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 quietcowboy
Joined: 12/25/2007
Msg: 71
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Marriage proposal rejected Page 7 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

He does not want marriage, this does not mean he does not care for you but he does not sound very committed at all.


He sounds more reluctantly committed to me. What are his fears about marriage?
 tralaza
Joined: 2/10/2008
Msg: 72
Marriage proposal rejected
Posted: 3/18/2008 1:55:05 AM
Carolann, I was thinking about that today; wondering if this was indeed a stall tactic. He did seem enthusiastic about it though.

Quietcowboy, he hasn't really come straight out and said what his fears are but from what I gather it has something to do with losing his freedom and feeling trapped.

It would be so nice to be able to ask a question and get a straight answer.
 quietcowboy
Joined: 12/25/2007
Msg: 73
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Marriage proposal rejected
Posted: 3/18/2008 8:03:24 AM

he hasn't really come straight out and said what his fears are but from what I gather it has something to do with losing his freedom and feeling trapped.

It would be so nice to be able to ask a question and get a straight answer.


I guess we all are "trapped" and nobody is truely free - even the guy living in the card board boxes under a bridge. Some trapping are much better than others.
 tralaza
Joined: 2/10/2008
Msg: 74
Marriage proposal rejected
Posted: 3/18/2008 2:50:35 PM
What benefits? Plenty. I'm not one of those girls who gives all the perks of marriage without being married.

I should be asking what benefits I will get from marrying him.

To the poster below, that is a pretty far stretch saying I'm in love with marriage and not him lol.
 hanging In
Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 75
Marriage proposal rejected
Posted: 3/18/2008 3:09:40 PM
After reading your post, I was just wondering how knowledgable you are about the relatonship you had with this guy. After 3.5 years I would think you both had discussed marriage and had an idea of whether it was a positive for both of you. To me it seems that after dating someone after 1 year that through conversations, you would both know whether this relationship was leading to marriage or not. Marriage is not in these days a huge consideration for a lot of people. If marriage is something you need then that's fine but a lot of people have been burned by divorce and the thought of going through that again scares a lot of people. There is a bok out by the title of , "Is he Really Into You?" that maybe you should read. You would have to be in denial if you were surprised by his negative reply. If you think back over your relationship he probably has said that he did not want to be married and you were just not listening.
 tralaza
Joined: 2/10/2008
Msg: 76
Marriage proposal rejected
Posted: 3/20/2008 6:21:55 PM
I have decided to pass on this relationship. I simply can't stand the hot and cold behaviour with him anymore.

Over the weekend (no sex), I was the greatest thing since sliced cheese. He loves me. He says I am his and so on and doesn't want me to leave and go home on Sunday. I reluctantly go home and am feeling all loved up.

Fast forward to today which is Friday here. I haven't heard a peep from him since I left Sunday. I texted him a few times letting him know how my new contract was going and emailed him a forward of funny pictures. He didn't call or text any replies at all. Nothing. He never bothered to ask how my new contract was going.

No, he isn't busy either so that isn't it.

Forgot to add, I suspect he will call today or tomorrow acting like nothing is wrong and expect to spend the rest of the long holiday weekend with him.

So yeah the extremes of major loving up and then the sahara desert is driving me up the wall and so I'm done with him.
 hanging In
Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 77
Marriage proposal rejected
Posted: 3/21/2008 9:18:08 AM
It seems to me he is too chicken to break up with you so he avoids you until you break up with him. Move on. You see the kind of person he is. Why would you want that person as one-half of a marriage?
 eastendwoman
Joined: 7/15/2006
Msg: 78
Marriage proposal rejected
Posted: 3/22/2008 9:29:57 AM
Historically, the old custom of a woman proposing to a man on February 29th started hundreds of years ago and he was 'obligated' to say yes or a stern fine was imposed on him. Nowadays, so many old customs have gone by the wayside. In fact, I was seeing someone for a long time and was planning on proposing to him on the 29th but he ended the relationship three weeks beforehand so he wouldn't have to deal with it.
They just don't make men like they used to unfortunately. Try to look on the bright side, if you really think about it, he probably had some quality that was tough to deal with, like all men do, and maybe you should focus on the fact that at least you won't have to deal with that anymore. Just rest assured that sometime in the future you'll find out he took up with some other unsuspecting woman and gave her a worse time than he ever gave you and it will all come out in the wash that he ended up doing you a big favor by turning you down.
 Dumpling-Girl
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 80
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Marriage proposal rejected
Posted: 3/22/2008 8:27:06 PM
I had a 3 year relationship where I really wanted to get married. His not wanting to really put a strain on our relationship and we split up because we weren't happy. I sometimes regret not having more patience about the marriage issue. We were committed, but I was scared that I would wind up spending 10 or 15 years with him, and then he would just decide to take off. I think it's best for us now that we're not together, but I wonder if he would have come around at year 5 or 6. Maybe he just needed more time. We did use to think we'd be together forever. He is with another girl now, and they are still not married, and he seems very happy with that. Then again, I have friends that went through a break-up 10 and 12 years later (never got married), and I would hate to be in that situation, feeling like I wasted 10 or 12 years of energy into a relationship that wasn't quite right enough to make the committment. I know of a couple of successful marriages though, where the man didn't propose until 5 years in (younger couples), and the woman waited patiently. Maybe some guys just need time to be ready.
 Dumpling-Girl
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 81
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Marriage proposal rejected
Posted: 3/24/2008 12:00:39 AM
Kimbo, I don't understand the point of your post. I already said i sometimes regret not having more patience, so were you just trying to rub my nose in it? I don't even know you, and you sound like you have so much resentment. There's nothing wrong with using the word "us" to refer to myself and him. We have a positive friendship, and "us" does not necessarily mean a romantic couple. And in the end, I am happier to be alone and single and on a dating site than to be in a relationship where I felt like I could make a stronger committment than the other person. So I reiterate that I think it's best for us (him and me both) that we are not together. I am very clear about us not being together. This was years ago.

It wasn't about the piece of paper, but the promise of making the relationship work for the rest of our lives. It is a hugely significant difference than just being committed to each other until it doesn't work anymore. Marriage is about the promise of working on *making* it work whether it feels like it's working or not, because there are always going to be rough times when it feels wrong, or someone else that seems more interesting coming into your lives. Without the promise to work on staying together, I have to say that I can't see that it would be possible to stay together for a lifetime. It's like leaving it up to chance, and not really giving it your all. It's hard enough for people to keep it together even when they do make the promise. Snowball's chance in hell without the promise.
 ladyinup2013
Joined: 8/22/2009
Msg: 83
Marriage proposal rejected
Posted: 2/12/2013 12:52:08 PM
your relationship may take more yrs to get to the point of committing, this happened to me, i asked my fiance, he said yes, then i didn't want marriage, then he asked, i said yes, but we still didn't make it down the aisle, after 8 yrs of this nonsense, we both agreed to end it~~he found what he wanted, i had other responsiblities, sometimes stuff happens and we dont know why until much much later in time~~our love died out, now had we gotten married, would we have had a nasty divorce to go through with?? who knows~stuff changes~and if changes happen, it can make those cross roads difficult~he doesn't want to lose you, so that says he's still in love with you. Women, we want progress, we want marriage more then men do, cuz we rebound easier, but men want the lead~~maybe next time he will propose and you will be ready~good luck~
 lovefun99
Joined: 6/14/2010
Msg: 84
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Marriage proposal rejected
Posted: 2/13/2013 10:06:41 AM
Please STOP regurgitating these ancient threads and replying to the OP as if the issue was still current!

Please look at the posting dates! This is another 5 year old thread that you have dragged up and answered. I am sure the OP's of all these posts have long since resolved their issues. :modhammer:
 tnt144
Joined: 2/1/2013
Msg: 85
Marriage proposal rejected
Posted: 2/13/2013 11:37:28 AM
If men want to play with women, they have to understand that many want to have kids and get married, especially the younger ones who have not been married before. I understand that men usually don't have maternal instinct and across the board are not as gung-ho about marriage as women, but it's the nature of the beast.

If you are not prepared to put a ring on her finger after she asks you, perhaps you should just leave the nice ladies alone. If you want to play the game, you better know the rules.
 galnxtdoor64
Joined: 10/22/2009
Msg: 86
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Marriage proposal rejected
Posted: 2/20/2013 3:29:12 PM
if marriage is so important to you- and this guy does not care about you enough to consider what will make you happy- and he does not want to end it sounds to me like he is only into you for the physical aspects- read or see he's just Not into you.....
 MeggieMugster
Joined: 1/28/2013
Msg: 87
Marriage proposal rejected
Posted: 2/20/2013 3:40:13 PM
Why would you propose to him?
 funny4uwannatry
Joined: 12/27/2011
Msg: 88
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Marriage proposal rejected
Posted: 2/20/2013 4:53:03 PM
After 3.5 years.. I would say if he wont marry you now, he probably never will. Ultimatums dont work and you can not make someone commit. Either they are ready or they are not. If you want to wait, that is up to you, however, he may never want to commit.. are you willing to go on and on without a commitment? Thats up to you.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 89
Marriage proposal rejected
Posted: 2/20/2013 7:25:56 PM
For those posters who are slamming the guy for saying no to marriage and to the pro-marriage brigade: What is the real purpose of marriage? The standard cliche answers that people are trained to give are the usual: it shows commitment, it proves love, it will guarantee happily ever after, til death do us part, blah, blah, blah. That is all bullshyt. You can have those things without a marriage ceremony. Ask people who are divorced if all of those things were guaranteed for life once they walked down the aisle and said "I do". I think if someone leaves a relationship because their partner won't commit to the traditional wedding ceremony, they were never meant to be together in the first place and both have avoided a big mistake. People should only get married if both really want to. No one should feel pressured to do it to please the pro-marriage army who are looking for an excuse to have a party.

A lot of people think living common-law is a horrible sin and is a one way ticket to Hell. But Hell could be going through a nasty divorce and breaking all of the promises made in a marriage ceremony, especially for God fearing people who made those promises in a church-the house of God.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 90
Marriage proposal rejected
Posted: 2/20/2013 8:46:10 PM
tralaza- Your hurt about this is justified. 3.5 years and no commitment is hard.
Having said that, you can't force someone to want to be with you.
Stop beating your head against a wall and move on.
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