is telling me she's playing the field and she's not that into me then I'm moving on. If she doesn't show any interest then what signals do I get that I should continue to spend time with her. Just my 2 cents. Also I'd be interested to know about the guys who like to pursue and 'win' her. Once you've won her, what's next? Do you keep her or find someone else to pursue?
 whileiwait
Joined: 6/23/2011
Msg: 45
Do men really like 'hard to get' women?
Posted: 8/5/2011 4:08:27 AM
Nope nope nope nope nope .. easy ones
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 48
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Do men really like 'hard to get' women?
Posted: 8/5/2011 8:15:50 AM
No!!!
No!!!
not worth it at all,a woman like that, is...., a control freak, has issues,Not honest, manipulative,just to name a few things
 kingjames622
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 53
Do men really like 'hard to get' women?
Posted: 8/5/2011 5:40:29 PM
Yes because i feel its competition 4 a man like me 2 get deep dwn into a woman's soul 2 really see if their about me instead uv wut i do & how i do thangs in a generous way...
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