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 THE full monty
Joined: 9/4/2007
Msg: 44
Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.Page 5 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
well , i have one month rule.......if shes not interested after one month ......thats cool i can always use another friend.................... ............even if im not recieving any benefits.........
 satx78218
Joined: 10/30/2007
Msg: 46
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Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/5/2008 8:29:58 PM
"how long should you wait?"

Wait until you're both ready, and not a minute before.
When it's time, you'll know.
Trust yourself.

And guys, you know she, rather than you, makes the decision. :)

I can't believe how super-complicated people make the simplest issues. And create false issues which can only be answered by each person, not by some external guideline or advice.
 solax
Joined: 2/2/2006
Msg: 55
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Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/6/2008 9:37:17 AM
i commend people that think that sex is a after marrage thing ... i dont understand it but i commend those people. that said id wait till you are both confortable with echother before proseeding my last gf waited 3 dates (almoast a month) before haveing sex with me. and it has verryed from that... i havent jumped the gun.
 youmightthink
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 61
Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/6/2008 11:22:21 PM

Because you have morals, don't want to catch an STD, and perhaps want to actually be in love with someone you know is special before you share your body with them.


Having morals has NOTHING to do with a decision to have sex or not. You're implying that someone does NOT have morals if they have sex within 3 dates. Rather judgemental of you.

I wasn't aware that there is a direct correlation between time to have sex with another person and that persons "moral" level. So please, educate us. What exactly is the "moral" time frame?

STD's: Where exactly do you get the notion that having sex "later" somehow means the person you have sex with doesn't have an STD?

In case you were not aware, if a person has an STD, you can get it if you have sex with them on the first date or the 1000th.
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 63
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Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/7/2008 7:17:28 AM

The christian society has taught women and men that it is wrong to have sex for the sake of sex, that they have no morals or self control, etc. They have decided that it's not "moral" to have wild sex even with someone you know and trust.


For those who disdain christianity like it's some kind of moral evil itself because it has beliefs some don't agree with themselves...I should like to point out that though christianity( and almost all major religions) have moral codes, or beliefs..they are often founded on things like common sense, biology, genetics, community standards, etc ,as fishbill pointed out.

Even taking the religious aspect out of the equation..there are very good practical reasons for those codes. And though one is free to believe any code they wish, blaming religion for misleading people about the value of sex or monogamy, is disingenuous at best. Religions reflect the moral codes of history or majority..everyone is not obligated to agree or follow. However, this doesn't make that position less valid, or less reasonable. Religions haven't convinced anyone of anything, those who follow a religion do so because they agree with its tenets. Rules, laws, moral values, etc.

When I was youung, my moral codes were instilled primarily from parents, who did also have a strong faith. And I believed because they did, and they were good people. Now that I'm older, I find that my belief and moral system is based more on what I have come to find works best, makes the most sense, and feels the best for me. Feels the most "right". It has become more instinctual than caused by any compulsion to follow anyone elses assertions.

One can have a personal moral code (like believing sex has a higher purpose than fun) and have reached that conclusion independently of societal pressures of any kind. Just a product of learning as one ages. Personally, I feel some societal pressures lately in the oppostie direction....that one is old fashioned, unenlightened, a religious fanatic, or rigid if one doesn't feel comfortable with the new age of sexual gratification at all costs. I admit to being dismayed at the turn things have taken..

Sorry , OP, if that got a bit off topic..responding to a couple of others things posted...
 C. Hanson
Joined: 3/1/2008
Msg: 65
Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/7/2008 12:50:42 PM
I do not have time to sit and read each and every post made in this thread, I am a very busy person. However, I did feel the need to step in and post a comment to the original question which is " Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?".
I feel as though the answer is very simple. Wait untill you are married to get busy thinking about sexual relations with your partner. Perhaps there would not be such a demand for Public Assistance if folks stopped havinf children outside of marriage.
Lots of luck to you !
Chris
 contrary110
Joined: 8/12/2007
Msg: 68
Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/10/2008 8:16:54 PM
T o Chris Hanson,
Not sure if it's my business or not, but you kind of opened the door. So are you a 48 year old virgin? You list yourself as single and say you are advocating waiting til marriage for sex. Am I reading this correctly?
 tam879
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 69
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Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/10/2008 8:33:43 PM
It took about 10 dates before we had sex and I think it was very good. Yes, I`ll remember it always.
 contrary110
Joined: 8/12/2007
Msg: 70
Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/11/2008 5:04:40 PM
What happened to Chris Hanson the 48 year old virgin, news reporter? I wish I would have emailed him. Is there any chance he was a reporter?
 fancynanci
Joined: 8/21/2007
Msg: 71
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Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/13/2008 2:49:30 PM
Wait until it feels right to BOTH of you..
 pathwalker49
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 73
Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/13/2008 8:00:09 PM
Till the urge hit you and it's mutual.
 Phestes
Joined: 6/10/2007
Msg: 74
Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/13/2008 8:19:47 PM
Wait ?

I see that question got a lot of answers.
So lets break it down,
If you have sex on the first date The women is easy and the guy is only after sex. exceptions may include; Tequila, long periods of conversation prior to the first date, and down right lust.
If you wait 3 months you're frigid, exception : one of you is a virgin.
any where in between is safe. you can chalk up a failure on either side to lust , inexperience, or bad judgement and still save face.
 pathwalker49
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 76
Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/14/2008 12:34:42 PM
"I truly believe that if a woman *gives it up* to0 early, the man will not respect her."

For me this is totally wrong helpelessly lost. If I already have an attraction for a woman, then we have sex, and I love her body, and her ability, there is a much better chance that I will put the extra effort into making it a long term thing.
I am not a vegatarian in any respect, and if I like the meat I love the meal and will want it again, and again.
Lets face it, at my age I don't expect to find a women who has not been with several other men in her life before I met her so why not benefit from experience?
All I say is make sure you talk and experience enough to know where his head is and that it holds promise, then enjoy all of yourself for you and hope he'll yearn for you more as a result. If you just have sex as insurance for a long term can't see you enjoy it much. Hell, if it doesn't work out you had a good time, can still respect yourself and who gives a sh*t what anyone else thinks?
 mjk21258
Joined: 10/20/2007
Msg: 81
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Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 4/16/2008 1:23:35 PM
I have been in relationships when we waited to have sex and others where it happened pretty quickly. Not set timetable, when it feels right it feels right. I think the only time sex ruins a relationship is when it is just absolutely horrible or one or both think about how it affects the relationship. Sex is part of a sucessful relationship but it doesn't have to be a deal breaker.
 BrownEyedLeo
Joined: 1/5/2006
Msg: 84
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Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 4/16/2008 9:08:42 PM
A "planned" time to have sex the first time would be so boring to me that I just could not imigine it being the way to make the first time great. And ... I do NOT agree with you at all about the first time will probably not be that great considering two people are not comfortable enough with each other yet. You are way off on many of your "assumptions". Sometimes a "comfort zone" can make sex boring. Who said there had to be rules for the first time ? And ... btw ... I also do not agree that sex is always on our mind when we start a new relationship. Sometimes we are not even aware a date will end up being a " relationship". I am a very sexual and passionate woman, but it depends on the man I am with and feelings, chemistry, ect. to determine when/IF/ and how the sex will be. If it is not that great the first time, no problem. It just gives us more time to get it right ! Intimacy, feelings, intelligence, respect, compatability, all of those things enter my mind as far as a relationship goes, not just sex and ... sex can sometimes be all those things !!
 silibus
Joined: 4/8/2008
Msg: 85
Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 4/16/2008 10:11:10 PM
what is the perpose of your relationship? Are you in it for sex alone? Come on. Be honest. Do you really believe he/she owes the sex? And what happens when you get older and one half wants it bad and the other half is not as into it as you?
 Berdarien1
Joined: 3/20/2010
Msg: 87
Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/25/2010 6:02:32 PM
For me there has to be exclusivity. Has to be more then a physical connection. Sure been there and done that. I just know that I prefer some sensuality and emotional connection to be part of it. I think sex is a lot more of a commitment then most other people in todays world it seems. Maybe I just put more into it and I don't want it to become something halfass that I just do for myself or because I feel I need to. ..

Anyways I think this is a very open subject and it can be different for each and every person who answers. All this topic did was show the variation of answers and personalities. Maybe that was the goal?

Bear
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 97
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Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/26/2010 10:24:20 PM

When we start a new relationship sex is going to be on both our minds.


Sex is not on my mind when starting a new relationship. I need to develop an emotional closeness first.



For me, having sex with him means we are in love and exclusive to one another. I prefer to nurture and develop a relationship by spending time together and discovering if we are truly compatible; conversing about any and all topics; developing a foundation of trust; and becoming emotionally intimate and thoroughly comfortable with one another. There is no set time frame, but it definitely is not happening during the first initial dates.



Since my divorce I've made a few mistakes having sex without an exclusive relationship trying to find love and we didn't end up staying together. For me it should be love first. I have been with the same man for just over a year and we waited months not weeks to have sex.



I belive that love and respect must exist first sex is jut the icing on the cake.


I used this quote from another post because this is exactly what my bf told me. The love and companionship was the cake and the sex was the icing. He didn't want just the icing but he could be happy for quite some time with just cake. I know that's not what all men would say or even something every woman wants to hear but for me it couldn't of been more perfect.


There is no right or wrong or set time period to wait. It's when both people feel comfortable and want to have sex. For some people that could be the first date for others after too many dates to count or even waiting until marriage. We can give our opinions but all that really matters is what feels right to you and the person you are dating.
 sddude
Joined: 12/9/2007
Msg: 101
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Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/3/2011 4:24:14 PM
I never press for sex even though I know sex is in both of our minds, I usually do things to make her want it or beg for it and leave her engine overheating then I oblige. Why do it when she is not wanting it or ready?
 sexyisback!
Joined: 9/14/2010
Msg: 103
Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/3/2011 4:31:45 PM
I just never have sex; sex is icky & pooey. & sticky & messy
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 111
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Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?.
Posted: 3/20/2011 10:31:37 AM

I jump the gun with one guy I was dating and after two months we had sex and I regretted it


Two months is "jumping the gun" ?????

Maybe if you said "two hours", but "two months"?????
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